


Perfecting Loneliness

by TheEngineDriver



Category: Camp Buddy (Visual Novel)
Genre: Angst and Romance, Coming of Age, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-11-25
Updated: 2021-03-05
Packaged: 2021-03-09 18:52:58
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 100,490
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27710963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TheEngineDriver/pseuds/TheEngineDriver
Summary: Keitaro wanted his memories to last forever. But do they fade? Do they morph with time?After their second summer at Camp Buddy, Keitaro and Taiga are now 20 and have dated a full year. Keitaro attends his first year of college in Tokyo while Taiga moves back home to Hiroshima. Both struggle to maintain their long-distance relationship, as they leave the safety and comfort of camp and face young adulthood.
Relationships: Keitaro Nagame/Taiga Akatora
Comments: 100
Kudos: 51





	1. Warm-Up Stretches

**Author's Note:**

> Taiga/Keitaro main pairing, but will include other characters and relationships. The story is explicit (for adults/18+) with adult language and sex/descriptions of sexual acts.

_Day 77: Sunday, October 3rd; Afternoon  
  
_ Taiga groaned as he shifted his weight to his heels. The blue mat squelched beneath his bare feet, and he pondered how often it got wiped down. Watching his own sweat drip from his nose to the mat, he hoped they did it after every session. He lifted the bottom of his damp white t-shirt, wiping away the lines of perspiration beading down his face. It didn’t help much - just further rubbing the salt into his crimson eyes. A woman to his left kept giving him sidelong glances, trying to catch a glimpse at his raised shirt. “ _You wish,”_ he scoffed.  
  
“As you exhale, walk forward to the top of your mat!” the trainer chirped. “Remember to focus on your breathing! Inhale through your nose and out through your mouth.” She appeared cute in a hippy sort of way. Looked to be in her mid-late 20’s, bone skinny, and incredibly flexible. _PEGGY!_ her peel-on name tag read. The setting fit her. Taiga could also imagine her on a farm commune, wearing a flower garland and some flowy dress. Her voice pierced his ears, nice to the point of sickening. It almost came off as artificial, like she didn’t experience sadness or disappointment.  
  
The class consisted of maybe eight other people? Five of them women and then Taiga and two other men by his quick count. They all looked older than him - mostly middle aged. An older guy to his right with a fast receding hairline looked so sweaty, Taiga feared for his health. Sweat poured down his wrinkly skin and his eyes bulged out of his skull. Shaking his head, Taiga focused back on himself, trying to get a deep breath of the hot muggy air into his lungs. His body screamed for him to start panting.  
  
Taiga flinched hard as two hands grabbed his waist, pulling it towards the ceiling. His white, now opaque, shirt slid lazily up his slick back. PEGGY! finally removed her hands and cocked her head in a smile, as if she did him a great favor.  
  
“From forward fold, inhale and extend your arms up to mountain pose!”  
  
Taiga growled, shooting daggers at her. He didn’t come here to be sexually assaulted by some perverted hippy. His hands slowly peeled from the sticky mat, making a gross adhesive sound. Standing fully upright, he gulped for air but couldn’t seem to catch his breath. His once bright red gym shorts were turning a darker maroon as sweat seeped through the waist band. The bottom of his shirt stuck just below his left pec and refused to fall flat. Embarrassed, he shot a glare to the woman to his left who he caught admiring him earlier and to PEGGY!. Luckily, neither seemed to notice. Scowling, he pushed the shirt back into place _“_ _I’_ _m surrounded by perverts…”  
  
_ “Who’s ready for a chaturanga flow? PEGGY! beamed, again approaching the front of the room. “Inhale, and raise your hands upwards. Exhale, and bring your hands to center. Now let’s get down to our hands and knees.”  
  
“ _What the fuck…”_ Taiga thought, his hands sinking grossly into the moist mat. His knees and shins felt like they were lowering into a warm, smelly pudding. “ _The things_ _that dummy_ _talks me into…”  
  
_ Keitaro described it as relaxing and ‘spiritually fulfilling’ - whatever that meant. The heat supposedly cleansed the body naturally through sweat and gave a deeper spiritual high. All Taiga experienced was sticky grossness and stupidity. Maybe the spiritual high came from dehydration? He hated it, hated it, hated it, hated…  
  
“Mr. Akatora. I can see you’re not breathing,” PEGGY! chimed, looming over top of him. “Focus on deep breaths in and out as you move.” She made a move to touch him again, but Taiga exploded.  
  
“I’m breathing, PEGGY! You’d know if I wasn’t fucking breathing!” He regretted the outburst as soon as it left his lips. Face reddening, he could sense all eyes on him. The other participants transitioned, without instruction, to mountain pose, rising to see who was screaming profanities during yoga. _“Fuck,”_ he admonished himself. _“You’re turning into THAT guy again. Nobody likes THAT guy.”_ Trying to look remorseful, he met the instructor’s eyes. I’m sorry...it’s just the heat and…”  
  
“This is hot yoga, Mr. Akatora,” she sighed. “It’s in the name. I’m not sure what you were expecting.”  
  
Taiga let himself fall to the mat, laying on his stomach. His cheek adhered to the juices of the surface in a gross union that left a salty, rubbery taste on his lips. For the first time of the session, he let out a long exhale and closed his eyes.  
  
(...)  
  
Taiga avoided any more outbursts while the class finished up, but PEGGY! clearly was not pleased and didn’t engage with him any further. Thankfully, he only purchased one session and not the 5 class pack like Keitaro suggested.  
  
Exhausted physically and emotionally, Taiga made his way to the changing room. The cool tile of the bathroom floor felt so refreshing under his feet, he contemplated lying down on it for a few minutes. Who knew what diseases festered there though, and what if someone else walked in? With heavy eyes, he gazed at himself in the bathroom mirror, sticking out his tongue and dropping his head. His usual spiky hair laid damp and flat against his head and sweat still dripped down his sideburns and cheeks. He slowly peeled off his soaked shirt and tossed it on a nearby bench, landing with a sickening plop. It was the white shirt with red cuffs and collar that he got from Camp Buddy. They all had one, Keitaro too.  
  
The thought of his boyfriend made him nostalgic, filling his senses with thoughts of summer. He could smell the bonfire - a charred ember aroma; could feel the white sand of the beach, stinging hot under his feet as he ran across it.  
  
Camp felt like Disneyland compared to Hiroshima, a dreary city with suppressed memories of his childhood. He only saw it in shades of gray. After spending last off-season volunteering at Camp Buddy, he needed to get a real job or at least some money of his own. Hiroshima seemed the only logical choice. He knew it well and his mother still lived here, who needed him more than ever now – even if she didn’t want to admit it. She begged him to move back in with her, but that would’ve caused more problems than it solved.  
  
In contrast to Taiga moving back, Keitaro propelled himself forwards. He headed off to Tama Art University on the outskirts of Tokyo. Over a five hour train ride separated them. Long distance could be trying at times, but Taiga promised himself he could make it work.  
  
“ _Maybe if I tried a little harder in school, I could be there too,”_ he lamented. Maybe not Tama Art. Taiga didn’t kid himself, that was a great fucking school and he wasn’t a great fucking student. But maybe somewhere in Tokyo at least, where he could be a 20 minute subway ride away from Keitaro instead of five hours.  
  
Yawning, Taiga stretched his hands above his head. The sweat on his chest and stomach grew cold, sending a shiver down his spine. He thought it looked good though, glistening and pooling over his abs. He stuck his thumb in his now maroon gym shorts and pulled them down a bit, admiring the sharp v that defined his hips and torso. His red treasure trail appeared, which Keitaro always said he found hot. They spent many nights cuddling together, with Keitaro tracing his fingers between his naval and the tip of his underwear. Taiga noticed himself harden and took a quick look down to make sure nothing was too noticeable. Fortunately, his loose fitting gym shorts hid his bulge. Still, his eyes flicked to the bathroom door, afraid somebody would burst in and see...and see...what? His well hidden boner?  
  
“ _S_ _till, gotta calm down before I take a shower.”_ Backing away from the mirror, Taiga took a seat on the bench next to his drenched t-shirt. His mind stuck stubbornly on cuddling with Keitaro for a few more moments before he finally got things under control. Running a hand through the back of his sweaty hair, he considered what work would be like on Monday. Thinking of that killed his boner in seconds. He hated it there and physically cringed at the thought of interacting with customers tomorrow.  
  
The bathroom door banged open, causing Taiga to jump. An overweight man in his 60’s or 70’s bustled through and picked the locker right next to him. Of course, the man began immediately stripping with little shame or hesitation. Taiga cleared his throat to show his annoyance, but the man completely ignored him. It was always the guys you didn’t want to see naked who were the most eager to strip. Avoiding eye contact, Taiga stood up and slipped out of his gym shorts and jock. He threw them and his shirt into his locker, wrapped his towel around his waist, and made his way to the showers. “ _Hopefully this pervert doesn’t pick the shower stall next to me too…”  
  
_ (*****)  
  
 _Day 77: Sunday, October 3rd; Night  
  
_ Moonlight seeped through the sole window, barely illuminating the cluttered floor. Taiga reached clumsily for the light switch, batting the wall while trying to balance the groceries he bought from the Konbini. Finally, he hit the switch and neon light flooded the tiny studio apartment. Gripping a dorayaki in his teeth, Taiga stumbled in, kicking off his shoes and putting his grocery bag on top of the mini-fridge.  
  
“Aaaoooowww?” A skinny cat pressed her face against his ankle and then weaved between his legs.  
  
“I know, girl,” Taiga sighed. “I know I’m late. How do you even go on living?” He picked up the orange and white cat and fell back onto his futon. “How was your day today, Yuri? Any big adventures?”  
  
“Maaaooou”  
  
Taiga placed her on his chest. She stayed for a few seconds, but had other things to explore and soon jumped to the floor. A few weeks ago, he had found her outside his building, skinny to the point of seeing her ribs. The vet estimated she weighed a little over 2 kilograms and was less than a year old. With regular feedings, she probably pushed 3 kilos now - still tiny, but definitely healthier. The vet bill, with shots, spaying, and general health assessment came to nearly ¥50,000 - nearly half of Taiga’s paycheck. Couple that with food, litter, and toys, and he began to question whether this was the best life decision he ever made. He couldn’t leave her out on the streets though. Nightmares of finding her run over or freezing during the upcoming winter had danced through his head. In his heart of hearts, he always liked cats.  
  
The only issue for her might be the size of his studio. At 18 square meters, he feared she would get bored too easily. A kitchen, consisting of a sink, microwave, mini-fridge and counter for a small hot plate crowded the wall to the right. Against the back wall leaned a high and narrow bookshelf and the futon, flanked above by a circular window. The fully extended futon nearly reached the opposite wall, so Taiga usually just slept on it like a couch to save time and space. Finally, a perfectly square desk with barely enough room for his laptop stood in the corner. Stuffed mice and ping-pong balls for Yuri to play with cluttered the floor, making the simple act of walking hazardous.

Fingering his friendship bracelet, Taiga looked over at the single photo on his laptop desk. It looked a bit goofy - having an instant photo in a frame. It didn’t fit at all - the photo, DSC sized, came from Keitaro’s instant camera. Unfortunately, the local shops didn’t sell frames for photos of that size – KG being the smallest he could find. Thus, the picture sorta hung out in the middle of the frame, surrounded by excess glass on both sides. He still considered it one of his most prized possessions. After Yuri, it was probably the first thing he would grab if his apartment caught on fire.  
  
Keitaro pleaded with Hiro to take a picture of them together on the last day of camp. Under the Camp Buddy entrance gate, Taiga had his arm around Keitaro’s shoulder with the biggest smile on his face. His eyes were closed, but he surprisingly showed a full set of teeth. He always felt a little conscious of how his front incisors looked a bit like fangs, so he usually tried to hide them in pictures. That day though, he was so comfortable he didn’t even care. Keitaro’s bright green eyes were wide open and he had his derpy little smile. Both were in their scout uniforms and wearing their friendship bracelets. Taiga reminisced about the warmth of Keitaro’s arm around his shoulder, and the embrace afterwards  
  
Flicking his attention to the floor, Taiga slung his arm under the futon, reaching for it. His hand hit carpet, carpet, squeaky mouse, and then finally felt the crinkle of paper. Pulling the two pages to his chest, Taiga smiled for perhaps the first time today.  
  
(...)  
  
 _Taiga Akatora  
_ _6 Chome-12-9 Nishihara,  
_ _Asaminami Ward, Hiroshima,  
_ _731-0113, Japan  
  
_ _Taiga! What a great idea! Of course I’ll write to you! You were always such a great writer with your journal, so I’m really looking forward to getting letters from you in the future.  
  
_ _Thanks so much for writing me the first one. You’re so funny and I really miss laughing with you. Sorry I haven’t been calling as often. Moving into the dorm and the first few weeks of classes were stressful. I’m happy to say I’m getting into the swing of things here. Classes are definitely demanding and I almost threw up when I read the syllabus to my Intro to Calculus course. I know I can do it though, I just need to believe in myself.  
  
_ _How are things going_ _for_ _you in Hiroshima? I know you said it was not as fun as volunteering at Camp Buddy, but I think it’s great you’re moving out on your own and becoming independent! You’re such an adult now, at least more than me. You have your own place and your own job. How do you like it? At least you get to sleep in every day! Did you try the hot yoga place I told you about? I’m scared you might not like it, but I did one here in Tokyo and found it really refreshing. Who knows, it might really relax you!  
  
_ _Thanks so much for the pictures of your cat. She’s so cute! Maybe I’ll use her for one of my photography projects, if you don’t mind? I’m so glad that you finally got her. You’ve been talking about getting a cat since I met you. It’s hilarious you named her Yuri :) I agree it’s completely fitting. Is she a pervert too? Does she watch you shower? I wonder if she’s into fanfictions?  
  
_ _Hopefully_ _we’ll see each other soon_ _. I really miss you and can’t wait to see you again. We had so much fun last summer and I look forward to going back_ _to camp with you_ _again next year. In regards to you coming to visit - Yes! Absolutely! The sooner the better. Whenever you can get off work, I’d be more than happy to have you crash here with me. We don’t have a ton of room in the dorm, but we slept together every night on those tiny camp buddy bunks all summer, so we’ll make it work. Just let me know whenever you're free - preferably call or email, the post is a little slow hehehe.  
  
_ _Have you seen or heard from anyone else at camp? I see Seto all the time, of course. Hiro is actually in Tokyo frequently for his mother’s follow up appointments. I’m supposed to see him this week for his birthday. Even Natsumi is_ _applying for internships_ _here. I haven’t actually seen him since summer, but we’ve exchanged emails. I hope it works out that he comes here too. I think Yoichi is still living at Camp Buddy, but I haven’t heard much from him. You know his patience with technology. He’s not the best at phone calls or emails. Hunter is back in Europe for the holidays. He sent me a postcard from Paris recently, but it seems like they’re hopping all over Europe. Any word from Eduard or Lee? I’m afraid we don’t keep in touch as well as we should.  
  
_ _Anyway, write back as soon as you get this! It made my day when I got your first letter and I think this is a really great idea. It’s more intimate to hand-write like this and I can keep your letters and read them again and again.  
  
_ _I love and miss you,  
  
_  
  
Keitaro


	2. Films About Ghosts

_Day 80: Wednesday, October 6th; Morning  
  
_ A cool, gentle breeze carried across campus, lightly fluffing Keitaro’s hair. The first hints of fall showed in the orange tipped leaves and appearance of pumpkin spiced goods. Shorts and skirts slowly disappeared from campus, replaced instead with light coats and pants.  
  
Keitaro lounged under a tree near the Tama Art University library. His morning photo theory class ended 15 minutes early, leaving him a little time to contemplate lunch before getting into the bulk of his afternoon classes. Wrapping his scarf tighter against the cool wind, Keitaro tipped his head back and closed his eyes.  
  
He looked forward to this day for a while – finally meeting up with Hiro tonight. His best friend had turned 21 two weeks ago, September 22nd, so it could be considered a belated birthday celebration. While Keitaro sent him a card on the actual day, Hiro happened to be back in Tokyo this week to take care of his mother during one of her follow-up appointments. He suggested going out for drinks tonight, which Keitaro truly needed to research since he didn’t know much of the local bar scene. Most of them were down near the Hashimoto train station, so he planned to just meet him down there after class. Keitaro tried to invite Seto too, but Hiro insisted it just be the two of them.  
  
“ _It’s been so long since we caught up. I was hoping we could keep it small.”  
  
_ While true, Keitaro attributed it to Hiro being Hiro. He’d always been jealous and protective of their time together. Last summer at camp, Hiro made some awkward comments about “missing his opportunity with Keitaro” and “regret for not acting sooner.” It never amounted to a full blown confession of love, but it made a lot of the group uncomfortable. In particular, Taiga expressed some choice words, chock full of expletives. Luckily, Keitaro smoothed most of it over and Taiga never said anything too confrontational to Hiro’s face. Still, it changed the dynamic, and honestly, their friendship a bit.  
  
Things improved recently. Hiro didn’t bring up the past as much and his mother seemed on the up-and-up. Despite his self improvement, Keitaro worried about his long term prospects. He never went to college and had no job to speak of, other than caring for his mother.  
  
Keitaro flicked some dirt off of his peacoat and slung his lime green backpack over his shoulder. Fashion wise, it was a big transition coming to Tama Art. He always wore a school uniform in high school, but here, everyone dressed a little better. In classes, he couldn’t wear his usual t-shirt and sleeveless hoodie combo without getting side looks. Regardless, he liked to keep a bit of green pizzazz in his outfits. Today that consisted of his backpack and matching scarf. “ _It’s an art school after all. We’re supposed to be the weird ones,”_ he justified to himself.  
  
“ _I wonder if Taiga wrote me back yet?”_ Keitaro pondered, a smile crossing his face. Tying his scarf tight, he got up and started trekking across campus to the Green Hall to check his mail. He sent his reply to Taiga last Thursday, so maybe it was too early yet to expect a reply. That didn’t stop him from walking faster than usual in excitement. Of course, they didn’t only correspond through the mail. He called his boyfriend on Monday between classes, but it struck him as rushed and impersonal. Keitaro had been walking to his calculus class and Taiga was about to hop on a bicycle to head to work. He enjoyed hearing Taiga’s voice, but besides simple greetings and saying how much they missed each other, it lacked substance.  
  
“Sorry, I really gotta go dummy,” Taiga apologized, tiredly. “I’m already running late for work. I love you and I promise I’ll call soon.”  
  
Frankly, he felt more disappointed after hanging up than before talking to him. Life got in the way recently and Keitaro didn’t hear back from him yesterday or today either. Frustrating, especially considering how happy they were a few months ago. Last summer, they spent nearly every day together. Images from the past popped across his vision: resting his head on Taiga’s abs as they laid on the beach, late nights at the mess hall laughing over Yoichi’s jokes, and falling asleep with Taiga’s warm arms around him. He missed that the most - just having his boyfriend to sleep with at night. Happier times.  
  
Now everything seemed...harder. He stressed over a new school and demanding classes. Taiga hated his job. He didn’t tell him that directly, but he could tell. There didn’t seem to be enough time for anything anymore.  
  
But Taiga’s first letter...he found the spark there again. First, it came as a surprise. His boyfriend never told him to look out for a letter from him. Squished between McDonald’s coupons and grocery store weekly circulars, he recognized the handwriting immediately and grinned like an idiot.  
  
As his camp journal showed, Taiga wrote much better than he spoke most of the time. His oratory normally consisted of expletives and stumbling over anything requiring him to express his emotions. Compared to his complete asshole phase two summers ago, Taiga made progress in speaking calmly and clearly, but he still struggled with it. When writing though, he came off as masterful. His ideas flowed smoothly, he could tap into his sensitivity and thoughtfulness, and had jokes aplenty. Keitaro firmly believed he was a better writer than him, and if he could just harness that talent professionally somehow, he could be incredibly successful.  
  
Lost in thought, Keitaro nearly walked into the door of the Green Hall. With a rush of excitement, he flung open the glass door and took the stairs two at a time.  
  
“S-Sorry! I’m so sorry!” Keitaro apologized, as he nearly barreled over a woman at the bottom of the stairwell. Rounding the corner, he shoved his mail key into his box and peered inside. Thankfully, the mail for the day already arrived, and he pulled out three envelopes - one bank statement, one credit card application, and the one on the bottom...he fumbled and nearly dropped it. There, at last, he recognized Taiga’s familiar scrawl of his address. The letter felt hefty with several pages and something solid at the bottom of the envelope. His hands shook a bit with anticipation and he fought off the urge to open it in the middle of the mail room. Instead, he tucked it carefully into his coat pocket to read as soon as he got back to the dorm.  
  
“BZZZZZT” his phone buzzed in his pocket. Unlocking it, he opened the new text message:  
  
“ _Lunch? I know you’re out of class.”_ This was followed by a drooling emoji, a chicken emoji, and an eggplant emoji.  
  
“Why does Seto always use the eggplant emoji?” he muttered, facepalming.  
  
“ _Sure...what did you have in mind?”  
  
_ (*****)  
  
 _Day 80: Wednesday, October 6th; Afternoon  
  
_ “I mean, I know he means well, but this is exactly why group projects are such a downer,” Seto lamented, between bites of his bento box. His white and turquoise headphone draped lazily over the collar of his shirt. Keitaro noticed recently he had a weird tan line on his neck. A band of pale white skin showed where his headphones habitually rested, blocking the sun from ever making contact. “Like yeah we all go through tough times, you know? But how am I sure he’s actually off burying his grandmother or just like jerking off in his room?” He exhaled sharply, putting his chopsticks down. “Do you think I could find her obituary? Or is that too far? Am I being creepy?”  
  
Keitaro poked his tempura with a chopstick. He never did enjoy the deep fried onion. Running his tongue over his upper lip, he noticed rough stubble was beginning to form already, even though he shaved yesterday. He used to be able to go weeks without shaving, but now the hairs were getting bristlier and persistent. Rubbing his cheek absently, he heard the envelope in his pocket crinkle as he moved.  
  
“...there man? Keitaro?”  
  
His green eyes flashed open at his name. “Y-yeah, sorry. I-I’m just a little preoccupied I guess.”  
  
“Everything alright?” he popped another piece of fish and rice in his mouth, effortlessly flicking his chopsticks.  
  
“Yeah, I’m fine.”  
  
Seto gave him a doubtful look, but didn’t push things. Keitaro appreciated that most about him and considered it one of the chief reasons he chose him as a roommate. They had the familiarity from camp, of course, but more importantly, Seto cared but didn’t pry. He knew you would come around eventually, and if not, it probably wasn’t his business anyway. His laid back outlook made him easy to live with.  
  
A moment of silence passed between them, making Keitaro uncomfortable. He didn’t know why he acted so squirrely about it. “I uh...I got a letter from Taiga,” Keitaro finally confessed. “S-sorry, guess I’m spacing out a bit thinking about it.”  
  
“Awesome! I didn’t know you guys were writing to each other. That’s so cute.” Seto physically shook the rice in his box to the bottom corner to consolidate. His eating habits often mimicked Hiro’s. “You didn’t open it yet?”  
  
Keitaro looked at him wide-eyed as Seto fished out the last of the rice from his bento box. “ _He must’ve been really hungry.”_ His own tempura laid half uneaten, quickly growing cold. “No, not yet. I didn’t think you’d appreciate me reading it in front of you. Plus it’s sorta personal.”  
  
“I wouldn’t have minded. Are you going to finish that?”  
  
Keitaro knew that to probably be true. It took a lot to offend Seto. He likely would’ve just put on his headphones and started playing his Pnesp, happy to escape into his own world. “Yeah, here, all yours.” Keitaro pushed his tray to Seto and grabbed his bookbag. “Sorry, I gotta run to my next class. I’ll see you back at the room later?”  
  
Seto nodded, already raising his headphones over his ears. He grabbed the half-eaten tempura and started devouring it.  
  
(*****)  
  
 _Day 80: Wednesday, October 6th; Night  
  
_ The cool afternoon gave way to a frigid night, unseasonably cold for early October. Keitaro wrapped his scarf tighter, tying it into a french knot. It took about a twenty minute walk from campus to the bars near Hashimoto Station. Hiro picked a bar three blocks behind the station that Keitaro never heard of. Honestly, he didn’t frequent the bars often. Not that he didn’t drink, but usually preferred to keep things low key and have beers with Seto or other friends on campus.  
  
The wind picked up, tugging at his hair and stinging his face. Despite wearing mittens, he clutched Hiro’s gift close to his chest to keep his hands warm. It was a simple present - a small, orange, stuffed raccoon. He went for sentimentality this year.  
  
Approaching the station, the streets narrowed into alleys and back alleys. Keitaro kept his eyes on the signage, as the train rumbled by overhead. He looked this place up on google maps before leaving, but bars could be tiny and easily missed. Finally, he spotted it on the 3rd floor.  
  
Keitaro struggled to open the heavy door of solid wood, but enjoyed the warm coziness once inside. The giant door provided excellent insulation from the cold. His fuzzy scarf tangled a bit with his necklace, but he quickly untangled it and hung it with his coat. Eight lacquered wooden stools crowded close together in front of a dark mahogany bar. For a Wednesday night, the lack of patrons didn’t shock him. A couple sat on the two stools to the far left of the bar, but no sign yet of Hiro. Keitaro sat on the stool to the far right, and nodded to the bartender. “H-hello! Asahi please.”  
  
As the pale glass of beer was placed before him, Keitaro looked down at his watch. “ _8:55...5 minutes early.”_ He sipped his beer and took out his phone, clicking on the Frog Hopper game app. 8:55 turned into 9:10 turned into 9:20. By this time, he drank half his beer and grew concerned.  
  
“ _Hey, is everything alright? Are you still coming?”_ he texted Hiro. Keeping the phone in his hand, he anticipated an immediate vibration signifying response. None came. He eventually shoved his phone back to his pocket and took another swallow of his beer.  
  
“Want another one?” the bartender inquired.  
  
Keitaro noticed only the last quarter of his beer remained. “N-no, no thanks.” He looked down at his phone one final time - 9:35 and no reply from Hiro. “Uh, how much do I owe you?” He reached for his wallet, but was interrupted by the creaking of the heavy wooden door.  
  
“There’s my Keitaro!” Hiro boomed, spreading his arms as if he expected a running hug.  
  
Keitaro waved politely, eyes wide with surprise. He felt the stares of the couple to the left and caught the bartender rolling his eyes. Chugging the rest of his beer, Keitaro motioned to his glass. “A-actually I’ll take another one.”  
  
Hiro thudded into the stool next to him, slapping him on the shoulder. “Sorry I’m late. The train was so slow.” Once he took his coat off, Hiro looked...good. His biceps bulged out of his black polo, which hugged his chest tightly as well. His pecs looked as big as Yoichi’s now. Even his pants fit better, accentuating his gains from squats. Hiro also underwent a growth spurt in the last two years, now pushing over 180 cm.  
  
“I-it’s fine!” Keitaro smiled “You look bigger every time I see you, hehe.”  
  
“Aww, thanks! You’re so cute when you smile.” Hiro made a nod to the bartender. “Can I get some sake?”  
  
As the bartender went to prepare his drink, Keitaro noticed sweat pooling on Hiro’s sideburns and arms, despite coming in from the cold. He already had the sickly sour smell of alcohol on him. “Um...did you pre-game before coming?”  
  
“Hehe...yeah” Hiro scratched the back of his head. “My mom uh...it hasn’t come back. Everything’s looking good, so we went to celebrate.”  
  
“Oh that’s great news! I’m so glad she’s doing well!” Keitaro flashed a smile, but somehow doubted he was drinking with his mother. Regardless, Hiro wouldn’t lie about his mom’s health, and he felt relief that she continued to do well.  
  
“Yeah! It’s going to be another couple of months until we’re completely out of the woods. But everything’s looking like it’s going in the right direction.” Hiro gave a half smirk and thanked the bartender when he brought the sake. “Do you...do you think you could come visit her someday?”  
  
“Y-yeah, I mean I’m usually free on the weekends,” Keitaro stuttered, uncertainly. “Sorry I couldn’t come today. It’s real busy with classes and stuff."  
  
Hiro’s smirk faded and he nodded solemnly, looking into his sake. He quickly pounded it and motioned to the bartender for another one. “I get it. Everybody’s busy nowadays.”  
  
As Hiro grew quiet, Keitaro feared he might have said the wrong thing. “ _I mean what does Hiro expect? I can’t start skipping classes my first few weeks here to trek into downtown Tokyo.”_ He took a sip of his second beer, already feeling the buzz of the first one. His alcohol tolerance tapped out after a beer and a half. After disastrous adventures in hard liquor the past few years, Keitaro always tried to stick to beer - preferably light beers. Despite sticking to Asahi’s tonight, his head swam and his eyes felt loose in his head.  
  
The feeling of a pull around his neck snapped him back to reality. Hiro fished his necklace from under his shirt and was gently admiring it. “This is new. When did you get this?”  
  
“O-Oh, this afternoon actually.”  
  
“Did one of your art friends make this? It’s really nice.” Hiro ran his fingers along the smooth, acrylic finish covering the green aluminum, to the charms weighing down the center. Both were hand painted, one a green frog and the other a red tiger. “Oh...I know exactly who made this.” He let go of the necklace, losing interest. “He’s always been good with his hands,” he scoffed.  
  
“Y-yeah…” Keitaro muttered, tucking the necklace back under his shirt. The metal felt cool against his bare chest. He wondered, briefly, if that was a sexual reference, but decided to let it slide.  
  
The bartender brought another sake and placed it in front of Hiro. “Yeah…” he sighed. “Last summer was a lot of fun. It’s hard coming back to real life.” He reached for the new sake, but Keitaro grabbed it first, pulling it towards the end of the bar.  
  
“M-maybe slow up a bit?” Keitaro smiled at him, trying to diffuse the situation. “We’ve got all night.”  
  
“Sorry, you’re right.” Hiro lowered his eyes and bit his lip. “I’m just excited to see you and want to have a good time. Sometimes I drink too quickly when I’m excited.”  
  
“I-It’s ok. I’m excited to see you too.” Keitaro reached into his coat pocket and brought out the wrapped present. “Oh, happy birthday, Hiro!”  
  
Hiro’s eyes moved sluggishly, but they lit up and he produced a big grin at the sight of the gift. “Aww, that’s my Keitaro. Thanks so much, buddy.”  
  
“Sure, anything for my best friend.” Keitaro took a big gulp of his beer while Hiro opened the raccoon. “You mean so much to me, Hiro. I’m so glad we could spend the last two summers together.” He went for another sip of his beer, but Hiro threw his arms around him, causing him to jostle and spill a little. His strong, warm arms pulled him in. Although initially surprised, Keitaro instinctively nuzzled his head against Hiro’s shoulder, taking in his scent. His cologne masked the smells of alcohol and sweat, which somehow made him even more attractive. Indescribably, he smelled like home and familiarity, which Keitaro missed.  
  
“You mean the world to me too. You have no idea how much I love spending time with you. I’ve been looking forward to this all day.”  
  
The embrace lasted a little longer than Keitaro thought necessary, but Hiro’s unbreakable goofy smile afterwards made it worth it. “I brought my camera. Do you want to take a picture together?” Since coming to college for photography, Keitaro ditched the instant camera for a nicer digital model.  
  
“Aww, I’d love to.” Hiro nodded towards the bartender to get his attention. “Just promise me you’ll send me a copy, yeah?”  
  
“O-oh of course.” As the bartender took the camera, Hiro wrapped his muscular arm around Keitaro’s shoulder, pulling him closer. He’d be lying to himself if he said he didn’t enjoy it. The bulging arm around him felt protective and strong. Hesitantly, Keitaro slid his arm around Hiro’s back and gripped his side. He could feel his lower pec - well defined and solid. Unconsciously, Keitaro’s pants tightened a bit. He hadn’t been touched or embraced much recently, so his sex drive went off at the smallest thing. Keitaro opened his eyes wide and put on his usual big grin for pictures. The flash blinded him for a few seconds, but when he looked at the back of the camera to preview the picture, he saw it came out really well.  
  
“You’re so cute,” Hiro smiled, when he saw the preview. “Yeah, definitely send me that one.”  
  
“Will do. I’ll print one for my photo album too. I should show it to you sometime. I got a bunch of great pictures from last summer. A lot of great memories.”  
  
“Memories…” Hiro chuckled, raising his eyes to the ceiling. He tapped his fingers on the bar, contemplatively. “You know my mom used to play a song when I was younger. It had a line that compared memories to films about ghosts’”  
  
“Ghosts?” Keitaro squinted his eyes, tilting his head.  
  
“Yeah, I didn’t really get it at first either, but I’ve been thinking about it a lot recently.” Hiro brought his eyes back from the ceiling, looking directly at him. “Like you’re still alive now, obviously. But is the Keitaro from my childhood still alive? Is the Keitaro from two years ago even still alive? Or am I just remembering a ghost of who he used to be?”  
  
“I-I don’t know if I believe that. I’m still the same as back then”  
  
“I dunno man,” Hiro smirked, reaching for the previously moved sake. “I feel like I’ve been in love with a ghost for years now.” In one swallow, he downed the drink.  
  
(...)  
  
 _Keitaro Nagame  
_ _Tama Art University  
_ _2 Chome Yarimizu,  
_ _Hachioji, Tokyo 192-0375  
  
_ _Hey, Dummy,  
  
_ _I’m happy that you like the idea of writing to each other. You’ve always been a sucker for sentimentality. Honestly, I’ve been missing you like crazy. Sleeping alone is getting old fast. Every night, I wish I could wrap my arms around you like we did last summer. I try to get the cat to cuddle, but she’s not a huge fan. Besides, she’s a lot more hairy than you and it’s not the same, haha.  
  
_ _I can imagine how hard classes are. Tama Art is a hell of a school and I’m proud of you for getting in. I tell all my friends about you and how smart you are. They wonder how I could land someone like you. I’m just lucky I guess. I even told my mom that I’m dating someone going to one of the best art schools in the country. She’s impressed too, but...I mean, we’ve talked about how she feels about the whole gay thing. I’m working on it, but it’s gonna take time I think. I believe in you,_ _dweeb_ _. You’re the smartest person in my friend group, so I know you’re going to be just fine.  
  
_ _Hiroshima is...Hiroshima. I’m not all that excited to be home, but I knew I couldn’t stay at Camp Buddy forever. I’m keeping busy with the gym, work, and catching up with some old friends. I actually did try the hot yoga place you found. It was...not my bag, I must admit, haha. How are you supposed to breathe? Sorry, I’m not much into yoga to begin with, and the heat was just sweltering. It was a cute idea though. If you were there, I would’ve definitely toughed it out and enjoyed it a lot more. Especially showers afterwards, haha.  
  
_ _I don’t really want to talk about work. If I have to hear ‘Crazy in Love’ one more time, I may just lose it. The pay isn’t great and I have to work nights. You’re right that I get to sleep in, that’s the one redeeming quality. Hopefully, I’ll be off to bigger and better things soon. I don’t want to commit to anything too serious right now though. If I get an actual career, I won’t be able to come back to camp this summer with you. That’s the only thing keeping me going right now. I will put up with serving all the drunks in the world if I can spend two months with you again this summer.  
  
_ _I’ll definitely let you know about when I can visit. Maybe later this month? I need to save up some money for the train ticket, and unfortunately, adopting Yuri really bit into my savings. Nothing would make me happier to see you though and I’ll work to save every yen to make it happen. I don’t care how small your bed is. I’d sleep on the floor next to you, if that was the only option.  
  
_ _As for the other campers, I text Eduard and Lee occasionally, but neither live close by here, so I haven't seen them in person. I've exchanged a few texts with Natsumi too, but you're right about Yoichi. Unless you see him in person, you're not talking to him. I haven't heard from Hiro, but that's not surprising. He was never a big fan of mine, even after we reconciled at camp. You'd think that would change after we've been together for a year, but I think he’s been hoping we’d break up for a while. Too bad I’ll never let that happen.  
  
_ _Sorry, I feel like I’ve been talking about myself this whole letter. How are things with you? How are your classes going? Are you getting along with Seto? Tell me about your projects. That’d be so cool if you were to use Yuri for one of your projects. If you want me to send you some more pictures of her, just let me know.  
  
_ _I tried to make you something to remind you of me. It’s not as nice as what they have in the jewelry stores, and I had to drink about ten lime sodas to get enough green metal to make it. Don’t worry, I covered the aluminum with an acrylic finish, so it won’t cut you or rust. Still, try not to get it wet or like go swimming with it. I hope you like it. Our friendship bracelet still means a ton to me. I wear it everywhere, except when I like shower, but it’s starting to show_ _its age_ _. This is something a little more sturdy that I hope will last longer.  
  
_ _I really miss you, dummy, and I can’t wait to see you again,  
  
  
  
_ _Taiga  
  
_ _PS: I wanted to tell you a funny thought I had last week. You know how you were telling me about ‘The Shape of Water’ movie? About how the woman ended up sleeping with the sea monster and it made you uncomfortable? Well I was watching Paddington 2 on my laptop (shut up! It’s not for kids. It’s a movie for the whole family), and that same actress popped up again. After you told me about her in ‘The Shape of Water’ all I could think was “oh my God, she’s going to fuck this bear…”_


	3. Big Trouble in Little Hiroshima

_Day 98: Sunday, October 24th; Morning  
  
_ “What are you talking about? You do this every week!” Taiga threw up his arms in exasperation. “Look at me! Look! Do you see my tie?” He wagged it for emphasis; a red and black striped tie over his clean, white dress shirt. “Why would I not be going? Why would I wear a TIE here if I wasn’t going? Do you think I wake up at 7 am, throw on a shirt and tie, and ride my bike for three kilometers to your apartment to tell you I’m not going?”  
  
“I’m just saying…” Kyoko Akatora gently placed her tea down, not allowing herself to be drawn into Taiga’s confrontational tone. “You told me you weren’t coming next week, so I didn’t know if you wanted to cancel today as well…”  
  
Taiga dropped his arms and hunched his shoulders, sighing for emphasis. “We talked about this. I gave you plenty of notice.” Dragging his feet, he walked over to her and placed his hands on her shoulders. He spoke slowly, emphasizing each syllable and looking directly into her red eyes: “I’m going to spend next weekend in Tokyo with some friends, so I’m not going to be home on Sunday. If I was home, I’d be here with you and we’d go like we always do. I love you mom, but I swear, you drive me crazy.”  
  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” Ms. Akatora met his eye contact, but her features softened. She ran her hand through her crimson hair. “Do I know any of these friends? Who are you staying with?”  
  
Releasing her shoulders, Taiga took a step back and bit his lip. It was a trap. He answered this bluntly last week and it didn’t go well. Sometimes even a mention of his name led to a lecture or an argument, so he needed to be careful of how he worded his response. “Um...some friends from camp. They’re throwing a Halloween party.”  
  
“Is...he going to be there?” Her eyes narrowed into slits and she pursed her lips. “You know how I feel about him.”  
  
“Oh, are we fighting this morning? Is that what you want to do? You want to fight?” Taiga deflected, raising his fists and pretending to shadowbox. “On God’s holy day, you want to fight?”  
  
His mother muffled a laugh, but tried to maintain her serious tone. “I don’t want to fight. I just don’t think he’s a great influence on you.”  
  
“Yeah, well I don’t think Ms. Hamitoro is a great influence on you either, but we’re going to be sitting next to her in about 30 minutes.”  
  
“That’s different,” she smirked. “She’s a member of the church and has a lovely family, despite her...loose tongue.”  
  
With his mother in an apparent better mood, Taiga debated pressing his luck. He gathered his courage and scratched the back of his head nervously. “Mom...if he...uh...if he ever came to visit me here, it’d mean a lot to me if you’d meet him. We could even all go to church together if you want.” He closed his eyes, bracing for an argument, but his mom simply stood to put her teacup in the sink.  
  
“Who do you mean?” she replied over her shoulder, turning on the faucet.  
  
She called his bluff. It was a simple word, a name. But it carried so much unresolved tension that Taiga struggled saying it in front of her. “Mom, you know who I’m talking about.” He dropped his glance to the floor and traced the scar on his nose absently. “Please don’t ignore this again.”  
  
Ms. Akatora shut off the faucet and turned slowly to face her son. “Taiga, I’m not sure you completely made up your mind about this. I don’t want to entertain hypotheticals if you’re still...figuring things out. You might decide against that...lifestyle”  
  
“Mom...I’m not still making up my mind and it’s not a lifestyle choice….it’s a tch...!” He averted his eyes from her. Every time they went down this path, she always looked so hurt and it tore at him. They had this argument numerous times with little success on either side. Realizing it wasn’t a winning tactic, he decided on a different approach. “He’s so smart. And kind! He goes to Tama Art School in Tokyo and, and is so talented.” He stumbled over his words, spitting out facts machine gun style, hoping anything would stick.  
  
His mother sighed and shook her head, her face looking sad and tired. “I’m sure he is, honey." She tried to give him a weary smile as she returned to the living room. “I thought we weren’t fighting, hmm?” She straightened his tie and gave him a peck on the cheek. “You’re so handsome when you get dressed up.”  
  
And just like that, Taiga saw the conversation had ended. The topic had been broached to its limit today. Everything was always in code, like a well orchestrated dance. Words like “gay” or “boyfriend” were taboo. He made the mistake of using those words once and only once with her, and that truly broke the peace. He opened Pandora’s Box with her after his second summer at Camp Buddy. The monsters were out, but now they just tip-toed around them. “Thanks, mom…”  
  
“Oh speaking of Ms. Hamitoro, Tomiko will be there today. You two are so cute together.”  
  
“Awww, mom!” he rolled his eyes hard. “I told you, that’s not happening…”  
  
“Just give her a chance…”  
  
(...)  
  
“...so you see, God is not something to fear,” the preacher explained, opening his hands. “To fear God is to fear love itself.”  
  
Just past the 45 minute mark in the sermon, Taiga hoped he was wrapping up. He thumbed mindlessly through the prayer book, willing time to go faster. His butt started going numb from the hardened pew - the telltale sign that they were almost done. Paying avid attention to the sermon, his mother sat to his right in a dark blue, conservative dress. Despite trying to guide her to the end of a pew in the back of the church, Ms. Akatora insisted on sitting in the 3rd row, right beside the Hamitoro family.  
  
In a likely planned coincidence, Ms. Hamitoro’s middle daughter, Tomiko, sat at the end of the family. Taiga’s mother motioned him into the pew first, placing him between the two of them. Tomiko was...she was alright. Taiga knew her through the church since childhood. They grew up in the same circle, attending Sunday School and acting in the church plays together as kids. While Taiga was often viewed as the black sheep of the church, with a loud, vulgar mouth and a penchant for trouble, Tomiko was reserved and thoughtful. The church community revered her and viewed her as the shining star of the Hamitoro family.  
  
Unsurprisingly, his mom’s new life goal was to get the two of them together. She checked a lot of boxes for his mother. Tomiko put almost anyone at ease with her inoffensive and agreeable personality. Ms. Akatora thought that made great wife material. Check. She was a Christian and a member of their church - a huge plus. Between 1-2% of Japan’s population considered themselves Christian, which created quite a shallow dating pool. Check. Finally, and also most counter-intuitive, ever since admitting that he was dating another boy he met at camp, Taiga’s mother hardened her efforts to find him a nice woman. So...female. Check.  
  
Personally, Taiga felt about Tomiko like he did about most women - neutral indifference. She never said an unkind word to him and even laughed at his jokes on occasion. However, he also found her a bit boring - and sexually? - just nothing there.  
  
“...thank you for your time today. Go with God, in thought and action.”  
  
Taiga’s ears perked at that last line, the biggest smile spreading across his face. “Go with God” signified the conclusion of the service. On cue, the organ began to play them out. Taiga resisted the urge to do a skip or dance his way down the aisle. He was a free man for not one week, but two weeks, due to his trip to Tokyo next weekend! Bobbing his head along to the organ, he couldn’t stop himself from a small celebration.  
  
“Do you like this hymn?” Tomiko giggled, cornering him in the church lobby.  
  
“Oh..uh...yeah,” Taiga stuttered, caught off-guard. “This one’s my jam. You know how it sorta swells during the chorus?”  
  
“I don’t think there’s a chorus,” she laughed, covering her mouth with her hand. “It just repeats until everyone leaves.”  
  
A stupid grin spread across his face. Taiga loved when somebody laughed at his jokes. It made his confidence soar and endeared him to them. Meeting Tomiko’s eyes, he awkwardly laughed and fidgeted with his tie. Despite the lack of sexual attraction, he thought she looked cute in a nerdy, innocent way. Her thick framed glasses were in style and complemented her round face. She obviously spent a lot of time on her hair this morning - black curls fell softly against her forehead. The dress she wore, while conservative, was modern and well fitting around the shoulders. “A-anyway, I should probably find my mom and get her home…” he bumbled, motioning his head towards the door.  
  
“Hey, uh…” she interrupted, gently touching his wrist. “I...I hope this isn’t too forward, but I was wondering if we could…I mean if you’re not interested, I completely understand.”  
  
“I’m sorry?”  
  
Tomiko cleared her throat and gathered herself, letting go of his wrist. “I mean, would you like to...maybe get coffee sometime? Or if you’re not into coffee, we could do something else. I know a cute ramen place in the neighborhood.” She spoke too quickly, showing her nervousness or trying to present it as a flippant idea.  
  
“Oh...Ohhhhh!” Taiga exclaimed, taken aback by the forwardness. Was she set up to do this? Did his mother have a hand in it? “Well...um...I gotta work this week and then I’m going to Tokyo next weekend.”  
  
“Oh I see…” she lowered her eyes in embarrassment, with an awkward giggle. “I completely understand, yeah…”  
  
Taiga’s heart broke a bit seeing her try to hide her hurt from his rejection. Out of the corner of his eye, he saw his mother looking at them, her face full of hope. “But...but...as soon as I get back, I’d love to…”  
  
(*****)  
  
 _Day 98: Sunday, October 24th; Afternoon  
  
_ ♫ _You want a hot body?_ ♫  
♫ _You want a Bugatti?♫  
  
_ Lying on his back, Taiga reached up and aligned his ring fingers in the smooth metal markings of the bar. Exhaling forcefully through his nose, he lifted the bar off the rack and over his chest. “ _Last set, 60 kg. You got this.”  
  
_ ♫ _You want a Maserati?_ ♫  
♫ _You better work bitch♫  
  
_ Lowering his arms, the bar gently touched his sternum before he fought to raise it back up. The second rep went as well as the first, slowly down and then back up. He took a deep breath, preparing for the third, feeling his shirt slide up and expose his lower stomach to the cool air of the gym. The bar went down easily enough, but his arms refused to cooperate in pushing it back up. His biceps, triceps, and pectoral muscles wobbled as he struggled against the bar, forcing it back to starting position. Grunting, Taiga resisted twisting and using his back muscles for extra leverage. That’s how you pulled something and got hurt.   
  
Still, fears of getting trapped under the bar raced through his head. Then he’d have to be the loser calling for help, disturbing someone else’s workout to unpin him. It happened to him once before and he swore to never let it happen again. “ _So embarrassing…”  
  
_ Luckily, the bar continued rising and he had just enough strength to straighten his arms. He placed the bar gently on the rack with one last heavy exhale and sat up on the bench. Reaching 60 kg on bench-press was a personal goal of his since it sat just above his body weight. Ideally, he’d like to get to 4 reps, but progress was progress.  
  
♫You wanna live fancy? Live in a big mansion?♫  
♫Party in France?♫  
  
Taiga glanced down at the phone strapped to his arm and tapped it to stop the music. A few short years ago, he wouldn’t be caught dead listening to Britney Spears at the gym. It used to strike him as _too_ gay. Fine for someone like Eduard, but not for him. Over a year of dating Keitaro softened his sensitivity, though. What’s the worst that could happen? Someone would call him gay? He failed to be offended by the term anymore. Plus the song whipped, and he wouldn’t be surprised if a lot of the gym bros around here had it on their playlist too.  
  
Popping the plastic headphones out of his ears, Taiga worked on catching his breath. He pushed down his sleeveless t-shirt, concealing his midriff. The outline of the face of a tiger ran across the front of the shirt - it was one of his favorites. He always found gym attire sorta hot. For guys, it usually involved showing more skin than usual - tank-tops, sleeveless shirts, or even shirts with both sides cut out. Men loved checking themselves out at the gym. Looking around the room, he saw one guy lifting up his shirt to take a selfie of his abs. Another didn’t have a shirt at all, as he shot a live video to show off his workout. Douchey, but he didn’t mind the eye candy.  
  
His eyes finally settled on a blonde guy doing squats in the corner. He had seen him around the gym before, but they never talked. As the blonde bent his knees with the bar on his back, his thighs bulged against his compression shorts. Taiga quickly flicked his eyes from his thighs to his ass, which was accentuated too and looked thick. He looked a little older, mid-20’s, maybe fresh out of college or a young professional. Shaggy hair covered his ears and he was jacked, with even more muscles than Yoichi. He wore a simple gray shirt, but skin tight like his shorts. After his set, he replaced the bar on the rack and turned in his direction.  
  
Taiga felt his dick throb a bit in his jock. He subliminally hoped to catch an outline of the guy’s dick or even better, a bulge through his shorts, but no luck. His eyes rose, taking in his flat stomach, muscular pecs pushing against his shirt, a strong jawline, and….shit he was looking right at him. The blonde met his eyes, widening his own blue eyes, as if asking if he needed anything.  
  
“ _Shit! Shit! Shit! Shit!”_ Taiga blinked in surprise and he quickly diverted his gaze, pretending to have a sudden interest with his phone. “ _Probably thinks I’m a pervert. You’re so fucking stupid. Stop being creepy.”_ After about a minute, he took a side glance back at the squat rack to see if the guy got back to his workout. Fortunately, he was already on to his next set, tight ass again flexing as his thighs and calves struggled under the weight. “ _Stop fucking looking and get out of here you weirdo!”_ his mind screamed. Hopping into action, he fumbled to remove the clips from the bar and re-rack the weights.   
  
After wiping down the bench, Taiga made his way to the locker room, keeping his head down to avoid any other incidents. The smell of chlorine filled his nose as he spun the dial lock on his locker. On the other side of the showers, the gym had a small pool, which always flooded the changing room with its scents. He finally pried open the locker and plopped his gym bag on the bench next to him.   
  
Luckily, only a handful of other people were changing and nobody in his aisle. Not that he had an aversion to being naked around others. Taiga had grown up taking showers after gym class and spent enough time in onsens and hot springs to be comfortable being nude around others. It was the act of stripping, really, that unsettled him. He didn’t like the idea of others ogling him. “ _Like you just ogled that blonde dude? Jesus…”  
  
_ Also, one of his biggest fears, dating back to childhood, was somebody seeing him in the locker room with a boner. It probably started in grade school when gay was a derogatory insult. At that time, being considered gay by his classmates filled him with an unimaginable horror. He grew more comfortable with his sexuality recently, but small things could still trigger him.   
  
A prime example: two summers ago with Eduard and Lee. Keitaro had his hand firmly wrapped around Taiga’s hard dick in the shower, when those two burst into the cabin. He barely had enough time to get a towel around himself before they burst into the bathroom, but it was too late. They saw everything, hard dick and all. The worst part, Lee then proceeded to give vivid descriptions of girth, length, and other notable features to _several_ other campers.   
  
Cringing and shaking his head against the memory, Taiga lifted his shirt over his head and threw it on the bench next to his bag. Just like grade school, he kept his head down and didn’t look at anyone else while he stepped out of his gym shorts and jock and wrapped a towel around himself.  
  
The shower room consisted of eight stalls with curtains, four on opposite walls. Only one seemed to be currently occupied, so Taiga chose a corner stall on the other side. Once the curtain was closed and he hung his towel on the hook outside, he finally relaxed. He turned on the water and flinched against the wall to avoid the initial cold spray. As it warmed, he slowly stepped into the stream, letting it heat his skin and flow down his chest and abs. He closed his eyes and lowered his head, soaking his red hair.  
  
“ _Just one more week of work,”_ he muttered to himself, rubbing his shoulders and forearms. Since buying his train ticket last week, time seemed to crawl. He hadn’t looked forward to anything this much since Christmas as a child. Keitaro told him he had the whole weekend planned. Even if there was no plan, even if the whole weekend just involved sitting on the floor and watching him study, Taiga still would’ve gone.   
  
He missed the simplest of things - hearing him laugh; seeing him smile. He missed the way Keitaro sometimes looked at him when someone else was talking - more interested in his reaction than what the person actually said. There was the physical element as well. He wanted to kiss him, to pin him down and grind against him.   
  
Taiga’s dick began throbbing, slowly hardening. It didn’t take much to get hard now. He slept with Keitaro nearly every day over the summer, sometimes cumming multiple times a day. Since leaving camp, nobody touched him, and masturbation was the only release. He beat off most days, but it wasn’t the same. Now, the smallest touch or incident might set him off. The blonde dude a few minutes ago served as a prime example. On the bus one day, a guy he didn’t even feel attracted to sat a little too close to him so their arms kept bumping. Result? Boner.  
  
“ _So obnoxious,”_ he sighed. “ _Might as well take care of this while I can.”  
  
_ Squirting some soap into his hand, he lathered himself with it as an impromptu lube. His semi-hard dick sprang to attention as he gripped it and slowly started stroking. He leaned his left forearm against the front of the shower, letting the shower water pour down his back.  
  
Flashes from last summer crossed his mind. _He exhaled sharply in anticipation as Keitaro’s hands explored his chest. Lying on his back in his bunk, he maintained eye contact with those green eyes. His boyfriend knelt between his legs slowly making his way down his body. Hot breath on his neck, followed by a warm mouth and tongue that circled his Adam’s apple. He tried to sit up to kiss him again, but a firm hand on his shoulder pushed him back to the bed. He settled with running his fingers through that brunette hair, the other hand gently scratching his shoulder blade. Keitaro continued his descent, using his warm lips and tongue to kiss Taiga’s upper chest and sternum. He closed his eyes as he felt the mouth around his right nipple. It started with a gentle kiss, but soon his tongue did one, two, rotations around it. A jolt of electricity surged through his already hard dick as Keitaro bit down.  
  
_ “Hnnn…” Taiga moaned quietly, increasing the pace of his strokes. Luckily, the running water hid most of the noise. Fully hard now, he reached up to grab his chest, forcefully squeezing the entire muscle.   
  
_Fingers dipped under the waistband of his underwear, his dick pulsing against the fabric. Keitaro was in no rush though. Soft kisses peppered each of his abs as he dipped lower. Taiga squirmed a bit as he felt a tongue traced the ‘v’ lines above his hips.  
  
_ “ _S-still ticklish there?” Keitaro smirked, raising his head slightly to make eye contact.  
  
_ “ _Yeah, dummy, haha…Keep going…” As Keitaro re-lowered his head, Taiga could no longer see his green eyes. He ran his fingers through that spiky, brown hair and traced the outline of his ear. A second set of fingers slipped into his underwear, pulling it down ever slightly, exposing more of his red treasure trail. The mouth and tongue now slid along his inner thigh, getting closer and closer.  
  
_ “Fuuuuuck…” Taiga sighed, sliding his free hand from his chest, down his abs, slick from the shower water, and cupping his balls. Softly squeezing, his dick began pulsing between strokes, telling him he was close. He ran his thumb over the tip, smearing pre-cum around the head of his dick, lubricating it even more.  
  
 _The warm breath seeped through his underwear as Keitaro hovered above it. Slowly, he ran his tongue over the fabric, tracing the entire length of his cock. When he got to the end, Taiga instinctively lifted his dick, encouraging him to take it in his mouth.”  
  
_ “ _Keitaro...man...please,” he begged, thrusting his hips upwards.  
  
_ “ _Hehe please...what?” Keitaro flashed a derpy smile, rubbing Taiga’s dick through his underwear.  
  
_ “ _Fuck, you’re such a tease,” he threw his head back as Keitaro continued to stroke him. “I’ll spell it out for you. Take that out, open your mouth, and blow me until I cum.”  
  
_ _Keitaro ran his tongue across his lips, but cocked an eyebrow. He didn’t move, just continued stroking Taiga’s pulsing cock.”  
  
_ “ _Tch...fine. Blow me until I cum...please.”  
  
_ “ _Was that hard?”  
  
_ “ _Can you just…”  
  
_ _Keitaro maintained eye contact, but slowly slid down Taiga’s boxer-briefs. His hard dick flopped against his lower stomach, still gently pulsing in anticipation. Keitaro wrapped his thumb and forefinger around the base, fondling his balls with his other three fingers. He took a long lick up one side and then the other, teasing the redhead. He kissed the tip, using his tongue to taste the pre-cum.  
  
_ _Taiga pushed his hips upwards as Keitaro’s warm breath teased his dick. He accidentally humped his nose in eagerness. “Hahaha, sorry,” he breathed.  
  
_ “ _I-I think you’re ready,” Keitaro laughed. Lowering his head, the brunette took Taiga’s dick in his mouth, tucking his lips around his teeth and swirling his tongue around the head.  
  
_ “ _Hnnnn.” Taiga closed his eyes and enjoyed having his boyfriend suck him. After the teasing foreplay, his dick already twitched rapidly. His balls ached as Keitaro took more and more of him in his mouth. “Fuck dude. Your mouth feels so good.” Legs shaking, signaling the building of an orgasm, his eyes flew open. “Keitaro, I’m getting close. Where do you want me to cum?”  
  
_ _Keitaro didn’t respond. Instead, he took on a renewed vigor, moving his mouth up and down rapidly. Raising his green eyes to Taiga’s, he reached up and squeezed his pecs.  
  
_ “ _Fuck, Keitaro. I’m gonna…”  
  
_ “I’m gonna cum, Keitaro,” Taiga moaned a bit too loudly. His first shot hit the front of the shower above the faucet. Three more also painted the front wall and then dribbled onto the shower floor. “ _Fuck.”_ Out of breath, he leaned against the side of the shower. Post ejaculation clarity slowly washed over him. He used the running water to wash his load off the wall and kick the remaining dribbles down the drain. “ _Was I too loud? Fuck, I gotta get out of here.”_ Shutting off the water and reaching for his towel, Taiga rushed to dry off and then wrapped it around his waist.  
  
As he opened the shower curtain, the blonde guy from the squat rack met his eyes with a knowing smirk. Shirtless, he crossed his arms, accentuating his biceps. “You feeling better bro?”  
  
“F-fuck you!” Taiga fired back. Heat rose to his face, reddening it in embarrassment. “You some kind of pervert?”  
  
The blonde just laughed.   
  
Mortified, Taiga walked shamefully past him, back to his locker.  
  
(*****)  
  
 _Day 98: Sunday, October 24th; Night  
  
_ “Sir! Sir! SIR!”   
  
Taiga sighed. He recognized the voice before even looking over. Turning slowly, he faced the man and put his hands on the bar. “What’s going on?”  
  
“Is this...hic....is this shit watered down?” The man slammed the bottle on the counter a bit too hard, causing beer and foam to splash everywhere.  
  
Narrowing his eyes, Taiga reached for a rag under the bar. “Sir, it’s Sapporo. It always tastes like water.”  
  
“Is that...is that a joke?” He leaned sloppily on the back of one of the bar chairs, supporting himself with his forearm. “I’ve had Sapporo...hic...and this...this isn’t Sapporo.”  
  
Wiping up the spilled beer, Taiga raised his eyebrows and examined the bottle. “Funny, it says “ _SAPPORO”_ right here.” He used his finger to underline the label. “Maybe you should write them a letter?”  
  
“I...I don’t like your attitude.”  
  
“Yeah? Well I don’t like your drunken ass complaining about something every 20 minutes.” He wiped the bottom of the bottle and pushed it back towards the man. “Here’s an idea: why don’t you take your water beer and go back to your karaoke room? Sing some _Wonderwall_ or some other shit song from your childhood. It’ll calm you down.”  
  
Glaring, the man snatched his beer and slowly tipped it over, pouring it onto the linoleum floor. “Oops, better clean that up.” With one more hard look, he turned to return to his karaoke room. “I’m calling your manager tomorrow, you little shit. I saw your nametag, Tigga”  
  
Taiga shook hands in a strangling motion, but held his tongue. Dropping his shoulders, he wheeled the mop bucket in front of the bar to clean up the spill.  
  
“Still shooting for employee of the month, I see…” Aimi, his co-worker, leaned across the bar towards him. “Keep this up and you’ll never be promoted to bar shift supervisor.”  
  
“Oh? You mean I won’t get the green nametag and extra ¥200 an hour?” he laughed, slapping a hand to the side of his face. “The sooner they take this neon vest away from me, the better.” He despised the uniform perhaps more than the drunks. The black pants weren’t bad, but the burnt orange shirt and neon vest made him feel like a traffic attendant.  
  
“Oh no...but what about helping every customer find their inner-voice.” she deadpanned. “Honestly, I don’t know what your life priorities are.” Aimi blew a bubble with her gum, popping it with her pinky. In Japan, Aimi would always be someone “alternatively employed.” She reminded Taiga of a female Yoichi a bit - sarcastic, bluntly honest at times, but could also be caring in her own strange way. A snake tattoo curled around her left arm and she had shown him her other tattoo on her lower back - a turtle. “ _Some people call it a tramp stamp, but everyone loves a whore,”_ she had explained. She was his favorite.  
  
“Shit…” Taiga yawned, mopping the beer from the linoleum. “I just have tonight through Thursday and I’m out of here. Off all weekend. It’ll be your job to water down the Sapporo.”  
  
“Aww, you seeing your boy-toy?” She leaned as far as she could over the counter, almost laying on it now, and cocked her head inquisitively. “That’s right, you were talking about it last week too.”  
  
“Y-yeah,” he admitted. It still made him uncomfortable talking about being gay openly. After his mother’s poor reaction to coming out, he had creeped back in the closet. At camp, it was a non-issue, but in the real world, not everyone took it well, he learned. Within 20 minutes of meeting Aimi though, he knew she wasn’t the type to judge someone for being gay. He told her about Keitaro the first weekend they worked together. “I’m leaving bright and early Friday. Taking the JR line from Hiroshima…”  
  
A thunderous crash against their glass entrance cut him off mid-sentence.  
  
“The fuck…” Taiga yelled instinctively, eyes flashing outside. Someone’s back pressed up against the glass being held in place by another figure he couldn’t see. “ _Probably just high schoolers,”_ he thought. 13-17 year-old boys loved shoving each other for some reason. “Aimi, give me the broom. I got this.”  
  
Armed and ready to sweep away the riff-raff, Taiga pushed his way through the door into the cool night air. He expected to see some laughing boys horseplaying, but the men outside were about his age, maybe a little older. His broom suddenly felt inadequate.  
  
“Don’t you ever talk to me like that again!” the lead aggressor threatened, still holding a scrawny boy against the glass. “Do I look like a fag to you?” In truth, he looked a bit pudgy with crazy wide eyes. They rolled around his head, never seeming to focus on one object in tandem.  
  
“N-no. S-s-sorry,” the boy squirmed. His back pinned against the glass, he kicked his dangling feet in protest. “I was just...just jok…”  
  
“Shut up!”  
  
Two friends of crazy-eyes looked on, but appeared like they didn’t want any part of this. “Dude, can we just leave it,” one suggested in a bored tone. “I told Fujie we’d be there ten minutes ago.”  
  
“No! He needs to learn!” Still gripping the scrawny guy’s jacket, he lifted him away from the window only to slam him back against it. “You think you’re fucking fun…”  
  
“HEY!” Taiga cut in, having seen enough. “Put him down and get the hell away from my shop.”  
  
The pudgy man slowly lowered his prey, but swung his crazy eyes in his direction. “Who the fuck are you? Some kind of neon street sweeper?”  
  
Taiga suddenly became very conscious of his blaring yellow vest, but narrowed his eyes and gripped the broom in both hands to project confidence. “Why don’t you fuck around and find out? I told you to get out of here.”  
  
Lifting his hands in innocence, crazy eyes let go of the guy he was assaulting, who slunk to the pavement. “I’m going...I’m going.” His fat lips curling into a smirk, as he took step after step closer to Taiga. “Don’t you ever...ever...talk to me like that though…”  
  
As soon as he was within range, Taiga cocked back the broom handle and took a swing. He braced for contact, but surprisingly swung through air and stumbled, losing his balance. Immediately, he felt the weight of his opponent on top of him, pushing him over. His knuckles scraped against the asphalt of the sidewalk, blood seeping between his fingers.  
  
The minor pain vanished from his mind, as a fist connected in rapid succession under his right eye and then directly into his right ear. A piercing ringing shot through his head and his ear burned. He raised his arms to protect his head instinctively, but no more punches came.  
  
“Come on Bryce...we gotta leave before the cops come,” someone said distantly.  
  
Mind swimming, he tried to open his punched eye but it was painful to the touch and swelling rapidly.  
  
“Fuck you…”  
  
Taiga heard what sounded like hawking spit and then a large blob of warm liquid landed on his inflamed ear, spreading across it. Still, no other punches came and the weight disappeared from on top of him. As he slowly lowered his arms from protecting his face, he noticed sneakers fading away into the night; the street again grew quiet.  
  
“Hey, man. You alright?”  
  
A gentle hand gripped his shoulder, assuring him it was safe to get out of the fetal position. Slowly rolling into sitting, he tried to take a physical inventory. The ringing in his ear persisted but sounded dimmer than before. While that improved, his ear and eye burned and pulsed worse with increased intensity. A sharp pain also radiated from his lower lip. Touching it, he realized he must have bit it, as blood trickled down his chin. “I’m fine. You ok?”  
  
“Yeah, sorry. It was my fault. I told him he had a nice ass, haha.”  
  
Rolling his good eye upward, Taiga took in the scrawny kid he sacrificed himself for. While he was definitely thinner than the man who attacked them, he realized he wasn’t much smaller than himself – in fact, probably a few centimeters taller. Layered black hair hung down to just above his eyebrows in an almost K-Pop look. Both ears were pierced and he wore a white sweater against the light cold of the night.  
  
“I’m Kazan, by the way,” he offered a hand  
  
Taiga took it and was pulled to his feet. “I’m…”  
  
“Wooooo!” Aimi called from the doorway. “Look at my hero! Cleaning up the mean streets of Hiroshima.”  
  
Taiga smirked and took a deep breath trying to clear his pounding head. “I’m…I’m going back to work.” As he turned to face Aimi, he spit onto the sidewalk - mostly blood. Walking through the doorway, he saw her smile slowly fade when she saw his face in the bright lighting of the bar. “That bad...huh?”  
  
(...)  
  
 _Taiga Akatora  
_ _6 Chome-12-9 Nishihara,  
_ _Asaminami Ward, Hiroshima,  
_ _731-0113, Japan  
  
_ _Hey Cutes :)  
  
_ _I’m SO excited you bought your train ticket! I think Seto is ready to kill me because it’s all I’ve been talking about this week. I mean, don’t get me wrong, he’s excited to see you too. I might just be getting repetitive talking with him about plans for this weekend.  
  
_ _So yeah, let me tell you my ideas. I only have one morning class on Friday and then a quick meeting for a group project, so I’ll meet you at the train station right afterwards. Let me know if your train is running late or something. Whatever, I’ll just wait for you there, even if you’re late.  
  
_ _Seto says he can join us for lunch if you’re on time. He has afternoon classes though, so if you’re too delayed, we might miss him.  
  
_ _After lunch, I’ll show you around campus and even town if you want. You said you haven’t been to Tokyo since you were a kid, right? Tama Art isn’t in downtown Tokyo by any means, but I think you’ll like campus.  
  
_ _Friday night, we’re hosting a Halloween party, so please bring a costume. A very special guest you know from camp will be there too. Get excited! I won’t ruin the surprise for you ;)  
  
_ _Saturday, I hope you’ll let me sleep in a bit, hehe. Then I want to take you to downtown Tokyo and show you the actual city. I already got you a PASMO card, so we can go all over - Shibuya, Rappongi, Ginza. I already have a few places in mind I want to show you, but we have all day and can be flexible. At night, we can check out the nightlife in Shinjuku-Nichome. Have you ever been to a gay bar? Hiro keeps suggesting we go, but I haven’t had time yet. It would be awesome if my first experience was with you.  
  
_ _I’m totally flexible though and open to anything you want to do or see. Feel free to research and come up with your own ideas. You know how I like to be told what to do, hehe. Oh, and I know your train home leaves out of Tokyo early Sunday, so I got us a place to stay downtown. That’ll be a surprise for you too :)  
  
_ _Mostly, I’m just excited to see you. It’s been a long two months without you. I’ve literally been crossing off days on the calendar next to my desk until you get here. This will probably be my last letter before you arrive, so don’t worry about writing back. You can tell me everything on Friday.  
  
_ _Can’t wait to see you,  
  
  
_ _Keitaro_


	4. Usagi

_Day 103: Friday, October 29th; Morning  
  
_ “Tock-tock-tock-tock-tock-tock-tock-tock” The pen tapped rapidly against the hardwood table.  
  
“Do...Keitaro? Do you mind?”  
  
“S-sorry…” he mumbled, calming his twitching hand. Sneaking a glance at the wall clock, the narrow, red seconds hand slowly clicked around the face - 10:15 AM. “ _You got plenty of time. His train won’t be here until at least 11:30.”_ Still, all his instincts told him to leave now. “ _Maybe it’ll be ahead of schedule. Maybe he’s already here.”_ Anticipation for today started early. He gave up on getting back to sleep at 5:30 this morning - completely uncharacteristic. Usually he slept until at least 8 or 8:30. His hour-long morning class felt like it went on for three hours.  
  
“Aaaanyway,” Ichiro, continued, removing his glasses and scratching his nose. It stuck out jaggedly - his most prominent feature, hooked and almost avian-like. “It’s a lot of reading, but if we split it between the 3 of us, it shouldn’t be too much of a lift.” He leaned back in his chair, balancing on the back legs. “So, I already finished the write-up of chapters 1-4. We just need to finish the charts and graphs for the rest of that part.”  
  
“I will have that for you, Sunday night,” Keitaro jumped in, with one more tap of his pen on the table for emphasis.  
  
“Any chance you can get it to me by Saturday night? It’s due Monday and I’d like to have some time to integrate it into my work.”  
  
“Uh…” he stuttered, scratching the back of his head. “I mean, I have most of it done now, but just need to finish it up. A friend is in town this weekend and he doesn’t leave until Sunday morning. I’ll get it to you as soon as I can on Sunday.”  
  
Ichiro let out an audible sigh, rubbing his right eye. He shifted his weight forward, returning the chair back to its upright position. “I guess that’s fine. Tsumi, you have your write-ups for chapters 5-6?”  
  
“Yup, I’ll have it to you tomorrow.”  
  
“Perfect. Looks like we’re in a good spot. Anybody have anything else? Questions? Concerns?”  
  
Keitaro shook his head rapidly and reached for his backpack to make a quick escape. “ _Finally…”_ He mapped out in his head the fastest route to the Hashimoto station.  
  
“Keitaro? You have a second, man?” Ichiro inquired, as he stood. He nodded towards the hallway, suggesting they walk-and-talk.  
  
“Y-yeah, sure.” He waved to Tsumi as he left, then followed Ichiro towards the entrance of the library. A smattering of students read at tables or perused the shelves, but it appeared mostly desolate - not entirely surprising for a Friday morning.  
  
“Listen, man,” Ichiro started, as soon as they got outside, away from the silence of the library. “I don’t think you’re the type, but I’ve just had a lot of bad experiences with group projects before.”  
  
Keitaro immediately knew the direction of this conversation and his heart sank. He hated being viewed as lazy, especially from someone he respected like Ichiro. They were both in the same major and had a few classes together. Ichiro proved himself to be one of the most talented in the program, both in his art and writing.  
  
“We gave you the smallest part for this, and I know you said it was just a poor timing issue with your friend in town,” he continued, rubbing his neck. “But please don’t hose me on this. I really don’t want to be up until midnight on Sunday doing your part too.”  
  
“I promise you.” Keitaro looked up and met his black eyes for emphasis. Tall like Hiro, Ichiro towered over him at 180 centimeters, but wasn’t as built. He had much more of a Natsumi/swimmer’s build. “I’m not going to do that to you. As soon as my friend leaves on Sunday, I’m going to give my 100% to this and get it to you as quick as I can.”  
  
Ichiro ran a hand through his short black hair. The spiky front of his hairline sprang back to standing, unphased by being pushed back. “Alright man, I trust you.”  
  
“A-and if you want me to do any more, just let me know. I can edit or do more research if you want,” Keitaro offered. He tried to maintain eye contact, but his eagerness to leave gave him away. Eyes flashing across the quad, he hoped Ichiro would get the hint and wrap things up.  
  
“Cool, cool.” Ichiro patted him on the shoulder. “Go have fun with your friend this weekend.”  
  
“Thanks!” Keitaro gave a quick wave and started booking it south towards the train station.  
  
(*****)  
  
 _Day 103: Friday, October 29th; Afternoon  
  
_ ♫ Do-do-do-duh-do-do-DO-dooooo ♫  
  
For the 14th time since arriving, the bell jingle announcing an arriving train sounded from the speaker above Keitaro’s head.  
  
“ **JR WESTBOUND LOCAL KEIO LINE ARRIVING ON PLATFORM 2! PLEASE STAND BACK AND ALLOW PASSENGERS TO EXIT BEFORE ENTERING.”  
  
** “ _Wrong train..._ ” he mused, dropping his chin into his hands. Taiga was definitely traveling east, not west. He shot him three text messages while he waited, but no response. “ _Might not have reception on the train…”_ Realistically, he got to the station stupid early. Taiga’s train wasn’t scheduled to arrive until 11:35, but he sat waiting on a bench since 10:45.  
  
He tapped his phone to check the time on the lock screen - 11:28. “ _Should be any minute now.”_ Keitaro laced his hands behind his head, yawning. While he wasn’t able to sleep last night, he certainly felt he could in the warm sunlight right now.   
  
Strangely, a pang of anxiety struck him. He looked forward to this day for so long, what if it wasn’t as great as he expected? What if Taiga had a terrible time? What if he got his hopes up for nothing?  
  
Shaking his head, he rubbed both of his eyes with the base of his hands. “ _Everything will be fine, you’re just stressed from lack of sleep and getting called out by Ichiro this morning.”_ He thought he half deserved that and half didn’t. True, he did the least in the group and was basically out of commission this weekend. On the other hand, it was a small project (only worth 10% of their grade) and he communicated early to his group that he had plans this weekend. He tried to do a lot of work during the week, and even gave them some of the graphs early. Plus, Ichiro was such an overachiever, he had 60% of the project done by the time they met this morning anyway.  
  
While lost in his own thoughts, looking at the ground, a heavy, black duffel bag flopped on the bench next to him. It smelled...familiar.  
  
“Hey, dweeb. I’m trying to get to Tama Art. You know how to get there?”  
  
“T-Taiga!” Keitaro exclaimed, jumping from the bench.   
  
In a dark red Toyo Carp baseball jersey under a light black jacket, his boyfriend stood grinning in front of him. Immediately, his eyes fell on his swollen right eye and the dark purple cut on his lower lip. “W-what happened to you? Are you alright?” he asked, smile dissipating.  
  
“Yeah, I’m fine.” Taiga scratched the back of his head, looking down uncertainly. “I got caught up in something at work.”  
  
“Why didn’t you tell me!” Keitaro grabbed his face to take a closer look, smooshing his cheeks. “When did this happen?”  
  
“Soonday.” Taiga attempted with his squished face. He grabbed Keitaro’s hands and slowly lowered them. “I didn’t tell you because I knew you’d freak out about it. I’m fine.”  
  
“You don’t look fine.” He reached up and touched the swollen eye. “Does that hurt?”  
  
“God! Fuck, yes it hurts!” Taiga yelled, cringing backwards in pain. “Just...stop poking me and like hold still so I can hug you or something.”  
  
Keitaro held his arms out wide and stayed perfectly still. “I’m all yours.” As Taiga’s arms wrapped over his shoulders and pulled him in. All the fears and anxieties he had earlier disappeared. It felt so good. He embraced him back, taking a deep sniff of his neck, just enjoying the familiar smell.  
  
“I really fucking missed you, dummy.”  
  
“Yeah, I’m so glad you’re finally here.” Taiga made a small movement like he was going to break away, but Keitaro just gripped him tighter, one hand clutching the back of his jacket and the other running up to the back of his neck. “You hungry? We can go get some lunch with Seto if you want.”  
  
“Yeah,” Taiga sighed, giving in to the long embrace. He loved having the back of his neck scratched. “Yeah, I’d like that.”  
  
(...)  
  
“So the 5th guy, he had a baseball bat.” Taiga interlaced his fingers, putting his hands behind his right ear in demonstration. “When he swung, I snatched the bat out of his hands and broke it over my knee.”  
  
“Taiga…” Keitaro moaned, between sips of miso soup. “Can you be serious for 15 seconds and tell us what really happened?” They sat on benched seats at the Tama Art student cafeteria. Seto was directly across from him and Taiga to his right. The cafeteria buzzed with conversation from other students, fairly crowded during lunch hour. For the last five minutes, Taiga wove an unbelievable tale about how he got his injuries when Seto inquired about them. It involved ninjas at one point.  
  
“I...I…” he struggled, the wind knocked out of his swagger. “There was a fight outside of the karaoke bar where I work. I got involved and sorta got my ass kicked.”   
  
“That’s boring,” Seto laughed, lowering his chopsticks. “I preferred the other story. Now, when you broke the bat, was it wood or aluminum?”  
  
“Great question!” Taiga’s eyes lit up, glad somebody enjoyed his running joke. “It was actually aluminum. The metal shattered over my calf muscle.”  
  
Keitaro rolled his eyes, but also chortled at the ridiculousness of it. He felt Taiga’s hand reach under the table and grab his, running his thumb across the back of his hand. His green eyes sprung open in surprise, looking to see if anyone else noticed. The adjoining tables couldn’t care less, lost in their own discussions and meals. Taiga shot him a sidelong, knowing smirk and continued to rub the back of his hand in slow movements.  
  
“It matches your nose scar pretty well,” Seto pointed out, scraping more rice onto his plate. “I feel like somebody’s been punching you in the face ever since I met you.”  
  
“Probably accurate,” Taiga laughed. “Before it was because I was a jerk though. This time it was totally heroic.”  
  
“I don’t know,” Keitaro muttered. He could only use his unoccupied hand to eat his soup, so he awkwardly hoisted it with his left hand and took a sip directly from the bowl. “I’d find you more heroic if you didn’t let other people punch you in the face.”  
  
“I didn’t get to the part of the story where I dodged the shurikens yet,” Taiga retorted, squeezing his eyes shut in a big grin. “It might change your opinion…”  
  
Keitaro shook his head, but couldn’t help returning his smile. He squeezed his hand under the table.  
  
“Hey, what time is Natsumi getting here?” Seto asked, his mouth half-full of rice. “He’s crashing with us too, right?  
  
“Seto!” Keitaro dropped Taiga’s hand and slapped his forehead. “That was supposed to be a surprise!”  
  
“Oh, whoops!” Seto’s light blue eyes flashed wide. “Surprise!” He made jazz hands, looking in Taiga’s direction.  
  
“I figured it was either him or Hiro from your letter,” the redhead shrugged. “That’s great. I haven’t seen him since summer.”  
  
“He’ll be here tonight,” Keitaro sighed, still a bit bummed that Seto let the cat out of the bag. “And yeah, he’s going to crash with us tonight. We have that air mattress under my bed.”  
  
“If Natsumi sleeps on our air mattress though, where will Taiga sleep?” Seto smirked, before shoveling the last of the rice in his mouth.  
  
“Oh, I’ve been meaning to ask, Seto, is it cool if I sleep with you tonight?” Taiga instantly shot back, grin widening.  
  
“I thought you’d never ask.”  
  
“You’re both hilarious.” Keitaro laughed internally, but kept a serious face to play along. He used two fingers to point at his green eyes and then shot the fingers back at Seto. “We all know where Taiga is sleeping, and it’s not with you.”  
  
“Bummmmmer,” Seto lamented, stretching. “Well gentlemen, I’m off to my afternoon classes. I’ll see you tonight?” He picked up his tray and started moving towards the dishwasher room. Taiga and Keitaro both nodded, waving him off.  
  
“Soooo…now that you’re full…” Keitaro slapped his boyfriend’s stomach, causing him to grunt. “What are you up for? Do you want to see campus?”  
  
“Do you mind if I drop off my bag at your place first? I just don’t want to lug it all over the place.”  
  
(...)  
  
The lock clicked open as the key twisted counter-clockwise. “Don’t get your hopes up too high, it’s not much,” Keitaro cautioned, pressing down on the doorknob and flinging open the door.   
  
He wasn’t lying. The dorm was barely bigger than Taiga’s studio in Hiroshima. Their two beds took up most of the side walls, with a desk and chair at the foot of each. Both of them also had their own small dresser, which leaned against the same wall as the door.   
  
Taiga walked the length of the room and flicked open one of the vertical blinds. From the 3rd floor, he could see well across the grassy quad to the far academic buildings. Students dotted the lawn, reading on blankets. Some seemed to be sleeping. It was a warm day for late October, probably one of the last days they could take advantage of relaxing outside.   
  
“This leads to the bathroom and shower.” Keitaro opened a smaller door on the right wall, next to one of the desks. “We split it with Benji and Haki next door. They have a door that connects to it too. You’ll meet them tonight, they’re coming to the Halloween party. We’re thinking of just keeping the bathroom doors open so people can go between. It’ll give us a little more space.”  
  
Taiga nodded, but didn’t come over to see, still focused on the view outside. “I’m assuming this is yours?” he asked, turning and pointing to the bed with the light green comforter. He slung his duffel back underneath and hopped to sit on it before he could answer.  
  
“Hehe, how did you guess?” For some reason, the simple act of seeing Taiga lean back on his bed turned him on. His months-long sexual dry spell probably contributed, but also, he fantasized all the time about this scenario. To actually see it materialize sent a surge through his pants.  
  
“The green motif obviously.” Taiga ran his hand across the bedspread. “Also, the desk on that side of the room has about 27 gaming electronics on it. Aaaaand, I didn’t think Seto was a big Harry Styles fan.” He flicked at the poster above the bed. Shirtless, Harry’s arms stretched over his head. He wore a pair of white, feminine pants that flared out at the cuffs.  
  
“H-he’s an artist!” Keitaro tried to explain, eyes wide and defensive. “He’s the David Bowie of our generation.”  
  
“Whatever dweeb.” Taiga took off his jacket and hung it on the bedpost at the end of the bed, then collapsed on Keitaro’s pillow. “Ugh...I got up at 4:30 this morning to catch the train. I’m so tired...” Putting his hands behind his head, he looked up at the ceiling fan.  
  
Keitaro gently closed the bathroom door and made his way over to Taiga on the bed. The top two buttons of his crimson baseball jersey were undone, exposing most of his upper chest. “I-I’m really glad you’re here,” he said, tracing the open v of Taiga’s chest with his finger.  
  
Rolling on his side, Taiga grabbed the front of his shirt and pulled him towards the bed. “Get over here.”  
  
Before Keitaro could even get on the bed completely, Taiga’s lips were on his. A hand caressed the back of his head, pulling him closer. Keitaro carefully swung his right leg over Taiga’s torso, straddling him and maintaining the kisses. He could feel the cut and swelling on his lower lip, so he made sure to be extra gentle to not cause any pain. Slowly, he lowered his body weight onto him, their chests and stomachs touching, enjoying the heat and body contact.  
  
“I’ve been waiting to make out with you since I saw you at the station, Taiga snickered, kissing his nose. “You’re so cute.”  
  
“You don’t know how many times I imagined having you in this bed.” Keitaro gave him another soft kiss before rolling onto his side. “I really missed you.”  
  
“Yeah, I think this is the longest we’ve been apart since we met.” Taiga followed his lead, turning on his side to face him. “You know I’m not great with cheesy shit, but I’m just...I’m really happy to be here. This is the happiest I’ve been for a while.”  
  
Keitaro gave him another kiss in response. “Is it cool if we just hang out here for a while? I’m actually pretty tired too.”  
  
“Yeah, here...let me…” Taiga sat up and unbuttoned the rest of his jersey, hanging it on top of his jacket. He unbuttoned his pants, sliding out of those as well. “Really? You’re just going to watch me strip?”  
  
“O-oh, sorry.” Keitaro quickly raised his shirt over his head and threw it on the floor. “I was too busy admiring your koi fish underwear. What happened to your jock?”  
  
Glancing downwards, Taiga examined himself. “That’s...that’s only for like sports.” Lifting the corner of the green comforter, he slid underneath. “Take off your pants and get under here with me. You need to be my little spoon while I nap.”   
  
Keitaro didn’t need a second invitation. Quickly dropping his sweatpants, Keitaro threw them on the floor next to his shirt and crawled under the blankets as well. He turned on his side to face the wall as Taiga’s arms wrapped around him, pulling him into his chest. “Mmmmm,” he sighed, as their bodies touched, taking in Taiga’s warmth. He didn’t lie about going to the gym in Hiroshima. While he wasn’t as jacked as Hiro, he definitely put on more muscle, his pecs feeling more defined as they pushed into his back. Keitaro also noticed a hard dick push against his upper ass, as Taiga bent his knees and slid them underneath him, almost like sitting on a chair.  
  
Tucking his left hand under the pillow, Taiga ran his right hand up and down his bare chest and stomach. “Oh, where’d you get this?” he asked, as his hand knocked against Keitaro’s necklace.  
  
“Oh that?” he yawned. “Dunno, they were giving them out free in the mail or something.”  
  
Taiga snorted the air out of his nose. Gripping one of Keitaro’s nipples between his thumb and index finger, he gave it a quick twist.  
  
“AAAH! Taiga!” Keitaro jerked, struggling against the embrace.  
  
Hugging him tighter, the redhead tried to calm him by running his thumb along his chest. “Shhh…shhh...shh...lay still and go to sleep and I’ll scratch your back.”  
  
Sure enough, when Keitaro relaxed and slowed his breathing, he felt fingernails gently moving across his shoulder blades. With the warmth of the comforter and Taiga’s breath on the back of his neck, he nuzzled his head into the pillow and fell asleep in a matter of minutes.  
  
(******)  
  
 _Day 103: Friday, October 29th; Night  
  
_ ♫ ‘ _Cause it’s a thriller, thriller night!_ ♫  
♫ _Girl, I can thrill you more than any ghost would ever dare try!_ ♫  
  
Halloween music pumped at near max volume from Seto’s laptop. The darkness of the room made face recognition difficult, especially with the costumes. Light only illuminated from the bathroom and moonlight from the window, which was cracked to let in some cool air. Still, it felt warmer than usual, with people packed in the tiny room.  
  
“Oh, I’m first?” Natsumi blinked with surprise. A stethoscope draped around his neck laying on top of his long lab coat. He balanced himself, half sitting on the windowsill. “Tokyo station, obviously.”  
  
“Shibuya,” Seto answered instantly. Despite answering correctly, he took a sip of his beer. Bat wings extended from his back and a pom-pom ball dangled on a spring from the middle of his head. He appeared vaguely bear-like, with whiskers and a furry chest. Not many people got it, but that was on par for Seto and his weird anime tastes. He repeatedly explained he was a moogle. Taiga kept calling him a care-bear.  
  
“Ikebukuro,” Benji nodded, looking over at Keitaro to go next. Benji wore a dress shirt and tie and said he was a salaryman. Probably the lamest costume here.  
  
“Rappongi?” Keitaro tried. He sat on the floor in front of his bed, two empty beer cans already next to him. The drinking games weren’t going well for him so far. He wore his camp buddy uniform and some face paint that looked like blood was dripping from his mouth. Zombie-camper was the original idea, but Seto kept coming up with gruesome camp scenarios of how he ended up with a bloody face. Natsumi spit out his beer when Seto suggested Keitaro was the result of trying to wake up Yoichi before dawn.  
  
“On the Yamanote line?” Benji asked, incredulous. “Rappongi? Seriously? We only named three stations. Drink!”  
  
“I didn’t grow up here!” Keitaro whined, but took another long swig of his beer. “I’m surrounded by capital city elites!”  
  
♫ _Thriller! Thriller night!_ ♫  
♫ _So let me hold you tight and share a killer, thriller!_ ♫  
  
Taiga looked on from a distance, leaning on Seto’s desk. He snickered at seeing Keitaro losing again, thumbing the tab of his soda absently. The boy needed to start winning here soon or this was going to turn into a sloppy night fast. Taiga moved to help him out, but a woman intercepted him, entering their bedroom from the bathroom.  
  
“Oh, hey! I don’t think we met!” she bubbled. “I’m Tori! I live in 312.” Considerably shorter than him, she wore a green wig and a witch’s hat. “Do you need a drink?” She oozed friendliness, but also smelled of wine.  
  
“Oh...uh, hey Tori.” he bumbled, smiling awkwardly at her. “I’m Taiga, and uh...nah I’m good for now.” He tapped his soda can to show her.  
  
“Nice to meet you, Toga!” She came off a touch intoxicated, but most people here were already hammered. It somehow made her even more endearing. “I love your costume! The face paint looks so realistic.”  
  
“Haha, thanks. I spent a lot of time on it,” he smirked, knowing he didn’t put on any face paint. Originally, he planned on something much more elaborate. After getting beat up outside of the karaoke bar though, this was too good to pass up. Plus, he already had the gloves and TKO shorts. All he needed to buy was the hooded boxing robe - red with a white trim. With the black eye and cut lip, the look made itself.  
  
“So where do you live? Are you on this floor? I haven’t seen you around.”  
  
“Oh, I’m actually visiting from Hiroshima.”  
  
“Hiroshima?” her face scrunched in confusion. “You’re a long way from home.” She took another sip of her drink, before a sudden realization dawned on her face. “Wait, what did you say your name was? Taiga? Are you THE Taiga?”  
  
“Um...maybe?” he scratched the back of his head with his boxing glove out of habit. “I mean, I don’t know if there are any other Taigas…”  
  
“Oh...My...God, I can’t believe you’re actually here.” She reached forward putting her hand on his bicep. “I mean he told me you were coming this weekend, but still, I can’t believe I’m actually meeting you. He talks about you all the time.”  
  
“Really?” Taiga shot a side glance over to Keitaro, who again looked disappointed and took another long drink from his beer. “I’m...I’m not that special.”  
  
“Not to Keitaro. He admires the fuuuuuuuuck out of you.” Tori grew more sloppy, slurring the word. Taiga noticed she leaned on him a bit, balancing her weight on his upper arm. “All he ever tells me are little stories about his boyfriend from Hiroshima. He was sooooooo excited to see you this weekend. I’m really glad you made it.”  
  
Taiga felt himself starting to blush and took a sip of his soda to hide his stupid grin. “Th-thanks. He means a lot to me too. I’ve been looking forward to seeing him for a while, he…”  
  
“Don’t you ever hurt him though, Taiga!” Tori was now full on leaning against him and yelling. “He’s...Keitaro...he’s like my best friend. Other than Minnie...she’s like my best, best friend.”  
  
“Ok, nice meeting you, Tori,” he interrupted, seeing this conversation going south fast. Putting both gloves on her shoulders, he gently balanced her upwards and made his way between the beds towards the drinking game. Keitaro had a third empty beer can beside him and was working on his fourth. Jumping on the bed behind him, Taiga draped his legs over Keitaro’s shoulders. He grabbed on like chains on a swing.  
  
“My older brother taught me this one,” Natsumi exclaimed, dark blue eyes wide, trying to direct the group to a new game. “It’s called Pin-Pon-Pan.”  
  
“Everybody knows how to play that,” Benji sighed.  
  
“I...I don’t know how to play, Natsumi.” Keitaro shook his head quickly and longer than necessary. “Never played Pit-Pit-Pong”  
  
“It’s very simple, Keitaro,” Natsumi began. Seto and Benji rolled their eyes, knowing this was going to be a longer lecture than anyone needed. Natsumi loved his details. “We go in a clockwise circle. One person leads and says ‘pin’. The person to their left says ‘pon’. The person to their left says…”  
  
“Is it pan?” Benji interjected sarcastically. “I bet it’s pan.”  
  
“That’s correct!” Natsumi continued, oblivious to the joke. “Whoever says pan then points to somebody in the circle and we start over again. When somebody says something incorrect they drink. Do you get it? Should we practice?”  
  
“I think we got it, man,” Seto nodded. “You want to start, Benji?”  
  
“Sure, Pin!”  
  
“Pon” Natsumi continued.  
  
“Ping” Keitaro shouted, rolling his head.  
  
“Oops, drink, Keitaro,” Natsumi laughed.   
  
Taiga watched him take another long swallow of his beer, his face already developing the Asian glow. Discreetly, he put a hand on Keitaro’s shoulder to get his attention and motioned for the beer can.  
  
“But you won’t play,” Keitaro protested. Still, he handed the redhead his drink. In its place, Taiga handed him his soda. He quietly placed the half empty beer on the windowsill. Luckily, the others were too absorbed in the game to notice.  
  
“Pan!” yelled Seto, immediately pointing to Keitaro.  
  
“Pong!” Keitaro laughed, and drank the soda unprompted.  
  
“Alright, alright,” Taiga interjected, hopping off the bed. “Thanks for inebriating my boyfriend. Great fun everyone.”  
  
Seto and Benji snickered, taking another sip of their beers. Natsumi looked surprised that Keitaro drank so much, despite sitting next to him all night.  
  
“Where are we going, Taiga?” Keitaro asked. Grabbing his hand, he allowed himself to be helped unsteadily to his feet.  
  
“You wanted to show me campus, remember?”  
  
“O-oh yeah! It’s a little late now though. The liba...libabrary might be closed.”  
  
“That’s alright, dweeb,” he encouraged, shepherding Keitaro from the empty beer cans towards the door. “Where’s your jacket? Let’s get you a glass of water and we’ll head out.”  
  
(...)  
  
“I have a class here too! On Tuesdays!” Keitaro exclaimed, pointing to another generic brick building. “We can’t go inside though. Locked!” He jiggled the doorknob to demonstrate.  
  
“Oh that’s great, man,” Taiga laughed, wrapping a glove around the brunette’s shoulder and guiding him back to the sidewalk. The tour of campus consisted of looking at various academic halls and the student bookstore - all of them locked, dark, and long closed. Every building looked the same to Taiga, and if quizzed in the daylight, he’d remember none of it. Keitaro’s drunken enthusiasm was infectious though, eyes lighting up at every pottery studio they passed.  
  
Despite the late hour, students bustled by them, some in costumes on their way to their own Halloween parties. Quite a few stumbled drunkenly, like his boyfriend. Taiga caught one vomiting on the side of a lecture hall that Keitaro excitedly declared housed one of his Wednesday classes.   
  
The warmness of the day hung around, making it a brisk but not entirely cold night. Taiga’s boxing robe was plenty warm, but he wished he threw on a t-shirt underneath it. Occasionally, a gust of wind would sneak in the deep v of the robe, sending a shiver through him and hardening his nipples. He threw the hood over his head and re-tied his sash tightly, trying to direct Keitaro so the wind blew at their back.  
  
At least Keitaro felt warm and snug. They couldn’t find his coat in the dorm, so he just wore Taiga’s light black jacket on top of his scout uniform. He was also warm from chugging three and a half beers, a flush still covering his face. “A-are you...are you having a good time, Taiga?” he asked, swinging his head upwards. “I’m sorry...I’m sorry nothing is open.”  
  
“Dummy, I’m with you,” he smiled. “I’m having a great time.”  
  
Keitaro reached over to hold his hand, but instead ended up gripping his puffy boxer glove. He didn’t seem to notice the difference, closing his eyes and grinning up at him. “I...I don’t know if I told you yet, but I’m...I’m really happy you’re here.”  
  
“Haha, you told me, cutes. I’m...there’s nowhere else I’d rather be right now.” Taiga broke hand contact to take off his gloves and shove them in his robe pocket. Once off, he re-grabbed Keitaro’s hand and wrapped his fingers around it. This was probably the most public gay thing he did since camp, but he figured it was a college campus - an art college at that. “ _Nobody will give a shit.”_ Looking at the bumbling drunks around them, this proved entirely accurate. One woman gave them a knowing smile and a wink, but that was the extent of it.  
  
“Oh...OH! There’s one more place I want to show you!” Keitaro yelled, completely ignoring volume control. “Come on!” Taking off in an unbalanced, zig-zag jog, he pulled Taiga behind him.  
  
(...)  
  
“You can see the...the whole campus from up here!” Keitaro exclaimed, sweeping his arm across the vista. “The lights waaaayyy over there are from downtown.”  
  
Taiga admired the view, but also thought it impressive Keitaro made it up here in his current state. Though the hill wasn’t too far from campus, he felt like they climbed for at least ten minutes. Even he felt winded and couldn’t imagine trying it while drunk. Still, Keitaro navigated it close to perfectly, only stumbling a handful of times.  
  
“I come up here a lot to take pictures and...and...and read.” Keitaro dropped clumsily in the grass, laying on his back. “You can see the stars...ONLY a little though because of the light pollution.” He pointed upwards excitedly, as if the direction of the night sky was a great unknown.  
  
Taiga carefully sat down next to him, hugging his knees against the cold. It definitely felt cooler up here than when they walked around campus. He couldn’t complain though, this was definitely the best stop on Keitaro’s drunken Tama Art tour. Tiny cars moved on the roads below, emitting the smallest of moving light. Looking up, the sky wasn’t crystal clear like at camp, but he made out some star patterns and the almost full moon.  
  
“Oof, careful,” Taiga cautioned, as Keitaro flopped his head into his lap. He straightened his legs to give him more room and began absently running his fingers through his brunette hair. “That moon is huge. Did Jugoya already happen?”  
  
“September…” Keitaro yawned, stretching his arms above his head.  
  
Being outside at night always made Taiga nostalgic for some reason. Despite not having the greatest of childhoods, he reflected on the few happy times he could remember with his mother. “Did your mom ever take you out to sing to the moon rabbit as a kid?”  
  
“Of course,” Keitaro laughed, shutting his eyes and humming. “Usagi, Usagi, Nani mite haneru,” he sang softly.  
  
“Haha, yeah that’s right. My mom used to take me out to look at the moon and we’d sing that song too.” Taiga softly ran his thumb over Keitaro’s eyebrow a few times. “We’d leave out dango for it too, right?”  
  
“Hmmm,” Keitaro nodded, further nuzzling into Taiga’s boxing robe.  
  
“The Americans always say there’s a man in the moon,” Taiga continued, still looking at the night sky. “But did you know Houston asked the Apollo Astronauts about the rabbit? They told them to be on the lookout for a bunny when they got to the moon. It’s on the tapes. Have you ever heard them?”   
  
Keitaro didn’t respond. Looking down, Taiga saw him curled up, head on the sash of his boxer robe and eyes closed. Slow breaths rose and fell from his chest.   
  
“ _Alcohol finally prevails,”_ Taiga softly laughed. “ _You’re so cute when you sleep.”_ He ran his fingers against his hairline for a few more minutes, letting him rest and enjoying the silence. For the first time, in a very long time, he felt completely at ease. No anger over work or tension with his mother. No feeling like a minimum wage loser or worrying about the future. He had his arm around someone who loved him, who slept peacefully in his lap under the night sky. “ _Treasure this. Remember this.”_ He willed his brain to do it. “ _At this one, tiny, tiny moment, you were happy.”  
  
_ He tried to stay in the moment as long as he could, but soon, the cold started getting the better of him. Shivers shook his arms and chattered his teeth. “Come on cutes,” Taiga sighed, slowly helping Keitaro to his feet. “We can’t sleep outside in the cold. Time to get you home.”  
  
(...)  
  
“ _What a shit show…”_ Taiga thought upon entering the dorm room, eyes widening. Keitaro’s arm draped around him, making him support most of his body weight. Fortunately, the brunette’s feet still worked, albeit slowly, so he didn’t need to full-out carry him.  
  
Apparently the drinking games kept going strong since they left. Empty beer cans littered the floor and lined Keitaro’s desk. The music had changed from Halloween favorites to more of a pop/top 40 mix, still blaring from Seto’s laptop.   
  
“CONGA LINE! CONGA LINE!” Benji shrieked, putting his hands on Natsumi’s hips. His salary man tie now tied around his forehead, flapping to the right side.  
  
Natsumi lost his shirt at some point in the evening, moonlight dancing off his long, pale torso. Miraculously, he managed to keep the stethoscope around his neck and now wore a conical party hat. His eyes were closed, head swinging back-and-forth to the music.  
  
Seto appeared the most sober out of the three of them, but that was a low hurdle. Joining in, Seto grabbed onto Benji’s hips as they slowly snaked between the beds, kicking their feet out to the side every few steps. Their rhythm came nowhere close to matching the beat of the music. Regardless, Natsumi’s eyes were focused and lips pressed, taking responsibility for being a good conga line leader.  
  
Taiga eased Keitaro into his desk chair, who sat cooperatively, leaning his heavy head against the side wall for support. His green eyes closed again, snoozing almost instantly.  
  
“Whoa, whoa, whoa. What happened to our murdered camper?” Seto asked, hopping off the conga line.  
  
“He’s about 15 minutes ahead of you guys, I would bet,” Taiga replied, putting a hand on Keitaro’s shoulder. Without Seto, the conga line quickly dissipated. Natsumi collapsed on Keitaro’s bed.  
  
“Alright, alright!” Seto clapped. “Wonderful party, everyone! Thanks so much for coming, but we’re gonna need to wrap it up for the night.” Hopping over to his laptop, he cut the music, to the dismay of some of the party stragglers.   
  
The guests said their farewells to Seto and Benji, several patting the unconscious Keitaro or giving him a kiss on the top of his head. Taiga gave his goodbyes to a bunch of people he never met. Tori gave him a long embrace, and told him she was glad they were best friends. _“_ _B_ _ut not best, best friends. That’s only for Minnie. Such heights I could never hope to achieve,”_ he laughed to himself.  
  
Benji lingered the longest, giving Seto a long kiss on the cheek. He turned to Taiga and gripped his head with both hands, kissing him on the forehead. “Taiga...I just want to tell you...I love you. I do, I love you. You make Keitaro really happy.”  
  
“Th-thanks…” Taiga tried to lower the hands on both sides of his head, but Benji only tightened his grip.  
  
“I’m serious.” He pressed his forehead against Taiga’s, looking deep into his eyes. “In a total bro way though. I’m not into dudes, but if you want to gobble cock...you should gobble as much cock as you want, you...you beautiful, gay turkey. I’m totally supportive.”  
  
Taiga laughed in his face, as Benji gave him another kiss on the cheek. “Thanks man…”  
  
“I love you bro.” With that, he turned to go back to his room through the interconnecting bathroom.  
  
“You didn’t kiss Keitaro!” Seto called.  
  
“I don’t kiss drunk girls!” Benji laughed, and closed the bathroom door behind him.  
  
Shaking his head and smiling, Seto reached into the mini-fridge next to his bed and threw Taiga a bottle of Pocari Sweat. “Make sure he drinks this before he goes to bed. I’ll take care of Natsumi.”  
  
“You’re the best.” Taiga put an arm around Keitaro and gently lifted him to his feet. “You alright buddy? We gotta get ready for bed.”  
  
“Mmmm…?” his green eyes flickered open lazily. “I’m tired…”  
  
“Everyone’s tired, dummy.” He unscrewed the cap of the bottle and handed it to him. “Here, drink this.”  
  
Like a child, Keitaro held the bottle with two hands and slowly tilted it to sip. “I’m not thirsty. Where...where are we going?”  
  
“The bathroom to change.” Taiga shepherded him towards the door to his right. “Come on, right over here.” Keitaro stumbled a bit, but cooperatively followed him into the bathroom.   
  
It really was like taking care of a kid. Taiga helped him get the paint off his eyes and mouth with a wet towel and wash his face. He kept a hand around his waist for balance while he brushed his teeth. Getting all the buttons undone on his scout uniform turned out to be the biggest challenge.  
  
“My hands don’t work GOOD!” Keitaro complained loudly, only able to get three of seven buttons free from his shirt.   
  
“Tch...hold still, I’ll help.” Taiga already untied his robe and hung it on one of the bathroom hooks. This proved to be a mistake. While Taiga attempted to undo the last few buttons, Keitaro became obsessed with trying to touch his nipples or kiss his nose. “What did I say about holding still?!?” Finally, the last button came loose and the uniform hung open, showing the middle of Keitaro’s chest and belly button.  
  
“Taiga, TAIGA!” Keitaro yelled, holding onto the redhead’s shoulder for support. “Sorry I’m not very good at buttons!...but...but I love you.”  
  
“Haha, I love you too dweeb, but shhhh. You can’t be yelling.”  
  
“NO! I don’t care who hears it. I love you. You’re so cute. You’re like...you’re like 3x cuter than Seto.”  
  
“I heard that!” Seto pounded on the door.  
  
“Haha, alright, time for bed, bud.” Taiga took the scout uniform from around his shoulders and hung it next to his boxer robe. Somehow, Keitaro was able to slide out of his pants by just undoing the belt and stood in his underwear, ready for more instruction. “You did great. Take one more swig of this for me,” he directed, handing him the Pocari Sweat again. Keitaro complied eagerly, looking to him for his approval.   
  
Taiga sighed and smiled, closing his eyes. Nobody else looked up to him like that. Nobody actively sought his approval of simple actions. Despite the drunkenness, he couldn’t help but appreciate it. He leaned in and kissed Keitaro, tasting the minty freshness of his breath. “Can you get to your bed? Just take it slow and don’t fall. I’ll be out in a sec.”  
  
Keitaro saluted and swung open the bathroom door, stumbling out of the room. After 30 seconds, Taiga didn’t hear any crashes, so he assumed it was mission accomplished. He squeezed some toothpaste onto his toothbrush and looked up into the mirror while brushing his teeth. “ _You look like shit…”_ he sighed. Slowly fading to lighter shades of purples and yellows, his black eye looked better but was still super obvious. His lower lip had scabbed over and hurt to the touch. It looked grotesque under the bathroom’s neon lights - swollen and purple. Leaning closer, he examined a small pimple that formed on his jaw-line and pulled out some rogue hairs that grew along his sideburns. “ _3x hotter than Seto, my ass.”_   
  
One positive body observation – his gym work paid dividends. His chest definition definitely improved, though wispy red hairs started sprouting in weird places - especially along his sternum and out of his nipples. He had been pulling them out one by one the last few months, but feared more drastic measures, like shaving, might be necessary soon.  
  
Sighing, he spit out the last of his toothpaste and wiped his face with a towel. Sleep overtaking him, he yawned and rubbed his good eye.  
  
Upon returning to the dorm room, he discovered that Keitaro successfully found his bed, at least the very edge of it. Seto failed to remove Natsumi, who laid spread out on his back, occupying about 80% of the available space on the bed.  
  
“What the fuck, Seto?” Taiga mocked. “What happened to taking care of Natsumi?”  
  
“Dude, he’s like 300 centimeters. If you can move him to the air mattress, more power to you.”  
  
Taiga reluctantly accepted that as truth. He struggled to manhandle a drunken Keitaro at times, and they were roughly the same size. Natsumi had over 10 centimeters and maybe 10 kilograms on him and looked out cold. He learned quite a few years ago there was a difference between heavy and sleeping drunk heavy. Sleeping drunks were just dead weight. He might be able to roll Natsumi on his side, but no way he could lift him and put him on the air mattress.   
  
“Taiga, come cuddle.” Keitaro patted the 5 centimeters on the bed between him and the edge.  
  
“Dummy, there’s no way I’m fitting up there. You barely squeezed your way in there.”  
  
“He’s toooooooo big,” Keitaro complained.   
  
“Still plenty of room over here,” Seto laughed, rubbing the open spot next to him. “You still down Taiga?”  
  
“Fuck.” Taiga sighed, scratching his chest absently. There really was no other option – Natsumi had banished him to the air mattress for the night. He eased his way onto the inflatable bed and pulled the heavy comforter over his bare shoulders. The extra warmth felt amazing after spending so much time outside. He debated whether he was strong enough to lift Keitaro from the bed and pull him down here with him, but didn’t want to further disturb his sleep.   
  
A heavy crash sounded to his left, solving the dilemma. “I fell,” Keitaro called loudly. “I’m ok though!”  
  
“Hahaha, come here, cutes,” Taiga commanded, wrapping his arm around him and rolling him onto the air mattress. “You sure you’re alright?”  
  
“Yeah.” Keitaro instinctively shifted onto his side into the little spoon position.   
  
Throwing the comforter over both of them, Taiga intertwined his legs around him. It wasn’t as ideal as their nap this afternoon, but it definitely beat sleeping alone. Wrapping one arm around his chest, Taiga used his other hand to scratch the back of his head and neck.  
  
“Taiga, TAIGA! Do...do you want to have sex?” Again, Keitaro was about six levels above a whisper.  
  
Taiga blinked at the stupidity, letting silence linger for a good 15 seconds. “Right now? On the air mattress? In the middle of your dorm room? Surrounded by two friends?”  
  
“They’re sleeping!”  
  
“Do it! Do it! Do it!” Seto chanted, dissolving into laughter. Natsumi snored lightly.  
  
“I will not hesitate to punch a care-bear!” Taiga threatened, swinging his head in Seto’s direction.  
  
“But...but I’m a moogle.”  
  
“Usagi, Usagi…” Keitaro sang softly, nuzzling his head into the pillow. Taiga knew that nuzzle. It was his telltale sign of being close to sleep. Sure enough, within moments, his singing ceased and his breathing slowed.  
  
Taiga pulled him closer, so his bare chest pressed up against his back. The room finally fell silent other than Natsumi’s snores and Seto tossing in his blankets. He fought falling asleep a little longer, just to enjoy having his arms around Keitaro and taking in the body contact. Just to enjoy not sleeping alone. “ _I only have one more day of this,”_ he thought sadly, tracing his finger along Keitaro’s necklace.


	5. The Queen of Tokyo

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> General Warning - Explicit sex scene towards the end of this chapter. If that's not your bag, feel free to skip that part. You won't miss any plot points, other than that when two gay dudes love each other, sometimes they have sex.
> 
> It's a Camp Buddy fanfiction, so ¯\\_(ツ)_/¯. If you played through the game and feel queasy about a sex scene, I'm befuddled.

_Day 104: Saturday, October 30th; Morning  
  
_ Keitaro’s snores vibrated against Taiga’s upper arm. A warm damp spot was forming on his sleeve from drool, but he made no effort to move him.  
  
The train sped through the suburbs of Tokyo, heading east on the Sagamihara line. Trees whipped past the window. He caught snippets of people going about their daily lives as they barreled past - grocery shopping, working in their yard. He thought about how these people had their own lives, their own hopes and worries. Yet all he’d ever know of them was the fraction of a second he saw out the train window.  
  
“Sorry again about last night, Taiga,” Natsumi apologized, sitting in a backwards facing seat across from him. Taiga was glad he chose it - he always made sure he sat in a forward facing seat, otherwise he got motion sickness. “I didn’t mean to steal Keitaro’s bed.”  
  
“It’s cool man. Everybody was pretty hammered.” Taiga pulled his attention from the window, meeting Natsumi's eyes. “Appreciate you helping us with the trains. Seto said Keitaro’s knowledge of them is pretty sketch.”  
  
“Oh no problem,” Natsumi smiled, closing his eyes. “I need to be downtown for this interview anyway, so I’m happy to have some company on the train ride.” He wore a complete suit and tie, carrying a briefcase. Amazingly, Natsumi bounced back from last night’s heavy drinking with ease. The lanky nerd woke up at 7:30, stepping gingerly around the air-mattress. After showering and dressing, he started looked anxiously towards the door around 8.  
  
Keitaro...that was a completely different story. Taiga struggled, absolutely struggled, to get him up and moving. He fought him every step of the way and took so long in the shower, Taiga feared he fell asleep in there. Natsumi contemplated leaving them, when Keitaro finally emerged, eyes barely open and visibly displeased. It wasn’t entirely surprising, given his penchant for sleeping in and how much he drank the night before. When they finally got on the train, Keitaro plopped in the seat next to Taiga and leaned against him, falling asleep almost instantaneously. Luckily, the train ride downtown took over an hour, so he had plenty of time to nap.  
  
“Who are you interviewing with again?”  
  
“Mizuho, actually.” Natsumi scratched the side of his head nervously. “It’s just an internship, but I’ve been trying to get into finance since graduating, so it’s a great opportunity.”  
  
“Ah...I hope it goes well for you, man.”  
  
Keitaro let out a loud snore, interrupting their conversation, but refused to open his eyes. Instead, he gripped Taiga’s coat sleeve and further pushed his head into his bicep. Both of them looked at him, expecting him to wake. When his soft snores returned, Taiga shook his head and laughed quietly. “Will you come back to camp this summer if you get the job?”  
  
“Great question,” Natsumi sighed, pushing a hand through his bangs. “Honestly, probably not. I doubt I’d be able to get the entire summer off. Might be able to visit on some weekends though.”  
  
“Sucks man. We’ll definitely miss you.” Taiga understood. Natsumi graduated last spring and started his job search months ago. At this stage in his life though, Taiga couldn’t fathom doing the same. He spent countless hours in Hiroshima day-dreaming about spending another summer with Keitaro. Somebody would need to offer him serious, serious bank for him to consider not going back. He fantasized about that sometimes too - like winning the lottery or landing a ¥100 million job and just having Keitaro as a houseboy. In reality, he knew it would be much more likely the other way around, with Keitaro being the breadwinner.  
  
“Yeah, I guess we all need to grow up at some point,” Natsumi lamented, scratching at a smudge on his briefcase.  
  
Taiga returned his gaze out the window, sighing softly. Keitaro smacked his lips, forcing the drool to slowly drip down the length of his sleeve. _“_ _That’s what terrifies me,”_ Taiga muttered to himself.  
  
“What was that?”  
  
“Oh...nothing…”  
  
(*****)  
  
 _Day 104: Saturday, October 30th; Afternoon  
  
_ “Hachiko is a symbol of loyalty and fidelity,” Keitaro explained, petting the bronze, dog statue. “After his owner died, he continued to come to the Shibuya station, waiting for him to come home. He came every day for over nine years.”  
  
“That’s...that’s a loyal dog,” Taiga smiled, putting his hand on the statue too. In truth, he didn’t really like dogs, but it was an adorable statue.  
  
Keitaro rebounded nicely once they finally arrived in downtown Tokyo. After an hour nap, Taiga gently nudged him awake just as the train pulled into the Shinjuku station. They separated from Natsumi there, wishing him luck on his interview, and then headed south to Shibuya. Taiga bought him a coffee and an onigiri from a konbini right outside the station. The caffeine and carbs helped quell his headache, and he finally got back to a semblance of normalcy. “D-do you want to take a picture?”  
  
“Yeah...we haven’t taken many since I got here.”  
  
Keitaro flagged down a motherly looking woman and explained to her how to take a picture on his digital camera. Flinging an arm around Taiga’s waist, he opened his eyes wide and grinned as the Hachiko statue loomed above them.  
  
“Th-thanks so much,” he nodded to her, taking back his camera. Looking at the back preview, he noticed Taiga closed his eyes, but his smile was huge, teeth glistening in the sunlight. His black eye and lip were still noticeable, but Keitaro thought they looked better in the picture - maybe because of the natural lighting or because it was shot at a bit of a distance. Taiga wore just a clean white t-shirt under his black jacket. Keitaro was in a zipped, green Adidas windbreaker and black pants. While not shorts weather, the heat of yesterday hung around, making it a warm fall day for sightseeing.  
  
“Why do you always close your eyes?” Keitaro asked, showing him the preview on the back of the camera.  
  
“Sorry, force of habit.” Taiga scratched the back of his head. “Do you want to take another one?”  
  
“Nah...I think you’re cute. What do you think?”  
  
 _“_ _Not cute…”_ Taiga thought, always his own toughest critic. He didn’t like how his fanged incisors poked out and how his hair looked flatter than usual. The battered face still stuck out. Keitaro looked adorable though - eyes wide, huge smile, and an arm firmly around Taiga. _"H_ _e’s so much more photogenic than me. Shocking turnaround, considering how hungover he looked this morning”  
  
_ “If you want another picture, we need to get back in line.” While they stood aside, a group of school aged girls surrounded the statue, altering their poses for several pictures.  
  
“Nah, this is fine,” Taiga conceded. Despite his self-criticisms, it was a good photo spot. He hadn’t been to Tokyo since probably age 7, so he wanted some touristy pictures. Plus Keitaro looked good. When he looked back on these pictures later, he’d be remembering Keitaro, not admiring himself. “Can you send me these digitally? Or like develop them and mail them to me?”  
  
“Yeah! Definitely! Do you have frames?”  
  
“I have one, but I can buy more. The one I have has that uh...that instant photo you gave me after camp,” he squinted, smiling at the memory.  
  
“In a frame? How does that work?”  
  
“Not very well,” he admitted. “They don’t really sell frames for instant photos.”  
  
“O-oh of course.” Keitaro returned his attention to the back of the camera, flicking through the photos he took yesterday. “There are some good ones here. I’ll mail you a few.”  
  
“You’re the best.”  
  
Leaving the statue, they made their way towards the masses waiting for the light at Shibuya Crossing. Taiga heard of the massive amount of people who crossed this intersection daily, but seeing it in person was shocking. They dodged in and out of hundreds of people as they crossed. Keitaro refused to try to take a picture here, although they saw other tourists attempting to do so in the middle of the intersection. Taiga felt relieved - it was douchey and selfish to pause for a picture while people swarmed around you.  
  
“Sorry for being so out of it, this morning,” Keitaro apologized, once they made it to the other side. “I-I didn’t mean to drink that much last night. Those drinking games just hit me hard.”  
  
“Haha, it’s fine, dummy.” He turned sideways to avoid a gaggle of high school boys who sprinted across the intersection at the last second. “That’s what college is for, right? To learn to handle your alcohol?”  
  
“Yeah, but…” Keitaro ran a hand through his hair. “I just wish it didn’t happen in front of you. How bad was I?”  
  
“How much do you remember?”  
  
“Flashes…” he sighed, shaking his head. “I remember playing drinking games early. I remember walking around campus with you. I remember sleeping with you on the air mattress, but not much else. I didn’t throw up, did I?”  
  
“Nahhhh,” Taiga laughed, glancing at the shops as they went down a side street. “You were a little loud, but held your liquor all night.”  
  
“I-I’m so sorry. I think I was excited that you were here so I drank faster than...”  
  
“Dweeb, you don’t have to apologize to me,” Taiga insisted, cutting him off. “I had a lot of fun last night. Plus you’re not like a mean drunk, you didn’t do anything to me.”  
  
“Still…” Keitaro lamented, dropping his eyes to the pavement. “I promise I’ll be better tonight. You shouldn’t have to babysit me.”  
  
Taiga nodded, but didn’t push the issue any further. He was unfortunately too familiar with getting apologies for over-drinking. Even though Keitaro’s sins were mild by comparison, he always felt it best not to dwell and to try to change the subject. “Did you hear Natsumi’s interview is with Mizuho Financial today?”  
  
“Y-yeah he told me yesterday. I hope he gets it. It’s such a great opportunity.”  
  
“Yeah me too. He said if he gets it though, he probably won’t be back for camp this summer.”  
  
They took a turn down an even smaller side street, getting further and further away from the crowds around the Shibuya station.  
  
“W-well yeah.” Keitaro pursed his lips and bounced his head side-to-side, considering the pros and cons of the decision. “He’ll have a real job with a real schedule and paycheck.”  
  
“Still it’ll be weird without him. He’s been such a staple there for the past three years.”  
  
“Yeah, but he can’t stay at camp forever,” Keitaro shrugged. “Honestly, I’m envious. I put in for a few long-shot internships…”  
  
Out of the corner of his eye, Keitaro saw Taiga’s eyes widen, color draining from his face.  
  
“But, but, there’s like zero chance I’ll get them. They don’t usually take freshmen and I’m by far not the most talented to apply.”  
  
“O-oh ok,” Taiga muttered, kicking some gravel with his shoe. He wanted to say something encouraging, but couldn’t bring himself to do it.  
  
(*****)  
  
 _Day 104: Saturday, October 30th; Night  
  
_ The bright lights and crowds of the Shinjuku station faded as they walked east. To the north, masses of people made their way to the bars and pachinko parlors in the sleazy Kabukicho district. Shinjuku Ni-Chome, Tokyo’s most notorious gay quarter, was slightly less crowded, but no less seedy. Neon lights highlighted bar after bar reaching up to the fourth floor on some structures. Most of them were small drinking establishments catering to niche interests - bears, twinks, foreigners. While larger bars stood on the main drag, alleys and back alleys snaked off, hiding hundreds of other gay watering holes. A gay porn shop stood on every corner, selling videos and sex toys.  
  
“He sort of looks like Natsumi,” Keitaro giggled, tapping one of the models on a DVD case.  
  
Taiga grabbed it from him. _Boarding School Butt Boys Vol 4”_ he read. Sure enough, one of the nude models was a bit taller and had the Natsumi haircut. “Naahhhh, his dick’s too small.”  
  
“Taiga!” Keitaro exclaimed, mortified. Still, he took the movie back from him for a second look. “How can you tell? It’s all blurred.”  
  
“Haaaa, sweet Keitaro,” Taiga laughed. “Since you’ve been away in Tokyo for months, I’ve become VERY familiar with watching blurred dicks.”  
  
Keitaro gave him a light shove as they turned to leave, but didn’t take offense. He’d be lying if he said he himself never watched porn. Almost every guy he knew growing up did. He even caught Seto in the act a few times before, resulting in them having a firm discussion about knocking before entering the dorm room.  
  
Out on the street, they passed a group of chubby bears dressed only in playboy bunny masks and tight black briefs. _“_ _You must be cold as fuck,”_ Taiga thought, eyes widening. Shinjuku Ni-Chome rustled all his jimmies. He knew of a few gay bars in downtown Hiroshima, but never ventured there himself. None certainly existed out in the suburbs where he grew up and lived now. Here, it was so out in the open. Rainbow flags fluttered from balconies. They walked past a lesbian couple openly kissing in front of an izakaya. Public displays of affection were rare in Japan between heterosexuals. Seeing it between two guys or two girls made it doubly jarring.  
  
“Th-this is it.” Keitaro pointed to an establishment on the ground floor. _MAMA SAN’S_ was written in purple neon above the door, next to a picture of a large, angry Japanese woman with far too much makeup. “They said online it’s a chill place with cheap drinks.” Though he was 99% confident, he nervously took out his phone to check he got it right. “I-is this alright?”  
  
“You’re ok with porn shops but the actual bar scares you, dweeb?” Taiga smirked, holding the door open for him. “It’ll be fine. If it sucks, we’ll leave and pick another one.”  
  
Keitaro nodded and entered the warmth of the bar. Compared to the bright streetlights and neon signs outside, the bar was dimly lit, forcing his pupils to dilate. A long wooden bar ran the length of the wall to the left, manned by two or three bartenders. Patrons swarmed it, getting drinks or leaning against it, chatting with their friends. To the right, four stairs led to a slightly lower level with tables and a performance stage. Keitaro heard about this on Mama-San’s website - they had local music or other entertainment depending on the day. Currently, the stage sat dark and the tables below were sparsely populated.  
  
“You want a beer?” Taiga asked, putting a hand on his shoulder. The redhead slid around him and made his way to the throngs of people trying to get a drink from one of the bartenders. “Hold on to me, I’ll get us to the front.”  
  
Keitaro closed the distance between them and grabbed a handful of the back of his jacket. Somehow, Taiga always had a nose to navigate through a crowd. With his black eye and busted lip, people moved out of his way even more than usual. Taiga squeezed his way to the hardwood bar with little difficulty. Turning sideways, he put his arm around Keitaro, guiding him to the bar as well.  
  
Each bottle of liquor behind the bar stood on a small circle of fluorescent light, which brightened every time a bartender lifted one. Over top of the bottles and comprising most of the back wall, a huge mural of the same chubby, angry Japanese woman from outside. Makeup caked her face in an almost clown-like appearance. _“_ _She must be the Mama-San,”_ Taiga pondered, as they waited for a bartender to notice them. Something about the woman in the mural struck him as off, that he couldn’t quite put his finger on. “ _Is it androgyny?”_ He got the same vibe as when he looked at Keitaro’s Harry Styles poster.  
  
“...you want?” a bartender finished, snapping him back to reality. He looked tired and overworked, trying to serve them as quickly as possible to get to the next customer.  
  
“Can I get an Asahi? You want anything?” Keitaro asked, nudging him.  
  
“Nah...I’m alright.”  
  
“You want to do the BOGO deal?” the bartender sighed, likely explaining this for the 400th time tonight. “It’s buy-one, get-one on bottled beers. You can both get a beer for the price of one if you want.”  
  
“He won’t…” Keitaro started to explain, but bit his tongue. It would be stupid to pay for one beer and pass on a free one. “Can you just give me two?”  
  
“Nope, one drink at a time,” the bartender snapped, eyes flicking over to other customers trying to get his attention. “You can both have one or not, just thought I’d offer.”  
  
“It’s alrigh…” Keitaro began, but Taiga cut him off.  
  
“Yeah, I’ll take an Asahi too. Can I also get a Red Bull?” He put a ¥2,000 note on the bar and pushed it towards the man.  
  
As the bartender went to grab the drinks, Keitaro gave Taiga a side glance, eyes contracting. “You’re not really…”  
  
“Of course not, dummy,” he assured him, meeting his eye contact. “They’re both for you, I’ll just hold one for appearances.”  
  
Keitaro let out a relieved breath and smirked at him. He didn’t want to be responsible for that, especially over something as stupid as a dinky gay bar. He’d rather not drink, himself.  
  
“Just drink them slowly,” Taiga counseled, grabbing his change, the Red Bull, and one of the beers. “We got all night, no rush.”  
  
“Y-yeah, I promise,” Keitaro nodded, following Taiga out of the sea of people surrounding the bar.  
  
They made their way down to the lower seating area around the stage. The tables were beginning to fill up, but they snagged one of the last ones in the back right corner.  
  
“S-so what do you think?” Keitaro asked, moving his chair around the table so he could both sit next to Taiga and also see the stage.  
  
“It’s...it’s not much different from any other bar. I mean the clientele is different, but it smells the same, feels the same.” He popped open his Red Bull and took a sip. “Same drunks, same snooty bartender.”  
  
“You thought he was snooty?”  
  
“Reminded me a little bit of myself at the karaoke bar,” Taiga chuckled. “I feel his pain.”  
  
As Keitaro took the first swallow of his beer, the stage lights began flickering, quieting nearby conversations. All attention swung to the curtains, awaiting an announcement or performance.  
  
“Goooooood evening, boys, girls, boy-girls, girl-boys!” came a sweet, feminine voice over the speakers. “How are you tonight? I’m faaaaabulous!” A blonde woman parted the curtains, seductively walking the length of the stage. She looked unbelievably tall. It was largely an optical illusion though - her hair reached high towards the heavens and she wore gargantuan 20 centimeter pink heels. Even with them, she moved with grace, hips swaying with every step.  
  
“I am the Lady of Mama-San, Ms. Eedie Perón,” she purred. “You can call me Ms. Perón, Eedie, or Mama-Perón if you’re nasty.” She swished her red cocktail dress for emphasis, smirking at a table directly in front of her. Eedie’s cleavage was...obscene. Each breast seemed as big as her head, and in the red, low-cut dress, threatened to pop out with each step.  
  
“What...the...fuck,” Taiga said aloud, grin spreading across his face. “Where did they find this woman?”  
  
“Th-that’s no woman…” Keitaro giggled, taking another sip of his beer.  
  
Taiga’s eyes went wide, flashing from Keitaro to Ms. Eedie. Leaning forward, he took a hard look at her and a strange deja-vu washed over him. Her heavy makeup, unrealistic hair, boobs from God, impractical heels...it reminded him of the Mama-San mural over the bar. As if all the parts/stereotypes associated with a woman were amplified to a 12, making it both incredibly feminine but at the same time unbelievable. “You’re...you’re telling me that’s a dude?”  
  
“Shhhh…” Keitaro shushed him. “It doesn’t matter. She’s a beautiful woman. Just enjoy the show.”  
  
“Aren’t you a tall drink of water, honey?” Eedie licked her lips, eye fucking a man at one of the tables. “What are you looking at on your phone? Woof? Honey, Beauty is right up here!” She squished her boobs together, jiggling them towards his face. “Who’s your friend? He’s cute too. What’s your name, sweety?”  
  
“Mi-Mizu,” he stuttered, face flush from either the embarrassment or alcohol. Reluctantly, he let her pull him on stage.  
  
“Charmed, Mi-mizu,” she mocked, looking him up and down. “Faaaabulous! You here with your boyfriend?”  
  
“N...no...no, I’m straight.”  
  
“You’re straight?!?” Her eyes bulged. “Honey are you lost? You realize this isn’t Kabukicho?” Her eyes flicked salaciously to the taller man still at the table. “Did you lie to him? He knows we suck dick here?”  
  
The man on stage hunched over laughing, turning even redder. “He’s gay! He’s gay!” he pointed at the other man at the table. “I’m just..I’m just an ally.”  
  
“It’s ok, sweety!” she consoled him, putting a hand on his shoulder. “You like girls. I’m a lady.” Ms. Eedie licked her finger, and ran it seductively down her breasts. “You’re a bottom, right?”  
  
“What!?!?” he exclaimed, doubled over laughing. “N...no, no!”  
  
“NEXT!” she scoffed, pushing him back towards the table. “Let’s bring your lanky NOT boyfriend up here. What’s your name, sugar?”  
  
“Ichiro.” The taller man accepted her hand and climbed onto the stage.  
  
“Faaabulous! I love your glasses.”  
  
Both Keitaro’s and Taiga’s eyes widened, a different realization dawning on each of them. Keitaro’s epiphany was more obvious. That was Ichiro Kanasaka. The Ichiro he had classes with this week. The Ichiro who pulled him aside yesterday morning to warn him about pulling his weight for their group project.  
  
As his classmate talked with Eedie on stage, Keitaro froze, unsure of how to approach the situation. Should he talk to him here? Introduce him to Taiga? He certainly never told him he had a boyfriend and didn’t know if Ichiro was really out either. _“_ _I mean, he’s on stage at a gay bar. How discreet can he be?”_ he considered.  
  
Keitaro took a big gulp of his Asahi, downing the liquid courage. “I-I think I recognize someone from school, Taiga. You want to say hi?”  
  
“Y-yeah sure,” Taiga agreed, distantly. He stood and took a final drink of his Red Bull, eyes focused on the stage.  
  
“Well thank yooooooouu, Ichiro!” Eedie cooed, guiding him back to his table. She pulled a business card from between her breasts and handed it to him, holding her thumb and pinky to her ear and lips. _“_ _CALL ME!”_ she mouthed, before strutting across the stage again. “We have a great show tonight! Our first performer is Misssssss. Buxom Dix! Grab a drink and settle in, we’ll get started in five minutes!”  
  
“Keitaro?” Ichiro asked, standing from his table. He saw them approaching and looked as confused as Keitaro felt inside. “What are you doing here?”  
  
“I-I could ask you the same,” Keitaro stuttered nervously, scratching the back of his head. “I didn’t know you were...that you…”  
  
“That I played for the team?” Ichiro smiled, adjusting his glasses. He towered over them, probably the same height as Eedie, though he didn’t wear 20 centimeter heels. “Is this your ‘friend’?” He used two fingers on each hand to add quotes to the word.  
  
“Y-yeah, this is Taiga!” Keitaro replied, a big smile forming on his face. “We’ve been together for a year...no...year and a half now.”  
  
“Yeah, hi,” Taiga greeted him absently. His entire attention followed Ms. Eedie as she approached a door to the left of the stage. “Sorry, I’ll be right back.”  
  
“T-taiga!” Keitaro exclaimed, as the redhead broke away. “Sorry about that, Ichiro, I don’t know what he’s doing.”  
  
“It’s..uh...it’s cool.” Ichiro lowered his glasses, squinting his eyes. “Did uh...did he get in a fight or something?”  
  
“O-oh yeah,” Keitaro muttered, a bit embarrassed having to explain it. “He got involved in some fight outside of a karaoke bar he works at.”  
  
“Charming…” he laughed, condescendingly. “Anyway, we’re actually not hanging around for the show. Bar hopping you know? You want to come with us? We’re heading to GOAL next. It’s only a few blocks from here.”  
  
“Uh...m-maybe.” Keitaro looked for his boyfriend but lost track of him in the crowd. “Let me find out what happened with Taiga and I’ll text you.”  
  
“Sounds good, man. You can sit here if you guys are hanging around.”  
  
“Th-thanks!”  
  
“What was your boyfriend’s name again? Taiga?”  
  
“Yeah”  
  
“Got it, hahaha,” Ichiro smirked. “Weird name, sounds like something I’d name my cat.”  
  
(...)  
  
“Scuse me,” Taiga growled through gritted teeth. He pushed his way around a drunken portly fellow who blocked the entire aisle between tables, teetering from foot to foot. She was getting away. He could only barely see the very top of her blonde hair as she drifted towards the door.  
  
“Watch it, ginger!” the chubby drunk called, upset at being jostled.  
  
“Hey, fuck you!” Taiga snapped over his shoulder, losing his cool. He broke into a light jog to make up ground. The milling crowd made it difficult however, forcing him to duck and dodge between people. “Hey, HEY!” Taiga yelled, as Ms. Eedie passed through the door. She either didn’t hear him or didn’t care. The door closed behind her, seconds before Taiga reached it.  
  
Flinging it back open, he glimpsed her walking down a long hallway, but hands were on him immediately.  
  
“What do you think you’re doing?” a muscular bouncer demanded, gripping both sides of his open jacket. “You can’t come back here.”  
  
“I know her!” Taiga tried to explain, squirming against his grip. “If I could just…”  
  
“You can just go back from where you came from. Otherwise, I’m throwing you out on the street!” The bouncer easily shoved him up against the wall, reaching to open the door again.  
  
“N-no! Ms. Eedie! Eedie!” Taiga called, to no avail. The bouncer swung open the door, pushing him out. “Tch! EDUARD! EDUARD!” he screamed. “FUCKING LET ME GO! IT’S ME! EDUARD! I KNOW THAT’S YOU!”  
  
Ms. Eedie finally stopped in her tracks, slowly turning. “T-Taiga?” She ran towards him as best she could in her heels. “It’s ok Marco, he’s a friend.”  
  
Slowly, the grip on Taiga’s jacket loosened and his feet re-planted on the ground. He flattened his jacket’s collar, shooting daggers at the bouncer. “Y-you look really good, Eduard.”  
  
“Ms. Eedie,” she corrected, patting her giant blonde wig. “And I know, I look faaaabulous!” The smile slid from her mouth as she got a better look at him. “What...what happened to your face?”  
  
(...)  
  
A staff member swept the stage while they waited. Behind the bar, bartenders wiped down the counter and half-empty bottles. It grew late. They were the only ones left at Mama San’s other than employees and three other barflys who nursed their last drink.  
  
Keitaro yawned, propping his head up with both hands while leaning on the table. The show ended nearly an hour ago, but Eduard (Eedie?) promised to meet them and catch up as soon as she changed. His phone vibrated in his pocket. Surprising, since nobody usually texted him this late. _“_ _Who the hell…”_ he thought, fishing the phone out of his pants.  
  
 _“_ _U still coming?”_ Ichiro texted. _“_ _We’re still at GOAL.”  
  
_ _“_ _Nah, can’t make it. Sorry.”  
  
_ “So sorry for the wait, boys!” Eedie exclaimed, appearing from behind the curtain and hopping down to their table. The employee who just swept the stage glared and shook his head, but quickly went back to sweeping. “What did you think of the show? Faaaabulous!”  
  
Without her wig and heels, Eedie was the same height as Taiga and Keitaro. Her natural pink locks curled around her forehead and extended half down her back - longer than when they saw her at camp. Makeup from the performance still caked her face, coloring it a bright white and accentuating her eyelashes and eyebrows. She pulled a chair over to their table, sitting on it backwards, hands laced over the chair-back.  
  
“That...that was amazing!” Keitaro gushed, grinning stupidly with his green eyes wide. “Your look is so...so cool! And your dress was so elegant! And you were so funny! And you’re hair…!”  
  
“Higher the hair, closer to God,” she laughed, fluffing her own curls. “What about you Taiga? Did you like the show?”  
  
“I can’t compete with the enthusiasm of this dweeb,” he chuckled, smiling at her. “But yeah, I thought it was really...you. I don’t know how to explain it.” He broke eye contact, trying to find the right words. I’m proud of you though. I...uh...I really liked it.”  
  
“Ooooooh, Taiga,” she cooed. “That means so much to me! I was afraid you might be too masc for something like this.”  
  
“Naaahhhh.” Taiga rubbed the back of his head, struggling to translate his emotions into words. “You know...you know how much I care about you and I’ll always support you. It was great.”  
  
“How did you get that wig to look so real?” Keitaro cut in, machine gunning questions. “Why did your boobs look so big? Do you hide anything else besides business cards between them?”  
  
“Oh, a girl never tells her secrets...”  
  
As Keitaro bounced from question to question, Taiga focused his gaze absently on the Mama-San mural behind the bar. This wasn’t too big of a shock, really. Eduard always acted more...feminine during their time at camp. His interests included fashion and art and sparkles and Instaglam. Honestly, he felt a little ashamed he didn’t see it sooner. _“_ _See...what exactly?”_ he pondered. _“_ _That he likes to dress up as a woman sometimes? You don’t even know what THIS is…”  
  
_ “...you alright?” Keitaro asked, popping his head into his line of vision.  
  
“Y-yeah, sorry. Just tired I guess.” He ran a hand through his red hair, further spiking it backwards. “Do you live in the city then, Eduard? I thought you were further out in the Kanto region?”  
  
“Of course! I have an apartment with my besties near Waseda University! And Eedie if you don’t mind. I don’t go by Eduard anymore.”  
  
Taiga’s eyes widened slightly, finally understanding. “O-oh of course. Eedie, sorry about that.”  
  
“Wait!” Keitaro exclaimed, oblivious. “I thought that was your stage name? Do you pretend to be her all the time? You don’t dress like that regularly, right?”  
  
“No, dummy,” Taiga corrected, flicking his vision to Eedie, encouraging her to weigh in. “I mean yes, she probably only dresses that outlandish here. But he’s...I mean...she’s not Eduard anymore...she’s...she’s…”  
  
“I’m Eedie,” she finished for him, nodding at his attempt to explain.  
  
Keitaro still looked lost, eyes scrunched and mouth open. His cheeks were starting to flush from the 2nd beer, but he spoke and acted mostly sober. He kept his promise, drinking the beers slowly all night to avoid a repeat of Friday night.  
  
“Oh sweet Keitaro,” she sighed, putting a hand on top of his. “How do I explain this to an innocent lamb. I...I’m not as masculine anymore. Maybe not masculine at all. I don’t think I ever was.”  
  
“But...but what about Eduard?” Keitaro asked, confusion palpable. “Is he just gone?”  
  
“He’s still there.” Eedie hesitated, unsure of how to describe it. “Deep down, he’s still there. The same friend you had at camp. I’m just different...and better...and happier…”  
  
“Dweeb, stop asking questions and making her uncomfortable,” Taiga demanded, eyes narrowing and filling with fire. He didn’t care that she went by Eedie now, but thoughts of her being harassed or made fun of flashed through his head. Life played out hard enough without being even more different. Being gay in Japan made one feel like playing life on hard mode. Changing your gender identity was a lunatic difficulty level. “If anyone gives you a hard time, Eedie, just let me know. I’ll fight anyone who treats you differently. I still have your back.”  
  
“Oh, Taiga,” she smiled, leaning back in her chair. “Thank you, but I don’t need you to rescue me.” She reached over and ran a finger gently over his swollen eye. “Besides, you were never very good at fighting…”  
  
(...)  
  
“What. The. Fuck. Did. You. Book. Us?” Taiga enunciated every word, as he took off his shoes in the doorway and tossed his duffel bag next to them. Strangely, the bed sat in the direct center of the room; perfectly circular shaped. The comforter was yellow with leopard print.  
  
“I-It’s a love hotel!” Keitaro exclaimed between giggles. “This is the safari theme. I thought it matched your swimsuit, hehe.” Vines descended from the corners of the room atop the zebra-print walls. A giant inflatable gorilla leaned against the far wall, glaring menacingly at them.  
  
“This...this is something, sweets,” Taiga lamented, eyes widening as he looked about the room.  
  
“I-It’s really affordable too!” Keitaro shot quickly, trying to upsell. “Plus we’re blocks away from the station. You can just hop on the train there tomorrow morning and not have to transfer.”  
  
“I love it.”  
  
“Really?”  
  
“No!” Taiga laughed, throwing himself on the bed. “It’s tacky. Eedie would hate it. And...oh Jesus, there are monkeys painted on the ceiling!”  
  
Keitaro flicked his eyes north and, as described, several monkeys were painted in an anime style, yelling at each other in katakana. “O-oh,” he muttered deflated. “I’m sorry you don’t like it.”  
  
Sitting up in the bed, Taiga grabbed a handful of Keitaro’s shirt and pulled him on top of him. “I’ll settle,” he smirked, kissing his nose. “But you’ll have to make it up to me.”  
  
“Oh yeah?” Keitaro wrapped his hands around him inside his jacket. Taiga’s body heat warmed his hands as he tucked them under his back. “How will that work?”  
  
“Hmmm…” Taiga put his hands on Keitaro’s sides and rolled him on his back so he was on top. “Maybe a little...quid pro quo.” Kneeling between the brunette’s legs, Taiga threw his jacket to the floor and lifted his white t-shirt over his head.  
  
“You’re so hot,” Keitaro breathed, running his hand over Taiga’s bare chest and down his sides. He dug his hands into his pecs, squeezing the new muscles. “Your gym work is really showing.”  
  
“Haha, thanks,” he smiled modestly, leaning back over him and raising the bottom of Keitaro’s shirt. “You’re pretty cute too.” He kissed him gently, breaking away and grinning at him between each one.  
  
“Nah, I-I’m getting fat from college,” Keitaro laughed, kissing him back. “My ab days from camp are numbered, hehehe.” He patted his stomach for emphasis while pulling his shirt over his head.  
  
“You look fine,” Taiga scoffed, moving his mouth to the brunette’s cheek and neck. Keitaro may have lost some of his ab definition, but he was nowhere near chubby. “I’ve waited so long for this, man.”  
  
“M-me too,” Keitaro squirmed as Taiga took one of his nipples in his mouth, swirling his tongue around it gently, but then using his teeth. Jolts of pleasure surged through him, his dick pulsing, already hard. “Hnnn, this’ll be your first unblurred dick in a while?”  
  
“Haaaa,” Taiga smirked, looking up at him. “Yeah, I guess that’s true.” He curled his fingers under Keitaro’s waistband as he kissed his way down his stomach. His crotch radiated heat. Taiga squeezed through the fabric of his black pants, feeling his hardness. “You excited already?”  
  
“I-I’ve been excited since you got on the bed,” Keitaro admitted, putting his hands behind his head. The idea of being serviced or passive excited him, so he let Taiga do all the work for now. He felt the top button of his pants pop open and his zipper lower, as the redhead slid off his pants.  
  
“Really?” Taiga chortled, stroking Keitaro through his underwear. “You wore briefs with little monkeys on them?” They were dark blue with chimps in funny poses - eating bananas or performing cartwheels.  
  
“Hmmm...you gotta dress for the occasion,” he sighed, dick pulsing after each stroke. His hips involuntarily rose and fell, humping Taiga’s hand.  
  
“You’re such a dweeb,” he rolled his eyes. Still, Taiga appreciated the commitment to theme. Slowly, he pulled the monkey underwear down, revealing Keitaro’s throbbing erection. Upon seeing it, he felt his own dick pulse in anticipation. " _It has been a really long time since you got some action,”_ he thought regrettably. Wrapping his fingers just above Keitaro’s balls, he squeezed and pulled on it a few times, varying the amount of pressure. The dick jumped excitedly in his hand, leaking a small amount of pre-cum. Using his thumb, Taiga smeared it across the head of his cock.  
  
“Hnnnn, Taiga…” Keitaro moaned, bucking his hips. Other than masturbating, he hadn’t been touched sexually since the summer, making him extra sensitive. At this rate, he could probably cum from a hand-job alone. Taking a deep breath, he focused on lasting longer, trying to slow things down. He broke his passive attitude, moving his hands from behind his head and putting them around Taiga’s, slowing his strokes.  
  
“Already?” the redhead asked, cocking his head and pausing his movements. He couldn’t resist tightening his grip at the base one last time, feeling Keitaro throb against his hand. “Alright, fine. But it’s your turn then.” Finally releasing his dick, he straightened his back, kneeling on the bed.  
  
The sight of a shirtless Taiga looming over him sent another pulse through Keitaro’s crotch. The bad neon lighting of the room didn’t do much, but he still appreciated how the light and shadows pooled under his pecs and around his abs. He watched him unbutton his jeans, sliding out of them and tossing them to the floor.  
  
“You wore your jock today?” Keitaro remarked, eyes wide in surprise. “I...I thought that was only for sports? Unable to help himself, he curled his fingers around the elastic straps in the front.  
  
“Ha, I thought I might get some exercise today.” Taiga flopped on the bed next to him. “My turn,” he grinned, putting his hands behind his head in imitation.  
  
Keitaro didn’t need to be told twice. Climbing on top of the redhead, he massaged his pecs as he kissed his way down his torso. He kept his hands high, massaging his abs as his head reached the jock. Seeing him already hard, Keitaro ran his tongue along the length over the fabric, taking a deep inhale through his nose.  
  
“Fuuuck,” Taiga groaned, closing his eyes. His breathing slowed as the hands squeezed his sides and stomach. A finger circled his belly-button and danced through his red treasure trail. He fought the urge to run his hands through Keitaro’s brunette hair, keeping them firmly behind his head.  
  
Keitaro didn’t have the patience of Taiga tonight. Lifting the jock’s fabric to the side, he pulled out Taiga’s hard dick, admiring the throbbing veins that ran the length. Unable to control himself, he took the tip in his mouth, swirling his tongue around the head. A small amount of salty pre-cum stuck to his tongue as he took more in his mouth. Taiga grunted, pushing his hips up, encouraging him to swallow more. Gently stroking himself at the same time, Keitaro took his full length in his mouth, the tip brushing the back of his throat. He fought his gag reflex, holding his mouth in place and moving his tongue around the base of his dick.  
  
“Fuck that feels good,” Taiga moaned. “I really missed you man.” His hands moved to Keitaro’s head, unable to maintain his passivity. Running his fingers through the brunette’s hair, he forced his head up and down, thrusting his hips towards the ceiling. “Fuuuuuuck”  
  
Keitaro’s eyes watered as Taiga’s dick pushed against the back of his throat again and again. He tried to breathe through his nose, but even that was a struggle. Despite the discomfort, Taiga’s aggression made him even harder and he had to stop touching himself in fear of cumming too early. He kept sucking as long as he could. Taiga’s groans showed he really enjoyed it. Eventually, he had to put a hand on the bucking hips, pulling off his mouth and coughing. “D-did...was that good, Taiga?”  
  
“Fuck yeah,” he smirked, making contact with his green eyes. “You’re gonna have to do better than that to make up for this room though.”  
  
"T-Taiga...I want...can I sit on it?" Keitaro pleaded. His hand returned to Taiga's dick, still wet from his mouth.  
  
"Yeah, dummy. Hop on," he encouraged, putting his hands behind his head again.  
  
Keitaro gathered his spit as he stuck the dick back in his mouth, enveloping it with his saliva. Using his hand, he spread the liquid the entire length as a rudimentary lube. “Take it slow at first. I haven’t done this since camp with you.”  
  
Taiga nodded, but his dick still surged with anticipation. Slow wasn’t his usual speed. He didn’t beat off for a few days before coming on this trip. His balls ached for release.  
  
Wrapping his thumb and forefinger around the base, Keitaro stuck his tongue out of the corner of his mouth and winced as he slowly lowered himself onto it. A shot of pain radiated as the thick head entered him. With just an inch inside him, he paused, waiting for the pain to fade and his body to adjust. It had been a really long time since he fucked, causing him to be tighter than usual. He put a hand on Taiga’s thigh, calming him. Even though he warned Taiga to go slow, the redhead still instinctively thrust upwards to go deeper. Taking a deep breath, Keitaro relaxed and pushed the pain from his mind. The idea of getting Taiga off made him even hornier. He remained hard, despite the initial discomfort. As his body finally relaxed, Keitaro lowered himself further.  
  
“Fuuuuuck,” Taiga called loudly, as Keitaro’s warmth surrounded and squeezed his length. His dick involuntarily twitched inside of him, begging for movement. “You’re so fucking tight.” Inch-by-inch, he slowly slid inside, Keitaro’s ass muscles squeezing him as he went further.  
  
Finally, Keitaro sat with all his weight on top of his boyfriend. Taiga was completely inside of him. “H-hold on a sec,” he sighed, catching his breath and rolling his eyes towards the ceiling. He couldn’t help but laugh at the monkeys again. Focusing, he squeezed his ass muscles and wiggled around a bit to further loosen himself up. “Alright, I’m ready, but start slow. I’m still getting used to it.” He moved one hand to Taiga’s chest and the other squeezed the set of balls behind him. “Don’t touch my dick, I’m already sort of close to cumming, hehe.”  
  
Taiga complied, moving his hands to Keitaro’s hips. His first few movements were gentle, keeping himself fully inside, just raising him up and down. Sweat began to glisten on his chest under Keitaro’s hand as he thrusted.  
  
“Hnnnnn,” Keitaro moaned. The pain slowly dissipated and it actually started feeling pretty good. He gripped Taiga’s shoulder for balance pushing his ass back against Taiga’s thrusts. “Go harder,” he encouraged, squeezing the dick inside him.  
  
“Fuck yeah,” Taiga grinned, digging his fingers into his hips. “I’m gonna fuck the cum out of you.” His thrusts became more reckless, increasing his pace. Holding Keitaro up, he slid almost all the way out of him, before pushing himself back in. The warmth and friction of being inside of him made his dick pulse every time he pushed himself completely inside.  
  
“T-Taiga…” Keitaro sighed. He grabbed the redhead’s shoulders with both hands and leaned forward to kiss him as Taiga pounded inside him. A bit of pain returned as the pace increased, but it was balanced by a surge of pleasure every time Taiga tapped his prostate. He forced his tongue inside Taiga’s mouth, deeply kissing him as he moaned. His dick was solid and pinned between their bodies, precum oozing between them. With each thrust and the friction of Taiga’s lower stomach, he could feel an unstoppable orgasm building. “Taiga, I’m gonna…”  
  
“Oh yeah?” Taiga broke the kiss and met his eye contact, cocking an eyebrow. He could feel himself growing close as well. Keitaro kept squeezing his dick from inside and his balls ached for release. “I’m gonna fill you up.”  
  
Keitaro closed his eyes and nodded. Squeezing tighter, he bounced against Taiga’s dick with more vigor, determined to get the cum out of him. Judging by the redhead’s rapid breaths, he could tell he was close to his goal. Taiga’s pounding grew wild, growing towards climax. Keitaro finally grabbed his own dick and gave it a few strokes to set himself off. “Taiga, I’m cumming!” he yelled as pleasure pulsed from the base of his dick. His first shot hit Taiga beneath the chin, the second flying over his head onto the floor. Four more blasts erupted, but not with as much distance, pooling and glistening on Taiga’s abs.  
  
The redhead wasn’t far behind. As Keitaro’s orgasm began, his ass contracted rapidly with each surge. Taiga thrust himself as far inside of him as he could, letting his own orgasm loose. Blast after blast went off inside of Keitaro. It felt like a ton of cum - Taiga couldn’t remember ever having such an intense orgasm. Keitaro collapsed on top of him as the last few shudders from his dick slowly subsided. Sweat and cum intermixed between their bodies, sticking them together. “Fuck...fuck that was hot,” Taiga laughed, breathing heavily. “I love you, man.”  
  
“I love you too,” Keitaro smiled, giving him a quick kiss. “Do you like the room now?”  
  
Taiga’s gaze danced around the room from the large inflatable gorilla over his shoulder to the artificial vines in the corner. “Yeah man. It’s perfect.”  
  
(...)  
  
Once showered and changed, Taiga laid on his back on the circular bed, staring up at the monkeys on the ceiling. _“_ _This damn thing probably rotates if you hit a button somewhere,”_ he mused, still abhorring the tackiness of the room. Keitaro’s head was tucked into his left shoulder, already long asleep. He kept sweeping his fingers through the brunette’s bangs, even though his sleeping boyfriend likely couldn’t feel it anymore.  
  
Trying not to disturb him, he used his right hand to slowly pull the comforter higher. The room grew colder as it got later. Perhaps it was a mistake to sleep shirtless, but he really wanted the skin-to-skin contact with Keitaro. Gently snaking his left arm under him, Taiga used his finger to trace kanji figures into his back.  
  
Despite the tiredness he felt behind his eyes, he couldn’t sleep. He would need to be up in three hours to catch the train. After that, it might be a few months before they were together again. Keitaro promised they could definitely meet up during winter break, after he finished his finals. That was two months away. The train would whisk him back to Hiroshima. Back to his mother. Back to the karaoke bar. This was his one high point since leaving camp - the one thing he was excited about. Now it was over - the quickest 48 hours of his life and nothing to look forward to for months. Squeezing his eyes shut, he tried to force himself to sleep. He could feel his heartbeat in his ears.


	6. Outings

_Day 109: Thursday, November 4th; Afternoon,  
  
_ “Sorry...I guess that wasn’t as interesting as I thought.”  
  
Taiga stirred his coffee aggressively, taking little notice of her. Tully’s was always one of his favorite breakfast spots, yet he couldn’t help but be annoyed. He’d been in a sour mood since Sunday, and each subsequent day didn’t improve his outlook much. Tearing open his seventh sugar packet, he added it to his lukewarm brew, mixing it even harder.  
  
“Do you want to meet...I mean, maybe now isn’t a great time for you?” Tomiko tried, face reddening from the awkwardness of their coffee date.  
  
“What?” Taiga snapped, finally looking up at her. He knew he was being rude, but couldn’t find the patience to put up with this right now. “Sorry,” he muttered, not really meaning it. “I’ve just...It’s been a tough week.”  
  
“It’s ok, I get it.” She raised her hands from the table, in a display of innocence. “I know...I know you’re not interested. You’ve made that abundantly clear at church. And that’s okay. I just thought we could be friends or something…”  
  
Taiga let a forceful breath out of his nose and dropped his head. “Can we just be honest with each other?”  
  
“S-sure…?” Her eyebrows raised in fear of where this conversation was heading.  
  
“My mom’s been trying to set me up with you for years now,” he scowled, eyes flashing with anger. “Did she put you up to this? Did she tell you I was really into you but was too shy to ask you out?”  
  
“N-no,” Tomiko stuttered, backpedaling furiously. “Well yes, but no, not in those exact words.”  
  
“I’m sorry to disappoint you,” he shot, ripping open his eighth sugar packet. “But it’s not going to happen. I’m seeing someone.”  
  
“Th-that’s fine! Taiga! Stop being a jerk!” she complained, her nice girl persona slipping. “Did it ever cross your mind that maybe I wasn’t interested in you?”  
  
“In that case, I don’t need your pity.” He tried to pour the sugar into his coffee without breaking eye contact, but missed, sprinkling it all over the table. “Fuck!” he exclaimed, sweeping it into his palm. Now with a handful of sugar, he wasn’t sure what to do with it. He couldn’t put it in his coffee and didn’t want to make a mess for the waitress. Awkwardly, he just sat with it in his fist.  
  
“You’re so dense!” Tomiko exclaimed, her patience running thin. “Are all boys this stupid? All you care about are your stupid Hiroshima Fish Baseball…”  
  
“Toyo Carp,” he corrected, looking down at his red baseball shirt self-consciously.  
  
“And your stupid gym and your stupid hair! ‘Fuck this’ and ‘fuck that’,” she imitated, lowering her voice and pointing with her finger, as he was wont to do on occasion. “Look at me! I’m Taiga Akatora and I have the vocabulary of an angry child and an emotional intelligence to match!”  
  
He looked at her stupidly, eyes wide and blinking rapidly. The Tomiko he knew never yelled. The Tomiko he knew never said ‘fuck’. It started as a small chuckle from his ribs, but soon his body was racked with side clutching laughter. “Bwahahaha!” He closed his eyes with a wide grin.  
  
“Oh now you’re happy?” Tomiko mocked, though her tone softened and a relieved smile spread across her face. “You like it when I insult you?”  
  
Taiga wiped a tear from his eye, recovering from his laughing fit. “N-no. It’s just...I didn’t think you…”  
  
“You think I’m just some boring church girl? You think I’m only here to make your mom happy?”  
  
“Y-yeah,” Taiga confessed, finally getting his laughter under control. He lowered his eyes shamefully.  
  
“You want to be honest with each other? Fine. Let’s put all the cards on the table.” She took a long slurp of her tea, eyes narrowing and lips pursing. Taiga never saw her with such confidence. She always seemed so meek and timid around her family. In fairness, this was the first time they ever hung out without a parent or church chaperon accompanying them. He forgot all about his coffee and handful of sugar, captivated.  
  
“Did your mom approach me and suggest we go on a date? Yes, yes she did,” Tomiko admitted, leaning back in the booth and folding her hands neatly on the table. “Did she say we would make a cute couple? Also yes. Though with your busted face and bro attitude, I’m not sure I agree with her.” She curled her lip in a half smirk, blowing on her hot tea. “HOWEVER, did I come here as a personal favor to her? No. Did I come here expecting you to admit your love to me? No. Did I come here to take pity on you and try to score you some points with your mom? No.” She shook her head with each contradiction. “I also did not come here to be insulted and ignored, Taiga. So either act normal or I’m just going to get up and leave. You can drink your sugar coffee by yourself.”  
  
Taiga felt slapped. He swallowed the lump in his throat and kept quiet for a few seconds, rapidly trying to untangle his thoughts. “So...uh...why _DID_ you come then?”  
  
“I don’t know…” she sighed, exhaling through her nose and dropping her gaze. “It’s easier to shoot down the obvious wrong reasons.”  
  
Sitting in silence, he looked at his shoe and tapped it against the wall softly. He learned everything he knew about women through interacting with his mother. When she was mad at him, he learned keeping his mouth shut was an effective tactic to diffuse the situation. Guessing at her questions or adding his own commentary usually made things worse.  
  
“You remember when we were at church camp that one summer?” Tomiko asked, breaking the long quiet spell. “When Kenji ate Ms. Ipo’s bento box because his mom dropped him off late and he missed breakfast?”  
  
“Vaguely,” Taiga muttered, rolling his eyes toward the ceiling in recollection. “That was like eight years ago.”  
  
“Remember Ms. Ipo had them round us all up in the director’s cabin?” She leaned forward, trying to paint the setting. “And they said nobody was eating lunch until somebody confessed.”  
  
“Yeah, and Kenji started crying because he thought they weren’t going to feed any of us,” he laughed. “Yeah...that was a rough summer.”  
  
“I always meant to ask you - why did you take the blame for it?”  
  
“Tch...I don’t know,” he scoffed, scratching the back of his head. “His crying was really annoying. And the adults already didn’t like me, so it didn’t change much to take the punishment for that too.”  
  
“Ok…” she drawled, uncertainly. “What about the time that Jehovah’s Witness teenager was pushing Nari around at the jamboree?”  
  
“Haaaa, I actually landed a punch in that fight,” Taiga reminisced. “Still got my ass handed to me by the end of it though.”  
  
“That Jehovah’s Witness was 17 and you were like 10,” Tomiko giggled. She took another slow sip of her tea, savoring the memory. “My point is, Taiga, you were always a jerk. But you were always _our_ _jerk_ , if that makes sense? That’s why I came.”  
  
“Because I lied about eating some asshole’s lunch and took a beating ten years ago?” He stuck out his swollen lip and stroked the scar above his nose, leaning forward. “I still get beat up today if that’s attractive to you.”  
  
“That’s not the point and you know it.” She rolled her eyes in annoyance. “Plus, you’re seeing someone, so I’m not allowed to find you attractive, remember?”  
  
Taiga raised his eyebrows in alarm, but didn’t say anything. This conversation trapezed a dangerous path that could involve a lot of questions about his ‘girlfriend’. He racked his brain to come up with something, anything else to talk about. “Have you heard from Kenji…”  
  
“Do I know her?” she interjected, matching his raised eyebrows.  
  
“What?” His throat went dry and his mind raced as he tried to buy time.  
  
“Don’t play dumb with me, Taiga,” Tomiko demanded. “If we’re being completely honest with each other, I always thought you were much more clever than anyone gave you credit for.”  
  
Taiga bit his lip, rapidly trying to build a backstory. “ _You’re fine, just keep it vague and impersonal and you’ll be alright,”_ he told himself. “You don’t know her.”  
  
“Where did you meet?” She leaned over her tea, stirring it loudly with a tiny teaspoon.  
  
“Work.”  
  
“Oh, so she’s local?” Tomiko purred. “Where’d she go to high school?”  
  
“Um...um...Motomachi?” he stuttered, his mind sputtering trying to build lie over lie.  
  
“Oh I have a few friends that went there! What’s her name?”  
  
“Uh….Nari?” He regretted it as soon as it was out of his mouth. “ _Really, you moron? You use the name of the last person you talked about? Abort! Abort! Abort!”  
  
_ “Oh just like from the jamboree! How weird!” Tomiko giggled and leaned back in the booth. “You were always a terrible liar, Taiga.”  
  
He dropped his eyes, embarrassed that he couldn’t talk his way out of it and angry that Tomiko kept outsmarting him. Keeping his mouth shut, his anger simmered, ready to boil over.  
  
“Here’s what I don’t understand.” She wagged an accusing finger at him, a smug look on her face. “Either you don’t have a girlfriend. Which is fine, I don’t care. As I said, I’m not looking for a confession of love from you today and I don’t think you were ever really interested in me anyway. Or…” She closed her eyes and lifted her eyebrows, letting out a deep breath that indicated this was her real hypothesis. “Or, you are seeing a girl, but don’t want to really tell me about her.”  
  
Taiga seethed. His breathing increased and he felt his pulse in his temples. “Can you just let it...” he tried through gritted teeth.  
  
“Is she like 20 years older than you?” Tomiko inquired, leaning forward. She brought both hands to the side of her face in a shocked expression. “Does she have like a husband and you’re the pool boy? Or no, no, give me another guess. She has an unconventional job? Does she work for the circus? A clown?”  
  
“GOD DAMMIT, TOMIKO!” Taiga exploded, flinging open both hands and throwing them over his head in frustration. He forgot about the sugar he was palming earlier, and it snowed down into his hair and all over his shirt. Patrons at nearby tables looked over to him, taking in his new, lightly frosted visage. Embarrassment pushed down his fury, but only a small amount. His heart still pounded in his chest and he narrowed his gaze at her.  
  
“I-I’m so sorry,” Tomiko apologized profusely, wide eyes quivering. “Forget all about it, I didn’t mean to...let me get you a napkin.”  
  
As she flagged down an employee, Taiga noticed the absolute panic in her voice and the tears that she fought to keep down. His anger dissipated instantly, feeling terrible for making a girl upset on a coffee date that _she_ proposed. “ _You’re such an angry asshole,”_ he judged himself. Shaking the sugar out of his hair, he reluctantly raised his eyes to her as soon as she returned. “I...I’m not seeing a girl.”  
  
“I-it’s fine,” she sniffed, handing him a napkin and using another one to dab her eye. “We don’t have to talk about it anymore. I’m sorry I pushed you…”  
  
Taiga let out a deep exhale, slowly closing his eyes. He worked on controlling his breathing, bringing himself back under control. “ _I don’t know why you make this worse than it needs to be,”_ he admitted to himself. “ _Why do you feel the need to constantly lie about it? Honestly it’s exhausting.”_ After a few more deep breaths, he gradually opened his eyes and spoke slowly and clearly. “We’re being completely honest with each other? All the cards on the table?”  
  
“Taiga, you don’t have to…” she continued apologizing. “Please, if it makes you uncomfortable…”  
  
“His name’s Keitaro,” he spit out quickly before he could chicken out. “He goes to school in Tokyo. That’s who I went to go see last weekend. And brutally honest? I’ve been pissed since I got home because I won’t see him again for a few months.”  
  
Taiga braced himself for a negative reaction, but for the first time, Tomiko didn’t have a comeback. She sat silently across from him for what felt like ages, different emotions flashing across her face - confusion, shock, embarrassment. Finally, a chuckle escaped her, almost like a hiccup. She covered her mouth in surprise, but couldn’t stop the flow of her laughter. Her eyes were forced shut by her giant smile, tears again welling at the corners of her eyes. “I-I’m sorry,” she wheezed, when she could grasp breath between laughter. “I’m...I’m...I’m not laughing at you.”  
  
Taiga’s shoulders finally relaxed, slumping back into the booth. He had an inkling that she would take it well, but he felt the same way about his mother, and wow was he wrong about that one. Outside of that experience though, he found that women were usually more accepting, and he was more willing to let his guard down around them. “Yeah my sexuality is a huuuuuge joke,” he smirked. “Take your time, laugh it up.”  
  
“It’s not that!” she exclaimed stifling her laughter. “It’s...it’s...you’re like the ultimate bad-boy of the church, and present yourself as a complete bro. You’re constantly yelling at somebody or swearing. I just can’t...you’re the last person I ever expected to be gay!”  
  
“Yeah, well there it is, cards on the table.” He held out one arm at a time, brushing sugar off his sleeves in annoyance. “Sorry if that ruins our date.”  
  
“Oh Taiga, no,” she assured him, waving her hands in front of herself. “No, this doesn’t ruin anything. I just want you to know that I’m not...you know with the church? I don’t believe that at all. I’m glad you found someone, and if he makes you happy, I’m totally supportive. It’s...it’s really cute actually.”  
  
“Thanks…” Taiga muttered, stirring his coffee absently. He hated when women associated his sexuality with cuteness. They always pictured this stereotypical gay man who would gossip and have movie nights with them. That wasn’t his personality at all. Tomiko would soon learn that despite his confession, he was the same boy she knew from childhood. “ _I may be gay, but I’m still your jerk,”_ he thought to himself. “Just do me a favor and don’t tell my mom I told you.”  
  
“Does she know…?”  
  
“Yeah, I mean I tried to tell her once, but it didn’t go so hot.” He took a small sip of his coffee, but spit it back in the cup. It was basically sugar with a small amount of coffee poured on top at this point. “I don’t want her to know that I finally went out with a girl, but told her I was gay on the first date.”  
  
(*****)  
  
 _Day 109: Thursday, November 4th; Night  
  
_ Sheets of rain swept across the streets of Hiroshima and Taiga loved it. Nobody wanted to brave the elements to sing karaoke, so the bar was desolate except for a few dedicated regulars. Whole hours slid by with no patrons - just rain pounding against the glass door. It was glorious. Taiga didn’t even mind having to mop up after the two or three people who did venture in. “ _Whatever, compared to the usual bullshit, this is awesome,”_ he admitted to himself. The job paid by the hour, so regardless of how much work he did, his paycheck remained the same. Given the choice between dealing with more or less drunks, he’d always take the under.  
  
“You’re more chipper than usual,” Aimi remarked, hoisting herself up to sit on the bar. “Feeling better? You were unbearable Monday night.”  
  
Rolling his eyes, Taiga prepared to argue the point, but decided she was probably right. “I’m just glad it’s slow,” he shrugged. Thunder crashed, drawing his attention outside. Through the foggy glass, the world was gray. Hiroshima hadn’t seen rain like this in months, just a torrential downpour. Even an umbrella didn’t offer much protection from the sideways blowing rain. Luckily, Taiga arrived at work before the storm started. He contemplated how much it would suck riding his bike home through this monsoon when his shift ended. “ _That’s a problem for later,”_ he told himself. “ _Who knows what it’ll be doing in a few hours.”  
  
_ “It gets easier...the whole long distance thing,” Aimi sympathized, drawing his attention back to her. “I was in one for two years once.”  
  
“Really?” Taiga busied himself by washing and wiping down the bar glasses. This was the third time he cleaned them during his shift, but he had real difficulty standing still and doing nothing. He always needed to be moving or accomplishing something. “You never struck me as the relationship type.”  
  
“Oh yeah...his name was Satoshi and he had a motorcycle…” She reminisced, looking up at the ceiling. “We met at a show, but he was visiting from out of town. Lived in the Nara Prefecture. I’d go and see him every couple of weeks or he would come here. I guess it’s a little closer than Tokyo, but same idea.”  
  
“And you did this for two years?” Taiga curled his upper lip and nodded, impressed.  
  
“Yeah, it sucked at first but eventually you get in a groove. Anything can become normal with enough time.”  
  
“Why’d you break up, if you don’t mind me asking? It sounds like you were okay with the distance.”  
  
“We were, haha,” she chortled, hopping off the bar. “Then I found out he was sleeping with two other women and that sorta ended it.”  
  
“WHAT?!?” Shocked, Taiga stopped wiping the glass, staring at her wide eyed. “I’m sorry...that’s…”  
  
“It was fine, I was kind of sleeping with someone else too at the time, so it was mutual.” She flashed him a half smile, walking around the bar towards the door to look outside.  
  
“Aimi...no offense, but you have the worst relationship stories.”  
  
“Yeah, don’t be like me, kiddo. Ooooh look, another customer!”  
  
A small part of Taiga died inside as a soaked, umbrella-less man crashed through the door. He left wet footprint after wet footprint on the clean linoleum and rainwater cascaded off of his hoody, leaving small puddles with every movement. Keeping his hood up, he pawed at his eyes to clear the rain from them, but his frantic arm thrusts just flicked more water across the room.  
  
“I guess I’ll get the mop!” Taiga announced loudly, putting down the clean glass and reaching for the yellow mop bucket.  
  
“I’m sorry! I’m sorry!” the customer pleaded, lowering his hood. His soaked black hair matted against his face sloppily. It was also dripping on the floor. “I left my umbrella in the car and I don’t have much time. I was just hoping to catch you real quick.”  
  
Taiga stopped pushing the mop bucket, studying the man quizzically but not placing him. “ _Maybe he was hoping to talk to Aimi?”_ he asked himself, looking to her for help. The man stared directly at him though.  
  
“Oh. It’s your other boyfriend.” Aimi deadpanned, keeping a straight face. She turned her attention to the customer. “I told you he worked today.”  
  
“Other...what?” Taiga blinked, still lost. The man looked vaguely familiar - probably early 20’s and slightly taller than him - but it was hard to say where he saw him before with his messy hair and soaked, baggy clothes. It definitely wasn’t someone he hung out with regularly.  
  
The man flashed a smile at Aimi and approached the bar. “Y-your eye looks a lot better, man.”  
  
“Um...thanks?” Taiga grimaced with every step he took. Like Pig-Pen, the more he moved, the wetter and dirtier the bar became.  
  
“Oh...uh...sorry, it’s me, Kazan. You...you took a few punches for me like two weeks ago, remember?”  
  
Finally, everything clicked into place. He didn’t feel bad about not figuring it out sooner. Last time he saw him, one of his eyes was rapidly swelling shut. This time Kazan looked like a drowning victim. “Oh yeah, I remember, hey.”  
  
“Sorry I didn’t hang around that night. I was meeting someone and was sorta scared that guy with the crazy eyes would come back, so I just booked it.” He leaned his forearms on the bar, leaving two giant smears across it. “I came back last weekend, but you weren’t here. Aimi said you would be back today.” He flicked a smile back to her. Aimi cocked her head and gave him a small wave.  
  
“Don’t get me wrong. I’m not like stalking you or anything, but I thought I should at least say thanks for standing up for me.” He flicked his hands in an attempt to dry them, launching more water the length of the bar.  
  
“It’s cool man.” Taiga’s eyes narrowed in annoyance as this oaf continued to make a bigger mess, adding to things he needed to clean. Meeting his dark eyes though, his shoulders relaxed and he quelled his anger. Despite his klutziness and soaked appearance, his caring seemed genuine, and Taiga appreciated the effort to make amends. He found him cute too, in a weird way. His two stud earrings gave him a gayer look than Taiga usually appreciated. He had soft eyes and rosy cheeks though, which made him look perpetually embarrassed or concerned - like a lost puppy.  
  
“I...uh I wanted to ask if I could like buy you a drink or something to make up for it.”  
  
“I don’t really uh…”  
  
“You can buy me a drink!” Aimi chimed in, waving from near the door. “I set this up, remember?”  
  
Kazan shot her an appreciative smirk over his shoulder, but quickly spun his attention back to Taiga. Grabbing a pen off the bar, he clicked it on and wrapped a slimy, cold hand around Taiga’s wrist.  
  
The icy grip made him instinctively try to pull his hand away, but Kazan tightened his hold and held it in place. Taiga rolled his eyes and sighed defeated, letting him write whatever he wanted.  
  
“That’s my phone number,” Kazan smiled triumphantly, clicking the pen off and tossing it carelessly on the bar. “Call me and we can hang out sometime? I’m a regular at a gay bar downtown - Hideout, you ever been?”  
  
Taiga shook his head.  
  
“Maybe we can chill there when you’re free? Anyway just text me and we’ll work it out.” Kazan looked down at his watch, eyes flashing open. “Shit, I’m late. Nice meeting you, man! Hit me up!” Adding a new set of soggy footprints as he left, Kazan beamed to Aimi before disappearing back into the downpour.  
  
Taiga peered down at the smudged numbers on the back of his hand. The handwriting looked like a child’s, but he could make it out. Grabbing a cloth from under the bar, he wiped the cold wetness from his wrist where Kazan had grabbed him. The karaoke bar was a disaster. Water pooled across 75% of the linoleum floor. Wet smudges and droplets covered the bar.  
  
Taiga made an effort to close his agape mouth, blinking rapidly. A guy had never approached him in such a straightforward manner before. In five minutes, Kazan, a bull in a china shop, had entered, soaked the entire bar in water, invited him to a gay bar, and gave him his number. Before he could say much of anything, the bull already crashed out into the night, gone as fast as he arrived. Anger at having to clean up after him bubbled underneath, but also confusion over why he would invite him to a gay bar. Eyes narrowing, he glared over at Aimi, who still stood by the door.  
  
“Aimi...did you tell him I was gay?” he growled.  
  
“I told him you were in Tokyo seeing your boyfriend,” she shrugged. “Oh, wipe that look off your face. He is obviously very gay too. I was doing you a favor. What are you going to do? Fight me about it?”  
  
“I just might,” Taiga jokingly threatened, eyes widening and nodding.  
  
“Ha, What was your line before you got your ass kicked?” she toyed. “Fuck around and find out? Yeah, why don’t you fuck around and find out? I’ll hurt you worse than those goons outside did.” With a half smirk, she spread one of Kazan’s puddles with her foot. “How about a little less sass and a little more mopping?”  
  
(...)  
  
“Yes! I told you it went fine!” Taiga wiped his soaked bangs away from his eyes. The rain drenched his shirt, making it adhere grossly to his stomach and chest. A shiver went down his spine from the coldness of it. “It went so well, mom, we agreed to meet up again!” Taking the stairs two at a time, he hurried up to his apartment. He held the phone between his shoulder and ear, while carrying his keys in one hand and the mail and groceries in the other.  
  
“No, mom. No…Of course I didn’t swear at her,” he assured her, rolling his eyes. “I was a perfect gentleman, just like you taught me.” Slipping his key into the lock, he kicked the door open, feeling his way into the dark studio. Balancing on one leg, he used his foot to tap on the light, stumbling inside.  
  
“Aoooooooo?” Yuri meowed, greeting him at the door.  
  
He smiled down at her, throwing the groceries and mail on his tiny kitchen counter and flinging his keys onto the futon. “Yes, mom, of course. I’ll see you on Sunday, same time as always. Hold...hold on a sec…” Lowering the phone, he punched up his thermostat, the heat growling to life. Even more satisfying than the blast of warm air, he peeled off his cold, wet shirt and tossed it towards the clothes hamper. Massaging his pecs, he tried to get his blood circulating.  
  
“Ok, I’m back,” he said, pulling off his wet socks as well. “Alright, yup. I know that. Sure I’ll remember to bring it Sunday.” A shiver went down his back, and he eyed the bathroom where he could take a shower and dry his hair. Water still dripped down his face from his flat bangs. “Yeah I’m glad to be home too,” he lied. “Alright, I need to take a shower. I love you, mom. I’ll see you soon.”  
  
Clicking off the phone, Taiga tossed it to the futon next to his keys and swept a final hand through his dripping bangs, pushing them to the side and out of his eyes. He started walking towards the bathroom, but the mail on the counter caught his eye. In the rush to get out of the rain and back to his apartment, he didn’t look at it closely, but remembered there was a thick manila envelope in with the usual fliers and coupons.  
  
Snatching it from the counter, he immediately recognized the loopy scrawl. He let out a deep exhale, closing his eyes and smiling. The weight of the week melted off his shoulders as he tore the envelope open and slid out the contents - a few pages of a handwritten letter and about ten pictures. “ _He’s the best. Must’ve developed these Sunday to mail them so quick,”_ he told himself. The gesture made Taiga’s whole week, feeling relieved and optimistic for the first time since he got home.  
  
The pictures encapsulated their entire weekend together. Some were touristy - he sent the one they took by Hanchiko, the dog statue in Shibuya. Another had the two of them with terrified faces in Shinjuku, Godzilla looming behind them over the Toho Cinema.  
  
There were also pictures of them around campus. In one, Taiga stood sideways in a boxing formation, hiding his black eye behind a glove. Another had Seto, Benji, Natsumi, him, and Keitaro all in costume and all with their arms around each other. Keitaro’s green eyes were wide and overjoyed, mouth open. “ _Must’ve been before the drinking games,”_ he laughed. Taiga let out a sigh of nostalgia, wishing he was back there.  
  
The last photo surprised him a little. He didn’t remember Keitaro taking it and was even more astounded that he developed and sent it to him. It was personal, intimate, a little sexy, and definitely not one he would put in a frame for display around the apartment. Yet, the more he looked at it, the more he thought it his favorite. Taiga was asleep in Keitaro’s bed, hair flat against the pillow. He was shirtless, laying on his side under the comforter. His bare arm and shoulder showed over the sheets, wrapping around his boyfriend’s torso. Keitaro had a coy smirk and one eye closed in a wink. He was also shirtless, but sitting up a bit to take the picture, so his full chest and stomach were visible above the covers.  
  
“ _What a sneaky dweeb,”_ he muttered to himself, shaking his head. Still, he felt a little surge in his pants at the memory and seeing Keitaro without a shirt. Grabbing the letter, he started reading, but drops from his hair kept falling on it, smudging some of the writing. “ _Shower first, then read it,”_ he promised himself, placing it carefully back on the counter.  
  
(...)  
  
 _Taiga Akatora  
_ _6 Chome-12-9 Nishihara,  
_ _Asaminami Ward, Hiroshima,  
_ _731-0113, Japan  
  
_ _Hey, Dummy :)  
  
_ _Sorry this is a little bigger than my usual letter. I thought it would be easier to just print the photos and mail them to you instead of emailing them and making you develop them. I have other photos, but I think these are the ten best ones. If you want more, just hit me up online and I can show you other options. Hopefully, you can use one of these for your frame instead of that instant photo I gave you.  
  
_ _I know I told you before you left, but I wanted to tell you again how much I appreciated you coming last weekend. It hasn’t been the easiest of transitions getting used to life here at college. I’ve had my own fears and disappointments and I definitely miss last summer. Your letters have been the high point of my week sometimes.  
  
_ _With you by my side last weekend, I noticed that I felt completely comfortable here for the first time. I honestly was a little sad most of Sunday when you left. However, looking through the photos and getting them developed made me feel better. We made some great memories, both here and in Tokyo, and I’m thankful that I took these photos to remember them. The Hanchiko one is framed on my desk. I’m looking at it now as I write this. You’re so cute :)  
  
_ _I promise I’ll figure out a way to see you again as soon as I can. Classes are picking up here though. I have tests next week and then finals are right around the corner. Maybe you can come back to Tokyo afterwards or I can come to see you in Hiroshima, if that’s cool? I know you said your place was small, but it can’t be much worse than my dorm room. I’m not picky (as the love hotel showed, hehehe).  
  
_ _Do you have Christmas or New Years plans? My parents usually like to see me during break, and I know your mom is probably really into Christmas because of the church, but maybe we can work something out? We could get KFC! Hehe, did you ever get a KFC box for Christmas? My mom was really into it one year and pre-ordered us the premium box in like October. It tasted good, but the whole family thought it was a bit too strange for Christmas, so we haven’t done it since.  
  
_ _Anyway, I hope you’re back safe in Hiroshima. Try not to get in any more fights between now and when I see you again. Your face is too cute and I don’t want to see it busted up the next time we’re together :)  
  
_ _I love you,  
  
  
  
_ _Keitaro_


	7. C+

_Day 114:_ _Tuesday_ _, November 9th;_ _Morning  
  
_ “ _The hell…?”_ Keitaro lamented, stomach sinking. _“I mean it’s only 10% of my grade and it could be a lot worse, but we had a solid project.”_ He glanced over at Ichiro and Tsumi sitting in the next row, but they didn’t seem to share in his dismay. _“Maybe Tsumi is happy with a C+, but I’d expect Ichiro to be pissed.”  
  
_ “Next week is exams, as you’re all aware,” the professor continued, interrupting Keitaro’s internal disappointment. “You know my office hours this week. Please, please, please, come see me if you have any questions. I’m shocked every week how few of you ever take advantage of my office hours. It can be the difference between passing and failing for some of you.” His eyes danced from bored student to bored student. He let out a sigh and gave up. “Alright. See you on Thursday for the review.”  
  
Slinging his backpack over his shoulder, Keitaro swallowed his pride and approached his professor as the rest of the class filed out. “Professor Nagatore? D-do you have a minute?”  
  
“Yeah, Keitaro. What’s going on?”  
  
“I...uh...I don’t mean to complain or sound ungrateful,” Keitaro started, running a hand through the hair on the back of his head. “B-but, I thought we had a pretty good group project, and I was wondering if you could give me some...uh...some feedback on how I can do better the next time?”  
  
“Oh, sure. I mean it was one of the best group projects submitted, I can’t fault you there,” he admitted, packing up his briefcase. “You were just marked down by the group evaluations. I think someone said you contributed the least.”  
  
“O-oh,” Keitaro stuttered, humiliated. His face reddened, feeling punched in the stomach. “I’m sorry to hear that. I’ll try to do better the next time.”  
  
“Listen, Keitaro. I know group projects aren’t always fair,” his professor sympathized, locking his briefcase and smiling at him. “That’s why I only make that part 10% of your grade. You’re a smart kid and you’ll do great on the exam. Just keep up the good work with the take-home assignments and do well on next week’s exam and the final and you can easily end up with an A.”  
  
“Th-thanks, Professor Nagatore.” Still flush in the face, his instincts told him to flee immediately to avoid any more embarrassment. “I’ll study hard this week and make sure I do better next time.” He slowly walked backwards, bumping into a desk as he made his way towards the door.  
  
“I believe in you, Keitaro. Don’t sweat it!”  
  
Smiling awkwardly and waving, Keitaro turned and hustled out of the classroom. _“Aaaaaaagh, so humiliating you doofus!”_ he chided himself, clenching his eyes shut. _“You should’ve never asked in the first place. Now he thinks you’re lazy and can’t work collectively! Ugh…”  
  
_ “Dude, we rocked it!” Tsumi grinned, offering him a high-five in the hallway. “A’s all around!”  
  
“Th-thanks,” Keitaro murmured, reluctantly giving him a weak high-five. “H-hey you don’t think I brought the group down, do you?”  
  
“Uh...no? I thought your graphs were pretty dope.” Tsumi scrunched his eyebrows, trying to puzzle out Keitaro’s question. “I gave everyone in the group 5’s, if that’s what you’re asking?”  
  
“Thanks, Tsumi. It was great working with you too,” he smiled, trying to suppress his disappointment. “I gotta run. See you Thursday?”   
  
Tsumi nodded, giving him a fist bump before disappearing down the hallway. _“God he’s even more of a bro than Taiga,”_ he snickered. _“Well that narrows down who gave me a bad eval.”_ Looking down both directions of the hallway, Keitaro just caught the back of Ichiro’s stupid head rounding the corner. He debated letting him go, but his pride got the better of him. _“I did every stupid thing he asked,”_ he fumed, jogging after him. _“I even got him the work Sunday afternoon so he had plenty of time to integrate it_.”  
  
Rounding the corner, Keitaro smirked at finding that he almost caught up to him. “Ichiro!” he called, following him outside. His lanky classmate pretended not to hear him, taking the concrete steps two at a time. Anger still bubbling, Keitaro jumped the entire flight of stairs, landing directly behind him. “Ichiro! You got a second?”  
  
Ichiro let out a long, defeated sigh, knowing he was cornered. “Yeah man, what’s going on?”  
  
“I...hoo...I...uh...hold on…” Keitaro bent over, gasping for breath and trying to gather his thoughts. “You...uh...did you think...did I let you down in this project? Because...because I tried to get it to you as early as I could.”  
  
“Listen...Keitaro,” Ichiro began, taking off his glasses. He shuffled awkwardly from one foot to the other, trying to pick the right words. “I didn’t mean anything personal. I like you, I really do. It’s just...ugh...from the onset of the project you immediately let us know how unavailable you were and how you didn’t have much time for it.”  
  
“I...I just wanted to let you guys know my other commitments. I was hoping since I let you know early that I could…”  
  
“Do less work?” Ichiro finished for him, with a half smile. “Hey, I don’t want to have a huge argument with you. It was only worth 10% of your grade and it’s not like you failed it. Just...just try to be a little more flexible next time so we can split the work equitably.”  
  
“I...I only did less because you already did like four chapters before we even met,” Keitaro tried to explain, but he was losing steam fast. It sounded like whining in his head. True, he did do the least work and immediately told the group that he was out for the weekend. _“Maybe I did deserve it…”  
  
_ “I know man, I’m sorry,” Ichiro apologized, dropping his gaze and absently kicking his foot. “Looking back, I think I was overly harsh and if I could do it over again, I would’ve given you a better eval. Let me try to make it up to you.”  
  
“Um...you don’t really need to…” Keitaro bumbled, scratching the back of his neck. His anger still simmered at getting a C+, but now he felt madder at himself than he did at Ichiro. “I’m sorry for letting you guys down.”  
  
“Nah, not at all. Text me tonight. I’m grabbing drinks with some people I want you to meet.”  
  
“Really…? Okay, yeah that sounds actually pretty cool.” He paused for a second remembering his other commitment. “Oh actually, I’m heading downtown this afternoon. A friend of mine...his mom’s in the hospital, so I promised I’d visit.”  
  
“Oh, I’m sorry to hear that,” Ichiro said solemnly, putting his glasses back on. “We’re gonna be out late anyway. Just text me when you get back and I’ll let you know if we’re still hanging around.”  
  
(*****)  
  
 _Day 114:_ _Tuesday_ _, November 9th;_ _Afternoon  
  
_ Keitaro’s mood plummeted as soon as he entered – the blasé, simple decor, the smell of disinfectant, and especially the underlying sense of nearby disease and death. Luckily, he only visited the hospital on a handful of occasions, and usually it was to see others. Only once was he a patient himself – a broken finger during a youth soccer game. He was 12 and probably in and out in 2 or 3 hours.  
  
Since Hiro’s mom became sick though, Keitaro found himself visiting the hospital every few months. Hiro sounded optimistic about her early in the semester, but his calls sent mixed signals recently. Conversations changed from Hina Akiba coming in for checkups to her being hospitalized since last week. Hiro had been staying at a hostel in the city the last few days and begged, absolutely begged Keitaro to come visit both of them.  
  
Fearing her condition took a turn for the worse, he skipped his afternoon classes and hopped on the train. _“They’re just reviewing for exams and I’m doing pretty well in those classes so far,”_ he told himself. Faking illness, he emailed his professors this afternoon and told them he wouldn’t be making it today.  
  
“Hina Akiba?” he asked at reception.   
  
“3rd floor. Oncology ward. Take the stairs behind me and follow the hallway as far as you can. She’s in room 334, on your left.”  
  
“Th-thanks,” Keitaro nodded, muttering the directions to himself to get them to stick. Still, with his memory, he knew he’d be asking again when he got to the 3rd floor. As he started up the stairs, images of a thin, sick Hina flashed into his head. Hiro would be sitting in the adjacent, hard guest chair looking absolutely gutted. Shaking his head, Keitaro’s chest tightened, upsetting his stomach. _“She’s fine,”_ he assured himself. _“She looked fine last time you saw her. People don’t change that quickly.”  
  
_ As predicted, he needed to ask for directions again once he arrived in oncology, but found the room quickly after. He paused outside, closing his eyes and taking a deep breath. _“She’ll be fine,”_ he told himself again. _“Big smile, be upbeat for Hiro.”_ He forced a wide grin as he knocked.  
  
“Come in.”  
  
As he entered, Keitaro let out a deep exhale, relieved to find Hina on her feet, looking out the window. He had imagined a bedridden woman going in and out of consciousness; multiple wires and machines attached to her that beeped at regular intervals. Instead, Hina meandered around the small room, only holding an IV drip. She looked skinnier and more fragile, reminding Keitaro of when she underwent aggressive treatments a few years ago. _“I wonder if she’s back on chemo?”_ he asked himself, smile slipping.   
  
“H-hey Mrs. Akiba! It’s me, Keitaro. H-how are you doing?” He scratched his ear nervously, looking around the room. He didn’t see Hiro.   
  
“Keitaro!” Hina exclaimed, turning from the window with a big smile. “Oh come in sweetheart. I’m so happy to see you!” She moved slowly across the room, dragging the IV drip with her. While Hina didn’t look as bad as Keitaro’s original nightmares, she definitely seemed sicker than when he saw her back in late summer. Small things concerned him – a more measured walk, tired eyes, the IV, obviously. As she hugged him, he noticed her sharp shoulder blades and general lightness. He feared he might break her if he squeezed too hard. “Hiro’s been telling me all day that you were coming to visit.”  
  
“Y-yeah! I definitely wanted to come see you,” he half-lied. It wasn’t that he didn’t want to visit her, but no part of him looked forward to seeing her in the hospital today. “I’m sorry I couldn’t make it sooner. School’s just been busy.”  
  
“Oh don’t worry about it, sweetie,” Hina assured him, waving off his apology. “Hiro talks about you at Tama all the time. I appreciate you coming today, but education should always come first. I’ve been trying to get Hiro to go back to school, but you know how stubborn he can be…” Frowning, a mix of sadness and remorse ran across her face as she looked to the floor.  
  
“H-he’ll go back soon,” Keitaro tried to convince her. “I’ve talked to him about it too and he seems excited to go.”  
  
Hina faked a smile and nodded. “Hiro’s getting lunch down in the cafeteria, you should go join him. He’s been looking forward to seeing you all day.”  
  
“Oh, but I don’t want to leave you…”  
  
“They’re going to bring my own lunch soon, honey. Then I should probably take a nap. Just promise me you’ll come say goodbye before you go back to campus.”  
  
“Y-yeah of course!” Keitaro agreed, flashing her a big grin. “We’ll come see you after lunch then.”  
  
“Keitaro?” Hina stopped him as he turned to go. “Don’t tell Hiro I told you this but…” she paused, letting out a sigh and deliberating how best to explain. “This has been hard on Hiro and I...I haven’t seen him happy very often the last few months. You coming today...I don’t know...it’s like he’s excited about something for the first time in a long time. I know you’ve been friends since you were boys, but it might mean a little more to Hiro than you realize. You really mean the world to him.”  
  
Keitaro froze halfway to the door, his face turning flush. Subliminally, he knew what she was getting at. To be told so directly though caused a strange combination of embarrassment, awkwardness, and pride. “I-I think I know what you mean. Hiro means a lot to me too.”  
  
“I don’t want to make you uncomfortable,” Hina finished, sitting carefully on her bed. “But just promise me you’ll be there for him. You’ve always been such a rock for him and he’s going to need that, especially now.  
  
“I-I promise,” he stuttered, meeting her eyes for emphasis. “I promise, Mrs. Akiba. I’ll never let him down.”  
  
(...)  
  
“What do you mean you’re out?” Hiro argued with the cashier. “It was here yesterday!” He brandished a hand towards the pizza station, eyes wide with disbelief. “How is it two in the afternoon and you’re out of pizza? It’s literally crust, marinara, and cheese. Do you not have the supplies? I could go back there and make it myself!”  
  
Keitaro looked on horrified. Peak lunchtime had passed probably an hour or two ago, so only a few patrons occupied the numerous tables. While this allowed for less onlookers, it also made Hiro’s loud outburst incredibly noticeable. Keitaro could pick out every word and felt bad for the cashier, who bumbled apologies.   
  
Fortunately, Hiro gave up his verbal assault and simply shook his head, clenching his eyes shut in aggravation. Combative, he slammed a yen bill on the tray to pay. As he went to find a table, Hiro’s chest heaved with rapid breaths and his left eye twitched. Keitaro expected him to slam his tray down or do something else dramatic. Instead, he dropped his head sadly and rubbed his eye. “I...Itadakimasu,” Hiro chanted softly, clasping his hands in front of his chest.  
  
Keitaro froze in the doorway, unsure of how to approach him. He debated leaving and going back to the hallway for a few minutes. Then he could return and pretend he saw none of that. Fears of Hiro seeing him turn his back and leave held him in place though. _“Just man up and sit next to him,”_ he told himself. _“The longer you stand here with a stupid look on your face, the more awkward this could get.”_ Forcing a smile, Keitaro got his feet moving and swung his head back and forth from table to table, as if he had no idea where Hiro sat.  
  
It worked like a charm. “Keitaro! Yo! Keitaro!” Hiro called, before he managed five steps into the cafeteria. “Oh man, I’m so glad you’re here!” He sprung up from the table with a huge grin, giving his eyes one more rub. Though he tried to hide it, they were red and swollen.  
  
“Oh hey man!” Keitaro greeted him, eyes wide in fake surprise at finally finding him. “Your mom told me you’d be down here. You mind if we get lunch togeth…” Before he could finish, Hiro embraced him, strong arms crushing his shoulders. He struggled to hug him back, arms pinned at his sides. All he could manage to do was tap his back lightly.  
  
“I missed you so much,” Hiro sniffed, tightening the hug and resting his chin on the top of Keitaro’s head.  
  
Keitaro felt like he might explode. “Me too,” he squeaked, trying to draw air into his lungs. Taking in Hiro’s scent, he just smelled soap and a light musk of sweat – not a whiff of alcohol. _“At least he’s sober,”_ he noted to himself.   
  
“Sorry, sorry!” Hiro chuckled, as Keitaro squirmed in his grip. He finally loosened his arms but still kept his hands on Keitaro’s shoulders. “Man, it’s just so good to see you. It’s been like a month, huh?”  
  
“Y-yeah,” he admitted. “Sorry, I’ve been busy with school.” As soon as he said it, he realized how repetitive that excuse rang. Not that it was a lie, but he just felt he used it as a backstop for whenever he let a friend down. He used it with Hina. He used it with Hiro. He used it in his letters to Taiga…  
  
“Yeah I get it,” Hiro brushed it off. “Go grab something to eat. I’d love to have lunch with you.”  
  
Nodding, Keitaro draped his backpack on the back of a chair and went to peruse the variety of lunch options. As Hiro made obvious earlier, the pizza station looked dark and vacant. Pickings were slim as the hospital transitioned from lunch to dinner. Honestly, after seeing Hina on an IV upstairs and Hiro upset here, he didn’t have much of an appetite. He grabbed a small egg salad sandwich, a fun sized bag of chips, and a bottle of water.  
  
Upon returning to the table, he noticed Hiro got himself more under control. If he didn’t see the outburst earlier, he could excuse his puffy eyes on allergies. His breathing seemed normal and he kept an upbeat smile as he ate. Keitaro knew him too well though – _“He’s faking it so things aren’t weird and awkward.”_ Hiro could never hide his emotions well, even worse than Keitaro. His true feelings always bubbled just below his outward appearance.  
  
“Sorry, I should’ve texted you and let you know I was down here,” Hiro explained as Keitaro sat across from him. “Mom usually takes a nap in the afternoon, so I try to take a late lunch. It gets pretty boring watching her sleep.”  
  
“Yeah, she mentioned she was going to sleep soon so I should come down here with you. You...you look really good Hiro,” he half lied. Physically, the gym continued to pay dividends for Hiro. He wore a tanooki Mario t-shirt on top of a long sleeve black shirt, both of which fit snugly over his pecs and arms. _“I wonder if he wears a size too small for effect,”_ Keitaro pondered. _“Though I could shop at Baby Gap and still not look that big.”_ He squeezed his own arm self-consciously, cognizant of his squishy, less defined biceps.  
  
Emotionally, however, Hiro looked like shit. Though he got his puffy eyes under control from earlier, a dark halo encircled each, sunken into his skull from a lack of sleep. His smile seemed forced most of the time and lines creased his forehead. _“He looks five years older,”_ Keitaro thought depressingly. Most surprising, his usual spiky hair laid flat against his scalp. His orange highlights grew out further than he normally allowed, showing more of his naturally brown hair.  
  
“Aww, thanks Keitaro,” Hiro smirked, running a hand through his bangs. “Honestly, I haven’t been able to go to the gym much since getting here. I’m...I’m losing my gains, haha.” He flexed his arms jokingly, puffing out his chest. “I’ll get back into it when she’s discharged.”  
  
Keitaro didn’t pick up on much of a drop-off in his physique since seeing him in early October, but he definitely noticed how exhausted he looked. “A-any word on when that will be?”  
  
“Hopefully next week…” He stirred his rice absently, breaking eye contact and looking down. “They’ll...they’ll know more when they do the tests on Friday. It depends on how she reacts to the treatment.”  
  
“I...I hope it goes well,” Keitaro tried, lamely. He struggled to find the right thing to say, attempting to balance empathy with not upsetting Hiro any further. Nobody in his family ever became sick enough to require hospitalization, so he couldn’t imagine how he felt. He knew the vague, cliché condolences that Hiro probably heard a million times already. A silence fell between them as Keitaro racked his brain to say something meaningful.  
  
“Th-thanks,” Hiro finally muttered, exhaling deeply. “I didn’t want to tell you before and worry you, but um...it’s back and it...uh...it spread.” His voice cracked as he tried to explain, keeping his eyes down on the floor. “She’s...she’s gonna keep fighting though. People have beat it before…”  
  
“Hiro, I’m so...I’m so sorry,” Keitaro apologized immediately, eyes growing wide. “I had no idea it was…”  
  
“We don’t...we don’t need to talk about it,” Hiro cut him off, wiping his eyes with his sleeve, calm demeanor slipping. “It’s just gonna make me upset again, and I’ve done enough crying this week.” Raising his eyes, Keitaro saw the fear and sadness as they trembled, looking on the verge of tears. Hiro forced a smile to try to hide it. “Let’s talk about...tell me about college. When are we going to hang out again? I want to see campus sometime and Seto and your dorm.”  
  
“Oh, whenever you’re free!” he rushed, agreeing desperately to anything Hiro wanted to do. “We...we have that air-mattress, so you could even crash with us if you want. Seto loves you and asks all the time about when you’re going to visit!” Keitaro realized he was rambling, but didn’t care. His mind raced to get as far away from the topic of Hina’s sickness as possible and to cheer him up. “Just...just let me know what weekend you’re free and we’ll make it happen.”  
  
“That’s my Keitaro,” Hiro smiled, this time making it look more believable. “I’m really glad you’re here. I haven’t had many bright moments these past few weeks, but this is definitely one of them.”  
  
“Y...yeah it’s good to see you too, man.”  
  
“I...uh...I saw the pictures from Halloween that Seto posted on Instaglam,” Hiro muttered hesitantly, rolling his eyes slightly. “It looked like a lot of fun.”  
  
Keitaro felt his face go flush, lightly starting to sweat. He diverted his eyes to the side, picking his words carefully. “Uh...yeah. We had a good time. Just a college party…”  
  
“Glad Taiga could make it,” Hiro challenged, arching an eyebrow. “I know you probably missed him.”  
  
“Come on, Hiro,” Keitaro sighed, exasperated. “It’s not a competition. We hung out for your birthday last month. I haven’t seen Taiga since summer. He finally got a weekend off.”  
  
“I just would’ve appreciated an invite, is all…” he trailed off, looking up at the ceiling.   
  
While Keitaro felt relieved that they moved on from Hina’s sickness, this path of conversation was barely an improvement. Hiro seemed more pissed than sad now, which strangely made Keitaro more comfortable. He would rather be yelled at than deal with crying. “I didn’t think you would come since you weren’t in Tokyo. If you were in town, I would’ve invited you. You know that.”  
  
“Yeah…” Hiro admitted. “I probably wouldn’t have come. It’s just...we grab drinks together one night. Which is fine, I had a great time. But then he comes to town and you drop everything and throw a huge party with all your friends…” He slumped his shoulders, resting his forearms on the table and dropping his head. “Just wish I could’ve been there too. It looked like a lot of fun. I feel like I’m missing out on so much. I’ve spent this year as a ghost...”  
  
“Hiro…” Keitaro sympathized. The guilt trip succeeded. His chest constricted in a knot, laboring his breathing.  
  
“I wouldn’t have been a jerk to Taiga either,” Hiro interjected. “I know he makes you happy now, and...and that’s more important to me than whatever I think of him.”  
  
“I promise you, the next party we throw, you’ll be the first person I invite.” Keitaro leaned forward over the table, trying to make eye contact to show him the seriousness in his eyes. “I didn’t exclude you because of Taiga. I just assumed you lived too far and wouldn’t come. That’s it. It’s my fault.” He let out a deep exhale, closing his eyes in remorse. “You’re right, I should’ve thought of you. You’re still my best friend and I haven’t treated you like it.”  
  
“It’s...it’s alright,” Hiro croaked, sounding on the precipice of tears again. “I...I appreciate that. I’m sorry too. I know you didn’t mean anything by it. I just seem to get upset by everything nowadays.” He sniffed and forced a chuckle. “Soon I’ll be dropping ‘fuck’ every other word and yelling at people like Taiga. Maybe you’ll find me more attractive…”  
  
“What? I…”  
  
“You remember when we did Halloween at camp that one summer?” Hiro cut in, not letting him respond. “It was like in July?”  
  
“Oh yeah, it was one of Yuri’s weird ideas!” he laughed, recalling it fondly. “We had to make costumes from those boxes. I was a baseball player and you were…”  
  
“Super Jirou!” he nodded, smirking as he flexed his giant arms again. “Remember, I ran around the mess hall fixing everyone’s problems with my super powers?”  
  
“Hahaha, yeah,” Keitaro giggled, relieved the conversation finally steered towards something positive. “You used your super powers to get me another hot dog.”  
  
“This is pathetic,” Hiro sighed, face reddening. “But sometimes I still pretend in my head that I’m him...that I’m Super Jirou.” He exhaled out of his nose aggressively, almost like a laugh. “Like I could solve everyone’s problems with a flash of my hand or using my super speed!” His half smile slipped from his face as he rolled his eyes up, finally making eye contact with Keitaro. “I’m learning I can’t fix everything. It’s hard getting older and finding out how mediocre I ended up.”  
  
(*****)  
  
 _Day 114: Tuesday, November 9th; Night  
  
_ As the train barreled through the suburbs of Tokyo, Keitaro peered sadly out the window into the night sky. His breaths came heavy and he caught himself muttering softly and rubbing his eyes with the palms of his hands a few times on the hour long train ride home. They grew sore from the constant pressure. He couldn’t seem to do anything right recently. Numerous balls were in the air and he dropped all of them.   
  
Taiga leaving on Sunday still tore at him. He hated writing that he couldn’t see him again until after finals. _“You’re lucky he puts up with this,”_ he admonished himself. _“Most gay guys would just find someone closer…”  
  
_ Seeing Hina and Hiro just added to his anxiety. While he was glad he went to visit Hina, he felt terrible for her and so bad for Hiro. It made him think of his parents’ mortality. He couldn’t help putting himself in Hiro’s shoes. Thoughts of his own mother being sick; of having to visit her in the hospital someday played in his head. Hiro’s sadness could easily be his own.  
  
Shamefully, he also knew he’d been a pretty shitty best friend since he got to college. He hadn’t seen Hiro for over a month and completely forgot about him during the Halloween party. Now with his mother gravely sick, Hiro needed him more than ever. He pledged to do better here especially. _“Text Hiro every week,”_ he demanded. _“Invite him to the first thing that pops up here.”  
  
_ Overarching all of it, and despite using it as an excuse everywhere else, he let himself down academically. It probably wasn’t the best idea to skip the reviews this afternoon. He needed to do well on the exams next week if he wanted any chance at developing relationships with his professors and ultimately getting an internship. To a lesser extent, the C+ from this morning still ate at him. He feared he disappointed Ichiro, and would always be viewed as lazy or stupid by one of the brighter stars in the program. _“Oh he wanted to hang out tonight. I wonder if they’re still drinking?”_ He flashed a look to his watch – 9:30 pm.  
  
“ _Hey, I’m getting back to Hashimoto Station now,”_ he texted to Ichiro. _“You still want to meet up tonight?”  
  
_ Almost instantly, his phone buzzed, the message icon popping up. _“Yeah definitely. We’re drinking near the station. I’ll text you the address.”  
  
_ (...)  
  
Ichiro’s vague directions didn’t help. Keitaro found the bar easy enough, but _“we’re sitting towards the back”_ forced him to awkwardly look from table to table in hopes of spotting them. Tiny lit candles sat on each table in an attempt to provide ambiance. While cute in practice, the minimal lighting made everyone’s face full of shadows and indecipherable. Crowds of people milled about, drunkenly teetering between the bar and tables. Keitaro gently put his hand on several people’s shoulders to notify them of his presence and squeeze by them. Worst of all, he began sticking his head into every table he passed, trying to see if he could recognize Ichiro. “S-sorry,” he kept apologizing as people glared back at him.  
  
“Keitaro! Yo over here!”  
  
Swiveling his head, Keitaro saw a dark figure waving. Relieved at being recognized and not having to poke his head into any other private tables, he assumed that to be Ichiro. He waved back, making his way over to them. Six people crowded around a small table. Most of them held their drinks, unable to fit them all on the table surface. It looked like they gathered surrounding chairs to fit everyone.  
  
“Who brings their backpack to a bar?” Ichiro laughed, looking at him in disbelief.  
  
“S-sorry, I was trying to study on the train,” Keitaro stuttered, suddenly self-conscious of his bulky bookbag. “I just got back to the station.” Glancing around the table, he realized nobody else had a backpack. In fact, they appeared one of the sharpest dressed groups he’d ever been around. Ichiro wore a slim-fit, black button-down shirt with a thin black tie. The women were in high-end dresses, most strap-less in red or blue. Looking down, Keitaro blushed at his flimsy green Adidas windbreaker and jeans. At least he wore a collared polo underneath.   
  
Tossing his bookbag against the far wall, he squeezed next to Ichiro and took off his windbreaker, hoping nobody would notice the jeans. In the back of his mind, he still felt out of place and wished Ichiro would’ve given him a heads up about the more formal dress expectations.  
  
“Group, this is Keitaro,” Ichiro joked, gesturing to him. “Keitaro, this is the group.”  
  
Keitaro tried to smile and wave, but his grip on their attention was fleeting. One woman flashed him a fake half smile and immediately returned to her conversation with the man next to her. Ichiro himself provided him no more lifelines, instead giving his full attention to the woman to his left. Sighing, Keitaro debated whether he wanted to get a beer and put himself out there or just head home. Today had been depressing enough without hanging around a bunch of strangers and awkwardly trying to strum up a conversation.  
  
“Hey, I don’t think we met, Keitaro. I’m Jun Kawada,” the guy to his right offered, bowing his head slightly; possibly seeing his dismay. “And this is my girlfriend, Yua.”  
  
“Hi, Keitaro! I love your polo!” she complimented him, leaning over so he could hear. “Where’d you get it from?”   
  
Keitaro studied her, looking for signs of sarcasm. Her smile and soft eyes seemed genuine though. He relaxed his shoulders and chuckled. “I think my mom bought it for me, honestly…”  
  
“Well you look really cute in it!”  
  
“Th-thanks,” Keitaro blushed. “Your dress is really nice too.” She exuded elegance in a red dress covering only one shoulder. Jun was in a white button-down, french cuff shirt with gold studded cufflinks. Keitaro guessed his red tie, which matched Yua’s dress, was silk.  
  
“Ichiro said you have classes together?” Jun jumped in. “You’re a freshman?”   
  
“Y-yeah. I’m a photography major.”   
  
“How do you like it so far?”  
  
“Haha, I’m a little nervous about exams next week,” Keitaro admitted. “But so far so good. I’ve met a lot of great people and learned a ton…”  
  
“Keitaro, sorry to interrupt,” Yua stopped him. “I was just going to go get another drink. Can I get you one?”  
  
“Ohhh, I don’t know how long I’m staying,” he wavered, flashing a glance to Ichiro, who still chatted with the same woman. “I-I have a lot of studying to do.  
  
“Stay for one drink,” Jun insisted, patting him on the shoulder. “Yua, get him a highball please, and whatever you want.” He handed her a ¥2,000 bill. Keitaro reached for his wallet to pay him back, but Jun shook his head “No, no, no, it’s on me…”  
  
(...)  
  
Despite the night’s rough start, it turned out to be one of the best in Keitaro’s recent memory. Jun and Yua chatted with him the entire evening, laughing at his dumb freshman stories and giving him advice for navigating campus. Jun almost finished his degree and planned on graduating in May. Yua still had another year of school, but lived both on and off campus in her time at Tama Art, and had a wealth of knowledge about housing in the area. Despite their bourgeois appearance, they were both down-to-earth and easy to talk to. Keitaro found himself laughing and more comfortable, glad he decided to stick it out.   
  
Eventually, Ichiro even joined in on their conversation, growing bored of his other accomplice. He had more of a history with Jun than Yua, so he directed most of his conversation to him, pushing Yua to the side. Keitaro kept trying to ask her questions so she felt more comfortable. Just an hour ago he felt marginalized, and it sucked.  
  
“Oh I actually stayed in Tokyo last summer,” she explained. “I worked with Yayoi Kusama, setting up one of her exhibits.”  
  
“That’s so amazing!” Keitaro gushed. “I saw her Infinity Ladder exhibit a few years ago and it was awesome!”  
  
“Yes!” Yua exclaimed, growing a bit tipsy. Drinking made her more affectionate, laughing at everything and leaning on Jun. “It was so much fun. And...and she’s so nice! She already promised me a full time job when I graduate!”  
  
“That’s so cool!” Keitaro flashed her his biggest grin, trying to share in her joy. “You must be so excited! What a great opportunity!”  
  
“Were you in Tokyo last summer too?” she asked. “Wait no...you said this was your first time living in Tokyo.”  
  
“Yeah, I uh...I actually spent last summer at camp,” he admitted, face reddening at the inferiority of it to her summer. Luckily the darkness of the bar hid his embarrassment.   
  
“Camp?” Her face scrunched in confusion. “You mean like a math camp or like robots…?”  
  
“No, actually it’s more of an outdoors thing. I made some of my best friends there.” He paused trying to think how to make himself sound more accomplished. “I might go back this summer, but I put in for some internships, so...hehehe...fingers crossed.”  
  
“Where’d you apply?” Jun interjected, dropping his conversation with Ichiro. His eyes flickered with interest.  
  
“Oh...all over the place,” Keitaro rambled, scratching the back of his neck. “I don’t have a ton of experience and it’s tough for a freshman, you know?”  
  
“Keitaro, do you even know who you’re talking to?” Ichiro shouted, putting a hand on Jun’s shoulder. “This is the first born son of the founder of Vivi Magazine. I interned there a few years ago, right buddy?”  
  
“Yeah, man,” Jun replied, not taking his eyes from Keitaro. He cringed at Ichiro calling out his lineage, but didn’t deny it. “They’re looking for interns for the summer. Did you apply?”  
  
“Oh wow! Y-yeah I...uh...yeah!” Keitaro’s eyes flashed wide in surprise. His tongue stuck to the top of his mouth, nervousness paralyzing him. If he knew that Jun was the son of _THE_ Eiko Kawada, publishing manager of Vivi Magazine, he would have been a stuttering mess the whole night.  
  
Jun reached into his pocket and pulled out his business card, handing it to him. “Keitaro, this is my number and email address. Just send me your resume and portfolio and I’ll make sure my mom sees it.”  
  
Keitaro froze, holding the business card with both hands. “Th...th...thank you so much! I totally will!”  
  
Ichiro grinned knowingly, nudging Keitaro in the side. His hand dropped, brushing up against his thigh. Keitaro moved his leg instinctively, assuming it to be an accident. Though while walking home that night, he spent an inordinate amount of time wondering if he misread it.  
  
(...)  
  
 _Keitaro Nagame  
_ _Tama Art University  
_ _2 Chome Yarimizu,  
_ _Hachioji, Tokyo 192-0375  
  
_ _Hey, Cutes,  
  
_ _The pictures you took are awesome. Thanks for developing them and sending them to me. I already put the Godzilla one of us in my frame. I might swap it out occasionally for variety, so I’m glad you sent me a bunch of different_ _options_ _. You’re so cute. Every morning, I wake up and flip through them to cheer me up before work. I look through them at night too before bed. Sometimes I dream about the last thing I read or watched, so I_ _like_ _to make that you as much as I can. It’s worked on occasion. Once I dreamed you were staying in Hiroshima with me for an entire_ _month_ _. I was so happy while it lasted, but it put me in a bad mood for the rest of the day once I woke up and it sank in that it wasn’t real.  
  
_ _Last weekend was the best I’ve had since leaving camp. Thanks again for organizing everything. Don’t stress yourself out too much about college. You’re the biggest dweeb I know, so there’s no way you won’t do well. Plus everyone loves you. I forgot to tell you, but some woman in your building named Tori approached me at the Halloween party. She couldn’t stop talking about what great friends you were and even threatened me with violence if I did anything to you, haha. She was like 160 cm, so I’m not concerned, but everyone I met there thought you were awesome.  
  
_ _Good luck with your exams next week, and yeah let’s try to set up some plans to meet after finals. I should have enough saved up by then to come back to Tokyo. And yeah, of course, you’re always welcome here, dummy. I’d love to show you Hiroshima sometime and you can crash with me, so you won’t have to get a hotel or anything. It’s not as exciting as Tokyo, but I know it like the back of my hand. We won’t both be lost idiots like we were in Shinjuku haha.  
  
_ _I don’t have any Christmas or New Years plans, but I think I need to spend Christmas with my mom at least. It’s a really important holiday to her, and without my dad...I couldn’t leave her alone on Christmas. Like I said though, you’re always welcome here and it would be dope to spend Christmas with you in Hiroshima. Not sure how realistic that is with your family, but we can work it out.  
  
_ _Obviously we never had KFC for Christmas. That’s basically blasphemy, dummy. It wasn’t 3 wise men and the Colonel who came to see the baby Jesus. The whole holiday is just consumerism to most people in Japan. Fried chicken on Christmas? Don’t get me started…  
  
_ _Sorry to hear about Hiro’s mom by the way. Appreciate the call and letting me know. As much as he annoys me sometimes, nobody deserves that and I hope she gets better. It’s hard when one of your parents gets sick. Those were some of the darkest years of my life and I wouldn’t wish it on anyone. I think it’s great you’re going to visit them next week. He always admired the fuck out of you, so I’m sure he’ll be excited to see you. I know he doesn’t like me much, but if you get an opportunity, tell him I hope his mom gets better and I’m pulling for her.  
  
_ _I’ll do my best to not get in any more fights, but can’t make any promises. I mean, you want me to go two whole months without getting punched in the face? Tall ask, dweeb…  
  
_ _I love you and can’t wait to see you again,  
  
  
_ _Taiga  
  
_ _PS. New rule: you’re not allowed to call me dummy. You’re the only dummy I know. I’m actually really smart, so it’s not fitting. Same goes for dweeb and I’m trademarking cutes from now on too._


	8. The Saddest Kid I'll Ever Fucking Know

_Day 117:_ _Friday_ _, November 12th;_ _Morning  
  
_ His lungs burned as he pushed himself. Gulping air, he tried his best to keep his breathing slow and consistent. As soon as he started panting, the cramps set in and that pretty much ruined him.  
  
“Five kilometers complete!” a robotic female voice chimed in his headphones. “Average pace: four minutes, thirty-two seconds per kilometer. You’re half done! Five kilometers remaining.”  
  
Adjusting his gloves and beanie, Taiga slowed his tempo a bit. On most runs, he averaged five minute kilometers. His lungs already protested, and he knew if he kept this up, he’d never make the full goal of 10 kilometers. The Furu river flowed to his right as he made his way north, away from downtown Hiroshima. The pedestrian trail next to the river was one of his favorites. On the trail, he never had to dodge traffic and stoplights and oblivious pedestrians. The largest threats here were middle aged men in Lycra attempting to smash new world records on their bicycles. Still, as long as he stayed to the far left, they generally just went around him.  
  
Taiga didn’t consider himself fast by any stretch of the imagination. He didn’t do 5k races or really even keep track of his personal best times. He viewed running as a means to an end – a way to keep his abs while also eating pizza or whatever other crap he scrounged up from the Konbini. He actually dreaded going running most of the time, often laying on his futon for hours trying to convince himself that he needed to go. The first two kilometers always sucked. His body panicked, telling him it couldn’t make it one kilometer, more or less ten. Maybe it was a natural fight or flight response, like intrinsically thinking he was fleeing a predator. If he kept his cool though and maintained an even pace, his body generally relaxed after the third kilometer and it got easier.  
  
He looked around to make sure nobody saw him, and quickly spit into the grass to his left. His mother would smack him if she saw him do that, but running always made the back of his throat phlegmy. Luckily the weather dipped the past few weeks, finally getting out of the humidity and heat of summer and fall. His pace improved recently, probably a result of the cooler temps.  
  
Wiping the sweat from his eyebrows, Taiga forced his mind off of the discomfort in his lungs and constantly worrying about how much further he needed to go. Now two weeks since seeing Keitaro, he finally felt things were turning around for him. Sure, he still missed him and hated sleeping alone every night. Yet, it got easier with each passing day. He texted with him regularly and called when they both had time. The letter and pictures Keitaro sent him made his whole week and helped freshen up his apartment with new decor. He bought two more frames on Tuesday. Plus, Keitaro’s suggestion about meeting up for Christmas or New Years gave him something to look forward to. _“It’s just 6-7 weeks, if you think about it,”_ he re-assured himself. _“It’ll fly by.”  
  
_ Adding to his good mood, his relationship with his mother was at an all-time high. He never saw her happier than when he told her about his coffee date with Tomiko. She must have asked twenty questions about it last Sunday, all while peppering him with compliments and feeding him mochi ice cream.   
  
For her part, Tomiko kept her word. Taiga feared she might gossip to her family about him being gay and there would be a big scene at church. Delightfully though, no such hullabaloo occurred. Even better, she approached Taiga and his mom after last week’s service, saying she loved spending time with him on Thursday and wanted to know if they could get together after church next week. Taiga’s mom did her one better – she invited her to her apartment Sunday morning so they could all go together. Tomiko agreed and his mom fawned over the both of them. She was quickly becoming his favorite.  
  
Outside of his mother though, it just felt nice to be out to some friends and see that not much changed. Tomiko acted even more friendly towards him after his confession. Aimi still loved him at work, always asking about Keitaro and demanding that they all hang out if he ever came to Hiroshima. He even agreed to meet up with Kazan tonight. _“Can’t hurt to have a gay friend in town,”_ he told himself. _“Healthy actually. All you do is hang out with straight people when you’re home.”  
  
_ Strangely, despite it being completely platonic, he decided against telling Keitaro. He remembered his hesitations and slight jealousy of Kieran two summers ago, and didn’t want a repeat of hurt feelings. He had enough on his plate at Tama Art with exams, and Taiga didn’t want him distracted and getting worked up over nothing.  
  
“Nine kilometers complete!” his robot phone woman called. “Average pace: four minutes, forty-eight seconds per kilometer. You’re almost done! One kilometer remaining.”  
  
“Fuck!” Taiga exclaimed, realizing he forgot to turn around at the halfway point. Now nine kilometers separated him from home with only one more to run. Looking over his shoulder for speeding bicyclists, he made a u-turn and headed back south. Gritting his teeth, he debated whether to run more than the ten kilometers or just accept the long walk home.  
  
(*****)  
  
 _Day 117: Friday, November 12th; Night  
  
_ Taiga sniffed himself, wondering if he smelled sweaty. The bike ride from his house to the bar downtown turned out to be six kilometers, a little longer than he anticipated. Still, it saved him money by not taking the train or, even worse, a taxi. He shrugged, never able to detect his own odor. Plus, with the cooler weather, his light perspiration dried quickly.  
  
Locking his bike in a small alley, he looked up at the giant vertical sign for the Hideaway bar. He found it near the top - 4th floor. Sighing, he trudged up the rickety metal staircase. Kazan assured him it was a small chill bar and nothing too weird. Regardless, a shiver went down his spine as he climbed. He had only gone to a gay bar with Keitaro, and _Mama San’s_ was far from small and chill. Also, he despised meeting people at bars. His ideal meetup actually closely matched his first hangout with Tomiko. He fucking loved breakfast. Well, brutally honest, his ideal hangout would be at a Toyo Carp baseball game. But most women and gay men wouldn’t consider that a good time – more of a forced 3 hour activity with him while he ate Takoyaki and swore at the players and umpires. He hadn’t even subjected Keitaro to that yet...  
  
When he reached the fourth floor, he almost walked right by it. Smooshed between a izakaya and a udon shop, a small wooden door with the three kanji for “Hideout” above it caught his attention. _“Definitely not as big as Mama San’s,”_ he admitted. _“Though this is Hiroshima...not Shinjuku.”  
  
_ Taiga paused before entering to gather his courage. It felt weird going to a gay bar without Keitaro, and this one seemed so small and...intimate. He fidgeted with the zipper of his black jacket, debating whether to leave it unzipped to show-off his clean white t-shirt with red cuffs or just leave it fully zipped? _“Or do I just take off the jacket completely when I get inside?”_ He never knew the exact dress code for gay bars. And this wasn’t a date or anything, so he just wore jeans. _“Am I going to look like a fuck?”_ He shook his head, trying to clear away the picture of well dressed gay men and lesbians inside, gawking at him like some kind of poor person.  
  
“ _Just go and let him buy you a soda or something and call it a night. It’s not a bad thing to have other gay friends. You get along with Natsumi and Seto just fine. What’s the difference? Stop being such a fucking puss and…”  
  
_ Before he could talk himself into entering, the door flew open. A drunken businessman stumbled out, collar disheveled and tie loose around his neck. Spotting Taiga, he held the door open invitingly. “You a gay…a shy gay?” he called loudly, three levels above normal conversation volume. “Haha, they don’t...they don’t bite.”  
  
Mortified, Taiga’s face reddened, eyes darting to the udon shop and izakaya to make sure nobody else heard or saw this drunken outing. Luckily, the floor was quiet and the doors of the other businesses stayed closed. He considered just booking it - taking the stairs 3 at a time and not looking back. He could come back in maybe 15 minutes and pretend the whole thing didn’t happen. Flipping up the hood of his jacket, he just about got his feet moving when Kazan stuck his big stupid head out the door.  
  
“Taiga? Oh man, I was afraid you wouldn’t show!”  
  
Slowly lowering his hood, Taiga sighed and accepted his fate. “Y-yeah, sorry. The bike ride was longer than I thought.”  
  
“You...you know him?” the drunk yelled, hunching over with a big grin. Taiga was unsure if he was laughing or about to throw up. “Kazan! Kazan! There’s a….the shy gay outside! He’s here for you!”  
  
“Alright, thanks buddy. Fuck off,” Taiga snapped, pushing past him into the bar, desperate to get away from any potential onlookers. Kazan didn’t lie – this place was tiny. Five wooden bar stools stood in front of a short bar. They could slide back maybe a half meter before bumping into the back wall. Two guys sat at the far end, one of them with a microphone, singing along to JPop songs on a twelve inch TV wedged in the upper left corner. He seemed slightly inebriated and sang a bit out of key, his smile pushing the words across his crooked teeth. Taiga couldn’t be too harsh, it definitely sounded better than anything he could do.   
  
“I...uh...I saved you a seat, haha,” Kazan smiled, squeezing around him and sitting on the stool directly next to the couple. “Akira usually doesn’t let in outsiders. This place is super local and typically only the regulars show up. Akira, this is Taiga. Taiga, Akira,” he nodded to the bartender.  
  
“You can sit, son,” Akira offered, gesturing to the stool next to Kazan. His long, gray hair flowed to his shoulders and he wore a warm smile. He also sported a rainbow bow tie, emphasizing that this was a gay establishment. “Where did Neko go?”  
  
“Out to get cigarettes,” Kazan explained, taking a swallow of his mixed drink. “He’ll be back.”  
  
Hesitantly, Taiga sat on the stool next to Kazan. The space was so small, their legs touched. _“Probably intentional…”_ Taiga considered. He half hovered over the next stool to avoid it, but Kazan didn’t say anything or even seem to notice. _“You’re the one being weird,”_ he chided himself. Glancing at the other patrons, Taiga noted, thankfully, he didn’t under-dress. The singing man at the far end of the bar had on a Luigi T-Shirt and his friend was in jeans. Kazan dressed a bit better, wearing a yellow polo and a pair of khaki shorts. Taiga eyed the khakis skeptically. They were completely out of place for a night out in mid-November. He stopped wearing shorts almost a month ago.  
  
“...having?”  
  
“Sorry?” Taiga snapped his attention from Kazan’s shorts to the bartender.  
  
“What are you having?”  
  
“Oh...just a soda…”  
  
“Dude, you can get a drink,” Kazan interjected. “It’s on me tonight. I have my own bottle too.” He motioned to the bar well, pointing at four bottles of liquor with names written down the side.   
  
“It’s alright, I…”  
  
The bar door slammed open, crashing against the wall. Taiga’s fiery eyes flashed open and he jumped in his stool at the bang. To his dismay, the drunken businessman from before bumbled his way inside, making a beeline to the only open stool left – the one on the end next to him.   
  
“Yessssss, I get to sit next to...to shy boy.” Neko drunkenly bumped into him as he sat down, pushing Taiga fully onto his own stool. “You’re cute. Kazan usually doesn’t do this well.”  
  
Growling, Taiga looked over to Kazan, who obliviously watched the karaoke video in the corner. Again, their legs touched, but he didn’t seem to notice that either. Taiga’s instincts told him to scooch away, but then he’d be leaning into Neko. Definitely did not want to be sending that message. Reluctantly, he just relaxed and accepted it as a result of sitting in a small bar. In the back of his mind too, he appreciated the warm sensation. His only other body contact since leaving Keitaro and Tokyo were hugs from his mother.   
  
“You look nervous,” the bartender sympathized, sliding him his soda. “You live around here?”  
  
“Sorta...not like downtown. I’m a few kilometers north – Nishihara.”  
  
“Not a lot of gay bars there, I imagine?”  
  
“Nah...I don’t think there are any,” Taiga admitted, sipping his soda. “This is my first time coming to one in Hiroshima.”  
  
Annoyingly, Neko flicked his lighter, igniting the cigarette between his lips. Second hand smoke filled the bar, the smell of tobacco flooding Taiga’s nose. He glared at him, but Neko just smiled, obliviously drunk, flashing him yellow teeth. Exhaling deeply, Taiga rolled his eyes back to Kazan, who continued watching the karaoke video, mouthing the words to himself. _“What a clown rodeo,”_ he thought, shaking his head. _“Just finish your soda and get out of here.”  
  
_ “Well you’re welcome here anytime,” the bartender continued, kindly. “Though if you don’t drink, not sure if you want to be a bar regular.”  
  
“Yeah, sorry I didn’t know you didn’t drink,” Kazan apologized, finally pulling his attention from the karaoke. “We can head out of here after I finish this, if you want.” He tapped his glass and took another swig. His cheeks turned redder than usual, making Taiga think this wasn’t his first drink.  
  
He nodded quickly.  
  
(…)  
  
“So uh...you really like trains?” Taiga commented, looking closely at one of several miniature models scattered around the apartment. He wasn’t sure why he decided to come back to Kazan’s place, just that he would’ve agreed to any alternative to staying at Hideout. His jacket reeked of smoke thanks to Neko, who he elbowed on his way out, pretending it was an accident.  
  
“Yeah, this is the Asama,” Kazan explained, lifting the model off the shelf. “It’s the bullet train that runs between Tokyo and Nagano.” His eyes lit up, excited someone finally took interest. “Specifically, this is the E7 series, which started operation in 2014. It averages 260 kilometers an hour and can get from Tokyo to Nagano in about two and a half hours.  
  
“Cooooool,” Taiga drawled, stifling a laugh. “Can I hold it?”  
  
“No!” he snapped, placing it delicately back on the shelf. “It took me weeks to build that.”  
  
Taiga snickered, lifting his hands and backing away. The entire apartment was...eccentric. Along with the model trains, multiple Doraemon posters plastered the walls, like the room of a child. Taiga didn’t see a bed. Instead blankets littered the floor, but no pillow or tatami mat. _“Maybe he just sleeps on the futon like me?”_ he considered. By the looks of things though, he simply slept on the carpet.  
  
Taiga plopped himself on the futon that sat against the far wall. Unlike his own studio, Kazan had a flat-screen TV and a Nintendo Switch, the main selling point for coming here – he had promised Mario Kart and Smash Brothers. Taiga just appreciated that it smelled clean. He took another whiff of his jacket and winced back at the strong scent of tobacco. Unzipping it, he took it off and put it over his knee. Sniffing his t-shirt, he shrugged – at least it smelled _less_ smokey.   
  
“Do you want a beer?” Kazan asked, popping open his mini-fridge. “Oh wait...yeah never mind. I have...uh…” He searched the fridge, pushing beers out of the way. “One pocari sweat, a mogu mogu mango...and...wait this looks expired.” He pulled out a green bottle and poured it down the sink. “I have filtered tap water too.”  
  
“Uh...just water is fine.”  
  
Kazan nodded, filling a cup in the sink. “Sorry this place is such a wreck. I didn’t think you were coming over.” He handed him the cup and sat down next to him on the futon, a little closer than Taiga thought necessary. They weren’t like touching though, so he let it slide. “Kanpai!” Kazan joked, popping the tab on his can of beer.  
  
“Kanpai,” Taiga laughed, sipping his water. “And yeah, your place is fine. Mine’s a wreck too. Sorry, I should’ve told you I’m not a huge fan of bars.”  
  
“Don’t you work at one?” he smirked, taking a big chug of his beer. The red face flush now enveloped Kazan’s entire cheeks. Though he handled his alcohol well – no stumbling or slurred speech.  
  
“Yeah...but I don’t like drink there. It’s different as a bar tender. I uh...I low-key hate it there.”  
  
“Everyone hates their job. That’s why we drink!” Kazan softly punched him in the arm, as if he had to emphasize it was a joke. “You want to play some kart?” He dug out a remote from under the cushion and flashed on the TV.  
  
“Uh...yeah sure.” Taiga looked down at his watch – quarter of ten. _“I’ll hang around until 11, make my polite goodbyes, and then head home,”_ he decided. _“It’s a long bike ride and I still need to feed Yuri.”  
  
_ “You any good? Who’s your go to character?”  
  
“Uh...I’ve played a couple of times. I’m not bad.” He put his glass of water on the floor as Kazan handed him a controller. “I usually play as Bowser.”  
  
“Bowser’s for noobs,” Kazan scoffed, narrowing his eyes. “The clear best characters are Koopa Troopa and Lakitu.”  
  
“Ohhhh, you think so?” Taiga countered, squinting his eyes in imitation. “You can give me any character you want and I’ll still dominate you.”  
  
“You won’t,” he shook his head, completely serious. “I practice all the time. You’ll be lucky to beat the computer players.”  
  
“Wooooowww,” Taiga laughed, as they selected their characters. He reached into his wallet and pulled out a ¥1,000 note. “Want to make it interesting?”  
  
Kazan cocked an eyebrow and pulled out a ¥2,000 bill from his wallet. “Tell you what. You can have this if you win. If you lose, I don’t owe you a beer anymore. We’re even from that fight I got you into.”  
  
“Fine…” He put his ¥1,000 back in his wallet, actually relieved he wouldn’t lose it.   
  
The first race was a disaster. Kazan didn’t blink and executed every turn perfectly. Taiga finished a distant 5th, losing to three other computer players. He fell into the water twice and only made up ground because of a pity bullet bill item towards end of the last lap. “Fuck!” he yelled as he finally crossed the finish line.  
  
Kazan didn’t even smile, just picked up the ¥2,000 and put it back in his wallet. “Told you. We’re even now.”  
  
Grinding his teeth, Taiga let his competitiveness get the best of him. He hated being talked down to and then losing. “Double or nothing?”  
  
“I don’t want your money,” Kazan yawned, flicking through the different courses. “It’s just gonna make you mad at me.”  
  
“What do you want then?” Taiga shot, anger rising. He felt stupid getting competitive about a child’s video game, but Kazan’s general apathy pushed all his buttons. “I can do this!”  
  
Deliberately, Kazan looked him up and down, searching for something of interest. “Your bracelet,” he settled, eyeing his wrist. “I win, I get your bracelet.”  
  
“Over my dead body,” Taiga growled, pulling his hand behind his back.  
  
Raising his hands in innocence, Kazan stood up and took his empty can to the kitchen. “Seems I struck a nerve.” He grabbed another beer from his fridge and popped it open. By Taiga’s count this was at least drink number five for him tonight. “I get worse the more I drink. You might actually have a shot. You want anything, man?”  
  
“Nah, I’m good.”  
  
Shrugging, Kazan returned to the futon, still staring at Taiga with scrunched eyes. “Your shirt.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Yeah your shirt. I like it. It’s simple but has the little flash of color on the collar and cuffs.”  
  
“Dude, no...I...I can’t ride my bike home shirtless.”  
  
“You can have one of my old ones,” Kazan suggested. “Or you still have your jacket. Just zip it up against the cold.”  
  
“Nah...I...I can’t…” Taiga stuttered, blushing.  
  
“It’s cool, we can just play for fun” he downplayed, turning his complete attention back towards deciding which track to pick next. He took a deep swallow of his new beer. “You’re not very good anyway, haha.”  
  
Taiga’s eye twitched. He stewed in his own anger, pursing his lips and biting the inside of his cheek. It wasn’t the insults that enraged him, but the complete air of nonchalance - like he didn’t care whether they agreed to a wager or not. Kazan already knew he would win, so the details of the bet were moot. Seething, Taiga thought he could beat him if he just focused. Nothing would make him happier than smacking that passive attitude out of him.   
  
“Fine, fuck it,” he agreed. “But if I win…” His eyes danced across the room from the Doraemon posters to the messy blankets on the floor, looking for something that would really hurt him. They settled on the train. “If I win...I get three minutes with the Asama bullet train.” He nodded angrily, pushing out his cheek with his tongue. “And I’m gonna go hard...see if I can get it up to the full 220 kilometers per hour.”  
  
That got his attention. Kazan paled, putting the controller down. As he followed Taiga’s gaze towards his model train, his eyes widened, picturing it being flung the length of his apartment. Taking a deep breath, he downed another long drink of his beer, probably finishing half of it. “First, it goes up to 260 kilometers per hour,” he corrected, clearly annoyed. “Second, that’ll never happen. It’s like your bracelet, I’d never let you put your grubby hands on it.”  
  
“It’s cool,” Taiga smirked, satisfied at finally getting under his skin. “We can just play for fun.”  
  
“Oh you want to poke the bear?” Kazan stuck out his lips and nodded confidently. “Sure, poke the bear. But I’m gonna destroy you. No more friendliness from me this race. No more letting you hang around me.”  
  
“So we got a deal?”  
  
Kazan paused, stealing one more glance at his train. “Yup...you can even pick the map.”  
  
He regretted poking the bear shortly after the first lap. Despite trying his best and not falling off the track once, the best Taiga could do was maintain solid control of 2nd place. Kazan channeled his final form. He executed turns perfectly, boosted flawlessly, and even took a shortcut that Taiga never knew existed. _“I’m losing my fucking shirt,”_ he realized, well before the race ended. Most infuriating of all, Kazan didn’t give off the smallest sign of celebration when he finished – simply gently putting down his controller and taking another sip of his beer while he waited for Taiga to finish.  
  
“FUCK!” Taiga yelled, as he cruised across the finish line. He shook his head, dropping it into his hands. “That...that was sorta impressive.”  
  
“Don’t threaten my trains,” Kazan said flatly. “Biggest mistake you ever made.” He dragged his bloodshot eyes up to Taiga, finally showing some effects of all the alcohol. He extended a hand palm up, curling his fingers back and forth. “A deal is a deal.”  
  
“Right here?!?” Taiga’s eyes flashed open, trying to think of a way to minimize embarrassment. “I...you can have it, but you need to trade me something. I can’t just go home in my jacket.”  
  
“Yeah, no problem.” Kazan hopped off the futon, and pulled open a dresser on the near wall. “Honestly, you can pick anything in here. I’m not really attached to any of these.”  
  
Sighing, Taiga reluctantly stood and followed him. Things were getting a bit too pervy, but he gave his word. It sucked. He loved this shirt and wore it all the time. Running a hand through his hair, he joined Kazan by the dresser. Balled up, wrinkled shirts overflowed one of the drawers. _“Does he even fold them?”_ he wondered, a bit disgusted.   
  
“Just give me whatever you don’t want,” Taiga muttered, rolling his eyes. Curling his fingers under the collar, he pulled the white shirt over his head and held it out for him to take.  
  
Kazan didn’t grab it though, instead looking him up and down, a small smirk forming. “Holy shit, you’re jacked.”  
  
“Uh...thanks,” he blushed, looking down at his bare chest self-consciously “Can you just…”  
  
“Do you go to the gym all the time? I’m so skinny. Here, I’ll show you.”  
  
“Dude don’t…” Taiga tried, but it was too late. Kazan grabbed the bottom of his polo and started taking it off. Either because of the alcohol or his own clumsiness, he forgot to undo the top buttons, trapping himself in his own shirt as he tried to pull it over his head. Taiga muffled a laugh as he watched him waddle around blindly, desperately pawing at the buttons that kept the polo around his neck.   
  
Finally getting a button undone, Kazan popped his head out of the collar and threw the polo on the floor. He wasn’t lying. Despite being a few centimeters taller than Taiga, he had no abs to speak of nor any chest definition – just pale and lanky. He did have more hair than Taiga and certainly more than Keitaro. Black hairs encircled his nipples and created an arrow shape on his sternum, which then thinned into a line and ran the whole way down to his shorts. _“This is getting weird,”_ Taiga told himself, but felt frozen in place. He didn’t dislike the view. Kazan’s rosy cheeks and unsure smile made him relax. He even chuckled a bit himself.  
  
“I was thinking of getting a personal trainer,” Kazan continued, poking his own flat chest introspectively. “But I don’t know the first thing about the gym and I’m afraid of making a fool of myself.” He cocked his head, taking in half-naked Taiga contemplatively. The mission to select a replacement shirt was completely forgotten.  
  
“Oh uh...it’s not that hard…” Taiga mumbled. “What are you doing?” In two steps, Kazan stood right next to him. He felt his body heat on his own bare torso. Taiga’s instincts told him to back up, to push away, but somehow his feet felt like cement.  
  
“We could change that,” Kazan smirked, dropping his head lower.  
  
“Dude I…” but before he could finish, Kazan’s lips were on his own. An arm wrapped around Taiga’s back, pulling him in so their chests touched. Despite the panic that raced through his brain, his dick throbbed defiantly in his pants. Taiga kept his lips pursed, eyes darting wildly side to side. Gently he pushed back from him, breaking the kiss. “Hey, uh...I can’t do this...I…” he tried to explain.  
  
“Shhh,” Kazan hushed him, keeping his dopey smile. “I know you’re new to this. It’s alright, I’m not going to hurt you.”  
  
“But uh…” That was all Taiga could get out though before the lips were back on him. In spite of his better judgment, his shoulders somehow relaxed and he unpursed his lips. He sighed in guilty enjoyment, as Kazan kissed his cheeks and gently licked his neck. After two weeks of masturbation alone, Taiga struggled to stop himself from enjoying it. In a full-on mutiny, his dick never felt harder, pulsing against the tightness of his denim jeans. Kazan’s lips and tongue continued down his spine, a shiver going down his back as he bit one of his nipples.  
  
“You’re so hot dude,” Kazan complimented him, between kisses on his abs. “Just relax, I can feel your heart pounding.” He curled his fingers in Taiga’s waistband, undoing the top button of his jeans.   
  
For the first time in his life, Taiga was unable to tell someone to fuck off who he really thought deserved it. Kazan’s insistence and his own horniness mixed in a deadly combination that left him frozen. _“Get the fuck out of here! What the fuck are you doing?!?”_ his brain screamed at him. Yet he felt tongue tied, unable to string together something to say to end this. “I...uh...I…” he tried lamely.  
  
Kazan lowered his jeans and briefs with one hand, finally freeing his raging boner. “Looks pretty hard to me,” he joked, stroking him with his left hand. Wasting no time, he took Taiga in his mouth, running his tongue along the length.  
  
Taiga closed his eyes, enjoying the sensation for a few seconds. Kazan was talented, and he instinctively thrust forward. When he opened his eyes and looked down though, he didn’t see Kazan’s black, K-Pop layered hair and rosy cheeks. He saw Keitaro’s brown hair and green eyes. Panic racked his body, finally unfreezing him. “Dude...Kazan...stop man.” He tried to back away, but Kazan gripped the back of his pants, holding him in place.  
  
“I SAID GET THE FUCK OFF OF ME!” Taiga roared, grabbing Kazan’s shoulders and pushing him hard. Teeth scraped painfully against his dick as he knocked him over, but he didn’t care. Fury raged through him, quickly killing his erection. Pulling up his pants forcefully, he re-buttoned and glared.  
  
“What the hell, man?” Kazan complained hurtfully from the floor.  
  
“I told you I was in a relationship! What the fuck are you doing?”  
  
“You never told me that!”  
  
“Aimi did! Aimi had to have told you. Why the fuck did you think I was in Tokyo for Halloween?” Taiga hadn’t been this mad since camp two summers ago. His face was as red as Kazan’s  
  
“I think I...uh...I misread things...uh...sorry?” Kazan rose slowly with one hand up defensively, half afraid of getting punched or otherwise assaulted.  
  
“Fuck you! And give me that!” Taiga snatched his white shirt from him, throwing it back on in a huff. He scrambled over to the futon to grab his jacket and made for the door. The temptation to smash one of the model trains on his way out crossed his mind, but decided against the cruelty. “Don’t ever come near me again you fucking pervert.”   
  
Kazan looked shell shocked and just nodded dumbly. “I’m...I’m sorry.”  
  
“Fuck you!” Taiga added one more time before slamming the door behind him. The cold night air hit him hard as he made his way to unlock his bicycle. His hands shook as he tried to zip up his jacket, fury changing to panic. _“It meant nothing. Just a stupid mistake. You’ll never see him again.”_ His chest tightened and stomach felt ill as he strapped on his helmet. _“You don’t need to tell Keitaro. It meant nothing…”  
  
_ (…)  
  
“Honestly, I’d be happier if you were yelling at me…” Taiga admitted, wincing his eyes closed. He stood in the middle of his studio, Yuri looking up at him curiously.  
  
“Taiga...it’s one in the morning,” Keitaro answered him through the phone. “I thought you were hurt or something, but this….?”  
  
He could hear the hurt in his voice, only amplifying Taiga’s panic. “I know. I know. I screwed up. I screwed up real bad. And I couldn’t sleep without telling you or trying to make it up to you. I’m...I’m scared to death I ruined everything.”  
  
“Taiga…” he sighed, letting silence hang thickly in the air. “Slow down, how did this happen? I never heard of a Kazan before.”  
  
His heart beat in his throat, sweat forming on his brow. “I...uh met him a few weeks ago at work. I just thought it would be good to have a gay friend here.”  
  
“And that turned into strip Mario Kart and blowjobs?” Keitaro countered.  
  
“It...uh...it didn’t exactly play out that way,” Taiga tried to justify. He started pacing his apartment in terror. “Listen, I just put myself in a bad situation and couldn’t get out of it soon enough. I’m an idiot. I’m so stupid. And I’ll do anything to make it up to you…”  
  
“Were you drunk?”   
  
“What?” Taiga stopped pacing. He didn’t anticipate that question. “Of course not. You know me better than that.” Silence again, making him think Keitaro didn’t believe him. “Would that somehow make it acceptable if I was? haha,” he asked with a nervous laugh.  
  
“N...no…” Keitaro admitted, letting out another loud sigh.   
  
Again, Taiga waited for him to say something, but nothing came. He wished he would just go off on him. He could handle being yelled at – actually felt like he deserved it. The silence killed him though. It let the worst nightmares of his imagination run free. “I...I’m sorry again, cutes. I want to make it better but I don’t know how.”  
  
“A...are you happy?” Keitaro’s voice cracked a bit, sending a chill down Taiga’s spine. “With us I mean? I know the long-distance thing is hard. A...and if you want to see other people, I mean...I guess I get it.”  
  
“NO!” Taiga yelled, louder than he intended. “Sorry...no...no that’s not what I’m saying at all. I’m...I’m trying to tell you that I love you and…and I made a mistake. But I’ll do anything to make it better.” He realized it sounded like rambling, but the panic wouldn’t let him put anything coherent together. He started pacing again, wondering if Keitaro could hear his heavy breathing through the phone. “Just...just promise me you won’t leave me.” His voice shook, putting himself out there in an attempt to get the assurances he ultimately called him for. “Just promise me that and I can sleep tonight. We can talk about how to fix things tomorrow.” Seconds passed, feeling like minutes. As the silence lingered, his stomach sunk lower, putting him on the verge of throwing up.  
  
“Th...that’s not fair, Taiga,” Keitaro finally responded, voice breaking and high pitched. “You can’t just...can’t just tell me something and d...demand forgiveness,” he croaked.  
  
“Don’t do that,” Taiga cut in, skin flashing hot. He felt the sweat under his arms and rolling down his legs. “You’re not allowed to cry, Keitaro. Please don’t cry…”  
  
“I’m...I’m just overwhelmed,” Keitaro lamented with an unsteady voice. “Th...this is the last thing I need. I have exams next week. Hiro’s mom is dying and Hiro’s a wreck. A...and now it’s 1 am and you drop this on me.”  
  
“Mrs. Akiba’s dying?”   
  
“T...Taiga, I got to go,” Keitaro sniffed. “I’ll talk to you in a little bit.”  
  
“O...oh ok. Just know I still love you, and...and I’ll do anything to make it up to you.”  
  
Keitaro let out one more long exhale, trying to steady himself and fix his high pitched voice. “You’ll always be one of my best friends, Taiga. That’s all I can tell you right now.”  
  
“Keitaro, I…” he tried, but sickeningly, he heard the three beeps signifying Keitaro hung up. He stared at his phone dumbly for a few seconds as the call ended screen flashed.  
  
“FUUUUUUUUUUUUCK!” Taiga yelled, spiking his phone into the futon. It bounced off the cushion, hitting the floor hard. Yuri bolted, claws ripping at the carpet as she accelerated.   
  
Clenching his eyes shut and dropping his head, Taiga breathed rapidly in the middle of his studio. _“Well you fucking blew it you idiot,”_ he told himself. _“You ruined the best relationship you’ve ever been in. Probably the best guy you could ever hope to get in the future. The person you care about the most - made him cry right on the fucking phone, you loser.”  
  
_ Dropping onto the futon, he pressed his palms into his eyes until they hurt, cringing at how wrong this evening went. He had been so happy during his run this morning, imagining spending Christmas with Keitaro – trying to brainstorm the perfect gift to get him. It felt like a lifetime ago. _“And what did you throw it away for? Some hairy train weirdo downtown? Perfect! Maybe he can tell you all about Doraemon episodes and show you all the shortcuts in Mario Kart. What a fucking upgrade!”  
  
_ Sensing his dismay, Yuri jumped onto the futon with him curiously, curling up by his face. _“At least you still love me,”_ he exhaled forcefully, gently giving her a few pets. “I can fix this,” he muttered aloud, sitting up. “If I can just say the right thing, I can fix this.” Filled with sudden optimism, he retrieved his phone from the floor, relieved to find he didn’t shatter the screen. Untangling excuses, apologies, and love confessions, he spent ten minutes trying to put together the perfect things to say - the lines that would win back Keitaro for good.   
  
Finally settling on his best arguments, he pulled up Keitaro’s number from his recent contacts and called him again. It rang once...twice...and cut out. “Hi this is Keitaro Nagame,” his voicemail picked up. Taiga’s heart sank at being ignored, but at the same time, he appreciated hearing Keitaro’s happy voice, even if it was a recording. “I can’t answer the phone right now, but if you leave your name and number…” Taiga hung up. He had prepped himself for a conversation, not a sloppy, rambling voicemail message.  
  
“ _Fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck…”_ The optimism drained from his body leaving him only with queasiness in his stomach. Another cold chill shook his body, the earlier sweat feeling cold and clammy against his skin.  
  
“ _Please call me back if you’re still awake,”_ he texted Keitaro. _“I’m so sorry, man. I want to figure out a way to fix this. I promise you it will never happen again. I don’t want to lose you over this.”  
  
_ Pacing his studio, he gripped his cell phone tightly, willing it to vibrate. Willing Keitaro to text him back. He watched five minutes pass...ten minutes...fifteen. It didn’t vibrate. He flicked on the phone, making sure he didn’t miss anything. No messages. Disastrously, his eyes fell on the framed picture on his desk – Keitaro and him in Tokyo. Their arms were around each other, faking scared faces as Godzilla loomed above them. “Ohhhhhhhhhh,” he moaned in pain, clenching his eyes shut. Trying not to look at it again, Taiga gently turned it face down on his desk. His stomach was in full revolt, forcing him to debate whether he needed to go to the bathroom to throw up. Breathing deeply, he focused on keeping it down. He hated throwing up – so gross and unpleasant.  
  
He checked his phone one more time, but still no new messages. Sitting on the futon, he dropped his chin into his palms and stared blankly at the wall. _“Don’t worry though, you’re a complete catch,”_ he continued his assault on himself. _“A high school drop-out with a bright future at a karaoke bar. You’ll have to fend off suitors with a stick!”  
  
_ Falling onto his side, he pulled the covers over top of him and closed his eyes, pretending like he was going to get any sleep tonight. He kept his phone in his hand, just in case Keitaro changed his mind and decided he wanted to talk. _“Tomiko was right, you’re just a jerk. You don’t deserve somebody like Keitaro. You were lucky enough to fool him for a year, but you’re just an angry, selfish asshole...always was and always will be. It runs in your blood.”  
  
_ His head started pounding with a headache from all the grimacing. The sobs started slowly, but soon racked his body – shoulders heaving in sadness. He wiped at his eyes and nose as best he could, but soon his pillow was soaked with tears. _“You blew it, Taiga. You fucking blew it.”_


	9. What Do You Think About This?

_Day 118:_ _Saturday_ _, November 13th;_ _Morning  
  
_ “Are you kidding me?” Hiro snapped immediately, not even pausing to think about it. “Dump him! Dump him now!”  
  
“Hiro…” Keitaro exhaled sadly, trying to calm him. He sat crouched over on a bench near the library, shivering against the cold. A delicate morning frost clung to the bench’s metal, soon to be gone as the sun rose. His butt felt numb against the freezing surface.  
  
As his best friend, Hiro was his first call, though he already knew how he would react. He hoped that he could find a quiet place outside to talk with him, but with Hiro yelling, that proved difficult. Looking at the people who passed by, he wondered if they could hear him going off.  
  
“No! No, you listen to me, Keitaro,” he continued ranting. “I never told you this directly because I didn’t want to meddle but it needs to be said now. I never liked Taiga. I didn’t like him when I met him and I don’t like him now. I never knew what you saw in him!”  
  
Keitaro held the phone a good half meter from his head, wincing one eye closed against the diatribe. He didn’t interrupt Hiro, who let out everything he wanted to say over the past 2+ years.  
  
“Remember two summers ago? When he forced you to move into his cabin and made you his slave for like weeks? When he treated you like absolute garbage?!? Yoichi and I had a plot to throw him in the lake and hope he couldn’t swim to shore!”  
  
“I know…”  
  
“You don’t know!” Hiro exclaimed furiously. “I have no idea what you ever saw in him. His whole cookie apology? I know you planned that! He’s too stupid and too much of an asshole to think of it. I don’t know what kind of spell he put on you or what you think is redeeming about him, but it’s about time you woke up and saw what the rest of us saw! This probably wasn’t even his first time either. That asshole probably cheats on you all the time! Aww geez...Keitaro?”  
  
Keitaro couldn’t keep the tears at bay anymore. His sniffle and soft sobs stopped Hiro in his tracks. Embarrassed at ugly crying in public, he got up from the bench and kept his head down, desperately looking for a more private place where nobody could see him.  
  
“Keitaro...you there?” Hiro asked as he walked, the fury vanished from his voice, replaced with sympathy. “Ahhh, I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to upset you. You can’t cry. I’m supposed to be the sad one. We’re not allowed to both cry,” he tried to joke.   
  
“I-it’s ok Hiro,” He found a grove of trees off the paved path and made a beeline towards them. “Y-you’re probably right.”  
  
“I’m just trying to say,” Hiro paused, tempering his voice. “You’re a special guy. Probably the most special guy I ever met. You’re so kind and so caring and so smart and so funny. You don’t realize what a catch you really are. You deserve someone who treats you like...who treats you like they’re lucky to have you. Who…” Hiro let out a heavy breath, unsure if he should finish his thought line. “Who sees you the way I see you.”  
  
“Hiro, I…” Keitaro gulped, leaning against the back of one of the trees so it blocked anyone’s view of him from the sidewalk below. Tears tumbled down his cheeks, turning cold if he didn’t wipe them away fast enough.  
  
“And, I hate to finally say it,” Hiro cut him off, wanting to sneak in how he felt, but not give Keitaro the opportunity to reject him. “But that person isn’t Taiga. It never was.”  
  
“You really think so?” Keitaro pawed at his eyes, hoping the puffiness would disappear quickly. Hiro always had a talent to boost his self-esteem – one of the reasons they were best friends since childhood.  
  
“Absolutely,” Hiro said confidently. “And the good news is: you’re twenty years old. You’re a college freshman. Your future is so bright and there are a ton of guys who would be ecstatic to have a shot with you. At least this didn’t happen when you were like 35 and married and realized you made a huge mistake. You can find someone who respects you now. Someone who will take care of you and never make you cry like this.”  
  
Keitaro nodded and gulped, trying to swallow the lump in his throat. “Th...thanks Hiro. You always know what to say to make me feel better.”  
  
“Hahaha, that’s my Keitaro,” he laughed. “No more crying. This will actually turn out to be a good thing when you look back on it. Trust me.”  
  
Keitaro’s phone buzzed with a new message. Pulling the cell from his ear, he opened it – another new text from Taiga. _“Can we please talk? I’m losing my mind and really need to talk to you.”_ Keitaro shook his head ignoring it. This was text number 17 he got from him between last night and this morning. His emotions today teetered between outrage and sorrow, and he knew another conversation with Taiga would just bring out the worst in him. He flicked back to his call with Hiro. “So you...you don’t think it’s fixable with Taiga?”  
  
Hiro clicked his tongue, annoyed. Silence hung on the line as he chose his words carefully. “It’s fixable. I think Taiga would jump at the opportunity to get back with you. The question you need to ask yourself though, is: do I deserve to be treated this way? Do I deserve to be with someone I can’t trust? Ultimately, do I deserve better? I think you do, and I think you can get it.”  
  
Keitaro touched the corner of each eye, pleased to find them both mostly dry. “Th...thanks, Hiro. You’ve always been such a great friend to me. I...uh...right now, I think you’re right.”  
  
“Anytime. You’re my best friend too, so I’ll always be there for you. I know it hurts right now, but let’s hang out real soon – as soon as you’re done with your tests. We’ll go do something awesome to get your mind off of it. God knows I could use something fun now too.”  
  
“Y-yeah!” Keitaro agreed immediately, grin spreading across his face. “That would be so cool!”  
  
“Just let me know when you’re free. I’ll travel to Tokyo anytime to see you. They uh...they discharged my mom, so we’re home at least.” Hiro’s voice cracked when he started talking about his mother. He didn’t sound nearly as confident talking about her as he did about Taiga.  
  
“Oh...uh...oh that’s great! So her tests came back with good news?”  
  
“Well...uh...good enough news that she doesn’t have to stay in the hospital anymore,” Hiro admitted, still sounding unsure. “We’ll...uh...we’ll be back in Tokyo for plenty more treatments, but I’m viewing it as opportunities to see you!”  
  
“G-glad she’s back home. And yeah I...uh...I really look forward to seeing you. I could really use some friends at the moment.”  
  
“Awww, Keitaro, you know I’m always there for you. I’d hop on the train to Tokyo right now if you asked.”  
  
(…)  
  
“Let me preface this by saying I didn’t know Taiga very well,” Ichiro admitted, taking off his glasses to clean them on his shirt. “But this sounds like a case study in why high school relationships never last through college.”  
  
They sat in the student cafeteria eating an early lunch. Keitaro specifically asked to meet at 10:30 so there would be less people around. He wasn’t confident he could maintain his composure for a complete hour during lunch. Definitely did not want to be the guy who cried in the middle of a packed cafeteria. Voice hiccupping, he almost lost his cool while explaining the backstory to Ichiro, but somehow finished without breaking down. He dropped his head afterwards to try to gather himself, letting Ichiro have his own soliloquy.  
  
“Straight couples, gay couples, it doesn’t matter,” he continued, putting his glasses back on. “They go to prom, to graduation together. They promise they’ll always love each other. Then they go off to college and someone sweeps her off her feet or he finds some hot sorority sister...you know the rest.” He waved his hand dismissively, oblivious to the pain on Keitaro’s face.  
  
“W-we didn’t go to high school together though...”  
  
“It’s the same idea,” Ichiro shrugged. “He didn’t even go to college, right?”  
  
“Y-yeah,” Keitaro nodded, reluctantly. “He’s working right now.”  
  
“See, you have to realize that there are different...I don’t want to say classes. That sounds too elitist. People are just at different places in their lives. I guess that’s the PC way to say it.” He cocked one shoulder and frowned with half of his mouth, as if telling a hard truth. “When I met Taiga, he came off as...this is harsh…but I thought he looked like a punk – getting into street fights, unfriendly, cursing a lot. He looked like someone who I’d avoid at the bus stop. Or somebody that would ask me for spare yen.”  
  
“That’s not exactly…” Keitaro argued, but stopped himself short. He didn’t want to get into Taiga’s entire history and understood the general gist of Ichiro’s point. Still, he felt the description unfair.  
  
“Like I said, I didn’t know him well.” He raised his hands from the table and widened his eyes, admitting his ignorance. “But...I mean to be blunt...you want to find someone who complements you. Someone you can build a life with together as equals. Bad boys are fun and all. I’ve crushed hard on a few myself. But you don’t want to be in a relationship with someone who you constantly have to pull behind you because they’re always a mess. It’ll wear you down and make you resentful after enough years.”  
  
Keitaro stirred his soup mindlessly, trying to come up with a counter-argument. He didn’t appreciate Taiga being painted as some kind of stupid street thug, but could see how he came off that way to strangers. Regardless, he rolled his eyes in annoyance. At this point, anger was preferable to crying, so he held on to it. “But like you said, you don’t know him.”  
  
“Completely fair,” Ichiro nodded. “I guess what I’m saying is, you’re a talented student, Keitaro. You have a lot going for you and you’re at one of the best schools in Japan. Your future is bright. Do you really want to spend your life supporting someone? Or would you rather have an equal? Someone with the same education, same promise, and same future earning potential?” Ichiro shrugged again, but couldn’t stop a grin from spreading across his face. “Remember, this affects everything in your future – what kind of house you can afford, what type of vacations you’ll take, how you’ll raise your kids...if you want any. It sounds harsh, but these are all things you should be thinking about now while you’re young.”  
  
“Y-you’re not wrong,” Keitaro admitted, sucking his teeth. He didn’t completely agree, but could see the logic. At least this more long term view on relationships kept him calmer than Hiro’s haranguing this morning. “You make it sound so transactional though. I’m not going to love someone because of how much money they make.”  
  
“Don’t think about it like that,” Ichiro insisted, shaking his head. “It’s like...there are different pools of people you could date, right?” He drew multiple circles on the table with his finger. “You’re just selecting from which pools you’re willing to date. It’s not like setting a hard rule of not dating someone who doesn’t make at least ten million yen a year. That’s tacky.”  
  
“I still think it sounds like a caste system,” Keitaro laughed. _“God, when’s the last time I laughed,”_ he thought.   
  
“Hey, we all have our limitations or deal-breakers, yeah? You wouldn’t date someone on drugs or someone who was in jail, right? This is just raising those expectations a bit.”  
  
“I guess that makes sense,” Keitaro agreed, smiling for one of the few times he could remember in the last 24 hours. “Th-thanks so much for meeting up with me for lunch. I’m feeling a little better about things, I think.”  
  
“No problem. I know you’re probably still upset and emotional,” Ichiro sympathized, scratching the back of his head. “The best piece of advice I can give you is don’t rush back into it. Don’t let him guilt you into getting back together. Feel things out. Take your time. Emotions are running high for both of you right now. Don’t make an emotional decision in either direction in the first couple of days.”   
  
“Y-yeah I think that’s smart. I’m going to just focus on studying for exams this weekend.”  
  
“Good choice,” he nodded. “Oh hey, did you send Jun your resume yet?”  
  
Keitaro’s green eyes lit up in excitement, glad to talk about something positive for once. “Oh yeah! I sent it to him last Wednesday. He replied and said he got it and that he would see what he could do!”  
  
“Awesome! I called some of my contacts at Vivi Magazine too. It’s looking good. Expect to hear something back in the next few days.”  
  
“Really?!?” Endorphins spiked in his brain, pushing out any sad thoughts of Taiga. If he could get a professional internship as a freshman, it could open all kinds of doors for him. The contacts in the industry would be invaluable in and of themselves.  
  
“Yeah, I told them that you’re a smart guy. Your work’s really good too. They’d be lucky to have you.” Ichiro stacked the plates on his tray, signaling he was about ready to go. “Make sure you answer your phone for any number you don’t recognize and check your email spam folder just in case.” Standing to bus his tray he met Keitaro’s eyes one last time, softly smiling at him. “And keep your head up. I know it’s hard, but you’ll be alright.”  
  
(*****)  
  
 _Day 118: Saturday, November 13th; Afternoon  
  
_ Keitaro’s eyes glazed over as he re-read the same sentence over and over. Perhaps reading in bed was a mistake. He had the dorm to himself though – Seto left to go to the library for a study group. With the afternoon sun coming through the window and the warm heat purring through the ventilation, he struggled not to pass out with his book on his chest. His lack of sleep last night caught up with him, eyes growing heavy and zoning out for five minute intervals.  
  
“ _Nope, nope nope,”_ he chastised himself, hopping out of bed. _“You have too much reading to do. No time for afternoon naps.”_ Stretching his arms over his head, he paced the room to get his blood flowing, finally sitting in his hard desk chair. _“No chance of sleeping here.”_ His body rebelled against the command, forcing out a long yawn. With his chin propped in one hand, he fired up his laptop to take a small break. The usual procrastination cycle - e-mail, Instaglam, and then Reddit. _“15 minutes,”_ he promised himself. _“15 minutes and then you need to get back to work.”  
  
_ As his e-mail account loaded, his heart jumped in his chest seeing the first message. Sent 5 minutes ago, an e-mail from Eiko Kawada sat unopened. Not from some HR rep from Vivi Magazine - a direct e-mail from Jun’s mom. The subject line read: _Internship_. Hand shaking, he clumsily clicked his mouse – frustratingly missing on the first few attempts. His mouth gaped as he read:  
  
 _Mr. Nagame,  
  
_ _Thank you so much for your interest in interning with Vivi Magazine. After reviewing your application and portfolio, I’m excited to offer you an interview for an intern position with us this upcoming semester. Our interns come from_ _across_ _Japan and work closely with the publication, photography, and writing staff. The position also includes a stipend and hours are flexible to work around your class schedule.  
  
_ _Please let me know if you’re still interested in interning with us. If so, I’ll have HR contact you to schedule an interview. Congratulations and I hope to see you at our office soon.  
  
_ _Eiko Kawada  
_ _Publishing Manager, Vivi Magazine  
  
_ _PS: Good luck on your exams next week and tell Jun I said hello the next time you see him.  
  
_ “Ohhhhhh, wow!,” Keitaro gasped, tiredness vanishing. “I...I did it! I got an in! Yeeeeeeeeeesssssssss!!!!” He sprung out of his chair, knocking it backwards and into the dresser with a crash. “I did it!” he yelled.  
  
“Get ‘em! Keitaro!” Benji shouted from next door pounding on the adjoining wall. “Trying to read here though. Can you reel it in a bit?”  
  
“S-sorry,” Keitaro replied. He forgot how thin the walls were. Silently, he danced between the beds - mostly a shoulder bob and ducking his head side to side. Dancing was never his strong-suit.  
  
Buzzing loudly, his cell phone lit up from his desk with an incoming call. _“Oh geez…”_ he lamented, thinking Taiga called again. The joy abated, reminding him of all the hurt from last night and this morning. As he grabbed the phone though, the name Natsumi Hamasaki flashed.  
  
“O-oh hey, Natsumi,” he answered the call. “How’s it going?”  
  
“Hello, Keitaro. It’s Natsumi.”  
  
Keitaro rolled his eyes and exhaled sharply. Despite being so smart about almost everything else, Natsumi never seemed to get the idea of programming someone’s name into your phone. He always felt he needed to identify himself when he called. “I-I know Natsumi. What’s new?”  
  
“I have big news! I got the internship with Mizuho!” he spit out rapidly, excitement palpable. “I start the first week of December!”  
  
“That’s so awesome!” Keitaro gushed, legitimately happy for him. He debated telling him his own good news, but didn’t want to steal his thunder. “Congratulations! That’s so huge!”  
  
Natsumi gave him a complete play-by-play with a deluge of details. Listening patiently, Keitaro offered different forms of amazement and praise when Natsumi took rare pauses. After 10 minutes, he began looking at his watch, hoping he was winding down.  
  
“Yes, I’m ecstatic about it! Though it’s going to be a lot of work. I doubt I’m coming back to camp this summer.”  
  
“I get it. There’s no way you can pass this up for camp.”  
  
“Exactly…” Natsumi sounded relieved, like Keitaro would be angry with him about his decision. “We had a lot of fun the past few summers though, right? I’ll be in Tokyo too, so we can hang out when you’re at Tama.”  
  
“S...sounds awesome!” Keitaro bit his lip, unable to resist telling someone the good news of his own. “Honestly, I might not be going back to camp this summer either.”  
  
“What? Really?” Natsumi exclaimed, shocked by the news. “Why do you say that?”  
  
“I...uh...I don’t want to jinx it, but uh...I think I might have an opportunity for an internship this summer too.” In a rush, he regaled him about the opportunity and the e-mail he just received. He made a point to keep it briefer than Natsumi had, but still wanted to brag a little himself. His spirits soared, thinking about how his life may have changed exponentially for the better.  
  
“This is such a great day for both of us!” Natsumi agreed. He could almost hear him smiling through the phone. “I was afraid you had bad news. Like you broke up with Taiga or something!”  
  
Gulping, Keitaro felt like the wind got knocked out of him. All his happiness from the internship opportunity vanished, dragging him back to the land of sorrow. “I-I-I uh…” he struggled.  
  
“You there?” Natsumi asked, oblivious to the landmine he just set off. “Have you told Taiga yet? He was really looking forward to this summer. I’m sure he’ll understand, but you should tell him early so he can make other summer plans.  
  
“Well uh….” Keitaro noticed his voice cracking as his jaw shivered. His calm crashed around him. “We’re...we’re not really talking....” A squeak escaped him on the last word as his chest started heaving.  
  
“Oh….oh…” Natsumi fumbled, finally picking up on the despair he unknowingly caused. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean to...do you want to talk about it?”  
  
Keitaro gave him an abbreviated series of events, but wasn’t confident how much sense it made. For the first time today, everything melted down. On his call with Hiro this morning, he kept things together, for the most part. He stayed strong with Ichiro. With Natsumi though, he crumbled to pieces. Big gulping sobs interrupted most of the story. His voice cracked and squeaked like a teenager - just a disaster. “I’m sorry,” he sniffed when he finished. “I-It’s b-been a crazy last 24 hours. I-I’m all over the place.”  
  
“Oh Keitaro…” Natsumi sympathized when he finished. “I’m so sorry that happened. It just sounds so unlike Taiga.”  
  
“I-I’m surprised too,” Keitaro admitted. “I thought we were both really happy.”  
  
“Um...do you want my opinion or do you want me to just listen?” he asked bluntly. Natsumi didn’t have much of a future as a social worker, but Keitaro strangely appreciated him being so straightforward.  
  
“G...g...go ahead. The less...the less I talk, probably the better.”  
  
“Ok, but feel free to interrupt me,” Natsumi began. He inhaled deeply – his telltale sign of a long incoming speech. “I don’t think Taiga is unhappy. If he was, he would’ve called and broke up with you. Or he would’ve had a longer history with this guy. The fact that he apologized and insisted on fixing things makes me believe this was a one time event and that he truly did just make a mistake. If you think about it, Taiga didn’t have sex with him either. Sexual intercourse is defined in the dictionary as involving penetration and ejaculation. Neither of which occurred, at least according to Taiga’s story…”  
  
Keitaro rolled his eyes at Natsumi’s winding, detail oriented thoughts. In a weird way, it was exactly what he needed though. He didn’t need to talk and could work on stopping himself from sobbing. Also, he found Natsumi’s nerdy analysis somehow soothing. Compared to Hiro’s emotional attack, this could be easily digested. _“Should’ve cried more on the phone with Hiro,”_ he mused.  
  
“Now, while sexual intercourse may not have occurred, it could very well still qualify as cheating. Some people see the simple act of gazing upon another as cheating. Others would argue that short of penetration, no cheating occurred. It’s up to you to make your own opinion. Regardless, the larger issue is trust. Though he made this mistake in the past, will he continue to make it in the future? What has he learned from this experience? If he gets punished for telling the truth this time, will he continue to be honest going forward? The definition of trust is…”  
  
“Wh...what do _you_ think?” Keitaro finally jumped in. He couldn’t take another reading from the dictionary.  
  
“M-me? Think about what?” Natsumi stuttered, clearly derailed. He probably had his next four thoughts lined up, but didn’t expect to be asked questions himself.  
  
“If this happened to you, what would you do? Do you think you could trust him again?”  
  
“Great question,” he pondered. “I...I like to think I’d have enough respect for myself to move on, but I also think one mistake shouldn’t ruin everything. Especially if the other party is remorseful and wants to make things better.  
  
“This has been really helpful,” Keitaro sighed, half sarcastically. “I’m sorry, but I need to get back to studying. Thanks for hearing me out and congratulations again on getting the internship.”  
  
“Of course. Congratulations to you too. Let’s hang out soon. Getting outside with friends is often helpful during a breakup.”  
  
“T..thanks, yeah after exams that would be great. I’ll text you. Talk to you later.”  
  
Hanging up, Keitaro’s eyes fell again to his laptop and the email from Ms. Kawada. He produced a small smile, despite still rubbing his swollen eyes. _“No matter what happens with Taiga, you still have this at least,”_ he admitted happily. _“You made it, buddy. This is only the beginning.”  
  
_ Phone still in hand, he pulled up Jun’s contact and started texting. _“Hey, Jun! I just got an e-mail from your mom! She says she’s going to give me an interview. Thank you so much for sending my resume and portfolio to her. I owe you big time! After exams, let’s get together. I need to buy you and Yua a beer for helping me. You don’t know how much this means to me!”  
  
_ Putting the phone back on his desk, he immediately started writing back to Ms. Kawada, telling her he was still very interested in interning and thanking her for the opportunity. Halfway through writing it, his phone chimed from a new message. _“Jun writes back quick…”_ he thought.  
  
His heart sank as he checked it. The message didn’t come from Jun Kawada, but from Taiga Akatora: _“Can you please just text me back that you’re still alive? The silent treatment is killing me. Just tell me you’re doing ok and I’ll leave you alone.”  
  
_ Keitaro finally cracked. He planned on ignoring him all day, but Taiga’s request seemed reasonable. If it would get him to leave him alone for the rest of the day, it might be worthwhile to give the redhead a small amount of communication. _“I’m not ok. I’m still really upset. I need to study. I’ll call you tomorrow, ok?”  
  
_ Seconds after sending it, his phone chimed again with a new message from Taiga. He could almost picture him squeezing his phone tightly, waiting for a response. _“I understand. Thanks for responding. Again I’m sorry and I can’t wait to hear from you tomorrow. Good luck with studying. I’ll leave you alone.”  
  
_ Tears welled up in Keitaro’s eyes again as he quickly closed the text. Everything screamed at him to call him right now. Taiga sounded so hurt and instinctively, he wanted to make things better for him. Ichiro’s voice rang in his head: _“Don’t let him guilt you into getting back into a relationship.”_ If he called him now, that’s exactly what would happen. Keitaro knew he wasn’t strong enough yet.  
  
Infuriatingly, his phone went off a third time. _“He just said he’d leave me alone!”_ he fumed. The message came from Jun though and he quickly relaxed: _“Keitaro! Hey, congratulations! I’m glad my mom agreed with me. I think your work is exceptional too. I just told her the truth. It was awesome hanging out with you. Yua talks about you all the time and has been begging me to reach out. Let’s definitely get together after exams!”  
  
_ (…)  
  
“This better be good, frog-boy,” he growled into the phone. “Sheriff Brokeback is still looming in the doorway. You know I can see you, idiot! You want me to talk to Keitaro or no?!?!”  
  
Keitaro went back and forth on whether he wanted to make this call all day. For one, he was nearly impossible to reach. Despite sending him an email and a text earlier in the day, he got no response. Ultimately, he had to resort to calling Scoutmaster Yoshinori and ask if he could get him on the phone. His hand shook the entire time while he waited. They hadn’t talked since summer, and he feared this was a dumb idea and he wouldn’t care.  
  
On the flip side, Keitaro really valued his opinion. His no-nonsense approach to life cut through all the bullshit and pageantry – harsh but usually correct. He received a lot of trite advice and cliches today. He wouldn’t get that from Yoichi.  
  
“Heeeeyyyy,” Keitaro drawled, trying to sound casual. “How’s camp going?”  
  
“Good,” Yoichi snapped. “You had Sheriff Brokeback come get me so you could ask about camp?”  
  
“No...I…”  
  
“Get to the point, frog-boy. I got things to do. What happened? Are you pregnant?”  
  
“Hehe um...quite the opposite actually….” he giggled. Thankfully, he got through the story with Yoichi without incident. He still wasn’t sure why he had the absolute meltdown with Natsumi earlier – just that his emotions were in overdrive. _“Probably just too exhausted to cry anymore,”_ he thought, rubbing his forehead. After three more hours of studying, the back of his eyes pulsed with heaviness as he fought to stay awake.  
  
“So what do you want me to do? Go to Hiroshima and beat the piss out of him?” Yoichi suggested. He kept his tone level, making Keitaro unsure if he was joking or not.   
  
“N-no, I just...I thought you would actually be honest with me.”  
  
“Awww, did too many people tell you that you deserved better?” he cooed. “That you’re a special gay snowflake that deserves an ideal man?  
  
“Hehe, n...not exactly, but that’s not far off either.”  
  
“First, he didn’t even have sex – the pussy that he is,” Yoichi scoffed.  
  
“Why do people keep telling me that?” Keitaro shot back, annoyed with this line of thought. “Does that somehow make it better?”  
  
“Ugh...you’re so stupid. You put a thousand kilometers between you and him, right? You see each other what, every couple of months? Then you get outraged when he has a sex drive?”  
  
“Th...that’s not what I’m mad about!” Keitaro realized he was getting more of an argument than a sympathetic advice session. _“Not sure what I expected…”_ he thought, shaking his head.  
  
“Of course you are. You wouldn’t be calling everyone in your phone if you weren’t. You think someone is gonna give you just the perfect little piece of advice that solves everything?”  
  
That one stung and couldn’t be dismissed easily. Yoichi was the fourth person he told about this today. At what point did this change from getting advice from friends to self-pity calls?  
  
“Listen, you knew what you were getting into when you decided to date Taiga, right?” he continued, unchallenged. “Taiga...he’s a broken toy. You can’t fall in love with a broken toy and then get mad when it malfunctions.”  
  
“B-broken toy?” he stuttered, struggling to keep up with Yoichi’s conversation dominance.  
  
“You know all of this. I spent last winter with him when he did his ‘volunteering’ at camp, and he told me half of it. And I wasn’t even bottoming for him.”  
  
Keitaro blushed, unable to think of a retort. _“How does he know I’m a bottom?”_ he wondered.  
  
“He didn’t grow up with money like you. He has the whole church thing and being gay. Plus his mom’s super religious and he’s a complete mama’s boy – always trying to make her happy. Did he ever tell you about his dad?”  
  
“P-parts…” Keitaro spit out, desperate to derail Yoichi’s tirade. “I know he’s not in the picture anymore at least. He mentioned him getting sick a few times, so he might be dead? I...I’m not entirely sure.”  
  
“Exactly!” Yoichi exclaimed knowingly. “There’s some bad shit there. Combine that all together and you’re shocked he acts like an asshole sometimes? He didn’t grow up in a happily married family in the suburbs like you.”  
  
“Th-that doesn’t give him free reign to sleep with whoever he...”  
  
“He didn’t sleep with anyone!” Yoichi yelled over top of him. “He made a mistake and called you immediately like the little bitch he is. And guess what? He’s gonna make even more mistakes in the future. The broken toy is going to malfunction again because that’s what Goddamn broken toys do.”  
  
Keitaro scoffed, disagreeing with him, but feeling outmaneuvered at every turn. “I can’t just pretend it was a silly mistake and everything’s ok, because it’s not.”  
  
“Fine, hold it over his head for a while and forgive him. Or throw the broken toy in the trash. I don’t care. Just remember that you’re not perfect either. You’ll malfunction someday too, and I hope whoever you hurt treats you just as well as you treat Taiga.”  
  
A scuffle sounded on the line before Keitaro could respond. “I told you to stay out, Sheriff Brokeback!”  
  
“But it’s my office…”  
  
“Whatever, I’m done anyway,” Yoichi growled. “Keitaro, I gotta go. Don’t make Yoshinori fetch me again unless you’re bleeding out or need me to kick somebody’s ass.”  
  
(*****)  
  
 _Day 118: Saturday, November 13th; Night  
  
_ “Do you still love him?” Seto asked, pulling his comforter over his bare shoulders. Darkness filled their dorm room, with only moonlight seeping between the blinds  
  
“Honestly...I...I think I do,” Keitaro nodded from his own bed. His eyes weighed forty pounds a piece and his head throbbed from the lack of sleep last night. “It’s so soon though. Like this one piece of information didn’t make me fundamentally change how I think about him. I still miss him. I still want to spend time with him. Is that weird?”  
  
“I think it’s pretty normal,” Seto yawned, stretching his hands towards the ceiling. “I always liked Taiga. Outside of this, he treated you well since you’ve been together.”  
  
“Y-yeah, that’s why it’s so strange. It’s almost like I don’t believe him. I’m mad that it happened, but still feel like I’m in a relationship with him. Like I’m upset he forgot my birthday or something.”  
  
“It’ll take time to sink in. Maybe see how you feel in a couple of days or a week.”  
  
“Y-yeahhhh.” He couldn’t stop himself from mimicking Seto’s yawn. It’d been one of the longest days of his life – with both great highs and great lows. “Did I tell you I talked to Yoichi today?”  
  
“Haaaa, how’d that go?”   
  
“He...he called Taiga a broken toy?” Keitaro shook his head, still a bit shell shocked from that phone call. “Said he would make more mistakes in the future and that I should get used to it.” He scrunched his eyes closed, not wanting to ask the next question but it bugged him. “D-do you think this was the first time Taiga did this? Do you believe his story?”  
  
Seto let out a long exhale, staring at the ceiling contemplatively. “I do. Maybe he downplayed some things, that wouldn’t surprise me. But I believe he didn’t full-on sleep with this guy and I don’t think he’s doing it on the regular. If he was, he never would’ve called you. How did he sound on the phone when he told you?”  
  
“T-terrified,” Keitaro said quickly. “I never heard him so nervous in my life. Like he was about to get arrested.”  
  
“See, that doesn’t sound like someone who has been sleeping around for a while,” Seto argued. “It’s not like you caught him. He voluntarily called you. If he was doing this all the time, I don’t think you’d get a panicked phone call from him in the middle of the night. I thought he was in an accident or something last night.”  
  
“So did I…” he admitted. His shoulders relaxed and he stopped cringing. Seto’s logic was sound and he personally didn’t believe that either. “What if he really is a broken toy though? What if Yoichi’s right and this keeps happening in the future?”  
  
“Maybe he just meant mistakes in the general sense, not this exact scenario?”  
  
“Maybe…” Keitaro looked up and watched the fan blades slowly rotate. Seto grew silent, making him assume the conversation ended or his roommate had finally fallen asleep. _“What a day…”_ he reminisced, pushing himself to stay awake just a little longer. _“Everybody says something different. It’s like nobody knows what they’re doing…”  
  
_ “Mom did it,” Seto mumbled, barely audible.  
  
“Did you say something? Keitaro glanced over at the adjacent bed. Seto had both hands behind his head, avoiding his eyes.  
  
“Ugh…I don’t know if I should tell you this,” he hesitated. “Don’t bring it up if you ever meet my family. You promise me?”  
  
“Y-yeah sure.”  
  
He took a deep breath, shutting his eyes in painful memory. “When I was young my...uh...my mom had an..uh...an affair,” he finally choked out.   
  
“What?” Keitaro rolled over onto his side, shocked Seto would tell him this. “I thought your parents were still together?”  
  
“They...uh...they are.” His voice wavered uneasily, unsure if he should be sharing his family’s own problems. “It was really tough there for a few months. They fought all the time. I lived with my grandmother for a week once. It was...it was a terrible time for all of us.”  
  
“Seto...I’m so sorry...I...I didn’t…”  
  
“It was a long time ago.” He waved off the apologies with one hand. “I’m not going to get upset about it now. What’s important is they worked things out and they’re both happy now.” Seto turned onto his side, finally meeting Keitaro’s eyes. Moonlight reflected off his pale chest. “I’m only telling you this because...well...don’t let anyone tell you that it’s impossible to come back from or that you’ll never be able to trust him again. I’m not saying that you shouldn’t be angry or you need to forgive him immediately. But if you come out of this on the other side and still love him...don’t give up on that.”


	10. No Saviors

_Day 119:_ _Sunday_ _, November 14th;_ _Morning  
  
_ He screwed up the knot again. Both ends of the tie shook in his hands as he started over again for the 12th time. Pulling his phone from his pocket, he eyed it expectantly, waiting for it to light up and vibrate. Never before was he so obsessed about a telephone call. All day yesterday, he answered for anyone who called, in the off-chance Keitaro tried to reach him with a different number. He went ballistic, cursing at numerous telemarketers that they were holding up his line. Even Aimi caught his wrath when she called asking to switch schedules this week. Yesterday was not a good day to contact Taiga Akatora.  
  
Surprisingly, he got a small amount of sleep last night. His body collapsed around 2 am, finally overpowering his depression and chronic monitoring of his phone. It was not a deep or restful sleep – more like an acceleration of time. Dread and self-hatred haunted his dreams, forcing him to toss and turn, tangling himself in the comforter. He woke at 6 am groaning, with his heart pounding and a feeling of absolute worthlessness. Wrapping his head in the pillow, he halfheartedly tried to fall back asleep, but knew in truth that he didn’t want to give the monsters of his sleep another chance. Plus, maybe Keitaro would wake up early. He promised to call today, and technically now was within the window of times he could possibly call. Taiga set his phone to max volume and vibration to make sure he didn’t miss it.  
  
Finally, looping the long end correctly, he tightened the tie around his neck and flattened his collar. He already made contingency plans for if Keitaro called during the church service. He would demand, absolutely demand that his mother sit in the back towards the end of the pew to give him a quick exit. She might kill him for taking a call during church, but he had bigger fish to fry. She’d get over it. He wondered if he could hold the phone in one hand while he bicycled to his mom’s apartment. Risky, but this call could absolutely not be missed. He had to make it up to him. He couldn’t screw this up.  
  
Straightening the tie in the bathroom mirror, Taiga realized how much the stress of the last day wrecked him physically. _“No way to hide this…”_ he told himself, dropping his shoulders. _“You looked better with the black eye and busted lip.”_ Dark circles encased his puffy eyes – a combination of crying and lack of sleep. His usually spiked hair laid flat against his forehead, unkempt. He didn’t have the energy to style it today and pretend to care about his appearance. _“Mom’s lucky I’m wearing a tie today.”  
  
_ From his pocket, the phone went off like an alert for an incoming missile. His whole leg shook from the vibrations and the ringtone shrieked so loud that half the hall could hear it. Yuri took off at the commotion, scurrying under the futon. Fumbling in his pocket, Taiga’s heart swelled with hope as he pulled the phone out. The name Keitaro Nagame flashed, causing him to almost drop it in surprise. Despite waiting all day yesterday and today for this call, a sense of dread flooded him, unsure if he should answer it after all. _“Time to man the fuck up,”_ he encouraged himself. _“He’s giving you another chance to talk to him. Don’t screw this up!”_ Letting it ring twice more, he took a deep breath and accepted the call.  
  
“He...hey,” he said softly, trying to sound both apologetic and friendly. “Thanks...I mean I’m really glad you called me back. How’s...how’s it going with you?” He cringed at his own nervousness and rambling. He practiced this conversation a million times yesterday, but tripped over his words when it finally came.  
  
“I-I’m ok,” Keitaro muttered flatly, sounding just as tired as Taiga. “Better than yesterday I guess.”  
  
Taiga waited for him to say more, but silence hung on the line. He scrambled to fill it. “That’s...that’s good man. I’ve uh...I’ve been better myself.” He exhaled sharply before launching into everything he rehearsed in anticipation of this. “Listen, I ju...just wanted to tell you again that I’m sorry. I’m so fucking sorry. I promise you that it will never happen again.” His voice cracked and sputtered in fear, but he pushed through it. “I’m...I’m not unhappy with us. You make me really happy. Like more happy than I’ve been...ever. That’s why I called you immediately, because I was afraid I ruined things and I needed to see if there was a way I could fix it. Keitaro...I...I don’t want to break up with you. It’s the last thing I want to do…”  
  
“Wh-why did it happen then?” he sniffed. “If you were so happy, why did it happen?”  
  
“I-I’m still trying to figure that out myself,” he confessed, pacing his tiny studio. “I don’t like that guy at all. In fact, I told him I never wanted to see him again. It was just a stupid situation that I promise I’ll never put myself in again. I’ve 100% learned my lesson and I promise you, man, it’ll never happen again.”  
  
“It...it sounds like we both need some time to figure things out.” Keitaro spoke slowly to maintain a level voice, but Taiga could tell he struggled too. “I talked to a lot of people yesterday about it and they all said different things. The one...one thing they all agreed on though was to take a step back and re-evaluate things.”  
  
“Wait, who did you tell?” Taiga questioned, a shiver running down his spine.  
  
“Uh...Hiro of course, Seto, Natsumi called…”  
  
“You told fucking everyone?!?”  
  
“Not everyone, Taiga, stop yelling.”  
  
“I’m not yelling!” he yelled. Catching himself, he took a few deep breaths, pushing his anger all the way down. He needed to show penance not rage. “Sorry, they’re...they’re just sorta my friends too and I don’t...I don’t appreciate being painted as the bad guy.”  
  
“D...did it not happen?” Keitaro asked, annoyed. “Sorry, I go to my friends for advice when something bad happens to me.”  
  
“That’s not the point. I don’t blame you and yeah it did happen but...but we’re supposed to go back to camp with these people in a couple of months and I don’t want to be like...shunned.”  
  
“Um...about that…” he hesitated, unsure of how to tell him. “Natsumi isn’t coming back to camp. He got that internship with Mizuho…”  
  
“Oh, he sorta hinted at that a few weeks ago. Good for him…”  
  
“A-and...uh...I don’t know how to tell you this, but uh...I might not be coming back either.”  
  
“What?” Taiga’s blood ran cold and he stopped pacing. “No...I mean...I promise I’ll make it up to you by the time we go to camp. D-don’t make a hasty decision after one day…”  
  
“It’s not that…” Keitaro sighed. “I...I think I got an internship of my own this summer. O-one I can’t pass up.”  
  
“O-oh…” His heart beat in his throat and his legs felt weak. All of Taiga’s hopes for the future crashed around him, amplifying his dread. Hiroshima and the karaoke bar were only supposed to be temporary until the summer when he could finally be back with Keitaro. Now he couldn’t see the point. Why go back to camp without Keitaro and be branded as some kind of asshole cheater? A never-ending future of his current routine flashed before him, causing his brow-line to sweat.  
  
“M-most people have been happy for me,” Keitaro continued sharply. “I...I knew you’d be disappointed.”  
  
“I...I’m not disappointed,” he lied. “That’s...that’s really great. I’m happy for you. That’s...it’s a big deal.”  
  
“Th-thanks. I know you were really looking forward to summer though. And uh…” Keitaro took a deep breath, preparing himself to float the idea out there. “A-and especially after what happened this weekend, if you don’t want to do the long-distance thing anymore, maybe now is a good time to…”  
  
“Are you breaking up with me?” Taiga cut him off in a panic. “Because no, that’s not what I want. You’re right, I’m disappointed that I’m not going to spend the summer with you. I’m...I’m still getting myself used to the idea. But...but that doesn’t mean I don’t want to ever see you again.”  
  
“I’m not saying we sever all ties...” Keitaro’s voice squeaked and Taiga feared he would start crying again. “But if you want to see other people, I guess...I won’t stop you.”  
  
“That’s not what I want!” Taiga exclaimed, wondering if it sounded like whining. “I don’t want that! Fuck, how many times do I need to tell you that I don’t even like this guy? The only person I want is you.” A sudden realization dawned on him, forcing him to sit down on the futon. His heartbeat pounded in his ears. “Unless...is...is that what you want?” Silence lingered on the line as Taiga sweated. He ran a hand through his flat red hair, cringing his eyes shut.  
  
“I have too many other things going on,” Keitaro finally answered. “I...I don’t want to date around either. If I’m being c-completely honest, I don’t even really want to break up with you right now. B-but I think we need to take some time apart to find out if this is going to work.”  
  
“O-ohhhhh ok?” Taiga held on to the admission that Keitaro didn’t want to break up with him for comfort, but still felt like he was getting dumped. “If...if that’s how you feel, I uh...I get it, but uh...I…” Stumbling over the eighty things he wanted to say, Taiga rushed to make himself coherent. “How long of a break do you need? Because uh….I don’t think I need a long break…”  
  
“We’ll...we’ll play it by ear I guess,” Keitaro sighed sadly. “If enough time passes and we both think it’s a good idea, we can give it another shot.”  
  
“I...I don’t like it, but I guess I have to respect it.” Taiga rubbed one eye vigorously, further irritating it. “Just...just know I’ll always be here for you. I...I won’t see anyone else while we’re apart. And...and you can call me anytime. It uh...it makes me really happy just to hear you...your voice.” He hiccuped and could sense another bout of crying incoming.  
  
“We...we’ll stay in touch. I promise.” Keitaro’s voice squeaked too.  
  
“O...o...ok. Well I need to go to church with my mom,” he stuttered through rapid breaths. Not wanting Keitaro to hear him cry, he bailed on the conversation. “I...I still love you.”  
  
“Y-yeah...I...I..I’ll talk to you soon, Taiga.”  
  
With that, he heard the three beeps of the call ending. Falling onto his side, he pulled the comforter over his head with shaking hands and curled up in the fetal position. The sorrow took him. _“You totally got broken up with, you idiot,”_ he lectured himself. _“He is just too nice of a guy to come out and fucking tell you.”  
  
_ (...)  
  
Leaning his head against his mother’s apartment door, Taiga hesitated. He was already 45 minutes late. Church started in 15 minutes, and they might be able to make it if they hustled. In truth, he hoped they skipped it. He looked nowhere near presentable and didn’t want to subject himself and his mother to questions about whether he was ok from other church goers.  
  
He slammed his forehead against the door twice to knock and twisted the doorknob. To his absolute horror, Tomiko sat next to his mother in the living room – both with looks of murder on their face. He completely forgot Tomiko agreed to meet them before church. _“Isn’t this fucking perfect,”_ he laughed morbidly. Hanging his head, he slowly shambled into the apartment. “I...I’m sorry I’m late. I…” Raising his eyes, he watched them take him in, their anger transforming into alarmed concern. Both stood.  
  
“Honey! What happened! Are you ok?” She rushed to him, embracing him in a hug. Tomiko stayed planted, but he could see her worry for him growing.  
  
“I...uh...I ruined everything, mom.” He let out a pitiful laugh at the ridiculousness of the situation. “I ruined everything…”  
  
“Are...are you hurt?” Tomiko called over to him, looking close to tears herself. “Did somebody…”  
  
“Nobody punched me, if that’s what you’re asking,” Taiga interrupted her. He melted in his mother’s arms, hunching his posture and resting his chin on her shoulder. “I...I...I’m so sorry, mom,” he struggled, voice shaking already. “I’m such a jerk…”  
  
“Taiga, slow down. What happened?”  
  
“I...I ruined my...ruined my relationship,” he squeaked, burrowing his clenched eyes into his mom’s shoulder. “And...and it’s 100% my fault. I ruined it because I’m an asshole.” His mother scratched his back gently, but he felt her body stiffen when he mentioned his relationship. Silence hung in the room, and he could only imagine the uncomfortable looks on both of their faces.  
  
“Tomiko, honey, maybe you should go. Sorry, I don’t think we’re going to make it…”  
  
“Oh for fuck’s sake – she knows, mom!” he gulped, anger rising. He kept his head buried in her shoulder, yelling into it. “You’re...you’re keeping the same secret from each other! She knows about Keitaro!”  
  
If he thought the silence lasted forever when he mentioned his relationship, the naming of Keitaro sucked all the air out of the room. He didn’t dare raise his head to look at either of them. The scratching motion on his back stopped.  
  
“I...I should go,” Tomiko finally agreed. “Taiga, please call me when you...when you can. I still want to get together today if you have time.”  
  
“O...ok,” he sobbed, eyes closed. Waiting until he heard the door close behind Tomiko, he reluctantly lifted his head from his mother’s shoulder to gauge her temperament. He expected absolute rage at his admission that he told Tomiko he was gay, but she looked more flabbergasted - eyes still full of pity at his sorrow. He never cried in front of his mother – not since childhood.  
  
“Oh...oh honey,” she sympathized, wiping his eyes and brushing the side of his face. “Come sit down and I’ll get you some tea. We’ll skip church today.”  
  
Chest heaving, he nodded and slowly meandered to one of her chairs as she went to the kitchen. _“Get yourself together, you moron,”_ he yelled at himself. _“This is a new low...crying in front of your_ _mom_ _.”_ He felt like a complete loser sitting in his mother’s living room and crumbling to pieces, but he couldn’t stop. All the pain and fear from yesterday resurfaced, combining with his lack of sleep to devastate him. His disastrous phone call with Keitaro this morning replayed in his head, as he over-analyzed every word; every silence.  
  
Until she placed the tea in his hand, Taiga didn’t notice her returning from the kitchen. The china clattered in his shaking hands. Taking a small sip helped get his ragged breathing under control. He raised his sad eyes slowly to his mother and forced a smile that he wasn’t confident at all she would believe. “Thanks. I’m uh...I’m feeling better,” he lied.  
  
“You don’t look better,” she called his bluff, sitting in the chair across from him. “Do you want to talk about…about what happened?”  
  
“No...not really.” he exhaled sharply, dropping his head. “I really hurt him, mom. It’s like 100% my fault.”  
  
Silence lingered thick. She obviously didn’t expect a conversation about her son’s secret boyfriend today and struggled to balance sympathy and her aversion to the idea of her son being gay. “We...uh...we all make mistakes, sweety…”  
  
“No, you don’t get it. Like this was really bad.” He raised his swollen red eyes to her to show his seriousness and his terror. “It was like something straight out of dad’s playbook. That’s how bad it was.”  
  
“Oh Taiga…” she sighed, shuddering at him bringing up his father. “It couldn’t have been that bad…”  
  
“It was!” he interjected, throwing his hands up in frustration. Hot tea sloshed onto his dress pants, but he didn’t let it phase him. “It’s like it runs in my blood or something. I’m pissed all the fucking time and I treat people like such trash sometimes. What’s wrong with me? Why do I do this?” He bordered on crying again, but his frustration held it at bay for the moment.  
  
His mother’s eyes flashed wide in shock, half at his swearing and half at his comparison to his father. She gently slurped her tea to hide her surprise. The silence gave Taiga time to calm down and her a chance to gather her thoughts. “You remind me of him sometimes,” she finally conceded, stirring her tea gently. “I won’t lie to you about that. You’ve always been quick to anger and easily wronged.”  
  
Taiga’s tongue caught in his throat, gulping stupidly. Even she saw it. He promised himself at a young age. He swore he would never end up like his dad. Now here he sat with his mother confirming he acted exactly like him. Sweat ran down his back and he clenched his eyes shut. “Mom, I...I really don’t want to be like...”  
  
“Let me finish. Taiga, look at me,” she demanded, noticing his despair. Reluctantly, he dragged his sad gaze to her, tears brimming at the edge of his red eyes. “Do you know what your dad never did? He never apologized. He never tried to make things better. He certainly never cried over anything he did.” Gently smiling, she got up from her chair and crouched in front of him, wiping away his tears with her thumb. “I see his anger in you sometimes, sure. But ever since you were little, you’ve always been so sensitive and caring and unabashedly protective of your friends. He was none of those things.”  
  
“But…”  
  
“No, no buts,” she stopped him. “You’re your own man. You always were. You’re not your father”  
  
Taiga gulped and nodded hesitantly “Th-thanks, mom.” For the first time in days, he legitimately smiled. “You don’t...you don’t know how much that means to me.”  
  
“I know it hurts, baby,” she cajoled him, scratching the back of his neck. Like Keitaro, she learned the sensation relaxed him. “But it’ll get better in time. If you really want to prove you’re not like your dad. Make things right with...him.”  
  
“I’m working on it,” he nodded, dropping his chin to his chest. “I promise I’m working on it.” Steadying his breathing, he just enjoyed the quiet calm of the room. His mind stopped racing for the first time in the last 48 hours. Minutes passed as he simply listened to the clock ticking from her kitchen.  
  
“Is..is he still talking to you?” she asked reluctantly. “If you guys are still talking, he could still be your...friend.”  
  
“Yeah, we’re still talking,” Taiga said carefully, surprised she would ask. “I...uh...I thought you’d be relieved we ended things.”  
  
“I thought I would too,” she laughed. With Taiga done crying, she finally got up and returned to her chair. “I’ve never seen you so unhappy though. And I’ll never take joy in something that caused that. If...he makes you that happy. I hope you stay friends.”  
  
“Mom….” he muttered cautiously, keeping his gaze on the floor. “His name’s Keitaro. Can...can we just call him Keitaro?"  
  
“Keitaro,” she agreed. “There I said it. Are you happy now?”  
  
“Tch…” Taiga scoffed, but looked up at her grinning happily. “Be careful, it’s a slippery slope. One day I’m going to bring him back to Hiroshima to meet my awesome mom and you’ll have to say that name all the time.”  
  
(*****)  
  
 _Day 119:_ _Sunday_ _, November 14th;_ _Afternoon  
  
_ The coffee calmed his nerves. His hands still shook involuntarily, but at least he got all the crying out of his system at his mother’s. He felt strong...for now. Luckily, Tully’s Coffee was mostly empty for a Sunday afternoon. They arrived too late for the morning rush, so only working professionals remained, tapping away on their laptops. The lack of onlookers pleased Taiga.  
  
Tomiko sat across from him, curling a lock of hair around her finger in nervousness. She hesitated, wanting to say a million things but afraid she might break him. His crying this morning obviously shook her and he hated that she saw that side of him.  
  
“I...I’m better,” he assured her, glaring hard at his coffee cup. “I’m not going to cry again, if that’s what you’re afraid of.”  
  
“Sorry,” Tomiko said in a rush, glad he broke the ice. “It’s just...I’ve never seen you like that. Do you want to talk about what happened?”  
  
“No,” Taiga snapped immediately. He didn’t want her to think of him as a cheater and certainly didn’t want to field questions about gay sexual acts from her. This was Tomiko – the ideal church girl. The idea of describing a gay blowjob to her mortified him. “Just know that we broke up and it’s entirely my fault.”  
  
“Oooooookay,” she drawled, curling her hair faster. Soon she would have one lock of curly hair in her otherwise straight bangs. “How did things go with your mom?”  
  
“That went...better than I expected.” He pursed his lips and nodded. “She’s not happy I’m upset, obviously. She uh...she gave me crystals to put around my apartment?” He pulled six tiny translucent crystals in hues of blue and red out of his pocket. They weighed no more than a few grams each. Taiga snorted and shook his head as she picked up one of the minerals to examine it. “They’re supposed to help fix my relationship?”  
  
“This certainly isn’t in the Bible,” Tomiko smiled, turning it over in her hand. “Crystals?”  
  
“Yeah...I don’t know about your parents, but my mom believes in like Japanese Jesus, not Gaijin Jesus, if that makes sense?” he snickered, taking it back from her and returning them to his pocket. “I dunno, there’s a lot of weird stuff that gets mixed up in her beliefs. I don’t ask a lot of questions.”  
  
“Are you really going to put them around your apartment?”  
  
“Of course,” he smirked, defensively patting his pocket. “I can’t piss off Japanese Jesus.”  
  
Tomiko finally stopped toying with her hair and relaxed her shoulders, leaning back in the booth. Taiga’s jokes convinced her he wouldn’t have another breakdown at least. “Yeah I know what you mean. My mom has some weird beliefs too. I’m pretty sure the baby Jesus didn’t have soba noodles on Christmas, but she insists that it’s a thing and we eat it every year.”  
  
Taiga chuckled. Despite looking like hell, he finally felt like he could maintain his composure – a small step, but definitely not something he accomplished much in the last 24 hours. He focused on steadying his hands, lifting the coffee for another sip. The hot liquid warmed his chest and the caffeine dulled his headache.  
  
“Sooo...if you don’t want to talk about how it happened,” she pried gently, talking slowly as to not upset him. “Can I ask where you guys are now? You said you broke up?”  
  
“Sort of...,” Taiga mumbled, smile slipping from his face. “He said we needed ‘time-apart’?” he used his fingers to make air quotes. “Is that just code for breaking up?”  
  
“Not necessarily,” she assured him, nodding quickly. “That’s good news, Taiga. He didn’t say he never wanted to see you again or something like that.”  
  
He shrugged and waved a hand dismissively. “He’s too nice to say that. Even if that’s what he wanted, he would never flat out tell me that.”  
  
“At least your guys are still talking,” Tomiko tried, optimistically. “If he really hated you...”  
  
“You don’t get it!” he cut her off, a louder than he intended. A woman at a neighboring table shot him a sidelong glance, making him self-conscious of causing a scene. Taking a deep breath, he moderated his tone. “He called me this morning, and it was a disaster. Like a complete fucking disaster. These aren’t happy, constructive phone calls, Tomiko.”  
  
Her cheeks flushed in embarrassment at misreading and drawing Taiga’s anger. “I-I’m sorry. I haven’t dated much. You know?”  
  
“It’s fine,” he reassured her, shaking his head regretfully. “Sorry...I’m a loose canon right now.”  
  
“That’s...that’s understandable,” she conceded. “If you don’t want to talk about it anymore, we can...”  
  
“No, I uh...I respect your opinion,” Taiga told her reluctantly. “I could use a woman’s thoughts who’s not my mom, haha.”  
  
“O-oh ok. Um...I don’t know what to ask…” she struggled. “I just want to be supportive and make you feel better. You crying this morning scared me. I never pictured Taiga Akatora crying before.”  
  
“Don’t remind me…” Taking a few more slow sips of his coffee, he let the silence hang as he gathered his thoughts. He wasn’t sure either what he wanted her to say either. A quick answer to solve everything would be ideal, but he doubted one existed. “I mean...let’s say someone did something pretty horrible to you, Tomiko,” he started, attempting to paint a hypothetical. “And they apologized and all that, but it wasn’t enough. What could that person do to make it up to you?”  
  
“So I’m Keitaro…” she mused, tapping a finger to her lips. “It’s hard, since I don’t know how I’ve been hurt. But...hmmm…” She rolled her eyes to the ceiling contemplatively. “Apologies are a start, but I’d want to see my partner improve. I’d want to see them make concrete steps in making things better.”  
  
“Ugh...how do I do that?” he whined, crossing his arms. “I already said I’m sorry and I can’t prove anything to him when he’s 800 kilometers away.”  
  
Tomiko sighed and looked out the window, unsure of how to get away from trite advice. “You need to do something, Taiga. There’s no savior that’s going to save you. Superman isn’t going to come down from the sky and fix your relationship.”  
  
“I know that!” he snapped.  
  
“Do you?” she countered, tired of his moping. “Because saying you're sorry and waiting for him to call you doesn’t seem to be working. Let me ask this – why did you two start dating in the first place?”  
  
“Oh for fucks sake, Tomiko,” he moaned, rolling his eyes dramatically. “I have no idea. I’m no good at this mushy stuff.”  
  
“Take a second and think about it,” she demanded, squinting her eyes in frustration. “What made you a good choice for him?"  
  
“I’m hot as fuck,” he laughed. “My rippling abs probably.”  
  
“Taiga! Be serious!” she exclaimed. “There’s plenty of hotter guys than you. If it was looks alone, you’d be middling at best!”  
  
That one stung. He scratched the back of his head self-consciously. “We uh...we had a rough start actually. I was really mean to him when we first met.” He dropped his head in shame, talking to the floor. “I’m not sure what he saw in me, honestly. He kept insisting that I was a good person, deep down.”  
  
“You sound like you don’t believe that.”  
  
“Tch...what do you want me to say? I don’t know!” he growled, shaking his head. “I know I get angry sometimes, but am I a good person? That’s some deep shit...”  
  
“I agree with him…” she said softly.  
  
Redness flooded Taiga’s cheeks and he kept his head down to hide it. He didn’t know what to say to that. _“If you knew what I just did to him, you might not think I’m a good person,”_ he thought, burrowing his way down the self-blame rabbit hole. _“If you knew how I treated people at camp, you definitely wouldn’t think that.”  
  
_ “If you don’t think you’re a good person, maybe that’s somewhere to start,” she continued. “Baby steps – working on your anger, forgiving others, being a better person.” Shrugging, she made it look like a flippant idea. “If I was Keitaro, I’d want to hang out with confident, funny Taiga. Not mopey, pissy Taiga.”  
  
“I...I can work on that,” he agreed, glad to finally be putting together an action plan. “I can be better.”  
  
“And like...what’s your future plans?”  
  
“Huh…?”  
  
“Like you don’t want to work at the karaoke bar forever, right?”  
  
“Fuuuuuuck, no!” Taiga nearly shouted, eyes jumping wide. “That was only supposed to be until…” he paused, the realization dawning on him again. “Until camp this summer…” he finished sadly.  
  
“Are you going back to camp this summer if you two are still…” she asked hesitantly.  
  
“N-no, probably not.” His voice cracked slightly at the admission. Clenching his eyes shut, he focused on not losing his cool in public. “I...I was hoping I could fix things by then. But he got a summer internship now and…”  
  
“Oh that’s so great!” Tomiko interrupted, oblivious to his dismay. “Wow! He’s just a freshman, right?”  
  
“Yeah, it’s fucking great!” Taiga mocked sarcastically. “He’s a prodigy and going to meet all kinds of other successful people in Tokyo. Don’t worry though - I’m sure he’s just itching to get back with some karaoke bar loser who is five hours away.” He shook his head at how pitiful it sounded. “Sorry...I’m happy for him. Really, I am. But it feels like we’re moving in two different directions, you know? Especially after what I did...”  
  
“Did...did you ever consider changing your direction to meet him?” she suggested slowly. “Like what if you were both moving forward?”  
  
“Tomiko…” he lectured patronizingly. “I don’t know if you figured this out, but I dropped out of high school. I’m not exactly an intellectual powerhouse. Opportunities are limited…”  
  
“They’re only limited because you’re not trying!” she rebuffed him, frustrated at being talked down to. “You’re running your whole life just waiting for Keitaro to get a break from his so you can spend time together! Stop waiting for superman and do something!”  
  
Taiga gulped as if slapped, but slowly digested the idea. She was right – it was up to him. No more waiting by the phone, hoping Keitaro called to forgive him. He needed to start moving forward too. He needed to show Keitaro he had a future too. “I’m...I’m gonna get better…” he nodded. “I promise you, I’m gonna improve so fucking much.”  
  
(*****)  
  
 _Day 119: Sunday, November 14th; Night  
  
_ “ _She did this on purpose,”_ Taiga scowled, aggressively scrubbing beer glasses. _“Yell at a woman once and fear her wrath…”_ Wiping the sweat of his brow on his burnt orange shirt, he shot daggers at every new patron who staggered into the bar. Aimi calling off really screwed him tonight. Not only did he now need to do everything himself, the bar was hopping tonight with almost all of the karaoke rooms occupied.  
  
“ _Apologize to her tomorrow,”_ he made himself promise. _“You can’t put up with this shit much longer. Plus you were a jerk to her…”_ Tomiko’s message of self-improvement still stuck with him and he looked for other ways to make himself a better person. Yes, he may have been an asshole in the past, but he could work on that. He could change that. Getting on Aimi’s good side was a start. He had the power to improve things and make himself happy. He had the power to improve so much, Keitaro wouldn’t be able to resist him. With a dumb smirk, he imagined himself as an ideal man – with a college degree and a salary man job. They’d live a few kilometers outside of Tokyo so Keitaro could focus on his rural photography. His train ride into the city might be a little long, but he would easily make that sacrifice to see Keitaro happy every evening. Yuri would be an old cat following the sunlight around their house to sleep during the day…  
  
“Oh uh...good! You’re working today,” came a familiar voice from the door, snapping him from his daydream.  
  
Looking up, the smirk quickly slid from Taiga’s face. Heart beat elevating, his eyes narrowed as his rage surged. Kazan stood there stupidly, again in khaki shorts in late November, cheeks even rosier from the cold. He smiled gently, as if expecting a warm welcome. One look at Taiga though, and he realized his mistake. Raising his hands slowly, he backpedaled towards the door, unsure if he should flee.  
  
Still glaring, Taiga reached for the broom to arm himself. “How...fucking...dare you!” he roared, speeding around the bar to give chase. “What part of I never want to fucking see you again didn’t you understand?!?” Other guests gaped at the scene or retreated back to their private karaoke rooms, deciding they’d try to get a drink when things calmed down. Taiga didn’t care. _“The fucking balls on this guy,”_ his mind screamed. _“To show up at my work two days later after what he did!”  
  
_ “I...I wanted to say I’m sorry,” Kazan pleaded, opening the door and half-stepping out as Taiga charged him.  
  
“I’ll make you fucking sorry!” He swung the broom handle in warning, whizzing it in front of his face.  
  
Kazan ducked outside, but also awkwardly held the door open for Taiga as he followed – a complete gentlemen for the guy about to bash him with a broom. Eyes wide with fear, he raised one leg and tried to protect his head with his arms. To Taiga’s frustration though, he refused to take off and kept talking. “I...uh...I shouldn’t have been so aggressive. I don’t read people well...usually OW!”  
  
Taiga swung the handle low, whacking him mid-thigh on his raised leg. “You ruined fucking everything, you pervert!” he yelled at him. “You know that? I lost the guy I loved because you’re a moron!”  
  
“I didn’t mean to…OW! Stop it!” The broom cracked against his bicep as Taiga pushed him further and further from the now unmanned karaoke bar. “Will you stop so I can talk to you? I know I deserve this, but I’m trying to…”  
  
“Try going home!” Taiga suggested aggressively, poking him in the side with the handle. He didn’t swing at his face or even to draw blood really. The last thing he wanted was police or ambulance involvement. He just needed him to leave and never come back. “You’ve wrecked enough already, you loser!”  
  
“Not until I...Ha! Gimme that!” He caught one of Taiga’s swings with his left hand. Twisting, he pulled it from him and chucked the broom down the sidewalk. “What are you going to do now?” he smirked triumphantly.  
  
Breathing heavily, Taiga fumed at losing the broom, but didn’t make a move to retrieve it. “I told you to leave me alone,” he said as calmly as he could manage. “And I meant it. You get that? I’m going back to work. Delete my number and never come back here.”  
  
As Taiga turned his back to him, Kazan’s smile fell and he exhaled sharply, dropping his shoulders. “I have Asperger’s…”  
  
“You’re a giant ass burger,” Taiga called over his shoulder, laughing at his own joke. “The biggest ass burger I know.” As he reached the karaoke bar door though, he realized he had no idea why that was funny or why Kazan would call himself an ass burger. It was such a specific insult. Reluctantly looking over his shoulder, he saw Kazan defeated - head down and shoulders hunched.  
  
“ _Oh for fucks sake,”_ Taiga whined to himself. _“You’re gonna feel bad for the dude who ruined your life? Just go back to work and forget about him. Giving him any attention will just encourage him.”_ Despite his tough-guy inner monologue, he found himself softening and unable to ignore his sadness. _“Be a better person,”_ Tomiko rang in his head. Rolling his eyes, he hesitantly approached him. “I’m just getting the broom,” he lied. “Ass burger.”  
  
Kazan cautiously looked up at him as he came near, rubbing his arm where the broom connected. “It’s uh...it’s Asperger’s Syndrome. It’s sorta like low-grade autism.”  
  
Taiga gave him a half scowl as he passed, unable to get his anger completely under control. “And what? That makes you like uncontrollably horny that you just throw yourself at people?” Picking up the broom, he put it under his arm in a nonthreatening fashion.  
  
“No...no...I uh…” Kazan struggled, clearly embarrassed at having to explain. “I don’t read social situations well. I can be obsessive sometimes – like with Mario Kart or the trains.” His cheeks became even redder and he dropped his eyes. “I...uh...I have a really hard time making friends. So when I think I made one, I tend to panic and drink too much or do something else stupid,” he admitted, tapping his shoe against the pavement softly.  
  
Taiga stopped in his tracks at the last admission. He had his own problems making friends at times and understood the struggle.  
  
“I just want you to know that I’m not a bad person and I’m sorry for how things went down Friday,” Kazan rushed, trying to say his piece before Taiga returned to work. “I understand if you never want to see me again, but I...uh...I thought you deserved an explanation. And if you can forgive me and we can be friends, I promise you, nothing like that will ever happen again. I’ll never put you in that position. I get it now.”  
  
Taiga let out a sigh and closed his eyes. His wounds from this morning were still fresh and he wanted nothing better than to hit Kazan with the broom again; to paint him as the villain in this story who he vanquished in his quest to win back Keitaro. That wasn’t fair though. He blamed himself and his own idiocy equally.  
  
“I don’t think you’re a bad person either,” Taiga finally admitted. “I need some time to sort things out though, alright?”  
  
“I...yeah I get it,” Kazan brightened, relieved at not being outright rejected. “Just call me or text me if you want. I’ll give you space, alright? I won’t show up here anymore.”  
  
(…)  
  
 _Keitaro Nagame  
_ _Tama Art University  
_ _2 Chome Yarimizu,  
_ _Hachioji, Tokyo 192-0375  
  
_ _Hey, Bud,  
  
_ _I know I’m not great at talking about my feelings, so I thought I’d try to write them out. Again, I’m really sorry for everything that happened._ ~~ _If you’d consider me again  
  
_~~ “Fuck, fuck fuck!” Taiga shouted in frustration. Scratching out the last sentence, he crumbled the paper and tossed it in the trash. He dropped his elbows on the desk and cradled his head in his hands, pulling his cheeks down. Keitaro’s picture still laid face down to his left. He definitely wasn’t strong enough to look at that again yet. On top of it, he placed one of his mother’s crystals. _“If you’d consider me…? What are you doing? Applying for a fucking job, you loser? Think!”_ Abandoning his quest to write, he glanced at the multiple other attempts he had thrown away in the trash. For some reason, his usual writing style just disappeared tonight. _“It’s too soon. You sound like a moron.”  
  
_ Giving up, he collapsed onto the futon next to Yuri and pulled up the hood of his hoody. _“Take your time. You don’t want to come off as an idiot and mail him something in like two days.”_ He cringed at the idea of playing mind games with Keitaro. Losers did those things. They played hard to get. They didn’t call back too soon. They faked disinterest. Yet here he sat, pondering his every action and wondering if he came off as too clingy or desperate. His biggest fear was turning into Hiro – constantly chasing after him and refusing to take no for an answer.  
  
Pulling his hoody strings, he compressed it around his head like an Eskimo. “Ugghhhh,” he moaned in frustration. Despite not crying since this morning with his mother, a weight pressed on his chest, making breathing heavy. Night brought out the worst in him. Loneliness gripped his stomach, turning it sour and a headache pounded on the sides of his head. He pet Yuri to distract himself, but in truth, it was another night of sleeping alone. With Keitaro gone, it would be a night alone in a long string of future ones. Weeks, months, maybe forever stretched before him – nobody loving him, just living alone in his crappy apartment. Turning on his side, he pushed his head into the futon cushion, eventually falling asleep fully clothed with the light on.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick Programming Note – I knew in my head where I wanted to take this story exactly up to this point. From here, I had specific plot points and chapter ideas I wanted to hit, but was fuzzy on how to interconnect. Thus, I finally sat down last week and created an outline so I could finish this thing. By my math, I’m about halfway through, maybe a little more depending. It’ll end up being 19-20 chapters with a possible epilogue. If I can keep pace at a chapter a week (no promises, hahaha) I should be done by early April. 
> 
> This thing is definitely not your traditional camp buddy story. It doesn’t take place at camp and has a much darker side, but I mean, that’s life. The characters of the original stuck with me for a while now, especially Taiga and his faults/struggle for redemption. The ending of him volunteering at Camp Buddy was fine in the game, but I always wondered what came after - how would Keitaro and Taiga react in a real world setting and how would their relationship play out?
> 
> Thanks to everyone who left kudos or gave feedback. My big fear was that this would be too big and unconventional, but I think about 30-40 people check it out a week when I post an update, according to the hit counter, so there’s an audience at least. Thanks again for reading and stay safe out there.


	11. Missing Letters

_Day 124:_ _Friday_ _, November 19th;_ _Morning  
  
_ “Y-you feeling alright?” Keitaro asked. Despite the high morning sun, campus had turned frigid with no sign of it warming up today. He gripped the phone awkwardly in his clunky, woolen mittens, praying he wouldn’t drop it. “You sound sorta annoyed every time we talk.”  
  
“Oh I wonder why that could be?” Taiga scoffed. “Why in the world would I be annoyed?”  
  
Keitaro shook his head and snorted the cold autumn air out of his nose. “I’m not happy with things either, you know? But if you’re going to be pissy every time we talk, I can call less.”  
  
“No!” he countered, quickly backpedaling. “Sorry, I get excited when you call. I...uh...hearing your voice makes me really happy. But then we hang up and I’m reminded we’re not together anymore and I’m like sadder than before you called. It’s hard to explain…”  
  
“I-I know what you mean,” Keitaro admitted. Weaving in and out of other students on the sidewalk, he headed back to the dorm after his last exam – finally done with them. Campus bustled around him. Not everyone was finished like him. Some made their way to the library to get in a final cram session or hustled to their next test. He knew Seto had two exams this afternoon, so he’d likely have the room to himself right now. “Maybe we’re talking too much and it’s just dredging things up.”  
  
“Don’t say that,” Taiga pleaded, reeling back his earlier attitude. “I don’t think talking to you less will help things. I’m sorry, ok? I’ve been moody but I shouldn’t take it out on you. Let’s talk about something else. How did your exams go? You’re done now, right?”  
  
“Hehe, yeeeaaaah finally,” he yawned, stretching his arms above his head. He hoped he could fit in a small mid-morning nap. The lack of sleep from studying and worrying over Taiga aggregated the past few days, making the back of his eyes feel swollen. Admittedly, things improved around the edges. He hadn’t cried since Wednesday and got marginally more sleep - from 2-3 hours over the weekend to 5-6 hours the last few days. Still not normal, but getting better. Conversations with Taiga gelled too, at least compared to the emotional roller coaster calls they had on Saturday and Sunday. Today’s talk was strained, but not like screaming and crying, which he supposed was progress. “I think they actually went pretty well. Nothing really caught me off guard.”  
  
“Haha, that’s my dweeb,” Taiga encouraged him, sounding happy for the first time during the call. “I’m sure you aced them.”  
  
“Th-thanks,” Keitaro blushed, flattered. This was the Taiga he missed the most. Despite Hiro’s insistence that he could do better and Ichiro’s thoughts on dating someone more on his level, he missed Taiga’s support and encouragement. He knew the redhead still cared about him a ton and wanted him to do well. Others wished him luck and hoped he succeeded, of course. It was different with Taiga though – like their happiness intertwined somehow. Hesitating, he debated giving him his other big piece of news, knowing it was still a sore subject. “I...uh...I have my interview with Vivi Magazine this afternoon.”  
  
“Oh…” Taiga exhaled deeply through the phone, a small silence falling between them. “That’s great...that’s great man,” he finally conceded, rushing his words. “Text me and let me know how it goes afterwards.”  
  
Keitaro nodded like an idiot, as if Taiga could see that through the phone. “Y-yeah, sure will.” His dorm building loomed before him. Student after student exited through the front door, bookbags heavy and worried looks on their faces. “Hey, I’m back home. I’m going to take a nap before I head downtown. Talk to you soon?”  
  
“Yeah, sounds dope,” he replied sadly. “I still love you man.”  
  
Keitaro bit his lip. Taiga always ended their calls with that line and it tore at him. In his heart, he felt the same way, but worried admitting it would be equivalent to getting back together – a bridge he was unwilling to cross currently. “Th-thanks. Have a good weekend.” Taking off a mitten with his teeth, he ended the call and hurried into the warm dorm. Jogging up the stairs to the third floor, he unwrapped his bulky scarf and tucked the mittens into his pockets. Heat pumped out aggressively against the cold, making the transition from outside jarring. Sweat formed on his neck as he shook himself out of his coat.  
  
Taiga was right. He felt worse now than he did before he called him. Cringing his eyes shut, he tried to push the feeling of yearning out of his chest. Despite this breakup being Taiga’s fault, he still felt like he was punishing him and causing him pain. It went against every fiber of Keitaro’s character. He often needed to talk himself down from calling him back and apologizing. _“What am I sorry for?”_ he reminded himself. _“Stay strong, Keitaro. You didn’t do anything wrong.”  
  
_ “Bad final?” Benji asked, popping out of his own dorm.  
  
Keitaro jumped in surprise, not expecting anyone as he unlocked his own room. “G-geez, Benji. You scared me.”  
  
“Sorry,” he quickly apologized. “You look like you’re in pain, haha. Don’t worry, I think I bombed two of my finals too.”  
  
“It’s not that…” Keitaro sighed, wishing Benji would just leave him to his nap. “I don’t really want to go into it.”  
  
“Oh, ok. That’s cool.” Somehow, he came off as even more chill than Seto. Despite admitting he bombed two finals, Benji’s grinned happily. “Cheer up man, exam week’s almost over. We should hold another party here soon. The last one was a banger. Invite Taiga, he’s awesome.”  
  
Keitaro grimaced again and pushed his door open, desperate to escape. “Sure, I’ll talk to Seto about it. I’m taking a nap.”  
  
“Ok, see ya…” Benji got in before he slammed the door closed behind him. He didn’t mean to be short with him, but just didn’t have the patience at the moment. Even though he knew it was an accident, his neighbor poked all his sore spots. Frustrated, Keitaro flung himself into his desk chair and rubbed his eyes with his palms. True to his word, Seto was MIA, likely still at the library. He soaked in the silence, breathing deeply and wondering if he could fall asleep at his desk. The wind rustled against the window and he could hear distant footsteps in the hallway, but all else was calm.  
  
Regrettably, his gaze fell on the framed picture of him and Taiga by the Hachiko statue in Tokyo. Against his better judgment, he refused to put the picture away. In fact, he still wore Taiga’s necklace. He wasn’t sure if that was a sign that he still loved him or just his own sloth and inability to change his daily routine. Fingering the pendants hesitantly, he opened his bottom desk drawer and pulled out the letters Taiga sent him over the last month. Cupping his chin in his hands, he leaned on his elbows and started reading. He never got around to taking a nap.  
  
(*****)  
  
 _Day 124: Friday, November 19th; Afternoon  
  
_ As he sank into the leather chair, his legs shook with nervousness. They bounced up and down on his toes – a nervous tic he had since childhood. Keitaro never experienced a formal interview before. He worried his suit might be a bit too big or that he did his tie wrong. He could count on one hand the number of times he wore a suit and tie. His mom bought him this one two years ago for a high school dance. It was the only one he owned.  
  
In the past, Taiga always helped him with his tie. With church every week, the redhead was a Jedi Master of half windsor knots. After his third failed attempt at tying it, he had to stop himself from calling Taiga again for instruction. He was sure he would’ve been eager to walk him through it, but didn’t want to give him two back-to-back calls and have to be told “I still love you” again. Once was hard enough. Plus it would be another reminder of his internship, which always seemed to throw Taiga off-balance. If he could have a do-over, he would’ve called him when he was getting ready instead of right after class. _“Can’t change the past,”_ he shrugged. The YouTube videos he watched got him close enough. Not Akatora perfect, but presentable. At least the skinny end didn’t extend a meter past the thick side like the first time he tried it. He flicked on the camera setting of his phone and flipped it inverse to look at himself for the 30th time today. _“You look fine,”_ he assured himself. _“She said this was a formality anyway.”  
  
_ “Do you want a water, sweety?” the receptionist called, craning her head around the giant monitor on her desk. “So sorry for the wait. Ms. Kawada should be done with her meeting any minute.”  
  
“Ms. Kawada?” Keitaro gulped, eyes widening. “I thought it would be with Ms. Yamatoro from HR? She’s the one who sent me the interview confirmation?”  
  
“Yes, Ms. Yamatoro conducts most of the intern interviews. Sometimes Ms. Kawada takes an interest in a few of the applicants though, so she likes to meet them personally.” Taking in the terror on Keitaro’s face, she smiled softly and waved a hand dismissively. “Don’t worry, honey, it’s a good thing. God, you look so young. You’re probably my son’s age.”  
  
Keitaro returned her smile awkwardly, but wasn’t sure how convincing it came across. His legs shook even more violently and he thumbed through his portfolio. He organized the documents before leaving the dorm, but checked one more time. His _incredibly_ short resume came first, complete with his smiling picture at the top. He really had to stretch his work history to even fill half of a page. Following that, he printed out a few of his better pictures to show her. Looking at them now, he thought they came across as amateur. A few he took from camp – more nature themed. Hiro helped him one week to frame different flowers and trees around camp. They earned a photography badge for their work. _“Included that feat on my resume,”_ he laughed to himself sadly. Others came from campus. These he liked a bit more since he took them with his more professional digital camera. Some he submitted for classes and received positive feedback from his professors.  
  
“Vivi Magazine, this is Manaka,” the receptionist answered the ringing phone. She winked at Keitaro, grinning from ear to ear. “Yes, of course. I’ll send him right in.” Hanging up the phone, she rose from her desk and approached him. “Right this way Mr. Nagame.”  
  
Keitaro rose to follow her, legs shaking underneath him. Meeting her with a low bow, he swallowed the lump in his throat, trying to get his breathing under control and appear casual. Despite being assured this would be a formality numerous times, he convinced himself he could definitely screw it up. Wait until she saw his bare bones resume or basic pictures, she’d laugh him out of the office for sure. _“At least Taiga would be happy,”_ he considered morbidly. Clutching his portfolio to his chest, Keitaro let her usher him through a heavy set of wooden doors and into Eiko Kawada’s office.  
  
“Keitaro!” Eiko greeted him, standing and coming around her desk. She gave him a small bow and he felt tempted to put his forehead on the floor in response. Nervously bowing deeply, he held it for probably longer than necessary, but definitely didn’t want to offend her. “Come in, sit down! Do you want a drink?”  
  
“N-no I’m okay,” he stuttered quickly. “Do you want one?” As soon as the words left his mouth, he cringed hard. _“Ahhhhh! You’re offering her a drink in her own office?!?! You idiot!!”  
  
_ Fortunately she just smiled softly at him and motioned him to a chair in front of her gargantuan desk. “Oh I have my water. Trying to kick the coffee habit, you know?” She laughed modestly, sitting in her plush, leather office chair. “Oh my God, you look so nervous. Relax! Is this your first interview?”  
  
“Y-yeah,” he admitted, eyes still wide with fear. Eiko’s corner office sat on the 14th floor. Windows made up the entire far wall, showing a sweeping vista of Tokyo’s skyline. Keitaro fought to keep his gaze on her and not wander to the view outside. This was the nicest room he’d ever been in. Four people could’ve sat behind her mahogany desk, which was littered with old magazines and proofs for signature. A framed picture of Jun and Yua caught his eye. They were at the beach and a shirtless Jun had his arm around Yua in a two-piece. While the familiarity of them helped him relax, he couldn’t help but do a double-take at seeing Jun without a shirt. _“Geez, he’s jacked,”_ he mused, eyes lingering on his pecs longer than normal. _“Yua’s a lucky woman.”  
  
_ “Well don’t be nervous,” she assured him, waving a hand. “I’m not going to ask you any hard questions and I already saw your work. Jun said you were so nice and I can see you’re a sweetheart.”  
  
Keitaro’s cheeks flushed and he dropped his head. He wasn’t sure if ‘sweetheart’ could be considered an asset during an interview. “Th-thanks. He’s really nice too,” he finished lamely. Sweat rolled down his legs, fearing he was making a fool of himself.  
  
“Ugh...if I can just get that boy to graduate,” Eiko smirked, shaking her head. “He’s my only son, you know? I’ll be so relieved when he finally finishes this spring.”  
  
“He’s got a good head on his shoulders,” Keitaro agreed, nodding encouragingly. “I’m sure he’ll be fine.”  
  
“That’s very kind of you,” she sighed. “Anyway, let’s get to business. Like I said in my email, I already saw your work and love it. We’re excited to bring you aboard.”  
  
“Re-really?” Keitaro exclaimed, shocked at how easy this progressed. “Do you want to see my resume or anything? I printed out copies?” He pulled them out of his portfolio and laid them before her  
  
“No...Jun already sent me these. Very cute resume picture though. God...I remember when Jun was that young.” Her gaze fell on the same beach photo that caught Keitaro’s eye. “Before he started going to the gym and got all buff.” She flexed her biceps in imitation.  
  
“Yeah he’s…” Keitaro stopped himself, not wanting to comment on the hotness of her son. _“Probably not the best decision when his mother’s interviewing you,”_ he giggled internally.  
  
“Sorry, sorry. I get sidetracked easily, especially about Jun.” Pulling her attention away from the photo, she returned her soft eyes to him. “Yes, we’re very excited to bring you on board. Interns are part time and work 20 hours a week during the school year. You’ll get a stipend of ¥100,000 every two weeks and we offer tuition reimbursement if you stay a year. During the summer, you can work full-time and the stipend doubles. You won’t be living rich by any stretch of the imagination, but we’ve hired many of our interns to full time positions after school.”  
  
Keitaro’s mouth fell open, unable to believe what he heard. He scooped ice cream one summer at a local shop and made ¥900 an hour. Doing the quick math of stipend divided by hours worked, this would be ¥2,500 an hour. He never made so much money in his life. Trying to nod politely, he hoped his bulging eyes didn’t give away his eagerness. _“I would’ve worked for free…”  
  
_ “I’m assuming that works from you?” she laughed, cocking her head to one side. “You look like my dog after he ate a plate of cookies.”  
  
“Y-yeah, thank you!” Heat flashed across his cheeks, turning him even more crimson. “Sorry, it’s just a lot to take in. I didn’t think I had a chance at this internship two weeks ago.”  
  
“You deserve it, sweetheart. We’re lucky to have you. I just know you’re going to be great here. Do you have any questions for me about the position?”  
  
Keitaro’s tongue stuck to the top of his mouth. He rehearsed questions to ask before the interview, but his mind felt blank – too dumbstruck at the offer to think of anything. _“Ask something you goof!”_ his brain screamed. It refused to feed him an intelligent question though. “Um...um...um...you uh...you said in the email you could work around my class schedule?” he rambled quickly, desperate to say anything. “B-because campus is about 45 minutes away by train and I might have trouble coming in on multiple days because I’m taking a full course load.” Briefly pausing to breathe, he panicked, thinking he sounded ungrateful. “But, but I definitely want the internship, so I can make it work. I...I can take less classes if I need to.”  
  
“Oh, haha, sweety. Of course! Of course,” she laughed, waving a hand dismissively. “No need to take less classes. I want you to graduate on time. God knows Jun gave me a scare about that enough times.” She flicked a worried look to his framed photo one more time. “We actually have interns from colleges as far as Kyoto. You can do a lot of the work from your dorm, but I do recommend you come in once a week, just for check-ins and to make connections with the staff. Most of our interns structure their schedule so they don’t have classes on Mondays or Fridays or, worst case scenario, just have a morning class one day and come in for the afternoon. We’re totally flexible.”  
  
“That’s so awesome!” Keitaro gushed, unable to control his excitement any longer. “Yeah, I can totally do that!”  
  
“Perfect! Now the one piece of bad news I have…” she hesitated, opening something on her computer. Keitaro’s heart sunk – he knew it was too good to be true. “Interns usually start at the beginning of each semester, so I’m afraid we won’t be able to bring you on until January. You’ll have more time to do the on-boarding paperwork and background check, but are you okay with waiting until hmm...looks like January 17th to start?”  
  
“Y-yeah! Absolutely!” he agreed immediately. “That’s actually perfect. I haven’t picked my spring classes yet, so I can build my schedule around it.”  
  
“Great! Well Mr. Nagame, I’m sorry but I have a 1:00. Unless you have any other questions, I’ll have HR mail you the welcome packet and initial paperwork. Thanks so much for coming in today!”  
  
“N-no, thank you!” he smiled, shaking his head in disbelief. “I think you just changed my life.”  
  
“Aww, that’s so sweet. Tell Jun to call his mother when you see him!”  
  
And just like that, Keitaro bowed deeply and floated out of her office. Details of actually leaving the building were hazy. He remembered the secretary congratulating him on his way out and bumbling something stupid to her in response. He vaguely recollected the elevator ride down and nodding to the security guard in the lobby.  
  
Not until the cool outside air hit him, did joy fully wash over him. _“You did it, buddy! You made it!”_ He pumped his fist weakly. “Yes,” he mumbled softly. Looking up at the pale sky, the biggest smile spread across his face. “Yeah!” he called louder, earning him a weird look from a woman passing by. He didn’t care. After all the worrying about Hiro and his mother. After all the stress of exams. After all the tears and anger of dealing with Taiga’s infidelity – for this one small moment, he was happy. Completely and utterly happy. “YEEEEAAAAAAAAAHHHHH!” he yelled, jumping in the air.  
  
(…)  
  
Hands shaking with excitement, Keitaro texted everyone he knew about the good news while waiting for the train.  
  
 _Keitaro Nagame; 1:27 PM  
_ _Hoooooollly cow! I did it! I got the internship!  
  
_ _Hiro Akiba; 1:32 P  
_ _That’s my Keitaro! Dude I’m so proud of you! When are we celebrating?  
  
_ _Keitaro Nagame; 1:35 PM  
_ _Uh...not this weekend. And Seto’s out of town next weekend. Maybe the weekend after?  
  
_ _Hiro Akiba; 1:40 PM  
_ _100! I’ll be there. That sounds like so much fun! Thanks so much for inviting me!  
  
_ _Keitaro Naame; 1:42 PM  
_ _Of course! I’m so excited to see you! I’ll text you the details as soon as I finalize them with Seto.  
  
_ _(-)  
  
_ _Keitaro Nagame; 1:29 PM  
_ _Seto! I did it! I got the internship! Party? Can we throw a party?  
  
_ _Seto Aihara; 2:12 PM  
_ _Absolutely! When do you want to do it? This is huge. I’ll get you a stripper. It might be Benji, but he’s a good dancer. I promise :)  
  
_ _Keitaro Nagame; 2:15 PM  
_ _Ahahaha, maybe in two weeks when you’re back? Are you free? And no, Benji can come, but he needs to keep his clothes on.  
  
_ _Seto Aihara; 2:17 P  
_ _You got it man. Yeah, no way I’d miss celebrating this with you. No promises about Benji tho. Did you know he’s super hairy? His chest hair is sorta shaped like the female reproductive system if you imagine his nipples as the ovaries.  
  
_ _Keitaro Nagame; 2:20 PM  
_ _OMG you’re so gross!  
  
_ _(-)  
  
_ _Keitaro Nagame; 1:33 PM  
_ _Natsumi! I did it! We’re both interning in Tokyo this summer!  
  
_ _Natsumi Hamasaki; 1:45 PM  
_ _Wow! That’s so great, Keitaro! Congratulations! Where are you going to be in the city? I’m in Uchisaiwaicho. Maybe we can get lunch?  
  
_ _Keitaro Nagame; 1:50 PM  
_ _I’m north near the Sky Tree unfortunately – Sumida City :(. We can still get dinner or drinks after work though!  
  
_ _Natsumi Hamasaki; 2:00 PM  
_ _Definitely! I’m so impressed, Keitaro. I didn’t even come close to getting an internship my first year of college. We should celebrate!  
  
_ _Keitaro Nagame; 2:03 PM  
_ _Yes! Can you come to campus_ _in two_ _weeks? We’re thinking of doing something similar to Halloween.  
  
_ _Natsumi Hamasaki; 2:07 PM  
_ _Saturday yes. Friday no.  
  
_ _Keitaro Nagame; 2:10 PM  
_ _Alright – let’s shoot for Saturday. I really want to see you and we need to celebrate your new job too.  
  
_ _(-)  
  
_ _Keitaro Nagame; 1:47 PM  
_ _Dude!!! I got the internship. Your mom is so cool!  
  
_ _Jun Kawada; 1:55 PM  
_ _Congratulations man. I told you that you had it in the bag. I’ll buy you a beer to celebrate.  
  
_ _Keitaro Nagame; 1:57 PM  
_ _Jun, seriously, I owe you like a night of free drinks. You changed my life. Like seriously.  
  
_ _Jun Kawada; 2:05 PM  
_ _That was all you, man. I just passed your work along. Seriously though, Yua really wants us to hang out. When are you free?  
  
_ _Keitaro Nagame; 2:08 PM  
_ _I don’t know if you want to hang out with a bunch of freshman, but we’re trying to organize a big party in two weeks.  
  
_ _Jun Kawada; 2:14 PM  
_ _Yua and I are out of town, unfortunately. Are you free next Friday (26_ _th_ _)? Maybe we could low-key celebrate together?  
  
_ _(-)  
  
_ _Keitaro Nagame; 3:45 PM  
_ _Hey! I’m almost back to campus. You want to get dinner tonight? I have big news!  
  
_ _Ichiro Kanasaka 4:00 PM  
_ _You got the job didn’t you? I knew it. My contacts there said it was a done deal.  
  
_ _Keitaro Nagame; 4:15 PM  
_ _Yeah! I’ll give you all the details over dinner. Meet at my dorm at 5? I gotta change out of this suit and then we can go.  
  
_ _Ichiro Kanasaka 4:17 PM  
_ _Sweet, yeah see you there.  
  
_ _(-)  
  
_ _Keitaro Nagame; 1:10 PM  
_ _Taiga! The interview went really well. I got the job!  
  
_ (*****)  
  
 _Day 124: Friday, November 19th; Night  
  
_ Annoyingly, Ichiro arrived early. Keitaro hoped to change and meet him outside the dorm to go directly to dinner, but no such luck now. As he approached the dorm, still in suit and tie, his lanky classmate leaned casually against the wall next to the entrance.  
  
“Looking sharp, man,” Ichiro smirked, slinging his shoulder bag onto his back. “Your tie is a little long though.”  
  
Glancing down self-consciously, Keitaro noticed it hung a bit over his belt buckle. He straightened his back to compensate. “Y-yeah I don’t wear ties often. Guess it shows.”  
  
“It’s alright. You got the job, right? That’s all that matters.”  
  
“Y-yeah…” He contemplated telling him to wait outside while he changed, but the day had never warmed. As the sun set over Tokyo, a January like wind made him shove his hands deep into his suit pockets for warmth. “Do...do you want to come up?”  
  
“Yeah sure, you never showed me your place before.”  
  
“It’s not much,” Keitaro shrugged. “Pretty tiny actually.” Buzzing himself in, he reluctantly led Ichiro up to the 3rd floor to his dorm room. To his surprise, Seto still wasn’t home. He could never get his class schedule straight. For all he knew, he might still be taking his last final right now. “Well this is it.” He swept one palm across his body in presentation. “I told you it wasn’t much.”  
  
“I could never live in a place this small,” Ichiro snorted. “Plus you have a roommate too?” He hovered over the electronics on Seto’s desk, sending a panic down Keitaro’s spine.  
  
“Yeah he’s really cool though. Just don’t touch his stuff, please,” he rushed, stepping between Ichiro and the desk. “Sorry, he’s sensitive about it. My desk is over there.”  
  
“Tch,” he scoffed, but compliantly plopped himself in Keitaro’s desk chair. “So he’s cool but sensitive?” One eyebrow arched, full of doubt.  
  
“Yeah, here you can touch any thing on my desk,” he tried to compromise, struggling to loosen his tie. “I’ll change in the bathroom real quick and we can go.”  
  
“You don’t need to change in the bathroom,” Ichiro suggested casually. “We’re all dudes. I promise I won’t look.”  
  
Pausing to consider, Keitaro quickly talked himself out of the proposition. He’d been naked around other guys plenty of times, especially at camp and it didn’t bother him. Taiga saw him without clothes nearly every day. Hell, the redhead insisted they sleep naked most nights. Here though, it struck him as unnatural and he stuck to his guns. “Nah, just give me five minutes, I’ll be right back.”  
  
(…)  
  
The bathroom door snapped closed behind him and Ichiro couldn’t help but feel disappointed. His plan worked perfectly up to this point, but Keitaro turned out to be more of a prude than he thought. Annoyed, he bounced his eyes around the room, rolling them at the Harry Styles poster. He was tempted to go get another look at the game systems on Seto’s desk, but with his luck, the roommate would come back or Keitaro would emerge from the bathroom the second he got over there. Best to stay put.  
  
Keitaro’s desk appeared pretty organized compared to the jumbled wires and consoles on Seto’s desk. Pens and pencils were neatly stored in the holder. Post it notes stood stacked in different colors, ready for use. A single picture frame tucked in the corner caused Ichiro to scoff. Despite his advice to Keitaro that he could do better, he still held on to reminders of that ugly ex-boyfriend of his. Shaking his head, he picked up the picture of the two of them by Hachiko. His boyfriend had that black eye and busted lip, just like the time they met briefly. _“Probably the same weekend,”_ he thought disgustedly. _“I can’t believe he keeps this on his desk. What did he see in this guy? He’s a complete thug.”  
  
_ A toilet flushed, snapping him back to reality. He hurriedly thrust the picture back in the corner, trying to angle it the exact way he found it. Waiting a few seconds, he stared wide eyed at the bathroom door expectantly, but Keitaro didn’t emerge. False alarm – he relaxed his shoulders and went back to snooping. Honestly, the desk was entirely tidy and boring. Other than the picture, nothing else caught his eye. The corner of a few loose leaf pieces of paper peeked from under the laptop, but he assumed it to be just scribbled notes or something equally uninteresting. Still, the messy pages stood out on the otherwise perfect desk. Taking one more cautious glance at the bathroom door, he gently lifted the laptop and craned his head to read.  
  
“ _You gotta be fucking kidding me!”_ he sneered, after finishing the first paragraph. _“He kept old love letters from his ex?!? And he keeps them on his desk to re-read? What a loser!”_ Eyes bouncing wide from the dorm door to the bathroom door, he made a snap decision. _“Time to cut the umbilical cord.”_ In one quick maneuver, he unfastened his shoulder bag, grabbed the papers and shoved them in. To his delight, he got away with it. The faucet came on from the bathroom, probably Keitaro washing his hands or his face. Just as he re-fastened his bag, the lock turned in the door and Keitaro’s roommate stumbled in.  
  
“Hey Kei...oh...you’re not my roommate,” Seto noticed, bewildered.  
  
“I-I’m in here,” Keitaro called, finally emerging from the bathroom wearing a Tama Art hoody and jeans. “This is Ichiro. We’re gonna grab dinner. You want to come?”  
  
“Nah...I already ate.” Seto still eyed Ichiro suspiciously.  
  
“ _No way he saw me take it,”_ Ichiro assured himself, but the glare still made him uncomfortable. Faking a smile, he bowed only the tiniest of amounts – almost like a half nod. “It’s nice to meet you, man.”  
  
“Yeah...yeah you too,” Seto agreed halfheartedly, looking over at his own desk and electronics as if taking an inventory. Finding everything untouched, he relaxed only slightly. “We’ll celebrate your big internship when you get back. I bought you a chu-hi from the konbini I want you to try. Got one for me too to celebrate the end of exams.  
  
“Seto! These are 12% alcohol!” Keitaro exclaimed, examining the can. “I’m not going to be able to walk!”  
  
“We won’t go anywhere, relax! Just something special for tonight to celebrate. It’ll just be me, you, and maybe Benji if he’s free.”  
  
“Aww, alright cool,” Keitaro smiled, happily peer pressured. “I’ll be home in like an hour after dinner. You ready man?”  
  
Putting his shoulder bag strap across his chest, Ichiro nodded to Seto and followed Keitaro out of the dorm. He feared the new papers might cause a crinkling sound from his bag, but fortunately he didn’t hear anything.  
  
(…)  
  
 _Keitaro Nagame  
_ _Tama Art University  
_ _2 Chome Yarimizu,  
_ _Hachioji, Tokyo 192-0375  
  
_ _Hey,_ ~~ _Dummy_~~ _Cutes,  
  
_ _You always told me you liked my writing and my letters, so I thought I’d try writing down my feelings._ ~~ _I miss you so much_~~ _. I hope you’re doing_ ~~ _good_~~ _better._ ~~ _I’ve stopped crying at least._~~ _I’m glad your exams went well and you’re finally done with them. You’re the smartest guy I ever met, so I can’t say I’m shocked. I always believed in you. I still do. You’re going to do great things at college and get an amazing job._ ~~ _I’m really happy you got that internship.  
  
_~~ “Ugggggghhhh,” Taiga moaned, slamming his head against the desk. _“You still sound like a moron.”_ He progressed from throwing away numerous attempts a day to crossing-out, editing, and keeping small parts that he liked. Disparate pieces of paper and post-it notes littered his desk – some with large portions circled or with simply one sentence written. Other pages were comprised of crossed-off paragraph after crossed-off paragraph. It was an incoherent mess, exactly matching his mood.  
  
“That’s enough for tonight,” he muttered into his last draft. Like a push-up, he used his triceps to lift his head off the desk and reluctantly stood. Reading over his last attempt, he realized he lied about how he stopped crying. _“Maybe that’s why I crossed it out.”_ After his breakdown on Sunday at his mother’s, he thought he got all the crying out of his system. Monday went swimmingly. Tuesday he felt confident. Wednesday...well it started pretty good. Keitaro phoned him that night, and even though the call was innocuous, depression swamped him as soon as they hung up. Keitaro had no idea the phone call triggered him and never would. Yuri looked on as he spent another night crying into his futon.  
  
That experience might explain why he was so short with Keitaro this morning. He beat himself up about that call most of today – concerned he pushed him further away. Despite trying to follow Tomiko’s advice of being a better person, he found it harder than originally imagined. His anger still flashed and patience ran short, especially under this new stress of being alone.  
  
“ _If you can get this right though, you can make things better,”_ he encouraged himself, pacing the small room again to get his mind flowing. _“Get him to write back to you. There’s no anger or frustration in writing friendly letters to each other.”_ Instead of focusing on what to write, he wasted a lot of time daydreaming about Keitaro getting his finished letter, reading it again and again, maybe crying over how sensitive it was. Completely unhelpful in actually accomplishing the feat, but it made him feel better.  
  
Reluctantly, he picked up his phone and re-opened the text message he received from Keitaro earlier today. He wanted to be supportive, but honestly, the fact he got the internship crushed him. Camp was definitely not happening now. Best he could hope for: they worked things out and went back to seeing each other every couple of months. Three months of spending every day together was now off the table.  
  
 _Taiga Akatora; 11:47 PM  
_ _I’m so proud of you, dweeb! I knew you would crush it!  
  
_ (…)  
  
Wasted off the chu-hi, the ceiling swam. What Seto failed to tell him, was he actually bought him two chu-hi’s and Benji also bought him one as a celebratory gift. In a drunken mess, the three of them laid on the floor of the dorm. Keitaro and Seto were too drunk to get to their beds and Benji already snored loudly, using Seto’s stomach as a pillow. He was the gayest straight man Keitaro ever met.  
  
Sensing the buzz of an incoming text, Keitaro struggled to fish his phone out of his pocket. His arms weighed twenty kilograms apiece and flopped around uselessly when he tried to move them. After two minutes of dramatic movements, he finally got it out of his pocket. Luckily, the eye recognition worked for the unlock. There was no way he’d be able to use his fingers to plug in his PIN.  
  
“HE’S LYING!” Keitaro yelled, rolling in Seto’s direction violently to show him the text. “He’s! He’s not happy for me at all!”  
  
Seto blinked at him stupidly, eyes unable to focus on the phone. “You’re...you’re gonna have to read that to me. There’s no way I can read anything right now.”  
  
“I-it’s Taiga! He says he’s proud of me for the internship!” he scoffed. “If he was...if he was really happy, he wouldn’t have taken 10 hours to respond!”  
  
“There’s...there’s a difference between proud and happy,” Seto yawned, scratching Benji’s hair softly. “Maybe he’s proud of you but unhappy with the consequences.”


	12. The Melody Lingers

_Day 128:_ _Tuesday_ _, November 23rd;_ _Morning  
  
_ His legs kicked hard, body constricting and pulling him from a fitful sleep. Breathing rapidly, Taiga’s eyes shot open. Looking desperately from left to right, he tried to convince himself that he escaped his dreams. The room hung in shades of gray, only the first hints of daybreak peering in from his sole window. This wasn’t his first rodeo with nightmares since breaking up with Keitaro. Instead of simply not sleeping, he’d progressed to nights of tangling himself in the comforter and waking with his heart pounding in his chest. He always felt the most worthless after first waking up. _“Keitaro’s left you for a good reason,”_ the darkest part of his brain lectured him. _“You’re going to be alone forever.”  
  
_ Forcing himself to sit up, he wiped the sweat from his bare chest and worked on getting his breathing back under control. Yuri used to sleep next to him on the futon, but had caught one of his nightmare kicks before. She now slept on the floor right next to his head – still as close as she could get to him, but outside of his nighttime thrashing zone. _“I’d rather be back to not sleeping,”_ he admitted, dropping his head into his hands. His exhausted body demanded more sleep but he knew that would just invite in more monsters.  
  
“Today’s going to be a good day,” he insisted, chanting it like a mantra. “You finished it and it’s perfect.” His gaze fell to his desk, the thick envelope sat where he left it last night – fully addressed and ready to be mailed. “You’re not going to be alone forever. This will change things.”  
  
Yuri meowed at him hungrily, hoping to take advantage of an early feeding. “I hear you girl,” he yawned, standing and stretching. Wearing only his black briefs, the icy floor under his feet reminded him of the approaching winter. _“You were supposed to see him over Christmas, remember?”_ his dark mind insisted, like a punch in the stomach. _“Getting pretty close to that isn’t it? Haven’t made much progress in two weeks have you?”  
  
_ “Today’s going to be a good day,” he repeated, running a hand through his flat hair. “Shut the fuck up, brain. It’s going to be a good day.” Slipping out of his underwear, he made his way to the shower to wash away his night sweat. Yuri followed in tow, concerned he didn’t hear her at all.  
  
(…)  
  
“Ground mail arrives in 2-4 days,” the bored post office worker explained again. Every word came out of his mouth monotone and flat. A man long ago defeated, he hated his job and it showed. Taiga wondered if that’s how he came across at the karaoke bar. _“No, I’m at least funny,_ ” he assured himself  
  
“I get that…” Taiga tried for a third time, strumming his fingers on the counter. Inhaling deeply, he focused on maintaining a level, patient tone. “I just want to get like a notification that it’s been delivered. Like an e-mail or something? Can you do that? It’s an important letter to me.”  
  
“We can get the recipient to sign for it?” the employee suggested, annoyed. “That’s certified mail and costs another ¥500.” He tapped the laminated display on the counter, slowing his speech as if talking to a child.”  
  
“Nooooo,” the redhead drawled, feeling his cool slipping quickly. “That’d be creepy. I don’t want them to sign for it. I just want to get an email or a text message or something saying it was delivered. I don’t want them to know I’m tracking it. How hard is this? You’ve never done this before?”  
  
“Sir...are there drugs in here?” He poked the envelope suspiciously, picking it up to shake it. “If there’s drugs, I need to call the police.”  
  
“What?!? No!” Taiga exploded, looking around anxiously at the other people queuing in line behind him. “It’s a letter. Three pieces of paper. Can you stop manhandling it?”  
  
Reluctantly, the postal worker put it back on the counter, satisfied he didn’t feel any powders or pills in the envelope. Still, he eyed Taiga suspiciously, not quite believing him.  
  
“Listen, I’ll level with you,” he muttered, dropping his angry tone. “It’s a letter to my...girlfriend. I spent a lot of time writing it and it’s very important to me. I just want confirmation that it was delivered. That’s it. I don’t want her to have to go somewhere special to pick it up. I don’t want her to sign for it. I don’t want to put her through any more hoops than necessary. Just for my peace of mind, I want to get a notice when it’s delivered. I can give you a few extra yen for that. Is there anything you can do?”  
  
Sighing heavily, the postal worker gave the envelope one more look over, flipping it front to back. “I’ll tell you what, I can set this up as certified mail, but waive the signature requirement. That way you’ll still get an email when it arrives and your girlfriend…” Rolling his eyes, he read the name from the address. “Keitaro…”  
  
He paused, glaring at Taiga, emphasizing the fact that it wasn’t a girl’s name. Fortunately he decided not to press the issue and out Taiga to the entire office. He knew though. Taiga’s face flushed hot, making him drop his head. He was so excited to mail the letter this morning, but now the entire experience turned into a clown rodeo.  
  
“SHE...won’t sign for it,” he finished, saying the pronoun loudly. “I’m still going to have to charge you the full ¥500 extra for certified mail. Alright? Does that work?”  
  
“Y-yeah,” Taiga stuttered, embarrassed but glad he finally got what he wanted. “Th-thanks. I’m sorry if it causes you more work, but that’s exactly what I’m looking for.”  
  
“2-4 days,” he reminded him, stamping the letter and typing rapidly into his computer. “It’ll be ¥584.”  
  
(*****)  
  
 _Day 128: Tuesday, November 23rd; Afternoon  
  
_ Taiga hesitated, gathering his courage. He could work on his anger. He could work on treating people with more respect. This scared the shit out of him though. The last time he stepped foot in a school, at 17 years old, he hated it, hated it, hated it. Granted, at the time, he was dealing with the fallout of his father and keeping his mother afloat. Even before that though, his teachers didn’t consider him particularly bright. Certainly not college material.  
  
“ _Do it for Keitaro,”_ he reassured himself, his pulse throbbing in his head. Memories of failing exams and his high school teachers with disapproving faces danced through his head. He always knew he wasn’t the smartest kid in the room, but despised being considered stupid. One of his biggest fears was putting himself out there again only to discover he couldn’t cut it. _“You’re just asking for information. They’re not giving you a test today.”  
  
_ Taking one more deep breath, he turned and threw open the door of the community college before he could chicken out. Despite his panicked expression and rapid breathing, nobody gave him a second look. Students lounged in over sized chairs – some reading textbooks; others napping. A bored woman ate a salad at a table to his left. Finally seeing it as just any other generic building, Taiga relaxed his posture and let out a long exhale. No teacher was going to appear to harangue him. Nobody would laugh him out of the building. He looked like anybody else here. Well, he may have over-dressed. Somehow he convinced himself that a shirt and tie would help make a good impression. The other students wore hoodys or even simple t-shirts and jeans.  
  
“I can do this,” he muttered under his breath. “I can pass a college class.” He straightened his tie confidently and pursed his lips, following the signage to the registration office. Of course, he did his research before coming. Almost all of his questions about course requirements, majors, and pricing he found answers to online. Regardless, he didn’t want to sign up for a college he never visited. Talking to an academic advisor made it more real. Plus he wanted to see the grounds – maybe an academic building and the cafeteria. In his heart of hearts, he knew he would enroll here regardless of how it looked. The next closest community college was over an hour and a half away by bus/train. He rode his bike for 10 minutes to get here. Either he enrolled here or he didn’t take a college course.  
  
In comparison to the well manicured Tama Art University campus, this might be considered dumpy. Putting them on the same scale would be unfair though. This was an urban community college. Campus consisted of four office building with a small quad between them. One class here cost ¥60,000. Keitaro likely paid at least double that.  
  
Taiga kept noting how it paled in comparison to Tama, but really he just used it as an excuse to back out before he failed out. If he could dismiss it on aesthetics, he could avoid the hurt of it dismissing him for being stupid. _“Stay strong,”_ he encouraged himself. _“You’re smart enough to pass one class. Just do one and focus on it. Do something easy. It doesn’t need to be like calculus out of the gate.”_ Wiping his sweaty palms on his pants, he gathered his nerves outside of the registration office. He booked an appointment with an academic advisor for 3:30. Fear kept him loitering outside until 3:29. _“Now or never...ugh, what stupid shit that Dweeb gets me to do. This is 6x worse than hot yoga.”  
  
_ Tossing open the door, Taiga wiped the scowl from his face and did his best to look friendly. “Uh...hi. I have an appointment with Mr. Kemamore at 3:30,” he said quickly to the first person he saw.  
  
“Um...I’m applying here too?” she clarified meekly, looking embarrassed for him.  
  
“Oh...um, yeah. Nice to meet you,” he tried to recover, dropping his head in a semi-bow to hide his reddening face. _“Off to a great start, you moron!”_ his brain yelled at him.  
  
“Mr. Akatora?” an older woman inquired, appearing from the back of the office. “You’re right on time. Go down this hall. Mr. Kemamore is in office 224, third door on your left.”  
  
“Th-thanks!” Taiga rushed, moving quickly to get away from the awkward situation. One good result of making a fool of himself: all his nervousness dissipated. His entire focus shifted to getting away from that reception area as fast as possible. Before his self doubt could return, he found himself in front of the open door of office 224.  
  
“Mr. Kemamore? I’m...uh...I’m Taiga Akatora. I made an appointment to talk about enrolling?”  
  
“Mr. Akatora!” he exclaimed, bowing deeply and motioning to a chair in front of his desk. “Thanks so much for coming. Yeah, have a seat.”  
  
“Thanks for seeing me.” Taiga returned his bow and cautiously sat. “Sorry, it’s been a while since I’ve been in a classroom so…” he trailed off.  
  
“Oh that’s fine. That’s fine.” Mr. Kemamore oozed friendliness, putting him at ease. Taiga was half-convinced that he would be outright rejected when they found out he dropped out of high school, but this guy seemed excited to help him. “You’re still so young. We have a lot of people in their 30’s and 40’s who come back to school to start a new career or get training. So you won’t be the oldest one here by any stretch of the imagination.”  
  
“You don’t need to see my high school transcript, right?” he asked uneasily, eyes falling to the floor. “I thought I read that on the website.”  
  
“Oh yeah, I mean no – we don’t need to see them,” the older man laughed reassuringly. “You might need to take a placement exam if you want to take a class above the 101 level off the bat, but we don’t have any other requirements to enroll. Can I ask what your goals are? Are you looking for an associate or advanced degree? Do you know what you want to major in?”  
  
Taiga sighed and scratched the back of his neck. “Um...I’m not sure yet. Maybe writing or something vocational? I’m pretty handy. Really, I just want to take one class at first and see if I’m cut out for this. I...uh...I didn’t have the best of high school careers.”  
  
“Perfectly normal,” the academic advisor nodded, brushing away his concerns. “You don’t need to have it all figured out day one. I actually think it’s smart that you’re planning on starting small.” He reached to a shelf behind his desk and grabbed a course catalog. “A lot of students bite off more than they can chew their first semester – signing up for five classes when they haven’t been in school for years. It’s definitely a transition to getting back into the mindset of being a student.”  
  
“Yeah, exactly!” Taiga agreed, perhaps louder than he intended. He feared somebody would try to up-sell him or tell him it was a dumb idea to only take one class. This guy seemed to get him though. “Haha, that’s what I’m trying to avoid.”  
  
“Great game plan,” the advisor smiled, opening the course catalog to the introductory courses. “You can concentrate on one course, and when you pass it, you can decide whether you can handle more workload or just want to take one course the next semester. There’s no rush. You can take as long as you need to complete your degree if that’s what it takes.”  
  
“Really?”  
  
“Yeah. Everybody moves at their own pace. Have you looked at our general education courses yet? You’re going to have to finish these six classes before you get into your major or concentration. Any one would be a great starting point.”  
  
“Uh...I saw these online, yeah. Something not math related would be great,” he admitted. Taiga finally relaxed his posture, leaning forward in his chair. He wondered if he would’ve had more success in high school if he had a guy like this as his advisor. “I’m going to have to check my schedule and figure out what works best. I can just sign up online, right?”  
  
“Absolutely. Here I’ll print out the courses and highlight the ones that aren’t math heavy, hahaha.” He turned to his computer monitor and started typing – the printer quickly roared to life. “I’m also going to print out some financial information for you. You might qualify for reduced tuition or grants depending on your income level. Fill out these forms and get them back to me and I can see what we can do for you. There’s a ton of scholarships you could apply for too. If you’re interested in writing, you could put together an essay for some of these and probably get your tuition fully covered. So many of these scholarships go unclaimed because nobody applies for them.”  
  
“That’s...that would be so awesome,” Taiga stuttered, unable to believe how great this was going. He prepared himself to pay the full ¥60,000 price tag. It would be tight, but his back of the envelope math told him he could save that much by January if he spent carefully. With scholarships and tuition reduction, he might be able to pull this off easily. “I’m...uh...I’m actually really happy I came in now. You’ve been a huge help.”  
  
“We’re looking forward to seeing you enroll,” the advisor smirked, shoving the printed papers and forms into a university folder and adding his business card. “You can do this, Mr. Akatora. If you’re willing to put in the work, you’ll get your degree.”  
  
(…)  
  
“Mom, you’re not allowed to cry!” Taiga laughed, amazed at her reaction. He called her immediately after leaving the academic building, desperate to tell somebody the good news. “It’s not that big of a deal. I’m just signing up for one class.”  
  
“It’s...it’s just. My biggest dream for you was to go back to school,” she hiccuped, voice swelling with pride. “Wait until I tell everyone. This will keep Ms. Hamitoro quiet for once.”  
  
“Mom! Her son goes to Kyoto University and Tomiko’s brilliant and going to get in somewhere awesome too. She’s not going to be impressed with my community college.” Despite downplaying the entire situation, he couldn’t wipe the stupid grin off his face. His mother had never sounded so happy with him. After constantly fighting with her about church or Keitaro or some other way he disappointed her, it was a welcome change of pace to hear her proud of him.  
  
“My son! A college graduate!” she continued, completely ignoring his attempts to minimize the importance. “Ohhhh...I’m going to cook you Tantanmen this weekend. I’m so excited for you.”  
  
“Really?” Taiga’s stomach growled. She knew that was his favorite dish.  
  
“Yes! I’m going to start looking at dresses for your graduation. I need to look nice for your big day!”  
  
“Mom...mom...did you hear me? It’s just one class. It might take me years to graduate. You make it sound like I’m graduating this May.”  
  
“I know, I know. I’m just daydreaming,” she sniffed, finally getting her tears of happiness under control. “What brought this on? You always hated school. I was afraid you would never go back.”  
  
Taiga let a silence linger, debating whether to be honest. After she used his name two weeks ago, he felt braver about things. “I...uh...I want to get better. I want to get better for Keitaro.”  
  
“...Oh,” she said softly after a time, the wind knocked out of her sails. “Well...uh...you can do it, sweetheart. I know you can finish you degree. If being better...friends with...Keitaro helps you graduate, I um...I support it.  
  
Taiga stopped walking in the middle of the sidewalk, unsure if he heard her correctly. Not only did she use Keitaro’s name, it sounded like she might have implicitly said she supported their relationship. As close as he ever heard from her at least. “Th-thanks mom,” he laughed quickly, accepting the progress before she could clarify or make things even more ambiguous. “That uh...that means a lot to me. I want to get better for you too, mom. I’m going to do this.”  
  
(*****)  
  
 _Day 128: Tuesday, November 23rd; Night  
  
_ Kazan refused to sit next to him on the futon. Placing a folding chair a good three meters away, he shot nervous glances over to him, like he let a bear into his home and didn’t want to provoke it.  
  
Taiga still wasn’t quite sure why he agreed to meet up with him again. Chalk it up to the Tomiko endorsed “Be a Better Person” program. He regretted whacking him with a broom and sympathized with him for being an ass burger. God knew he could be an ass burger himself sometimes. Still, he made expectations crystal clear before coming over, and was prepared to punch him if necessary.  
  
By the look in Kazan’s eyes, he got the message. He tried not to make too much eye contact and even leaned in the direction of the door in fear Taiga would go off again. Before having him over, he hid several of his model trains, concerned they could be damaged if another kerfuffle broke out. “Thanks...thanks for coming,” Kazan tried, voice wobbly. He sipped his beer and kept his eyes on the television. “I figured...I thought you’d never talk to me again.”  
  
A small silence hung over the room while Taiga chose his words. He wanted Kazan to relax, but not relax too much. “We’re cool,” he finally admitted. “As long as we stay just friends, we’re cool.”  
  
“Yeah, yeah! Totally!” he quickly agreed, glad to be given the opportunity to reinforce that idea as well. “We’re just two guys hanging out and playing Mario Kart. Just for fun!” His face flushed as he took another gulp of his beer, hoping to find some liquid courage.  
  
Taiga scoffed and shook his head, but hid a half smile. Kazan sounded like a moron, yet he appreciated the over-emphasis on keeping things platonic. At this rate, the ass burger would apologize if they bumped shoulders. Taking another drink of his soda, Taiga picked the next map – Moo Moo Meadows. He generally stuck to the easier courses, as there were less shortcuts for Kazan to capitalize on. Plus, he had real difficulty staying on the track of Grumble Volcano or Rainbow Road. He got second a few times, and once, and only once, did he almost win with a well timed blue shell. Kazan remained undefeated though, much to his frustration. He finished second again in Moo Moo Meadows, despite driving nearly flawlessly. Dropping the controller on the futon in agitation, Taiga shook his head. “I’m never going to win, am I?”  
  
“Probably not,” Kazan smirked, finally relaxing a bit and making eye contact. “I can drop a race if that’ll make you feel better.”  
  
“Fuck no. I don’t want a pity win. I’ll beat you eventually.”  
  
“Suit yourself. I’m getting another beer. You want anything?”  
  
“Nah, I’m alright, thanks man.” As Kazan moseyed over to the fridge, Taiga clicked on his phone, checking for missed new texts or notifications. Nothing. He hadn’t heard from Keitaro since Sunday afternoon. The time between texts or phone calls with him kept growing, which concerned him. He debated shooting him a quick text now, but couldn’t think of anything interesting or witty to say. _“The letter will fix things,”_ he assured himself. _“It’s already on the way there.”  
  
_ “How are things going with your boyfriend?” Kazan interrupted his thinking, head deep in the refrigerator. “Did you guys make up again or…?”  
  
Taiga’s eye twitched, anger flashing hot. “You’re really going to ask me that?” he growled, narrowing his eyes. Clicking his phone off, he shot daggers in Kazan’s direction  
  
Slowly turning from the fridge, he took in Taiga’s rage and panicked. “Sorry, sorry. I just...I dunno. I hoped things got better for you guys.”  
  
“Things are fucking terrible. Thanks for asking.”  
  
Returning to his seat quietly, Kazan dropped his head and spoke into the floor. “You know I didn’t mean to right? I was sorta hoping everything went back to normal for you and we could all like move-on from it. I feel like such an asshole.”  
  
“You’re not an asshole, you’re a moron,” Taiga snapped, but noticed his pissiness ebbing. “I’m...I’m a moron too. We’re all morons.” He kicked the foot of the futon with his heel halfheartedly. “Honestly, I’m working on it, dude. It’s not over yet. Everything might turn out ok in the end. Who knows?”  
  
“I hope it does. Really I do. If I could like reach out to him and say it was completely my fault, I would. You shouldn’t be punished because I can’t read social situations well.”  
  
“You’ll never meet him and you’ll never talk to him,” Taiga said confidently, shaking his head. “I appreciate the sentiment, but that would only make things worse.”  
  
Raising his head slowly, Kazan kept his eyes closed and nodded. “Yeah I get that. I hope you guys work things out, man.” Eyes flashing open, a sly smirk spread across his face. “But if you don’t, there’s always Woof.”  
  
“Woof?”  
  
“Awww, don’t tell me you don’t know about Woof? You’re a gay man with a phone and you never heard of Woof?” His eyes were wide with shock, mouth hanging open.  
  
“I mean, yeah I heard of it,” Taiga defended himself, his anger piquing again. “But I never downloaded it, of course. I never will.”  
  
“Oh you’d be a hit on there,” Kazan laughed, between sips of his beer. “Not to brag, but I get a lot of responses on Woof. It’s just when I meet people in person, things tend to go south.”  
  
“Tch, yeah that’s shocking, you weirdo.” Fury spiking, Taiga was still simmering at him for bringing up Keitaro, now he dared to suggest a gay hookup app as an alternative? “Do you show them your awesome trains and talk to them about Doraemon?” He gestured to the poster of the robot cat behind the futon. “Or do you skip all that and just try to suck their dick?”  
  
Silence lingered after his assault, Kazan dropped his head again. “Low blow dude,” he muttered, smile fading from his face. “Sorry...dumb idea.”  
  
“Yeah it’s one of the dumbest…” Taiga started, but couldn’t finish. He always found it hard to yell at someone who already looked defeated. _“Operation ‘Be a Better Person’ is off to a roaring start!”_ he admonished himself. “Sorry...listen, it’s just not something I’d do right now. This whole relationship thing is really touchy for me, alright? I don’t want to think about getting with other people.”  
  
“Yeah...I guess I get that.” Kazan shook his head sadly, picking up his controller and flicking through the Mario Kart courses. They played every one, some multiple times. The novelty wore thin. “I’ve never been in a relationship, so I don’t really know what it’s like.”  
  
“For real?” Taiga softened, feeling especially cruel for calling him a weirdo now. “You’re...you’re not a bad looking guy. I...uh...I think a lot of people would be lucky to…”  
  
“Stop it.” His cheeks turned even redder, which Taiga couldn’t decide whether to attribute to embarrassment or the beer. “I don’t need your fake encouragement. You’ve spent enough time with me. You said it yourself – I’m strange and turn people off pretty quickly.” Sighing, he slowly dragged his eyes to meet Taiga’s. “I’m shocked you texted me again. I can probably count on both hands the number of people who agreed to meet up with me multiple times.”  
  
The redhead gulped, tongue sticking to the roof of his mouth. This was how he thought about himself recently. How he deserved to be alone. How he turned people off easily. Although, he attributed it more to his anger than to being socially awkward. Hearing it aloud though, he realized how pathetic and self-defeating it rang. _“I sound like an idiot.”_ Unsure of what to say without being creepy, Taiga took a sip of his soda and turned his attention to the TV. The silence quickly became uncomfortable.  
  
“I’m not looking for pity,” Kazan offered after a time. “It’s just been my experience so far.”  
  
“So...uh...what are you doing about it?” he sputtered, Tomiko again popping into his head.  
  
“What?” he scoffed, choking on his beer. “Nothing – no that’s just like my personality. I have to live with it. Ass burger, remember?”  
  
“Yeah, maybe it’s not the same,” Taiga admitted, scratching the back of his neck. “But I used to think I would always be an angry asshole and I’d just have to live with it.”  
  
“You’re still an asshole,” Kazan giggled nervously.  
  
“Fuck you,” he retorted, but held on to a half smile. “I guess what I’m getting at is uh...ever since me and my boyfriend broke...started taking some time apart. I’ve been working on getting better. And if I’m being honest, I’m getting there, I think. It’s not impossible to turn things around if you want it bad enough.”  
  
(…)  
  
Taiga stayed for two more Mario Kart races and then made his polite goodbyes, saying he still needed to feed the cat. While true, he also wanted to get out of there before Kazan had too many beers in fear he would do something stupid again. It turned out he had nothing to worry about. He was given a wide birth while leaving, Kazan waved goodbye from a good six meters away, thanking him for coming over and saying they should meet up again sometime.  
  
Of course, Taiga agreed they should hang soon, but deep in his heart, he sorta thought they wouldn’t. He considered it a vital part of Operation Get Better to right things with Kazan after their disastrous last meeting. Now that their friendship moved back to neutral though, he wondered whether it was smart to keep texting him. Certainly not if he got back together with Keitaro. There’s no way in hell his boyfriend would want to hang out with the guy who sparked all of this. He could also see trust issues with him simply staying in touch with Kazan, no matter how much he made it clear they were just friends. When Kieran showed up at camp two summers ago, Keitaro tried his best to say he wasn’t jealous, but couldn’t hide it well. Taiga had to make a clean break there too.  
  
Finally home, he changed into a pair of sweatpants and threw his shirt into the laundry basket. Taiga preferred to keep the studio warm and just wear less clothing. He hated the cold, dreading the upcoming winter. Plus Yuri seemed to enjoy the heat. She curled up in a crescent shape, half bordering on his pillow. Anything with his scent seemed to attract her. She constantly slept on his discarded hoodys or even his sweaty running shorts. While he found it adorable, 80% of his attire seemed perpetually covered in cat hair. Sitting next to her on the futon, he gave her a few strokes. She mewed softly but refused to be roused from the spot.  
  
His gaze fell on his now clean desk. The post-it notes and rough drafts piled high in the trash. Tonight was the first night in weeks that he didn’t spend hours writing and editing. Honestly, he felt relieved to have it done. Not that he had better things to do before bed, but writing it stressed him out. He already logged into the post office website and typed in his tracking number to make sure it worked. It still showed the letter as being processed in Hiroshima. No big surprises there. He knew it wouldn’t arrive in Tokyo until at least Thursday, but that wouldn’t stop him from checking its status multiple times a day. His curiosity would get the better of him tomorrow. As soon as he woke up, he knew he’d check to see if it left town yet on its way to Keitaro.  
  
Thinking of him again, he patted his hand under the futon and pulled out the old letters. A sanguine smirk crossed his face as he read:  
  
 _Hey, Dummy :)  
  
_ _Sorry this is a little bigger than my usual letter. I thought it would be easier to just print the photos and mail them to you instead of emailing them...  
  
_ This was his favorite one and he always kept it on the top of the pile. It jogged memories of their time together in Tokyo and how happy he felt for those two days. If everything went to plan, he could get that back. He could be that happy again.  
  
Yuri grunted, annoyed, as he laid down and squeezed himself between her and the back of the futon. Pulling the comforter over his shoulder, he read until his eyes turned droopy, eventually placing the letters back in their usual place. With the warmth of Yuri against his chest and optimism for the future, he finally slept peacefully through an entire night.  
  
(...)  
  
 _Keitaro Nagame  
_ _Tama Art University  
_ _2 Chome Yarimizu,  
_ _Hachioji, Tokyo 192-0375  
  
_ _Keitaro,  
  
_ _Not sure if I ever told you, but your letters to me were always the high point of my week. I’d get so excited when I got one and run back up to my apartment so I could read it immediately. There’s something special about you taking the time to hand-write me something. It’s hard to explain. I always pictured you writing them – thinking of me, maybe smirking at your own jokes as you wrote. I’ve kept all of your letters and re-read them when I’m feeling down. Hopefully my responses gave you a similar feeling, so I wanted to take up the tradition again. I’m sorry if I’ve been a mess when you called recently. You know I’ve always been awkward on the phone, and sometimes I fear my emotions get the best of me and I make things worse. Writing this allowed me take my time and organize my thoughts. This is my truth.  
  
_ _First, I need to address what happened two weekends ago. Apologies are a start, but I owe you more than that. I screwed up. I screwed up big time. I’ve been racking my brain to try to come up with a way to make it up to you. In truth though, I’m pretty sure there’s no easy fix. It’s going to take time and I’m going to need to constantly work on earning back your trust. I’m willing to do that – however long it takes.  
  
_ _I can’t promise I won’t make mistakes in the future. God knows my life has been mostly a long string of them up to this point._ _What_ _I do swear to you: I’ll never make that mistake and I’ll never make you cry like that again. That night I told you still haunts me, and hearing you cry on the phone is definitely the worst memory I have outside of dealing with my dad. I’m so sorry. I know that doesn’t fix everything, but please just know that I mean it. Seeing you upset or angry or worst of all, crying, just tears me apart. If anybody else upset you like that, I wouldn’t hesitate to fight them. The fact that I did it is almost unbearable and I’ve been kicking myself about it ever since. So I pledge to you, I’m putting this on the same level I put alcohol on. Never. I’m never going to be responsible for making you cry ever again. And I’m going to punch anyone who does.  
  
_ _Second, about your internship, you were right. I wasn’t excited about it at first. It hurt to lose you for the summer. It’s taken me a lot of time to readjust to the idea, but I’ve come to the realization that I’m just being selfish. I want to spend as much time with you as possible (who doesn’t? Ask Hiro, hahaha). But this is a hell of an opportunity for you. I’m so proud of you for getting it and I’m sure it will open all kinds of opportunities. Your future is so bright, dweeb. You need to take that job. You deserve that job. Don’t worry about me or let camp make you second guess anything. If we figure things out between us, I’ll make it work. I promise you.  
  
_ _I’ve been trying to improve myself too. You deserve someone better than a karaoke bartender. While I don’t have a killer internship to report yet, I’m looking into going back to school. I’m only taking one class a semester for now, but it’s a step in the right direction. Maybe I’ll do something with writing or work with my hands. I haven’t decided yet, but I’m going to start knocking out these general education classes until I make up my mind. It’s been a long time since I set foot in a classroom, and honestly I’m terrified. But I’m going to do my best. I want to be somebody you can be proud of. Somebody you’ll brag about to your friends, like I brag about you to mine.  
  
_ _Finally, I need to be clear about what you mean to me. I’ve used a lot of platitudes on the phone with you – saying that I miss you, that you make me happy, that I hate sleeping alone. While these are all definitely true, there’s something deeper there too. Only a few times in life do you meet someone who_ _can turn_ _your_ _world_ _around. I don’t know if I ever said this to you, but you did that for me. I can tell_ _you things that I’ve never shared with anyone and you take in everything and actually want to hear more. When something awesome happens, I can’t wait to tell you about it, knowing you will be just as excited. I’m not embarrassed to cry around you when I’m hurting or laugh with you when I make a fool of myself. I can be myself and not worry about what you would think of me because you love me for who I am.  
  
_ _When I’m with you, there’s no need to constantly talk, because I’m content in just having you nearby. Things that never interested me before become fascinating because I know they are important to you. I never cared about photography before or hot yoga, but the fact that they intrigued you was enough of a reason for me to check it out. With you, life just seems completely different, exciting and worthwhile.  
  
_ _You always said you wanted your memories to last forever. Up until now, I never truly understood that. I viewed my life as a linear series of events, some better than others, but nothing I could change. They weren’t memories so much as my past, which I admittedly tried to forget more than remember. After meeting you though, I learned what true joy felt like and why people try to hold on to their memories. I couldn’t look at our Tokyo pictures for a long time, but I finally sat down and went through them yesterday. They made me tear up, not going to lie. But they’re physical reminders of times I smiled, so I’ll cherish them forever.  
  
_ _I guess what I’m getting at is, I hope you give me another shot. Nothing would make me happier. So don’t get me wrong – I’m not giving up or saying we should stay broken up. But even if you don’t want to be my boyfriend anymore, I still need to thank you. Though we had a rough start, you taught me that there was still some good in me – that I could be loved and that I deserved it. You forgave and believed in me from the very beginning, pulling me out of a pretty dark place. I’m a better man now today because of you, and I’ll always be thankful for our time together. I’ll keep your memories with me. I’ll keep you with me. If our song is over, the melody will always linger on.  
  
_ _I pray that’s not the case. If you can ever find it in your heart to forgive me, I’d drop everything to spend time with you. I’ve been saving money to come back to Tokyo for weeks now in case there was an opportunity. Of course, you’re always welcome in Hiroshima too, whenever you want. Even if it’s just as friends, I’d clear everything to see you.  
  
_ _Anyway, just know that I still love you and I hope you’re doing well. Please write me again. Nothing would make me happier than to get one more letter from you.  
  
  
  
_ _Taiga_


	13. Hiro and Villain

_Day 131:_ _Friday_ _, November 26th;_ _Morning  
  
_ “Holy crap, it’s here!” Keitaro exclaimed, re-reading the email. He’d been waiting for it for days now. Vivi magazine promised to send him his welcome packet soon, and it finally arrived. Tama Art mail room sent an automated email for any package that did not fit in his mailbox. He would need to go to a special window and sign to pick it up, but it was in the same mail room in the Green Hall. They also sent a daily e-mail previewing the day's letters and fliers he received in his usual box. He thought these were cool at first, but after a week of previewing grocery store coupons, he set up an auto-filter for those e-mails to go to his archived folder. The email alerts for large mail items he starred for importance though. Sometimes he ordered something online or his parents sent him a care package. If it couldn’t fit in his mailbox, it was definitely worth knowing about.  
  
“Your Vivi stuff?” Seto inquired, lowering his headphones. He sat at his own desk, working on some indecipherable code Keitaro could never understand. “Congrats man! I told you it would come today.”  
  
“Yeah! I’m gonna run down there and get it now. It’s happening!” Raising his arms and flicking his wrists, he made firework hand motions. “Are you going to be here when I get back?”  
  
“Prolly not. I’m heading for the train station in like ten minutes. My mom will kill me if I miss the train.”

"Cool, cool. I told you about Hiro, right? He’s gonna crash here this weekend with me while his mom’s in the hospital again.”  
  
“Yup, all good,” Seto assured him, returning his focus to his laptop, trying to finish up his last bit of code. “Just make sure he doesn’t sleep in my bed, yeah?”  
  
“S-sure, I promise he’ll stay on the air mattress. You know Hiro. He’s like a puppy – just happy to be here.” Keitaro tried to spin it like Hiro came up with the idea – that he yearned to get away from the hospital and this would be a welcome refuge from spending another weekend in the oncology ward. While not completely untrue, Keitaro looked forward to spending some time with his best friend too. It checked a lot of boxes. He promised he would spend more time with Hiro since his mother got sick – check. With Seto gone this weekend, it would provide him with a buddy to live with so he wouldn’t be alone – check. Perhaps most selfishly, but also most importantly, Hiro would keep his mind off of Taiga for a few days – check.  
  
“Awesome. So I’ll see you Monday?” Seto muttered, not even looking at him anymore, completely absorbed in his work. He raised his headphones back over his ears as Keitaro threw a jacket over his shoulders.  
  
“Hey...uh...you haven’t seen any letters have you?” Keitaro asked softly, before leaving. He hesitated bringing this up, as he doubted Seto would know anything about it. Still, it annoyed him. “SETO!” he yelled louder.  
  
“What? Sorry,” he apologized, lowering his headphones again.  
  
“I had letters...letters from Taiga. I can’t find them anymore. You haven’t seen them have you?”  
  
“Letters? Nah, sorry. Where was the last place you saw them?”  
  
“I thought I left them on my desk or in this drawer.” Keitaro motioned to the bottom right potion of his desk. “But I can’t find them.”  
  
“I don’t go through your desk, dude,” Seto shook his head. “Anything over there is your property.”  
  
“I know and I’m not blaming you. But if you see them around the room, can you let me know?”  
  
“Sure, I’ll keep an eye out,” he nodded. “Just like pieces of paper?”  
  
“Yeah, thanks.” The headphones already fell back over Seto’s ears and Keitaro tacked this up to a lost cause. He would be gone in ten minutes anyway. “Have fun with your parents this weekend!”  
  
Seto shot him a thumbs up, but didn’t pull his eyes from his laptop.  
  
(...)  
  
Tapping his foot impatiently, Keitaro lingered outside, waiting on Ichiro. He texted his lanky classmate immediately after leaving his dorm, asking if he could meet him at the Green Hall to pick up the packet. He promised him lunch if he would help him with the paperwork. Ichiro already interned at Vivi magazine, so he figured he could answer any of his questions. This was Keitaro’s first real job and he had no idea how to fill out the forms. The tax documents especially intimidated him.  
  
After ten minutes, Ichiro finally crested the hill and climbed the stairs to meet him. “So it finally came, huh?” he smirked, taking off his glasses and cleaning them on the bottom of his shirt. “You’ve been talking about this since Monday.”  
  
“Yeah! I thought they decided not to hire me after all,” Keitaro laughed, holding the door open for him. “Thanks for giving me a hand with this. I never had to do it before.”  
  
“It’s not that hard. We can probably finish it in five minutes.”  
  
Keitaro nodded, but couldn’t contain his excitement. He raced down the stairs, pausing at the bottom floor for Ichiro to catch up. This made it official. Once he filed the paperwork, he would definitely have the position. Not that Vivi gave any indication they planned on denying him, but he wanted to get everything submitted as soon as he could. Turning the corner, he led Ichiro into the mail room and shoved his key into his tiny mailbox. He pulled out grocery store coupons, a few letters, and finally found the slip of paper he would need to give the package window to get his Vivi packet.  
  
“Here, can you hold this?” Keitaro pleaded, shoving the rest of his mail into Ichiro’s hands. “I’ll grab the packet from the window and then I’ll buy you lunch. Anywhere you want to go?”  
  
“Just the cafeteria is fine,” Ichiro smiled, pleased at being consulted for his expertise. “Yeah, no problem, go get your big package.”  
  
(...)  
  
As Ichiro waited, curiosity got the best of him. Putting the grocery store coupons at the back of the pile, he flipped through the letters. The top one was from the student activities union – they sent those to every student. The next came from VISA – likely a credit card application. Those banks were so predatory. To his disgust, everything seemed like junk mail. Until he hit the third letter…  
  
 _Taiga Akatora_ read the return address from somewhere in Hiroshima. _“Another one?”_ he scoffed, shaking his head. _“How pathetic.”_ His gaze flashed towards Keitaro, who stood 20 meters away, bouncing on his toes in anticipation as he stood in line to get his welcome packet. _“This is for your own best interest, buddy,”_ he told himself. Separating the letter from the rest of the mail, he held it behind his back and slowly creeped towards a nearby trash can. Keitaro never took his eyes off the package window. Gently, Ichiro dropped it in the trash and then walked back to his former waiting position.  
  
Three minutes later, Keitaro returned with a big grin; holding the large manila envelope with both hands in front of his chest. Ichiro handed him the rest of the mail as they turned to leave.  
  
“Th-thanks! Let’s go grab lunch! I owe you big time!”  
  
(*****)  
  
 _Day 131:_ _Friday_ _, November 26th;_ _Afternoon  
  
_ Keitaro wondered if this was the same bench he sat on when Taiga came to visit. Either this one or the one next to it, he determined. It didn’t really matter. He just remembered it being a lot warmer back in October. _“Did I even wear a jacket then?”_ He couldn’t recall. Shivering against the late November wind, he tightened the scarf around his neck and hunched over to conserve body heat. While he felt excited to spend the weekend with Hiro, he noted that he didn’t sprint down here and arrive a half hour early like he did for Taiga. Some of that he could chalk up to the bitter cold, but not all of it.  
  
Another train rumbled into the station, the bench shaking as it braked. This had to be Hiro’s train. His best friend texted him with regular updates as he inched closer to the Hashimoto station. Standing, he shook out his arms and kicked his legs to get out the cold stiffness.  
  
Commuters slowly started trickling out of the station. Keitaro looked for his tall friend, keeping an eye out for his orange spiky hair. He wasn’t hard to find. Toward the middle of the pack, Hiro appeared, towering over the 150 cm grandmas around him. He looked better than when he saw him in the hospital in early November – hair freshly cut and styled, his pecs and arms bulged against his green Luigi sweater. _“Must’ve gotten back to the gym since Ms. Akiba was released from the hospital,”_ Keitaro nodded approvingly.  
  
“Keitaro! Keitaro!” Hiro called, immediately after laying eyes on him, unable to contain his elation. “Over here! I made it!”  
  
Keitaro giggled and waved as he ran over. He did act like a puppy – if he had a tail, it would be wagging ferociously. His excitement was infectious though, and Keitaro found himself with a huge grin too.  
  
Slinging his overnight bag on the ground, Hiro threw his arms around him and pulled him into his chest. “Dude, it’s so good to see you. Thanks so much for inviting me this weekend. I’ve been looking forward to this all week.”  
  
“Y-yeah! Thanks so much for coming and keeping me company,” Keitaro murmered, face pressed deeply into his pecs. Hiro’s gym work made him an aggressive hugger, making it hard to breathe. Still, Keitaro didn’t entirely hate the firmness. Something about Hiro’s big arms and tight grip made him feel protected and safe.  
  
“You kidding? I thought I wouldn’t see you until next weekend at the big party.” He loosened his hug but kept his hands on Keitaro’s shoulders. The smiled dipped unsuredly from his face. “It’s still cool if I come back for the party, right? You don’t mind hanging out two straight weekends?”  
  
“Hehe, of course,” he punched him gently in his bicep. “We hung out every day at camp. What makes you think I’d get sick of you after two weekends?”  
  
“Awesome.” Hiro exhaled, relieved. “I’m really looking forward to seeing everyone at the party too.”  
  
“Yeah, Natsumi will be crashing with us too, so it’ll be a little cramped, just warning you.”  
  
“I’d sleep in the hallway,” Hiro laughed nervously, scratching the back of his head. “So where do you want to go? What do you want to do?” His eyes filled with excitement at the possibilities.  
  
“I want to get out of the cold,” Keitaro admitted, rubbing his mittens together. “You want to drop your stuff at my place? I can show you the dorm.”  
  
(…)  
  
Once removed from the hospital, Hiro flourished. This was the version of his best friend Keitaro remembered – upbeat, smiling constantly, laughing. It felt like they were back at camp, where their biggest worries involved earning merit badges and long marches to the beach. Simpler times. For the entire trip back to the dorm, Keitaro didn’t dwell on Taiga once, just enjoying Hiro’s running commentary.  
  
“W-well, this is it,” Keitaro announced hesitantly, opening the door to his dorm. “It’s not much, but pretty standard for on-campus housing.”  
  
“This. Is. Awesome!” Hiro gushed, looking around the tiny room as if they lived at the Ritz-Carlton. “Man I would kill to live here!”  
  
“R-really?” He blinked rapidly, trying to see the appeal. He always considered it pretty dumpy freshman housing.  
  
“Yeah! This is so much better than the cabins at camp.” He walked between the beds, eyes filled with wonder. “You get to live with Seto and all kinds of other college people are on this hall. Is it true you just leave your door open and people wander in?”  
  
“Um...sometimes when we’re both in the room on the weekend,” Keitaro tried to live up to the picture in his head. “Seto’s touchy about his electronics, so I don’t keep it open when he’s not here.”  
  
“Oh…” the smile slid from Hiro’s face, concerned he wouldn’t get the full college experience.  
  
“But...but we’re pretty close with Benji and Haki next door,” he quickly recovered, sensing Hiro’s disappointment. “I can introduce you to them or we can see who else is around on the hall tonight. It’s just quiet right now. A lot of people are studying or have classes this afternoon.”  
  
“That sounds so cool!” he brightened. “I’m assuming that’s Seto’s desk?” He motioned to the one with the jumble of wires and different gaming systems.  
  
“Yup, here, grab my chair. This is my bed,” Keitaro jumped up on top of his green comforter while Hiro swung his chair into the space between the beds, sitting on it backwards.  
  
“Dude, thanks so much for putting me up this weekend,” he said wistfully, shaking his head like he didn’t believe he was actually here. “You don’t know what a relief it is to be away from the hospital for a few days.”  
  
“Yeah, like I said, with Seto gone, it was probably going to be a lonely weekend. I’m glad you could make it.” Keitaro paused, wondering if he should inquire about Hina, finally settling on it being a safe topic. If she was on her deathbed, Hiro definitely wouldn’t be spending all weekend with him. “How’s everything going with your mom?”  
  
“She’s better, I think…” Hiro nodded optimistically. “The chemo is making her weak, of course, but the doctor says her scans looked better recently.”  
  
“That’s good news!” Keitaro quickly agreed, forcing a smile.  
  
“Yeah...we’ll see.” Half frowning, he let out a long exhale. “She has a surgery scheduled in two weeks. The doctors say it’s routine, but she’ll be under anesthesia. I’m a little worried about that.”  
  
“I’m sure it’ll go fine.”  
  
“I hope so too.” Hiro strummed his fingers on the back of the chair, letting a silence settle between them. “Hey, if we’re asking about the worst things in our lives, how are things going with Taiga?”  
  
“Ugh...fair question.” Keitaro’s stomach tightened. He’d been avoiding talking about this to anyone recently, even with Seto. Everyone’s advice and reactions helped at first, but now all anyone wanted to do was stick to their guns and convince him why they were right. If they told him to end things, they brought up Taiga’s worst qualities and failings. If they said to stay together, they talked about how cute and caring he acted during Halloween. Frankly, it was exhausting.  
  
After asking about Hina though, Keitaro supposed he deserved some pain as well. “We’re...we’re alright I guess. We agreed to take some time apart, but I don’t even know what that means anymore.”  
  
“So you didn’t officially end things?” Hiro asked, trying his best to mask his disappointment. “Is he still like calling you all the time?”  
  
“The opposite actually,” Keitaro admitted, falling back on his pillow and looking up at the ceiling. “We seem to talk less and less. When we do, he seems distant or pissed off. I’ll get a text from him occasionally, but it takes him forever to respond most of the time.”  
  
“It sounds like it’s a natural break, then,” Hiro suggested, attempting to keep a level, unexcited voice. “You might not need to break up with him, you could just slowly grow apart.”  
  
Keitaro bit his tongue, just watching the ceiling fan blades slowly turn. Hiro probably liked Taiga least of all, so he knew this would be the direction of the conversation. “That’s what I’m afraid of…” he muttered, finally.  
  
“What, why? Don’t tell me you’re still thinking of getting back together with…”  
  
“I don’t know what I’m doing.” Keitaro cut him off before he could lay into Taiga again. “Really, Hiro, I don’t. I feel like...I dunno, I’ve been punishing him for weeks now. And if I keep pushing him away, he’s going to take me at my word and find someone else or move on.”  
  
“And that’s a bad thing?” Hiro scoffed, putting his chin atop his hands on the chair-back. “I mean you could move on or find someone else too.”  
  
Keitaro pondered the idea, flicking it around his mind. Weighing it for truth and plausibility. “Ughhhh...I don’t know. It’s hard to explain. Like...I don’t want to rush back together with him and pretend everything is okay, because it’s not. But at the same time, I don’t want to lose him. I...uh...I still miss him all the time. Does that make sense?”  
  
“No,” Hiro laughed, straightening his posture. “That doesn’t make any sense to me. I told you before, I don’t know what you see in him. You could do 1,000x better. You could probably pick any guy on this hall and it would be considered an upgrade. Remember when he…”  
  
“Hiro! Stop it!” Keitaro exclaimed, springing back up to sitting. “I get it. You don’t like him. You’ve made that abundantly clear. But I like him. I think I still do. S-so don’t like bash him all the time, alright?”  
  
“Sorry!” he quickly yelped. His face turned flush at being reprimanded and he looked out the window to avoid Keitaro’s glare. “I don’t hate him, you know? I just get mad when anybody treats you poorly.”  
  
“I know. Look, I’m sorry for yelling at you. It’s just a sore subject right now.” He fell back on his pillow, clenching his eyes shut. “I know you only want what’s best for me. You’re a good best friend.”  
  
“You still love him.” It wasn’t a question. Hiro continued to stare out the window absently.  
  
“I don’t…um…”  
  
“You do,” he sighed. “I’ve known you since kindergarten. If you didn’t still love him, you wouldn’t feel guilty about any of this. You have no trouble telling people you don’t want to date them and that you just like them as friends.”  
  
“Hiro, I…”  
  
“But with Taiga, it’s always been different,” he continued, steamrolling over his objections. “I don’t get it. I don’t understand it. Hell, I don’t even agree with it.” Exhaling softly, he finally pulled his eyes from the window and met Keitaro’s. “But as your best friend, if this is what you want, I have to support it. I just want to see you happy, man.”  
  
Keitaro gave him a half smile, finally feeling understood – at least the best he could with Hiro. “Th-thanks. That means a ton coming from you.”  
  
“Just promise me I’ll always be your best friend, alright?” He thumped his chest proudly, smirking at him. “I want that best man position at your wedding locked up.”  
  
“You got it! There’s nobody else I’d ever pick.”  
  
“Good, because I’ve started sketching out some speeches already…”  
  
“Really?” Keitaro cocked an eyebrow. “Do I get the same honor at your wedding?”  
  
“Of course!”  
  
“P-perfect, I know some great Hiro stories from childhood. Remember when you…” His phone suddenly buzzed, interrupting his train of thought:  
  
 _Jun Kawada; 3:18 PM  
_ _Hey! We still on for drinks tonight? Yua’s really excited.  
  
_ “Ohhh...crap. I totally forgot.” Keitaro slapped his forehead. “Hiro...I was supposed to get drinks with some friends tonight. Do you want to meet them? I’m sure they’ll be cool with you coming.”  
  
“Yeah! Totally!” Hiro exclaimed, nearly falling out of his chair. “Is this with people on the hall tonight?”  
  
“No...upper classmen actually…”  
  
 _Keitaro Nagame; 3:20 PM  
_ _Yeah! Definitely! One small issue – my best friend from home is visiting campus. Do you mind if I bring him along? He’s totally chill.  
  
_ “You’re friends with upper classmen?” Hiro gaped. “That’s so cool! Where do they want to go?”  
  
“I’m trying to figure that out. Give me a sec?”  
  
 _Jun Kawada; 3:22 PM  
_ _Totally! Are you ok with just meeting us at Yua’s place? She likes to play host and have snacks and stuff. It’ll be cheaper than a bar. She lives just a few blocks off campus.  
  
_ “It’s a small house party,” Keitaro explained, typing his response. “Off campus with two of my friends. Is that cool?”  
  
“I’m so excited!” Hiro gushed.  
  
 _Keitaro Nagame; 3:23 PM  
_ _Awesome! Yeah we’ll be there. Just shoot me a time and the address. Is there anything I can bring?  
  
_ (*****)  
  
 _Day 131:_ _Friday_ _, November 26th;_ _Night  
  
_ “I think this is the nicest apartment I’ve ever been to,” Hiro complimented, taking off his shoes and bowing to Jun and Yua as he entered. “Thanks so much for inviting me over.”  
  
Yua’s apartment was exquisite. Keitaro and Seto’s room could be considered clean by usual standards. Maybe ‘not dirty’ would be a better description. But compared to this place, it looked like a slum. Dim lighting and multiple candles complimented the soft ambient music that flowed from multiple speakers. The entire apartment smelled of baking. Keitaro couldn’t decide if the scent came from the candles or Yua actually cooking. Everything appeared immaculately clean – not even dust on the high shelves. Best of all, she decorated with minimalism – no tchotchkes or overflowing books to be found.  
  
“Yeah, Yua, this is phenomenal,” Keitaro gushed. “This is nicer than my parent’s house.”  
  
“Oh, I can’t take credit. The cleaners just came this morning,” she explained, dismissing the compliments with a wave of her hand. “Is this your friend from home? Oh my, you’re so tall! Hi, I’m Yua. I’m so glad you could make it.” Despite the last minute addition of Hiro, she treated him as a welcome guest.  
  
“Y-yeah, this is Hiro,” Keitaro introduced him. “I hope it’s not a problem I brought a plus one. We brought beer!” He flashed the six-pack of Sapporo excitedly, but now feared he should’ve bought a more expensive import.  
  
“Hiro, pleasure to meet you,” Jun bowed. “I’m Jun. Thanks so much for coming. And Sapporo! How’d you know this was my favorite?” He took the gift and carried it to the kitchen. “Come on in, make yourselves at home. Can I get you guys a glass?”  
  
“Yeah sure!” Hiro quickly agreed. “Yua, what are you making? It smells so good!”  
  
“Oh you’re so sweet!” she called from the kitchen. “I’m trying to make these new puff pastries...Don’t touch that!” She slapped Jun’s hand as he reached to try one. “I’m afraid they’re not turning out great. Sorry, this is my first time making them.”  
  
“Do you mind if I help?” Hiro offered, as Jun handed him an open Sapporo and a chilled glass. “I’m pretty good in a kitchen.”  
  
“Yes! Get over here!” Yua demanded, eyes wide with appreciation. “You didn’t tell me you were bringing a chef, Keitaro.”  
  
“H-he’s phenomenal,” Keitaro laughed as Hiro went to join her in the kitchen. “He’s a better baker than my mom.” Immediately, Hiro started reading over the recipe and giving her pointers on improving the next batch. “Cooking is his passion,” Keitaro explained to Jun, watching the two of them admiringly. He took a sip of his own chilled beer. “I’m afraid I’ve lost him for hours.”  
  
“Haha, it’s fine. Yua will be ecstatic for the help.” He nodded his head towards a glass sliding door on the other side of the apartment. “Care to join me out on the balcony while they work?”  
  
“Y-yeah, sure!” Keitaro agreed, following him outside. While the balcony was small, it fit two wicker chairs and a glass side table. From the 4th floor, distant campus lights flickered against the night sky. “This view is amazing,” he admired, putting his beer on the table and taking one of the wicker chairs.  
  
“Yua always has great taste,” Jun nodded, turning on a space heater. “I hope it’s not too cold. It’ll warm up quick.” He pulled two cigars from his pocket, handing one to Keitaro. “I bought these for us as a celebration for your job. It’s a big deal. My mom said you did great and to pass on her congratulations.”  
  
Keitaro swallowed the lump in his throat, unable to wipe away a giant grin. “Th-thanks so much, but uh…” a sudden flash of concern crossed his face as Jun cut the cigars. “I’m afraid I never smoked a cigar before.”  
  
“Ohh, haha don’t worry about it. I’ll light it for you,” Jun assured him, waving away his worries. “Just puff on it, don’t swallow too much of the smoke.” Flicking on his silver lighter, he put the cigar in Keitaro’s mouth and lit it. “Inhale a little now so it lights.”  
  
Smoke flooded Keitaro’s lungs, which immediately rebelled causing a coughing fit.  
  
“Hahaha, perfectly normal,” Jun laughed, lighting his own cigar. He took a long inhale, but didn’t swallow, blowing the smoke naturally out of the right side of his mouth. “Take it slow, don’t smoke it too quickly. If your head starts swimming too much, you don’t have to finish the whole thing.”  
  
Keitaro nodded, puffing gently and exhaling the smallest amount of smoke. Coughing occasionally, his lungs attempted to adjust to the new sensation. He wasn’t sure if he enjoyed smoking the cigar, but it certainly made him feel like an adult. Jun smoked like a pro – never coughing, holding his cigar between his middle and forefinger.  
  
“This is really nice,” Keitaro smiled. “I know I told you this before, but I owe you big time. You...uh...you really changed my life, man.”  
  
“I did no such thing,” he disagreed, alternating puffs of his cigar with sips of his cold Sapporo. “Everything that happened was your doing. If it wasn’t me and Yua that you met that night, somebody else would’ve given you another opportunity eventually.” Jun closed his eyes and let out a long breath, fully relaxing in the cool night. “You were probably the nicest kid at that entire table. You care about people, even strangers you just met. Yua fell in love with you within five minutes.”  
  
“There’s plenty of friendly people…”  
  
“It’s not friendliness,” Jun shook his head. “You have a way with people. Something calming and accepting. I can’t really describe it.” Taking another deep toke of his cigar, he blew a smoke ring off the balcony, dissipating into the night. “A lot of people are talented at art, but it’s those interpersonal skills that will carry you through life. I’m a little envious. I’m not as good at it as you are.”  
  
Keitaro felt his face flush from the compliment. People had told him he was nice or easy to get along with all his life. Jun’s description humbled him though. “I think you and Yua are some of the nicest people too,” he tried lamely to return the compliment.  
  
“Yua definitely,” he laughed. “I latched onto her as soon as we met. A woman like that doesn’t come around every day.”  
  
“Definitely,” Keitaro agreed. He attempted to take a long puff of his cigar in imitation of Jun, but ended up swallowing some, sparking another coughing attack. His head started swimming already – a completely different sensation than alcohol that he couldn’t quite place. “I-if I’m honest with you, I’ve been having a rough time recently. You gave me one of the few bright points I’ve had in the last few weeks.”  
  
“Classes?” Jun asked, shooting him a side smirk. “I’ve been there – gave my mom plenty of heart attacks by failing a few courses.”  
  
“Haha, they’re going okay actually,” Keitaro admitted. He paused, wondering how much he should divulge. Maybe it was the cigar smoke fogging his brain, but he felt desperate to be honest with him. “Actually relationship stuff…”  
  
“Some girl broke your heart?” Jun looked at him sympathetically, dropping his smirk.  
  
Keitaro took a deep breath, meeting his eye contact and gathering his courage. “Y-you’re not religious or anything, are you?”  
  
“What?” His brows scrunched in confusion. “No...not really.”  
  
“If I tell you something, do you promise we can still be friends?”  
  
“What are you getting at?” Jun chuckled nervously, suddenly uncomfortable. He sat up in his chair. “Unless you’re about to tell me you’re a pedophile, I think we’re fine.”  
  
He let a long silence hang, unsure if he should really take the plunge. This guy just got him a killer job, and he didn’t want to ruin it. Still he thought he deserved the truth and felt slightly optimistic this would go well. “I...I’m gay,” Keitaro squeaked, diverting his eyes. “I promise to not like hit on you or anything…”  
  
“That’s what you were afraid to tell me?” Jun sighed, relaxing and leaning back in his chair. “Dude, it’s art school. 40% of the guys here are gay. I’m glad you felt comfortable enough to tell me.”  
  
“Really?” A sense of relief washed over him, despite his heart still pounding in his chest. “That...uh...I’m always scared to tell people.”  
  
“Psshh, I’m friends with a ton of gay guys. So is Yua. You have nothing to worry about,” he took another deep drag on his cigar, returning to his former state of relaxation. “Wait, Hiro’s not your ex, is he?”  
  
“N-no no! That’d be weird.” Keitaro shook his head rapidly.  
  
“Oh okay, whatever,” Jun shrugged. “Hahaha, you had me scared there for a second. I thought you were going to tell me something terrible.”  
  
Keitaro’s hand still shook a bit as he took a small puff of his cigar. “I’ve had people not take it as well in the past,” he frowned.  
  
“Screw bigots,” he shook his head dismissively. “You should be able to love anybody you want to. Don’t let anyone tell you differently.”  
  
The glass door slid open behind them and Yua stuck her head outside. “Boys, appetizers are ready.” She scrunched her face, taking in their cigars. “Ugh...you smell like smoke.”  
  
“We’re celebrating his first big job!” Jun justified, motioning to Keitaro. “He deserves it!”  
  
Yua unfurled her eyebrows, but still looked mildly displeased. “I suppose. Come back in while they’re still warm. Hiro salvaged everything!”  
  
(…)  
  
“These are amazing!” Jun gorged himself, shoving a second puff pastry in his mouth.  
  
“All thanks to this big guy,” Yua swooned, grabbing Hiro by the arm defensively. “I have a new man in my life, Jun.”  
  
“Welp, thanks for coming,” Jun joked, putting a hand on Hiro’s back and guiding him towards the door. “It was great meeting you…”  
  
“Keitaro, help!” Hiro laughed, allowing himself to be escorted towards his shoes.  
  
“Nope! He can stay,” Jun clarified. “Anyone not threatening to steal away Yua can stay.”  
  
Keitaro giggled, looking on. His brain still swam from the cigar smoke and he could smell the reek of his shirt. Regardless, this felt like the best day he had since…since Taiga left. A wave of melancholy overcame him, softening his smile. Digging his phone out of his pocket, he realized he missed a text sent hours earlier.  
  
 _Taiga Akatora; 6:47 PM  
_ _Hey, man! How’s your day going?  
  
_ Keitaro squinted his eyes in confusion. It was a weird text from Taiga – vague and open-ended. His messages usually consisted of direct questions, poignant thoughts, or jokes.  
  
 _Keitaro Nagame; 9:13 PM  
_ _Alright I guess. Why?  
  
_ Taiga never texted back.  
  
(…)  
  
Hiro gushed the entire way back to the dorm about what an awesome time he had. Keitaro hadn’t seen him this excited in months. _“Complete 180 since I visited him in the hospital,”_ he mused.  
  
“And do you know what the issue was?” Hiro regaled him as they finally returned to the dorm. “Butter! She tried to cut the butter in half to make it healthier. But these are puff pastries – they’re not supposed to be good for you. Once we added the full amount of butter back in, BAM! they came out awesome!”  
  
“Yeah those were some of the best appetizers I ever ate,” Keitaro complimented him. “You’re a miracle worker. Yua absolutely loved you.”  
  
“She said she wanted me to help with her Christmas cookies! God they were so cool,” he raved as Keitaro buzzed them into the building. “Are they going to be at the party next weekend?”  
  
“Unfortunately, I think they’re going to be out of town,” Keitaro shrugged regretfully as they trudged up the stairs. “I can let Yua know the next time you’re in town with your mom. You won’t even need to see me, you can just go directly to her place,” he laughed.  
  
“No...no, I’d definitely come see you. You think I’d pass up spending time with you?”  
  
As they made their way back to the room, they found Benji and Haki’s door wide open. Six people crowded in the small space drinking beers and laughing. Hiro gasped in excitement.  
  
Hearing their approach, Benji popped his head out into the hallway. “There you are! Where were you? We’ve been looking all over for you! Whoa, who’s this tall drink of water?” He squeezed Hiro’s bicep, looking up at him in wonder.  
  
“This is my friend from home, Hiro,” Keitaro explained. “Hiro, this is my neighbor, Benji. Remember I told you about him and Haki?”  
  
“Wow, you’re huge,” Benji continued, ignoring the introduction. “You can sit next to me – you’ll be a hit with the ladies!”  
  
“Hiro, do you want to…” Keitaro started, but quickly gave up. The answer was a foregone conclusion. Hiro’s eyes lit up like Christmas as Benji pushed him inside.  
  
“Keitaro, take a shower before coming over,” Benji called over his shoulder. “You smell terrible!”


	14. Woof

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Quick note on timing: I’m doing things a little differently this chapter. All previous chapters fit nicely into one day (morning; afternoon; night) from the perspective of Taiga or Keitaro. This chapter is from Taiga’s perspective, but takes place over three (3) consecutive days – Thursday, December 2nd to Saturday, December 4th. Please pay attention to the section headings signifying the days and it should make more sense. Thanks!

_Day 137:_ _Thursday_ _, December 2nd;_ _Afternoon  
  
_ Taiga slammed his head against his small metal mailbox in the apartment lobby. Pain shot through his forehead, throbbing against the cool steel. Cringing his eyes shut, his breathing turned rapid. A woman entered the building, giving him a strange look. Her yippy dog jumped at his leg, but he ignored them both, lost in his own aggravation.  
  
Nine days had passed since he mailed the letter. Almost a complete week since he got the delivery confirmation. Keitaro responded with silence. No text. No phone call. Nothing. At first, he attributed it to his (ex?) boyfriend being secretive. Maybe Keitaro needed time to write a letter of his own? Maybe he would write back with his own thoughts, telling Taiga how he felt the same way and wanted to meet up after finals?  
  
With each passing day, the optimism in Taiga’s stomach soured. His desperation had turned him a bit obsessive. Earlier this week, he checked his mailbox 4-6 times a day – sometimes as soon as he woke up in case the mail came early. Some days he would awkwardly linger in the stairwell as the mailman or mail-woman sorted the day’s mail for the entire building. Even late at night, he would often come down to double check if he missed anything.  
  
He went downstairs less now, he noticed – the anticipation turning to dread every time he gathered the courage to check. After two minutes of leaning against the mailbox, Taiga reluctantly stood upright. He kept his head down as he retreated back to his room, attempting to hide the giant red mark on his forehead. Once the door closed behind him, he flung himself onto the futon and shut his eyes, breathing deeply. _“It was a really stupid letter anyway, no wonder he hated it,”_ he berated himself, getting used to the idea of this relationship ending. _“What did you write about? Something about a melody? God, you’re an idiot.”  
  
_ An internal struggle raged inside him – half wanting to confront Keitaro about the letter and the other to just accept defeat. He always chickened out. He knew it got to Tama – the post office held up their promise with an email verifying its delivery. So the lack of recognition came 100% from Keitaro. If Taiga brought it up, he knew it would just lead to confirmation that he found it weird, and perhaps, worst case scenario, that they were officially done.  
  
Keitaro texted him a few times this week, but didn’t acknowledge the letter. He couldn’t take the fake friendliness. Taiga’s replies were short. “Lol” or “okay” he would respond a few hours after getting the texts. For the last two days, there had been air-wave silence between them, which Taiga assumed he deserved due to his moodiness. He just couldn’t deal with this side of Keitaro. He’d seen it before. Hiro would get too clingy sometimes and Keitaro would shut down like this. He never acted unfriendly, but he had a talent of keeping people at arm’s length, showing them he didn’t appreciate their advances.  
  
Here he found himself. He was Hiro. Perhaps worse than Hiro. Keitaro put two arm lengths between them, hoping he got the hint. _“Well you tried,”_ Taiga told himself, feeling pathetic. His breathing became ragged, threatening to turn into tired sobs. _“You put yourself out there. You just didn’t win this time. It would’ve been worse if you never told him how you felt. At least you were a man about it.”  
  
_ His phone suddenly went off in his jeans pocket. Sitting up, he pulled it out to check the incoming call. ‘Keitaro Nagame’ flashed on the screen as it buzzed. His body froze. _“Maybe he’s explaining his letter is on the way!”_ his optimism suggested. _“No, this is the phone call to break up with you, you moron!”_ his fear responded. Heart pounding in his chest, he gripped the phone hard with eyes wide. His indecision sent the call to voicemail. Keitaro didn’t leave a message.  
  
(*****)  
  
 _Day 137:_ _Thursday_ _, December 2nd;_ _Night  
  
_ “ _If Ass Burger is popular on here, you’ll be a hit too,”_ Taiga assured himself, staring at the profile creation screen. The app’s aesthetics weren’t great. Its black and neon orange color scheme made it seem almost sinister. Still, it had become a cornerstone of gay dating. Almost every single gay guy he knew had a profile and checked it constantly. He never understood the appeal - though he hadn’t been single in a very long time. With Keitaro by his side, he never had a reason to check it out. After this last week, he wasn’t confident he had Keitaro in his corner anymore.  
  
“ _Just keep it friendly and PG-13,”_ he told himself. _“No need to sleep with anyone or jump_ _immediately_ _into another relationship. You just need friends right now. There’s plenty of people in the same boat.”  
  
_ Taiga uploaded a picture of himself taken after church. He stood next to his mother in a white dress shirt and a red and black tie. Carefully cropping his mom out of the picture, he centered himself and made that his main photo. It looked professional and maybe people would assume he had a white-collar job. For his next photo, he uploaded one of himself at a Toyo Carp baseball game. His hat was backwards, a small tuft of red hair poking through the hole in the back. It was opening day, and he flashed a huge smile, overjoyed that baseball finally returned. He wore his favorite dark red baseball jersey and brought his glove in hopes of catching a foul ball. _“Solid choices,”_ he nodded. _“Friendly, local, nothing pervy or weird.”  
  
_ Pictures were easy. He stared at the screen for a good twenty minutes trying to think of what to put for a bio. Writing about himself always sucked.  
  
 ~~ _New to this. Just checking out what’s up  
  
_~~ “ _Too casual,”_ he shook his head, deleting the sentence. _“You sound like a virgin.”  
  
_ ~~ _Local guy looking for fun times with other dudes  
  
_~~ “ _Now you sound like a whore,”_ Taiga cringed, deleting it again. _“That’ll send the complete wrong message.”  
  
_ _Chill guy working and living in Hiroshima. Just looking for friends to chat or hangout with.  
  
_ “ _Good enough to start,”_ he shrugged. _“Sounds friendly and expectations are clear.”  
  
_ Filling out the rest of his profile proved easier, but still felt awkward. He skipped the drop downs asking for his sexual position and made sure to only check the boxes that said he was looking for friends or chat. One section asked for his tribes. He had no idea what that even meant. _“What the fuck is an otter?”_ He skipped this section too.  
  
Finally satisfied with his responses, he submitted his profile and jumped to the main screen of viewing other nearby guys. _“The fuck?!?"_ he frowned, looking at the twenty closest people. 80% of the profiles either didn’t have a photo or were just a floating shirtless torso with the head cropped out. _“This is what gay dudes are fascinated by?”_ he shook his head, wondering if this whole idea was a huge mistake. _“It’s full of perverts.”  
  
_ Despite his initial hesitation, within ten minutes of submitting his profile, he had over twenty guys contact him. His phone chimed over and over again, notifying him that he had a new message. The attention gave him a jolt of endorphins. People were falling over themselves to talk to him. _“See! People do want to hang out with a karaoke bar loser!”_ he smiled. _“You can find someone else. This won’t be hard.”  
  
_ What Taiga didn’t know was that he possessed several novel attributes that contributed to his popularity. First, he set his age accurately at 20, which attracted not only his own age group, but also much older guys trying to chase their lost youth. Second, he included two clear face pictures. While he probably wasn’t the most attractive guy in Hiroshima, it gave him a leg up on the other blank or faceless profiles. Finally, even though he thought he made clear his expectations for friends and chat, he quickly learned that ambiguity could be read into nearly anything if one was horny enough. His naivety vanished within minutes of reading through the first couple of messages:  
  
(...)  
  
 _PapaBearTwinkLuv  
_ _Hey there boi. HRU  
  
_ Taiga frowned at the message, but it was his first one. Not fifteen seconds after he established his profile did this guy send a message. PapaBear claimed to be 54 years old and his profile picture consisted of a chubby, hairy stomach with no face. Not the ideal first contact, but Taiga was determined to not make any snap judgments. He needed to stop being such a jerk – the key takeaway from his breakup with Keitaro.  
  
 _RedTaiger  
_ _Hey man. I’m good. How’s it going with you?  
  
_ Almost immediately after replying, his phone exploded with a barrage of message notifications as PapaBear sent him seven pictures – three dick pics, three of a large hairy ass, and one classy (comparatively) shirtless picture. None of these contained his face.  
  
Taiga physically recoiled, dropping his phone onto his desk and nearly knocking over his chair. _“What the fuck?”  
  
_ _RedTaiger  
_ _Dude gross. What the hell, you pervert?!?  
  
_ _PapaBearTwinkLuv  
_ _You have any x pics?  
  
_ _PapaBearTwinkLuv  
_ _You for rent boi?  
  
_ Taiga spent the next five minutes googling how to block someone on Woof and followed the steps to shut down the PapaBear. Block would become his most utilized feature on the app.  
  
(…)  
  
 _RedTaiger  
_ _Yeah man! I love the Carp. Do you go to games?  
  
_ _WyattSoSerious  
_ _My dad has season tickets. So we’re there pretty often. Do you think Suzuki’s bat is going to be as dependable this year? I’m afraid he’ll have a drop off.  
  
_ _RedTaiger  
_ _No way. I think this is our year. Really, I do. If the pitching gels, we’ll be unstoppable in the central.  
  
_ _WyattSoSerious  
_ _I hope you’re right.  
  
_ Taiga’s heart swelled with hope, enjoying himself for the first time since downloading this stupid thing. Wyatt, aged 22, sent him a clear face picture and didn’t immediately ask about the size of his dick. Hurdles were currently incredibly low. Wyatt did send him a random shirtless picture, but it contained his face and was taken at the beach, so it made sense. Weird flex, but okay.  
  
Wyatt didn’t look like someone Taiga usually found attractive. He had a bit of an acne problem and looked rail thin to the point of malnourished. Definitely didn’t measure up to the cuteness of Keitaro, but that didn’t matter. After the disaster of his first couple of chats, Taiga could forgive all kinds of beauty shortcomings for someone who treated him like a human being. He could talk about Toyo Carp baseball all day, and finding someone with the same interest excited him. Wading through all the unsolicited dick pics, Taiga’s smiled every time he got a new message from Wyatt.  
  
 _WyattSoSerious  
_ _So what are you into?  
  
_ _RedTaiger  
_ _Sorry? You mean like hobbies?  
  
_ _WyattSoSerious  
_ _No. Like I’m a verse/top. Into oral, body contact, makeout. Not usually that kinky, but I have a thing for leather.  
  
_ Taiga exhaled sharply, rolling his eyes. The second he thought he met someone chill, this same conversation always popped up. Did every gay guy only care about their next lay?  
  
 _RedTaiger  
_ _Oh...sorry, I’m not really looking for sex. I’m just looking for friends.  
  
_ _WyattSoSerious  
_ _Really dude? You’re just wasting my time?  
  
_ _WyattSoSerious  
_ _Just go sign up for Christian Mingle then, you weirdo.  
  
_ _RedTaiger  
_ _I’m the weirdo? Try thinking with something other than your dick, you pervert!  
_ _  
RedTaiger  
_ _What the fuck’s your problem? Do you talk to people like this in real life? Just strike up a conversation about baseball and then flip over to asking questions about their dick?  
  
_ _WyattSoSerious  
_ _Whatever dude. Go be a prude somewhere else.  
  
_ _WyattSoSerious  
_ _Woof is for hookups, not for nice little chats. You’re wasting everyone’s time.  
  
_ _WyattSoSerious  
_ _If I had anymore blocks, I would use one on you, but I’m out. Go fuck off somewhere else.  
  
_ _RedTaiger  
_ _Oh don’t worry. I still have a few blocks left you asshole.  
  
_ True to his word, Taiga blocked Wyatt and then immediately clicked off his phone. _“That’s enough Woof for tonight,”_ he told himself, flinging his phone across his desk. Dropping his head into his hands, he pulled down on his cheeks in frustration. _“What a hellhole.”_ His gaze fell on the framed picture of him and Keitaro in Tokyo, and another stab of pain hit him in the stomach. _“You didn’t know how good you had it. If only you didn’t write that fucking desperate letter, you might still have a shot with him.”_ Clenching his eyes shut, he palmed the crystal he kept next to the picture and squeezed it for luck.  
  
(*****)  
  
 _Day 138:_ _Friday_ _, December 3rd;_ _Night  
  
_ Woof got better around the margins. He learned the red flags of crazy people and the errors of trying to respond to everyone who messaged him. It made him feel like a jerk ignoring some people, but even a friendly “Hey” or “How’s it going” invited more dick pics.  
  
Some things still surprised him on it. A few people just blocked him out of the blue after he said hello. Others would keep a conversation going with him for a half hour only to completely ghost him and refuse to respond, no matter how many times he tried to re-engage. The odds of talking to someone on Woof were good, but the goods on Woof were definitely odd. Besides the sex fiends, Woof also seemed a haven for liars – he talked to people who would lie about their age, their weight, even steal profile pictures from other people and try to pass them off as their own. Whenever he caught one, Taiga would go ballistic, yelling profanities at them until they blocked him.  
  
Then there were the closet cases. These guys could be friendly, but absolutely refused to send him a face picture and acted squirrelly when he inquired about where they lived or other personal details. He felt bad for these guys more than anything – living their entire life in fear and never able to be their true selves. Others would, when pressed, admit they were married or had kids and were “discreet” from their wives. Taiga hurled a barrage of expletives at these people too.  
  
That’s not to say that he didn’t talk with anybody who had similar hopes and expectations. Just that they were few and far between. Out of the 200 messages he received, maybe fifteen cleared his low hurdles of: 1) had a face pic; 2) resisted sending him a dick pic or asked about his sexual habits; 3) seemed friendly and relaxed; and 4) possessed the ability to hold a conversation for over five minutes.  
  
Little did he know, the greatest hurdle came in actually making plans to meet up. So many guys that he found promising would suddenly become non-committal when he suggested they grab a coffee or something. He already got stood up by some dude earlier this morning, Despite assuring him that he was 100% down and would leave the house shortly to meet him at Tully’s, he never showed. Taiga stood in the coffee shop like an idiot for a good half hour before finally giving up. Fortunately, he wanted a coffee anyway, so it wasn’t a complete waste of time. He kept going back and forth on whether the guy lied about himself or just got cold feet. Regardless, he hopped back on the app and cursed him out like all the others until blocked. Block was the Akatora signature move on Woof. So much for the “be a better person” program…  
  
Tonight, he reluctantly agreed to meet up with another one of his potential leads on Woof. His name was Tsumugu – 23 years old and lived a few kilometers away. Taiga found him ridiculously attractive, to the point that he was surprised this guy even responded to his message. Tsumugu claimed to be 185 centimeters and 90 kilos and looked absolutely jacked in the photos he sent. He used a shirtless picture in his profile, which Taiga usually found douchey. Here, he found it...pleasant. If he saw a guy like this in public, he’d never approach him, knowing him to be way out of his league. On the internet though, he went out on a limb and shot him a message. What’s the worst that could happen? Tsumugu would block him? Taiga had been blocked twenty times in the last hour. It no longer phased him.  
  
A nagging thought that this was ‘too good to be true’ picked at him while he got dressed, but this guy had picture after picture and seemed legit. Plus they planned on meeting at a ramen place nearby, so it would be public. Most serial killers didn’t execute their victims in front of a full kitchen staff.  
  
Taiga threw on his same red Toyo Carp baseball jersey from his profile picture to make himself easily recognizable. He spent a good 45 minutes on his hair to get it just perfect. _“You look good,”_ he encouraged himself, nodding confidently. _“You’re in Tsumugu’s league. He’s not going to think you’re too short.”  
  
_ A quick ten minute bike ride brought him to the agreed upon ramen shop. At this late hour, the restaurant stood fairly desolate. Two business men sat in a corner booth, enjoying a late dinner. A chubby, older guy met his eyes as he entered. A mother and child sat at the counter, reading a menu. Looking down at his watch, Taiga saw he arrived about ten minutes early, so no surprise he got there first. Grabbing a menu from an employee, he took a booth away from the businessmen and waited.  
  
And waited. And waited. Ten minutes turned into fifteen turned into twenty. Taiga kept having to shoo the waiter away, assuring him his friend would be here soon. His heart sank, thinking he’d been stood up again. Raising his eyes sadly, he watched the foot traffic outside, hoping to catch a glance of the approaching Tsumugu. _“Maybe he caught a look at me from outside and changed his mind,"_ Taiga frowned. _“Is everyone on this app a flake?”  
  
_ Finally giving up, Taiga grabbed his jacket and made to head out. He’d have to find dinner somewhere else. This place made him depressed. Just as he stood from the booth, the older guy who made eye contact earlier approached him.  
  
“Are you Taiga?” the man asked quickly, eyeing the other patrons nervously.  
  
“Yeah,” he responded, heart sinking even lower. “Don’t tell me…”  
  
“I’m uh...yeah I’m Tsumugu.”  
  
“What the fuck, dude?” Taiga scoffed in disgust, trying to keep himself from yelling. This guy definitely wasn’t 23, maybe 53. He stood about as tall as Taiga but looked twenty kilograms heavier – and not in muscle. Complete and utter catfish.  
  
“Shh, I know. I know,” Tsumugu shushed him, hoping to avoid a scene. “I know I lied, but I promise you I’m a nice guy. If you hang around and talk to me, I’ll buy you dinner.”  
  
Narrowing his eyes, Taiga pondered the offer. His stomach growled and he still needed to save up money. Plus he was already here. He could eat a free bowl of ramen and be home in an hour. Or he could research somewhere else, trudge over there, and be home in two hours or more with less yen in his pocket. The convenience of staying won out.  
  
“Fine. But I’m getting a large bowl and an appetizer,” Taiga growled, still pissed. Reluctantly, he sat back down  
  
“Yeah, yeah whatever you want,” Tsumugu nodded, quickly sitting across from him. “Sorry for the surprise.”  
  
“Is that even your real name?” he snapped, desperately trying to make eye contact with the waiter so he could order immediately.  
  
“Yeah, I’m uh...I’m Tsumugu,” the older man admitted sheepishly. “I didn’t lie about that.”  
  
“Just everything else? You don’t look 23 and you’re definitely not 90 kg.” Taiga knew he was being cruel, but he despised liars. It made him feel like a dope, like he fell for a scam.  
  
Tsumugu bit his lip, accepting the insults. He opened his mouth to respond, but was thankfully interrupted by the waiter.  
  
Taiga ordered big – probably ¥3,000 worth of food. Didn’t even feel bad about it. If this guy wanted to lie to spend time with him, he would pay for it.  
  
After the waiter left, Tsumugu cautiously raised his eyes, and tried a half smile. “I didn’t mean to fool you, you know? You just...you wouldn’t have met up with me any other way. You don’t know what it’s like getting older. I uh...I appreciate you spending time with me.”  
  
Despite his justifications, Taiga couldn’t wipe the scowl off his face. “You have no idea what I would’ve done. Don’t put words in my mouth.”  
  
“Oh please. If I put my age and real pictures out there, you wouldn’t have given me the time of day.” His gaze again fell to the floor, letting out a sigh of disappointment. “I tried before. Most guys won’t respond or immediately block me.” He ran a hand through his gray streaked black hair. “I appreciate that you just wanted something platonic. So do I. I’m not going to try to have sex with you. I’m just lonely.”  
  
The waiter interrupted them, placing the gyoza appetizer in the middle of the table. Silence weighed heavily between them as Taiga shoved two dumplings into his mouth, still fuming. The carbs and sugar helped slightly quell his fury – downgrading him from extremely pissed to moderately displeased. Tsumugu refused to touch the gyoza. A look of terror lingered on his face, like he had trapped a mountain lion but now was unsure of what to do with it.  
  
“Yeah, well join the lonely club,” Taiga finally softened, grabbing a third dumpling. If Tsumugu let him eat the whole appetizer, he totally would. After being catfished, he deserved it. “I just got dumped a few weeks ago. That’s the only reason I’m on Woof.”  
  
“I’m...I’m sorry to hear that,” he sympathized, pushing the entire appetizer platter towards the redhead. “It’s his loss. I’m not sure who would ever dump someone like you.”  
  
“I deserved it,” Taiga swallowed, diverting his eyes and shaking his head. “I totally deserved it. And he is the greatest guy in the world. That’s who dumped me. A Goddamn Japanese national treasure.”  
  
Tsumugu didn’t have an answer to that. He looked vacantly out the window as Taiga finished off the appetizer, licking his chopsticks shamelessly. The silence may have been uncomfortable for the older man, but Taiga reveled in it. _“Good! Let him feel awkward. He’s the one who made it this way.”_ Still frowning, he pulled his phone out of his pocket and browsed the internet until the ramen arrived.  
  
“Itadakimasu,” Tsumugu tried hesitantly as the bowls were placed in front of them.  
  
“Itadakimasu,” Taiga muttered reluctantly. Barely pausing for breath, he slurped down the noodles. His nervousness about meeting the fake Tsumugu hid his hunger. Now with the overweight and considerably older, real Tsumugu across from him, he realized how starving he truly was.  
  
“Did...did you skip lunch?” the older man asked with a small laugh.  
  
“No, but it’s like 8:00,” Taiga snapped between bites. “I put off dinner to meet you.”  
  
“I’m sorry about that. I was afraid you would just get up and leave, so I was scared to approach you. You’re really as hot as your pictures.”  
  
“Yeah, shocking how that works. Don’t be creepy.”  
  
“Sorry,” Tsumugu picked absently at his ramen, returning his gaze back out the window. “You don’t want to meet up again sometime, do you?”  
  
Taiga let the question hang in the air as he tipped his bowl and drank the last of the broth. “I don’t. If you were real with me, maybe I would. But this is broken from the onset.”  
  
“I understand,” Tsumugu sighed with a half frown. “You can go if you want. I got the bill. I won’t follow you or anything.”  
  
“Okay, later.” Taiga grabbed his jacket and quickly stood, half afraid the older man would trail him. Flattening his collar, he gave Tsumugu one last look. “You could do better if you were honest with people, you know? I’m sure there’s plenty of people who would meet up with you.”  
  
“You would think that,” he chuckled, refusing to peel his gaze from the window. “Thanks for spending time with me.”  
  
(…)  
  
Taiga pedaled home hard, shooting a glance over his shoulder every couple of minutes to make sure nobody tailed him. Fortunately, Tsumugu kept his word and didn’t follow. Locking his bike outside, Taiga buzzed himself into his apartment building. He checked his mail again, against his better judgment. Nothing. Of course there was nothing.  
  
Trudging up the stairs to his apartment, Taiga dropped his head and clenched his eyes shut. _“What a fucking shitshow,”_ he lamented. No letter from Keitaro. Stood up for breakfast. Catfished for dinner. _“Life post-Keitaro is awesome!”  
  
_ As his apartment door clicked closed behind him, Yuri looked up sleepily from the futon. He fed her before leaving for dinner, so she only had the slightest curiosities about him returning. She quickly re-curled herself next to his pillow and fell back asleep.  
  
His phone buzzed again – another Woof message! Reluctantly opening the app, he saw he received twelve messages since he last checked. Clicking on the first one, he was greeted with a dick pic. “Fucking hell…” Taiga yelled, powering down his phone and plugging it into the charger on his desk. _“No more Woof tonight.”  
  
_ Sighing, he undid the buttons of his baseball jersey and re-hung it in his closet. He spent so much time on his hair too, and for what? To be lied to? Honestly, he thought he was probably happier before embarking on this whole Woof experiment. He debated deleting it, but in the end, convinced himself that there had to be at least one good person out there. _“Give it one more day.”  
  
_ Peeling off his white undershirt, he sat next to Yuri on the futon and gave her a few soft strokes as she slept. He felt more alone now than ever, scared of constantly dealing with the pitfalls of Woof. Dating Keitaro came so easy. Maybe it was the camp setting, but it just seemed so much more natural. Every time he logged into Woof, his chest tightened a bit, feeling weird and unclean. Even now, he wanted to take a shower to wash away the filth of this awful day.  
  
A shiver went down his spine as he reflected on Tsumugu. Would that be him someday? Would his anger and general doucheyness push away Keitaro and all potential future Keitaros? Would he wake up one day in his 40’s or 50’s, sending fake pictures to 20 year olds and promising them free dinners if they stayed?  
  
“ _I’d never let myself get that out of shape,”_ he tried to cheer himself up, rubbing his bare abs. Still, the fear lingered in his stomach, amplifying his loneliness. He closed his eyes and dropped his head into his hands.  
  
(*****)  
  
 _Day 139:_ _Saturday_ _, December 4th;_ _Afternoon  
  
_ Last chance. Taiga’s expectations couldn’t be lower. He picked this restaurant based on its proximity to other errands he had to run. That way, if he got stood up, he could at least accomplish some chores he had been putting off. Win-win either way. He spent five minutes on his hair, not caring if it poked out weirdly in spots. The same amount of thought was given to his outfit – he just threw on a t-shirt and jeans. He didn’t get excited to meet people off Woof anymore. No more butterflies.  
  
His suitor this time called himself Jake – 28 years old and European with blonde hair. A little older than Taiga would usually meet up with, but after having dinner with 50 year old Tsumugu last night, his age expectations had been thrown out the window. If this guy looked under 40 in real life, he would consider it a win. Jake’s profile said he was about Taiga’s height but looked thinner and wore a pair of thick framed glasses. He had a nerdy, professional appeal and his pictures looked to be taken from natural settings – nothing slutty or too manicured. In one, he stood by the peace memorial; other friends cropped out of frame. Another at a cafe along the Tenma river. Taiga didn’t find him ugly by any stretch of the imagination; just not blazing hot like the pictures Tsumugu stole. Jake looked...normal, which Taiga thought perhaps gave him a higher probability of being real.  
  
They decided to meet at a sushi shop in one of Hiroshima’s covered shopping arcades. Again, Taiga insisted the meet up be somewhere public so he could make a quick escape if things got weird. Jake seemed pretty flexible though, agreeing to whatever the redhead proposed.  
  
Taiga reached the shopping arcade after a quick five minute bike ride. Jake actually lived closer to downtown Hiroshima, but had no issue with traveling a bit further to make it more convenient. Things were already off to a great start. If Jake turned out to be a liar, he could get home with little trouble.  
  
Approaching the sushi shop, Taiga stopped in his tracks. Lingering outside and looking at his phone, Jake waited for him. He looked exactly like his pictures – blonde, European, late 20’s. _“Oh my God, it actually worked. There are real people on Woof,”_ Taiga smirked. _“Well...let’s see if he asks about your dick over_ _lunch_ _. He still might be a complete pervert.”  
  
_ Jake smiled as Taiga approached him, looking equally happy he wasn’t lied to. “Oh, you must be Taiga. Thanks for coming.”  
  
“Yeah...uh...thanks for meeting me,” Taiga bowed cautiously. He never knew what the proper greeting was when meeting another gay guy. A handshake seemed too professional and a hug too much. He settled on the slight nod of his head. “I...I can’t believe you’re real.”  
  
“Haaa, new to Woof I see?” Jake laughed, leading him inside. He flashed two fingers at a waiter, who seated them in a tiny wooden booth. “Yeah, we exist. There are some normal people. I’ve met up with a handful off there.”  
  
“You’re the first one I found,” Taiga admitted, flipping through the menu. “I had a pretty rough day yesterday.”  
  
“Really? I’d think you’d be pretty popular on there.”  
  
“Oh I’m plenty popular,” he raised his red eyes, nodding seriously. “But the damn thing is full of perverts.”  
  
“Yeah, I mean that’s Woof.” Jake gave the menu one more look over, flipping it front to back. “Would you split an edamame with me? I’m starving.”  
  
“Sure, I’m down.” Taiga flagged down the waiter and they ordered quickly. The tightness in his shoulders finally relaxed and he sank back in the booth, relieved to meet someone genuine.  
  
“So what brings you on to Woof?” Jake asked innocuously after handing the menus back to the waiter.  
  
“What?” The hair stood up on the back of Taiga’s neck. That question usually always led to a conversation about sex. “I swear to Christ, if you ask if I’m a top or bottom, I’m getting up and leaving.”  
  
“No, no, no,” he laughed, waving off the threat. “I mean seriously - what are you doing on there? You’re obviously not Woof’s target audience.”  
  
“I’m uh...I’m just looking for friends,” Taiga explained, tempers cooling. “I just got broken up with, so I’m...I’m trying to meet other people.”  
  
“Oh sorry, man. How long ago was this?” Jake cocked an eyebrow.  
  
“About a month ago. Well, we started taking time apart a month ago. But I didn’t really feel dumped until this week.”  
  
The waiter placed the edamame in front of them, interrupting his explanation.  
  
Jake studied him quizzically, letting silence hang as he nibbled on the appetizer. “So you like the Carp, yeah?” he finally asked, changing the subject. “You going to any games this summer?”  
  
“Oh, definitely,” Taiga brightened. “I can’t wait until it gets warmer for games. My friends aren’t really into baseball though. I was going to bring Keitaro to a game this summer, but he got an internship in Tokyo. I don’t think he’d like it anyway...”  
  
“Who’s Keitaro?” Jake stopped him, face scrunching in confusion.  
  
“Oh...uh...that’s my ex…” He dropped his gaze to the floor, kicking his shoe absently against the wall. “Sorry, you put him on my mind.”  
  
“Oooookay,” the blonde drawled. “Do you have any other hobbies?”  
  
Taiga fidgeted in his seat, getting the feeling this wasn’t going well. He didn’t even feel attracted to Jake, but nervousness racked him. All his thoughts came out in a jumbled mess. “I’m pretty good with my hands.” His eyes shot open, realizing how pervy that sounded. “I mean I’m crafty – like building stuff.”  
  
“Oh cool, what’s the last thing you made?”  
  
Before he could stop himself, he was talking about Keitaro again. “I made my ex this necklace that he really liked. I used aluminum and this acryllic…”  
  
“Seriously, dude?” Jake sighed, taking off his glasses and rubbing his face with his hands.  
  
“What?”  
  
“That’s the third straight thing you said about your ex. I can just ask you questions about Keitaro if that makes you more comfortable.”  
  
“I did….not…” Taiga finished lamely, face reddening. “Sorry…”  
  
Jake sat uncomfortably, sneaking glances towards the waiter in hopes he would bring their food faster. “Hey, and uh...don’t take this the wrong way, but can I ask you to do me a big favor when you get home?”  
  
“When I get home? I guess…?”  
  
“Get off Woof. Delete it and don’t look back.”  
  
“Way ahead of you,” Taiga mumbled, keeping his gaze on the floor. “The entire time I’ve been on there has been a disaster.”  
  
“I know. I’m not trying to insult you, but it’s for your own good. All you’re going to do on Woof is hurt yourself or hurt somebody else,” Jake explained, shaking his head. “You’ll end up having a quick hookup and feeling awful about it or in a rebound relationship. You’re not ready for any of this.”  
  
Taiga’s anger spiked, upset at being accused of giving in to casual sex. “I’m just looking for friends! I’m not going to sleep with anyone!”  
  
“Then join a club or something,” Jake countered, sharing in his frustration. “Do something in-person. There’s a gay man’s choir downtown. Play kickball with the gay team. I think there’s even a gay running club. Hey, look at me, I’m serious.” His blue eyes narrowed, emphasizing the importance of his advice. “But get off Woof. No good will come from it. You hear me?”  
  
“I...yeah I promise I’ll delete it,” Taiga assured him, meeting his eyes. “I was pretty close to doing that before we met anyway.”  
  
“Good…” Jake finally relaxed as the waiter brought their sushi.  
  
“And I promise I won’t talk about Keitaro for the rest of lunch.”  
  
“Bwahahaha.” Reaching into his back pocket, he brought out his wallet and put a ¥1,000 note on the table. “If you can go the rest of lunch without talking about him, you can have that.”  
  
Taiga didn’t win the money.  
  
(*****)  
  
 _Day 139:_ _Saturday_ _, December 4th;_ _Night  
  
_ The fluorescent lights of the apartment building cast the lobby in pale white light. Taiga stood exhausted and forlorn in front of his mailbox, trying to gather the strength to look one more time. After lunch with Jake, he went directly to work at the karaoke bar, which sucked as always. Luckily, Aimi and him were back on good terms. He apologized for being short with her recently and she tried to make him feel better about things ending with Keitaro. It didn’t help much. His stomach felt hollow, like always.  
  
Reaching up slowly, he slid the key into the mailbox and turned the lock. Truthfully, he didn’t even want to look. He knew there wouldn’t be a letter there. Knew it for days now. _“Stop kidding yourself. He’s not writing you back. That ship fucking sailed.”  
  
_ Sure enough, he only found a flier for a neighborhood yard sale and a realty mailer. _“Fuck me,”_ Taiga lamented, tossing the junk mail in the trash and heading back upstairs. Before the door even closed completely behind him, he flung off his neon vest, relieved to be done with one more day of work. Closing his eyes and exhaling sharply, he pictured the endless string of future work days. Nothing to look forward to anymore.  
  
Earlier this week, he signed up for his college class – Japanese History 101, Tuesdays at 7:30 pm. Maybe that would provide a little change in his routine starting in January. _“You’re just going to fail it,”_ he told himself. _“Fuck it up like you do everything else.”_ He wondered if it was too late to get his money back.  
  
His phone lit up as he plugged it into the charger on his desk. 24 new Woof messages! He didn’t even open the app. True to his promise to Jake, he dragged the icon to the trash and confirmed he wanted to uninstall it. _“Ass Burger has the worst ideas,”_ he noted with a sad frown. _“Never again. What a fucking waste of time.”  
  
_ Desperate for endorphins, he opened his texts and clicked on Keitaro’s name. The most recent ones were depressing, but sometimes he liked to scroll up to the older texts from back in September and October – back when Keitaro laughed at his jokes and sent him cute stories about college.  
  
Clicking on Keitaro’s name one more time brought up his profile screen with his cell phone number and address at college. The green telephone button called to him like a siren. His index finger hovered above it for 30 seconds. Clenching his eyes shut, Taiga pressed it hard. _“What the fuck are you doing?!?”_ he panicked. The phone rang once, twice. His heart beat pounded in his throat, having no clue what to say when he picked up. He panted for breath. _“Abort, you idiot! Hang-up!”_ It rang for a third, fourth, fifth time, finally cutting to voicemail. “Hi, this is Keitaro Nagame...”  
  
Filled with relief, Taiga terminated the call and didn’t leave a message. His breath still came rapid as he powered down his phone and pushed it across his desk. _“It’s Saturday night. He’s probably at some college party. He doesn’t want to hear from you.”  
  
_ Dropping his chin into his palms, his gaze fell again on the framed picture of him and Keitaro. At least he could look at it now without crying. Was that progress? He also found a stray post-it note that he missed cleaning up after sending the letter. _Content in just having you nearby_ was underlined and circled. He crumbled it in a ball and tossed it in the trash. _“I was just trying to tell you I missed you,”_ Taiga thought sadly, lump forming in his throat. _“That’s it. Spent_ _three_ _pages on it, but that’s what it boils down to: I miss you and I still love you.”_


	15. Kanpai!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Final note on timing – while the last chapter took place over three days, this one focuses entirely on one night (Saturday, December 4th). Please note that this overlaps with the very last part of the previous chapter (Woof), but is entirely told from the Keitaro/College perspective. Thanks!

_Day 139:_ _Saturday_ _, December 4th;_ _Night  
  
_ With the vertical blinds wide open, moonlight poured into the tiny dorm. The group kept the room dark. After multiple beers, the fluorescent lights tended to dig at the eyes. Benji hissed like a bridge troll every time someone turned on the bathroom light to pee.  
  
Keitaro sat on the floor in front of his bed, three empty beer cans next to him. Despite the drinking games, he paced himself, sipping them slowly over two hours. He had a solid buzz going, but not out of control like Halloween. Rolling his eyes upwards, he took in Hiro leaning back on his bed. His best friend never looked happier. For the second straight weekend, Keitaro and Seto’s dorm served as his refuge from the hospital. Hiro finished his fourth beer and grabbed a fifth. Usually this would concern Keitaro, but it’s not like they were going anywhere. Let him get as trashed as he wanted.  
  
“Gentlemen, a toast!” Seto announced, standing on his desk chair. He wobbled unsteadily, taking a swig of his drink. In an abundance of caution, Benji rushed over and placed a hand on his waist to keep him upright. “We have a lot to celebrate tonight! Mr. Perfect himself, Naaaaatsumi Hamasaki landed a huge internship at Mizuho, one of the largest banks in Japan! Kanpai, Natsumi!  
  
“Kanpai!” Natsumi yelled taking a long drink. Like Hiro, he also drank hard all night. Keitaro eyed his bed nervously, afraid Natsumi might fall asleep in it again. Luckily, he currently sat on Seto’s bed. _“Good, hope he stays there.”  
  
_ “Aaaaand, who can forget our sweet Keitaro!” Seto pointed directly at him, sloppily leaning against Benji’s supporting hand. “Who, AS A FRESHMAN, landed a huge internship with Vivi magazine. Kanpai, you adorable bastard!”  
  
“K-kanpai!” Keitaro roared. He pretended to take a much bigger gulp than he really did, spitting most of it back in the can. Recognizing he was in a good spot with his drinking, he tried to ride the wave instead of pushing it.  
  
“To Benji!” Seto smiled down at their neighbor. “Who somehow is still within striking distance of passing all of his classes despite bombing numerous exams! Kanpai!”  
  
“It’s my six year college plan! Kanpai!” Benji screeched, keeping one hand on Seto’s hip and downing his beer with the other.  
  
“And last but not least, to our favorite guest, Hiro Akiba!” Seto smirked, lifting his beer in one last toast. “Whose giant muscles impressed all the women on the hall and almost got Benji a kiss from Chikako! Kanpai!”  
  
“She made eye contact and considered it!” Benji agreed, raising a fist in victory.  
  
Keitaro chuckled, but also worried Hiro would take offense at his comparatively lame toast.  
  
Hiro roared with laughter though, delighted at even being considered. “Kanpai!” he screamed, loudest out of all of them. Lifting his beer, he finished half of it and leaned drunkenly against the wall adjoining the bed.  
  
“To good drinks and better friends! To our last college party of the semester! Kanpai!” Seto finished, raising his beer high above his head.  
  
“Kanpai!” the group called in response, each taking one final drink.  
  
Despite his buzz, Keitaro tried his best to stay in the moment and enjoy the night with all of his friends. Seto was right – this would be their last party of the semester. Next week, his classes were holding reviews for finals. Keitaro would be spending all of his time cramming either here or in the library. _“I might start tomorrow, actually,”_ he considered, determined to not only pass, but to ace every single course. With his work so far, it was very doable. He had A’s in all of his classes, except for calc, which hovered around a B/B+. Finals would make or break that stretch goal. If he bombed them, he could easily end up with B-/C in everything. His first exam was in exactly 8 days - Monday, December 13th – 3:00 pm.  
  
After final exams, he’d be packing up and heading back to his parent’s house for the holidays; done with his first semester of college. It felt bitter-sweet. Keitaro yearned to be done with classes for a few weeks – no more studying or homework or projects. He could read whatever he wanted, play video games, or just lounge around. Hell, he could sleep in until noon everyday if he so desired. It would be four weeks of freedom really.  
  
On the other hand, he had grown to really love college. He’d miss Seto, Benji, Haki, Ichiro – all the friends he made here. He’d miss the late nights drinking on the floor. He’d miss the cool night air as they wandered around campus, the world seemingly full of possibilities. College was an atmosphere, an energy that couldn’t be replicated. While he felt relieved to have a break from classes, Keitaro already looked forward to spring semester – especially with his new internship.  
  
Also, freedom could be a double edged sword. With down-time came plenty of opportunity to ponder other things...like Taiga. The rush of classes, friends, and parties shielded him from constantly dwelling on his boyfriend. He knew that when he was alone at home with nothing better to do, the loneliness would eat at him. Perhaps it would be a blessing. Maybe he could finally work out all his feelings and come to a conclusion or make a timeline for working things out with him.  
  
In truth, Keitaro had come close numerous times to calling Taiga and apologizing, as weird as that sounded. In his heart of hearts, he missed Taiga’s encouraging texts. He missed hearing his voice on the phone. He missed his writing. That still really irked him. Almost two weeks passed since the letters went missing. Keitaro looked everywhere. He even enlisted Seto to look on his side of the room. No luck – like they vanished into the air.  
  
Compiling his aggravation, Taiga wanted less and less to do with him recently. If he asked him to get back together today, he doubted the redhead would agree. This last week was especially a disaster. Taiga only texted him one word responses and had been ducking his calls. It was like a switch flipped. Before this week, Taiga would always answer the phone and reply to his texts thoughtfully. Sure, he could be moody on the calls sometimes, but he always sounded happy to hear from him at least. In the last eight or so days, something changed. _“Maybe it’s the internship,”_ Keitaro wondered glumly. _“Maybe he realized he can’t do this long distance thing all summer...or maybe he just met someone else...”  
  
_ “You’ve got the best grades out of all of us! What are you looking nervous about?” Benji smirked, taking a seat next to him on the floor. “Even if you don’t show up for the finals, you’ll end with what? A 3.0?”  
  
“Hehe, you overestimate me,” Keitaro brightened, putting an arm around his neighbor. “We still studying for the English final together?”  
  
“Yo! You mean you’re tutoring me, right? I need you so badly!” Benji begged, putting his head on Keitaro’s shoulder. “All I have down in English are the days of the week and colors. And that’s only because we sing songs about them.”  
  
“Hey, Benji! How are we low on beer already?” Seto asked, peering into his mini-fridge. “Don’t tell me we need to do a beer run?”  
  
“I told you two twelve packs weren’t enough!” Benji nagged, raising his head. “We should’ve went and got more after lunch!”  
  
As they argued, Keitaro felt his phone buzz in his pocket:  
  
 _Ichiro Kanasaka 10:12 PM  
_ _What are you up to tonight? Want to come to a house party? There are some important people here you should meet.  
  
_ _Keitaro Nagame 10:14 PM  
_ _We’re drinking at the dorm. Sorry. I can’t leave my friends.  
  
_ _Ichiro Kanasaka 10:15 PM  
_ _You sure? Jun and Yua are coming later.  
  
_ _Keitaro Nagame 10:17 PM  
_ _Really? I thought they were in_ _Osaka_ _for the weekend?  
  
_ _Ichiro Kanasaka 10:18 PM  
_ _Nah, they’re coming back early.  
  
_ “Ugggggghhhh,” Seto moaned, aggravated at his lack of foresight. “Benji, come with me for more beer. This is your fault as much as mine. Keitaro, Hiro, Natsumi, are you guys okay with just hanging out here while we go?”  
  
“Hey...uh...actually, how long are you going to be?” Keitaro asked, weighing Ichiro’s offer. “I got invited to another party tonight and might swing by real quick to say hi if that’s alright. I could be back in like an hour?”  
  
“Seto! That’s perfect!” Benji exclaimed excitedly. “We could stop by Chikako’s party!”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Please, please, pleeeeeeeeeeeeease. She’s super into me, I promise!”  
  
“What about Hiro and Natsumi? We can’t just leave them here,” Seto reasoned.  
  
“Hiro, you want to come with me? Jun and Yua will be at this party,” Keitaro offered, flicking his eyes up towards the bed.  
  
“Really?!?! Yeah I’m totally down, let’s go!”  
  
“And...hehe...Natsumi looks out of it already,” Keitaro giggled, pointing at the lanky nerd laying in Seto’s bed.  
  
“No! No! No! No!” Seto yelled, suddenly distraught. “You can’t sleep there, Natsumi! You’re too big!”  
  
It was too late, no matter how much Seto shook or prodded him, Natsumi refused to be roused from his slumber. He tossed in the covers at the jostling, but resettled the comforter over his shoulder.  
  
“Ugh...fine!” Seto shook his head, admitting defeat. “We’ll split up, get beer, and go see Chikako – but only for like 30 minutes!”  
  
“That’s all I need!” Benji grinned from ear to ear.  
  
“Meet back here by midnight?”  
  
“Y-yeah! I promise,” Keitaro nodded. “Come on, Hiro. Let’s head over. Just a quick trip to put our heads in and say hi.”  
  
 _Keitaro Nagame 10:25 PM  
_ _Alright. Shoot me the address.  
  
_ (***)  
  
Hiro walked in a zig-zag pattern, forcing Keitaro to constantly grab his hip to keep him on the sidewalk. Neither of them could likely pass a sobriety test, but it’s not like they were driving anywhere. Ichiro’s house party was further than he anticipated – a good 20 minute walk from their dorm. Campus buzzed with activity. Apparently they weren’t the only ones with the idea of throwing a party right before dead week. Students drank from their front porch or balconies. Loud music pumped out of houses, complete with drunk girls dancing on the lawn. Hiro was by far not the only one struggling with putting one foot in front of the other.  
  
“Th-this is it,” Keitaro nodded, double checking his phone that he got the address right. They stood in front of a single family home with a large front porch. College students lounged on patio chairs and the porch’s front railing in varying states of inebriation. No Ichiro to be found. Keitaro suddenly wondered if this was a great idea. He started getting flashbacks of the time he met Ichiro at the bar a few weeks back. _“Well, you met Jun and Yua at that bar and look how that worked out,”_ he reasoned. _“If it sucks and you can’t find Ichiro, you can just drag Hiro back to the dorm and call it a night. No pressure.”  
  
_ “Looks a-hic-awesome!” Hiro hiccupped, dragging his droopy eyes to the house. “This...this is how I always imagined a college party!”  
  
“R-right. Just stick with me, okay Hiro? It looks like a lot of people.”  
  
Nodding, Hiro put his hand on Keitaro’s shoulder as he led them through the sea of coeds on the front porch. The front door stood wide open with nobody watching who came and went. Letting himself in, Keitaro wondered if he should take his shoes off, but it didn’t look like anyone else did. _“Quick way to lose my sneakers,”_ he finally decided.  
  
The inside of the house proved no less crowded. College students stood shoulder to shoulder drinking and laughing. It smelled a bit like cigarette smoke, either wafting in from outside or someone had the audacity to smoke in the house. Music blared from somewhere unknown. All Keitaro could feel was the low bass of hip-hop songs in his chest. The house looked trashed. Empty beer cans and plastic cups crunched under their feet as they squeezed their way through. The few pieces of furniture in the living room had large tears, foam poking out of the cushions. That didn’t stop eight people from crowding on a small couch.  
  
“Keitaro! You made it!” came a call from the kitchen.  
  
Looking up, Keitaro brightened, finally finding Ichiro. “H-hey! Sorry it took us a little longer than I thought. I didn’t realize it was so far.”  
  
“Oh, you brought a friend,” Ichiro frowned, looking Hiro up and down.  
  
“Y-yeah, sorry. I hope that’s not a problem,” Keitaro stuttered, biting his lower lip. “This is my friend from home, Hiro. Remember I told you about him?”  
  
“Nice to meet you, Yeera,” Ichiro said flatly, not impressed. “I’ve heard a lot about you.”  
  
“Yeah! Thanks so much for inviting us!” Hiro exclaimed, oblivious to Ichiro’s displeasure. “This is so cool!”  
  
Shaking his head, Ichiro redirected his attention back to Keitaro. “Here! A drink to celebrate your internship! Kanpai!” Reluctantly, he poured another drink for Hiro, pushing the two shot glasses towards them and holding one himself.  
  
“K-kanpai!” Keitaro responded, downing the clear liquid. He expected sake. It wasn’t sake. Immediately, fire burned through his chest and propelled back through is nose. He gagged, on the precipice of vomiting it up. Blinking rapidly, he took several deep breaths, completely focusing on pushing it back down. Hiro had a similar reaction, bent over and coughing to his left. “What...what was that?” Keitaro gasped, still gulping air to steady himself.  
  
“First time with tequila?” Ichiro smirked, laughing at their shocked, red faces. “Here, I’ll grab you guys a beer. You don’t look like you’re ready for hard liquor.”  
  
Taking the open beer, Keitaro quickly took a drink to chase away the taste of bile in the back of his throat. Hiro kept coughing, but succeeded in keeping the tequila down as well.  
  
From this point on, the night got hazy. Keitaro remembered snippets of conversation with Ichiro. He remembered Hiro dancing drunkenly to the music with some girl he didn’t recognize. He remembered leaning against the couch to hold himself up at one point.  
  
The tequila hit hard and fast. Though he felt buzzed upon arrival, after the tequila shot and one beer the room swam. Days later, he would wonder if somebody slipped something in his drink or if his alcohol tolerance was just so low that the mixture of beer and tequila did him in. At just about 11:30 PM, Keitaro blacked out against the couch.  
  
(…)  
  
Ichiro made sure Hiro was otherwise occupied before scooping up Keitaro and taking him upstairs. It wasn’t hard. That big idiot spent most of the time dancing with his eyes closed, wailing his arms sporadically. Somehow, the women loved him and kept trying to grind up next to him. _“Whatever, I didn’t plan on him coming, but he’s a moron.”  
  
_ Struggling to support the weight of Keitaro and push his way past the people lounging on the stairs, Ichiro strained to reach the top. Most of the rooms were already occupied with other couples or groups of people playing cards. A guy and a girl even made out in the bathroom bathtub.  
  
As Keitaro bounced in his arms, his necklace lazily slid out of his shirt. Ichiro paused in the hallway, examining it. _“What is this tacky crap? Is this made of soda cans?”_ Holding up the charms at the bottom of the necklace, he saw they were two animal heads – one green frog and one red tiger. _“Didn’t his ex have some cat name? Don’t tell me...ugh it’s pathetic.”_ Rolling his eyes, he let it fall back against Keitaro’s chest, promising himself he’d take it as a souvenir once they were done.  
  
Taking one more small set of stairs, he found the loft quiet. It had no door, instead a curtain divider separated it from the third floor landing. Horse posters plastered the walls, making the room look like it belonged to a teenage girl. Small plastic ponies decorated the shelves, some in their original packaging. _“Not ideal, but it’ll have to do,”_ Ichiro shrugged.  
  
Throwing Keitaro on the tatami mat, he shot one more look towards the curtain.  
  
“What the hell are you doing?!?” a woman called from the far corner. “He can’t sleep here! This is my room!”  
  
Ichiro froze, blood running cold. He couldn’t believe he missed her. The desk she sat at was tucked at a weird angle in the corner of the room, but he still chastised himself for not being more careful. _“Is she a chameleon? Don’t panic, you can talk your way out of this...”  
  
_ The woman stood all of 150 centimeters tall, but flashed pure rage. “I told them I didn’t want a party! And now I have random guys trying to sleep in my bed?!? Get out!”  
  
Slowly raising his hands, Ichiro’s eyes went wide, mind racing to come up with a backstory. “Don’t worry, he’s my boyfriend. Just trying to find him someplace to rest.”  
  
“Is he unconscious?” she gasped, coming closer. “Oh my God, go get him some water!”  
  
“You got it…” Ichiro agreed quickly, already turning to leave. He threw open the curtain and barreled down the stairs, relieved to be given an opportunity to escape.  
  
Kneeling beside Keitaro, she put a hand on his chest to make sure he was breathing and checked his pulse. Everything seemed normal – just likely too much alcohol. “Hey, heeeeeyyy sweetie. Can you hear me?” She nudged him softly, praying he wouldn’t throw up  
  
Keitaro’s eyes blinked open lazily, but quickly sunk down hard, falling back asleep.  
  
“Your boyfriend will be back soon with some water. Just don’t throw up. Please? Please don’t throw up…”  
  
As she comforted him, Keitaro’s phone vibrated in his pocket. The name ‘Taiga Akatora’ flashed on the screen. He never felt it.  
  
(…)  
  
Hiro barely caught a glance of Ichiro fleeing down the stairs with a terrified look on his face. Spotting Keitaro’s lanky classmate made him realize he hadn’t seen his best friend for a good half hour. Disentangling himself from the girl who was dancing with him, Hiro followed. Ichiro had a good jump on him, but luckily Hiro’s giant arms parted the crowd with ease. He caught up in the front yard.  
  
“Hey! Hey!” Hiro called, hopping down the front steps. “Where’s Keitaro? Hey, I’m talking to you!”  
  
Ichiro ignored him, trying to put as much distance between himself and the house as possible.  
  
Hiro’s giant strides and brute strength closed the gap quickly. “Hey! I said where’s Keitaro?” He finally reached him, grabbing his shoulder.  
  
“Don’t touch me!” Ichiro exclaimed, slapping the arm off his shoulder. “Keitaro left! He left you there, okay?”  
  
“He left?” A hurt look crossed Hiro’s face, feeling abandoned. “Do you know where he went?”  
  
“Yeah. He didn’t tell you?”  
  
“N-no…” Hiro admitted, scratching the back of his head. “I’m...I’m supposed to crash at his place but I’m not sure how to get back.”  
  
“Not my problem,” Ichiro scoffed, turning again to go. “There’s maps around campus…”  
  
“He...he wouldn’t leave me. You’re lying!” Hiro countered, snatching him by the back of the shirt. “Tell me where he went!”  
  
“Don’t touch me!” he screamed at him again.  
  
Hiro loosened his grip, but didn’t let go, eyes brimming with fire. “You’re gonna tell me where he went.”  
  
Knocking away the hand on the back of his shirt, Ichiro readjusted his collar, glaring at the giant moron. He decided to go on the offensive to hasten his escape. This drunk idiot would believe anything. “You’re his friend from home, right? The one with the sick mom?”  
  
“Wh...what?” Hiro’s eyes jumped wide in surprise, shocked this guy would bring up his mom.  
  
“Yeah I know all about you,” he spat. “Keitaro complains about you constantly. How he needs to visit you and your mom all the time and miss classes. How he pities you so badly that he needs to invite you to every little thing. It’s pathetic.”  
  
“Wha...he wouldn’t say that…”  
  
“Maybe not to your face. But he tells all his friends here. Look, why don’t you do him a big favor and just let him focus on his school work instead of dragging him down with your problems?”  
  
Hiro’s breath grew heavy, fingers balling into a fist. “I don’t...I don’t bother him…”  
  
“Do you know he failed one of his midterm exams because you made him visit your mom in the hospital?” Ichiro lied, taking out all of his night’s frustrations on Hiro. “He probably didn’t tell you, but he told me.”  
  
“That’s...no...I’m his best friend! He tells me everything!” Hiro yelled at him, anger and sorrow intermixing. He could feel tears brimming at the edges of his eyes. “Who the hell are you?”  
  
“I’m his new boyfriend!” Ichiro snapped, stepping closer to him. “And I don’t appreciate you dragging him down. So why don’t you do everyone a favor and leave Keitaro alone? He’ll contact you when he has time to pity you.”  
  
Hiro took a step closer to him in retaliation. Despite Ichiro’s height, Hiro still towered over him by a head. Looking down at his thick framed glasses, Hiro’s breaths came rapidly out of his nose, fingernails digging into his palms, ready to strike.  
  
“Oh what, you’re gonna hit me?” Ichiro challenged him. “Go ahead. Do it. That’s assault. I’ll have you banned from campus. You’ll never see Keitaro here again!”  
  
Still breathing heavily, he reluctantly took a step back and unballed his fist, believing the threat.  
  
“That’s right,” Ichiro smiled, turning again to go. “What’s with Keitaro’s camp friends? Do you all solve your problems with your fists? That stupid cat ex-boyfriend of his got into fights all the time too.”  
  
“I’m not like Taiga!” Hiro sputtered, voice high pitched. “I’m...I’m nothing like him!”  
  
“I don’t care!” Ichiro called, turning one more time to give him a shrug. “Just get lost!”  
  
As Ichiro disappeared into the darkness, Hiro gulped at the night air, doing his best to keep his tears at bay. _“That can’t be true...can it? Keitaro doesn’t think I’m a burden...does he?”_ Whipping out his cell phone, he pulled up Keitaro’s number and called it. It rang and rang, eventually going to voicemail. He tried calling again. And again. No answer. _“Maybe he did leave me...”_ Letting out a deep breath, Hiro sat in the grass and rubbed his eyes, unsure of where to go.  
  
(…)  
  
“This is the lamest party ever,” Benji moaned, nursing his beer on the floor. Seto and him arrived back at the dorm around 11:45 PM, as promised. It now pushed 12:30 AM. Hiro and Keitaro were nowhere to be found.  
  
Seto tried Keitaro’s number for the fifth time, again going to voicemail. “Yeah, what the hell?” he lamented. “They’re not the type to ditch us. You think they’re alright?”  
  
“I mean, he went with Hiro right? As long as they stay together, I’m sure they’re fine.”  
  
Natsumi snored loudly from Seto’s bed, interrupting their train of thought.  
  
“Have you tried calling Hiro?” Benji suggested. “Maybe he’ll pick up?”  
  
“Yeah, he’s not answering either. Let me give it one more shot.”  
  
The phone rang once, twice, three times, and Hiro finally accepted the call. “Hullo…” he muttered glumly.  
  
“Hiro! Where are you guys?” Seto exclaimed jumping up from his chair. “Do you have any idea what time it is?”  
  
“He...he left me,” Hiro sniffed. “Keitaro went somewhere else.”  
  
“What?!? Where’d he go?”  
  
“I dunno.”  
  
“He wouldn’t leave you!” Seto tried to assure him patiently. “This has gotta be a mix up. Where are you?”  
  
“Just...just leave me alone, I’ll find some...somewhere else to sleep,” Hiro stuttered, slipping in his battle to stay calm.  
  
“No, don’t go anywhere. You’re staying with us tonight and that’s final. Where are you? Benji and I are coming to get you.”  
  
“Don’t…”  
  
“We already have our coats on and are walking out the door,” Seto explained, grabbing his jacket and motioning for Benji to follow. “Do you want us to just wander campus blindly? You need to tell me where you are so we can find you.”  
  
“I’m...I’m…” Hiro struggled, really not wanting them to see him in his current state. He didn’t like the idea of them wandering around in the cold either though. Reluctantly, he glanced up to the nearest street sign. “I’m at the corner of Maple and West Street.”  
  
“Okay, thank you...thank you,” Seto exhaled, relieved they were finally getting somewhere. Pushing Benji out the door, he locked the dorm and then took to the stairs. “We’ll be there in twenty minutes. Stay put. For the love of God, stay put.”  
  
(…)  
  
Hiro was nothing if not obedient. They found him sitting in the grass, directly below the street signs for the intersection of Maple and West. His head rested in one hand, pulling up blades of grass with the other. He didn’t look up as they approached.  
  
“There you are, big guy!” Benji beamed, offering him a hand up.  
  
Hiro didn’t take it. Rolling his swollen, bloodshot eyes up to the cheery Benji, he shot daggers at him, showing his teeth.  
  
“Whoa...okayyyyy,” Benji squeaked, taking two steps back. “Seto, a little help here!”  
  
“Hiro, what happened?” Seto jumped in, squatting down next to him and attempting to meet his eyes. He spoke slowly and confidently, trying to calm him down. “We’re here to help. Do you want us to help Keitaro?”  
  
“Ye...yeah…” Hiro admitted, dropping his scowl. His breath came ragged, shaking his voice. “He...he left me though. He doesn’t want to spend time with me anymore. I’m...I’m just a burden on hi..hi...him.” The sadness overtook him. He buried his head between his knees, shoulders heaving.  
  
“Hiro...Hiro...does that sound like Keitaro? Look at me, Hiro,” Seto comforted him, putting a hand on his shoulder. He wondered whether someone said something mean to him or if it was just the alcohol talking. Probably a combination of both. “Who told you that?”  
  
Despite the demand, Hiro refused to meet his eyes, continuing to talk into his jeans. “Hi..his new b...b...boyfriend told me.”  
  
“New boyfriend?” Seto’s face filled with doubt. “He doesn’t have a new boyfriend. I would know.”  
  
“He...he does!” Hiro insisted between pitched breaths. “I met him!”  
  
Seto gave him a disbelieving frown, but Hiro kept his head down. Staring into the grass, he hoped they wouldn’t be able to see how upset he really was.  
  
“Where’s the last place you saw him?” Benji chimed in. “I bet you any money he’s still there.”  
  
“He’s not. He left me!” Hiro insisted, shaking his head.  
  
“Tell you what. How about Benji and I check out the party you were at? If we find him, we’ll bring him out and all head back to the dorm. If you’re right and he left, we’ll look elsewhere. Now, where was the party?”  
  
Hiro sat with his knees tucked against his chest in silence, contemplating their offer. Exhaling sharply, he slowly raised a hand and pointed to a house across the street.  
  
“Okay, we’ll go check it out and bring him back.” Seto promised, rubbing Hiro’s shoulder reassuringly. “Do you want to come with us or should we pick you up here?”  
  
“...imma stay here,” he gulped.  
  
(…)  
  
“WHERE IS HE?!?!?” Benji roared in his best Christian Bale Batman voice. Several people gave him a bewildered look, but nobody responded.  
  
Seto let out a deep sigh, rubbing his forehead in frustration. Benji was funny. He was kind. He was loyal. However, he completely lacked the ability to be serious in any situation, which is exactly what this called for. “Benji, just grab onto me and follow. Let me do the talking.”  
  
They polled numerous people, asking if they met someone named Keitaro – brown spiky hair, about yay tall, thin, bit of a stutter. Nobody knew anything. Either they were too drunk or too bamboozled by their vague descriptions. Trying a different tact, Seto began describing Hiro to people. That went moderately better. People tended to remember a tall, muscular, orange haired dude. Several of the women on the dance floor recalled him fondly and asked if they could bring him back. _“Wel_ _p,_ _at least we know this was the right party.”  
  
_ They had no luck finding Keitaro on the front porch or anywhere on the first floor. He was a ghost. _“Maybe he really did leave?”_ Seto pondered. “Benji, any ideas?”  
  
“We go door to door!” he exclaimed pointing up the wooden stairs to the second floor. “My turn to lead. Follow me! I have no shame!”  
  
Shrugging, Seto grabbed onto the back of Benji’s coat. It was worth a shot.  
  
True to his word, he unabashedly barged into every room. Even if they could hear moaning and panting from the hallway, Benji shouldered the door and pushed his way inside. “WHERE IS HE?!?!?!” he growled after bursting through each door. Seto saw four pairs of breasts and two dicks as they moved room to room. Most of the time, he kept his hand over his eyes, only peeking through his fingers for signs of Keitaro.  
  
As they reached the third floor, Seto was relieved to only find a curtain divider to the loft. At least that would stop Benji’s Batman imperson…  
  
“WHERE IS HE?!?!??!” Benji roared, kicking the curtain open.  
  
“What the hell?” a woman shrieked meeting them at the doorway. “Get out of here! This is my room!”  
  
Peeking over Benji’s shoulder, Seto caught a glimpse of a tuft of spiky brown hair. “Keitaro?”  
  
“Seto?” he moaned, rolling onto his side. “Seto...I’m drunk.”  
  
“Oh thank God,” the woman exhaled, ushering them inside. “I’m Kiyoko. Is this your friend?”  
  
“Yeah...we’ve been looking all over for him. So sorry about…” Seto started.  
  
“Nice room,” Benji interjected, taking in all the figurines. “I’m actually really into horses myself.”  
  
Ignoring him and shaking his head, Seto took a knee next to Keitaro, putting the back of his hand against his forehead. He felt really warm, but that might just be the alcohol. “What happened?”  
  
“He’s actually a lot better,” she sighed in relief, sitting on the floor next to him. “I’ve been giving him sips of water and watching him to make sure he didn’t like choke on his own vomit. He’s been keeping everything down though.”  
  
“How’d he end up here? Did he blackout downstairs?”  
  
“No...his boyfriend carried him up here and threw him on my bed. I was sitting at my desk the whole time and he didn’t see me. He said he was going to go get him some water, but that asshole just took off and abandoned him.”  
  
“Boyfriend?!?” Seto exclaimed in disbelief, amazed it somehow linked up to Hiro’s story. “His boyfriend lives in Hiroshima.”  
  
“I miss Taiga,” Keitaro sighed, tiredly putting his hand on Seto’s knee.  
  
“I know, buddy.” He turned his attention back to Kiyoko. “What did this guy look like?”  
  
“Tall? Black hair?” She shrugged, knowing her description wasn’t helpful. “Sorry, it all happened so fast. I didn’t get a good look at him.”  
  
“I don’t think he’s seeing anyone here at Tama?” Seto wondered aloud, scratching the back of his head. “Keitaro, who’s your boyfriend?”  
  
“Taiiiiigaaaaa,” he yawned, threatening to fall back asleep.  
  
“No, here at college. Stay with me!” Seto snapped his fingers in front of his face, trying to get him to focus. “Who are you dating at college?”  
  
Keitaro’s eyes blinked open at the snapping, but his forehead creased in confusion. “T-Taiga. Taiga’s my b-boyfriend at college. B-but he’s mad at me right now.” Satisfied with his answer, Keitaro rubbed at his glassy eyes and let out another long yawn.  
  
“Uggghhh, I have no idea then,” Seto lamented, looking over at Kiyoko. “Taiga lives in Hiroshima and definitely wasn’t here tonight. He has red hair and is as short as me.”  
  
“I don’t know either, sorry,” she sympathized, shaking her head. “Sorry I can’t be of more help.”  
  
“Don’t apologize. Thanks so much for taking care of him. We...uh...we owe you big time.”  
  
“We should buy her a pony!” Benji suggested, carefully lifting one of the figurines off a shelf.  
  
Despite her annoyance, Kiyoko couldn’t help but laugh. “It was nothing. I’m glad he’s okay too. If you can get him out of my room without him throwing up, I’ll consider us more than even.”  
  
“Sure thing. We’ll get him home safe. Hey, buddy, can you stand?”  
  
“I...I think so…” Unsteadily, Keitaro rolled to a sitting position.  
  
“Here, take one more big sip of water before you go, sweety,” Kiyoko offered, handing him a water bottle. _“THANK YOU”_ she mouthed to Seto, eyes wide with appreciation.  
  
Seto nodded to her knowingly. “We may just have to buy you that pony. Benji, get over here and help him up.”  
  
After he finished his water, Keitaro cooperative put one arm around Seto’s shoulder and the other around Benji. At a count of three, they lifted him to his feet and started moving towards the curtain. Kiyoko held it open for them as they carefully guided him down the stairs. Seto shot her one more appreciative smile, hoping they would meet again one day so he could thank her properly.  
  
Keitaro’s feet weren’t completely useless, but they did need to support most of his weight, making escaping the house slow going. “If we get outside, and Hiro can’t walk either, you’re in charge of him,” Benji whined, as they helped Keitaro down to the first floor. “No way am I dragging that big boy back to the dorm.”  
  
Things went swimmingly until they got down the front steps of the porch. “Sto...stop!” Keitaro hiccuped. “I’m gonna…”  
  
“Turn him towards the shrubs!” Seto commanded, pivoting them hard in the that direction. Benji tried to keep up, but wasn’t fast enough. Like a geyser, vomit exploded out of Keitaro, half landing in the bush and half landing on Benji’s shoes.  
  
“AAAAAAAHHHHH!!!!!” Benji shrieked, as the chunky liquid soaked his ankles. He desperately kicked off his socks and shoes, wiping them fervently on the grass. “Oh gross! I think it’s coming out of his nose!”  
  
Keitaro spent a long time on the initial purge. After dinner, five beers, and a shot of tequila, he had a lot to discharge. Drunk college bros on the porch cheered him on, as he lost all his cookies in the shrubbery. Seto did his best to comfort him, keeping an arm around him for support and scratching his back when the dry heaves finally came. _“At least he didn’t do this in Kiyoko’s room,”_ Seto smiled. _“Small blessings.”  
  
_ “Hey...uh...big problem,” Benji called, tapping Seto on the shoulder.  
  
“I really don’t care about your shoes right now,” Seto laughed. “I told you to turn and you didn’t turn.”  
  
“No, uh...behind you. Where’s Hiro?”  
  
Head on a swivel, Seto looked under the street sign where they left him. Hiro had disappeared into the night.  
  
(…)  
  
 _Hiro Akiba 1:15AM  
_ _I caught a cab to the train station. Don’t look for me. I’m fine. Thanks for everything.  
  
_ Seto ground his teeth in frustration, closing the text message. After talking with Hiro and Kiyoko tonight, he had more questions than answers about what transpired at that party. Keitaro had a new boyfriend at college? He never heard of a new guy. And why would this new boyfriend tell off Hiro? None of it made sense. They just needed to get everyone home safe – top priority. Everything else would fall into place later.  
  
The trio had to stop five more times for Keitaro to throw-up. By the third time, there wasn’t a whole lot left in his system to purge, just dry heaves. Benji didn’t entirely hate the vomit breaks. He used the time to stretch out his shoulders and back, sore from lugging Keitaro around. The trip home took forever. While they got from the dorm to Hiro in about 20 minutes, the return journey took over a full hour. They didn’t arrive back to the room until past 2 AM.  
  
Sensing home, Keitaro tried to crawl in his bed, but Seto grabbed ahold of him and steered him towards the bathroom. Keitaro’s shirt and pants were caked in sweat and vomit. He smelled awful.  
  
“Benji, I know this is asking a lot, but can you help me get him in the shower? He can’t sleep like this.”  
  
“Yeah, let me get my swimsuit,” Benji sighed, knowing it to be the truth. “This actually won’t be the gayest thing I’ve ever done. I made out with a dude in high school for five minutes once to prove I wasn’t gay.”  
  
“Hahahaha, how did that work?” Seto asked, helping Keitaro peel off his shirt and pants. He threw them in a plastic bag and hid them in a corner of the bathroom. Keitaro could either wash them or throw them away in the morning.  
  
“The other guy quit first, so he was the obvious gay one,” Benji explained, disappearing into his room to change. “Aren’t you gay? You don’t know the rules?”  
  
“I don’t,” Seto laughed. “You’ll have to teach me all the gay rules.”  
  
When Benji returned, shirtless and in his swimsuit, he grabbed Keitaro and took him in the shower. They left his underwear on for decency, but Benji still scrubbed him and washed the vomit out of his hair. Seto was concerned Keitaro would be mortified by the whole situation, but his tiredness and drunkenness made him compliant, barely able to keep his eyes open.  
  
“Alright, I’m off duty,” Benji declared, turning off the water. “You’re in charge of getting him changed and in bed alright?”  
  
“You’re the best. I don’t know what I’d do without you,” Seto praised him as he dried off Keitaro. “Seriously, I owe you big time.”  
  
“We don’t leave our brothers behind,” Benji smiled, toweling off his own hair. “It’s the first rule of friendship. You’ll bail me out someday. I’ll bail you out. It all evens out in the end.”  
  
“Definitely. Just know I’ll always have your back.”  
  
“For sure. Goodnight, Seto.” Benji gave him a fist bump and headed back to his own room for bed.  
  
Alone with Keitaro in the bathroom, Seto frowned, unable to believe how much this evening went off the rails. They were just supposed to have a quiet drinking night in the room, and it culminated in Hiro running off and Benji taking a shower with a vomit covered Keitaro. _“Kanpai!”_ he thought morbidly.  
  
The idea of Keitaro having a new boyfriend continued to perplex him. They told each other everything. Could he really have a new secret boyfriend? Doubtful. Seto always thought that his roommate, deep in his heart, never quite gave up on Taiga. By his responses tonight, that still seemed true. _“Who is this new guy? He never mentioned him before.”_ Clicking his tongue, Seto gave up on puzzling it out. _“Keitaro can probably explain everything in the morning...”  
  
_ Once dry, Seto carried his drunken roommate back to the room and helped him change into his usual sleepwear – a white tank-top and gym shorts. With one final heave, he lifted and placed him in his bed. Keitaro fell asleep almost instantly.  
  
Pushing 3 AM, Seto exhaled in exasperation at finding Natsumi still sound asleep in his bed. He reluctantly blew up the air mattress and accepted his banishment to the floor.


	16. Beauty in the Breakdown

_Day 140:_ _Sunday_ _, December 5th;_ _Morning  
  
_ The insomnia returned. Taiga went to bed a little after midnight, but closing his eyes did nothing. His mind raced, heart pounding in his chest. The more he thought about not being able to sleep, the harder it became. Sneaking glances at the clock on his desk, time bounced slowly forward -12:30, 1:00, 2:00, 2:30. He blamed the smallest of sounds for keeping him awake, like neighbors moving in the hallway or Yuri kicking in the litter box.  
  
In reality, it was Keitaro. Everything circled back to him eventually. Their relationship was officially over now – 100% sure of it. He used Woof as a band-aid; as a way to convince himself he could find someone else and wouldn’t be alone forever. It was a debacle. After two days on Woof, Taiga saw himself being alone for a long time.  
  
Sleep came eventually, he supposed. Time accelerated at least. He rose with the first rays of light at 5 AM. Eyes heavy, his body begged for more rest, but he knew it wasn’t happening. Begrudgingly, he pulled himself to the shower.  
  
Taiga was pissed. Couldn’t help it. The ‘Be a Better Person Program’ be damned. He tried so hard to improve things – being nicer to others, the college enrollment, the letter. Little did he know, the game was rigged from the start. No matter how much effort he put in, there was no shot of winning Keitaro back. He felt like a sucker. In his mind, Keitaro rescued him two years ago at camp. And yeah, he made a huge mistake last month and definitely deserved all of the blame. But he tried so hard to fix things. With every one of his attempts to rescue their relationship, Keitaro swam further from shore.  
  
Around 9 AM, he fiddled with his tie for the third time. This entire morning was a shit show from the get-go. Despite the early wake up, he barely pulled himself together in time for church. He still hadn’t touched his hair. Then he needed to get his bike, ride to his mom’s apartment, walk her to church…  
  
Annoyingly, his phone lit up and sang from his desk. _“Who the fuck is calling me early on a Sunday? Probably spam,”_ he figured, ignoring it and letting it go to voice mail. Giving the knot a final tug, Taiga finally felt satisfied with the tie and moved on to studying his hair. “ _Ugh...it always pokes out so weird sometimes...”  
  
_ For a second time, his phone screeched from his desk with an incoming call. _“Oh fuck, I called Keitaro last night!”_ he remembered. Indecision gripped him. He wondered what to say to him or even if he should answer it at all. Cautiously, Taiga tiptoed to his desk and looked down at his cell. It wasn’t Keitaro. The name ‘Hiro Akiba’ flashed on the screen.  
  
Rolling his eyes, he accepted the call. “Oh, this better be fucking good. What the hell do you want?”  
  
“I...uh...I need your help,” Hiro muttered pathetically, completely monotone. “I know we’re not great friends, but uh...you’re the only one I can go to about this.”  
  
“Oh Jesus...is this about Keitaro?” Taiga sighed, exasperated. “Because I’m the last...THE LAST person you should be going to about Keitaro issues.”  
  
“Sort of?” He hesitated, struggling to pick his words. “Well, yeah, mostly I guess. He uh...he has this new boyfriend….”  
  
“Gahhh! Don’t tell me about new people he’s seeing!” Taiga cut in, clenching his eyes shut. “I don’t want to hear about it, man. I’m running late and I gotta go…”  
  
“No! Listen! Please!” Hiro begged, regretting screwing up this conversation already. He practiced it numerous times last night and this morning, but talks with Taiga never played out like they did in his head. “This dude’s an asshole. And...and I think he’s bad news for Keitaro. Like really bad news.”  
  
“So what do you want me to do about it? Keitaro hates my ass.”  
  
“I...uh...I don’t think he does.”  
  
Taiga let silence linger on the line, pondering Hiro’s admission. If anyone knew the true feelings of Keitaro, it was his best friend. Maybe he knew something Taiga didn’t? Shaking his head, he brushed the optimism away. Hiro was a bit gullible and emotional, often reading too much into things. “I...I don’t think you have a complete picture of what’s going on with us. It’s pretty fucking terrible. Keitaro’s just a nice guy. He doesn’t say bad things about people...”  
  
“We spent the last two weekends together. I think I know more than you do,” Hiro scoffed confidently. “Why are you ignoring him? This is all your fault. If you would just reach out and...”  
  
“My fault?!?” Taiga cut in, gritting his teeth. “I’m the one ignoring HIM?!? As always, you have no fucking idea what you’re talking about.”  
  
“He says you’re distant...”  
  
“Yeah? I wonder why the hell that is?” Taiga’s hands shook in aggravation. The stress of last week, the lack of sleep, and Hiro’s stupidity aggregated into fury. “I can’t help you, alright? I’m not calling Keitaro...”  
  
“Ugh! You’re so dumb and stubborn like usual!” Hiro countered, channeling his own anger. “If you would just listen for once instead of…”  
  
“I fucking listened to you! But you don’t make any Goddamn sense! You have no idea what’s going on between us and you’re just going to make things worse! No! I’m not calling Keitaro about this and I’m definitely not calling and trying to break him up with his new boyfriend. Fuck off! This is the dumbest shit I ever heard.”  
  
Hiro grew quiet.  
  
Taiga’s heartbeat pounded in his temples. Fed up, he considered ending the call and just getting on with his Sunday. _“Hiro always has the stupidest fucking…”  
  
_ “He came after my mom,” Hiro muttered softly, embarrassed to admit it. “This new boyfriend. He...he said my mom being sick drags Keitaro down and...and I should stop bothering him.”  
  
“He what?!?” After dealing with his own father’s sickness, this struck a nerve. “Did Keitaro tell him that?”  
  
“He said he complains about m...me,” Hiro stuttered. “Th..that he doesn’t want to spend time with me.”  
  
“That FUCKING asshole!” Taiga shouted, right eye twitching. “He goes off to college and meets these new friends and then treats us like trash? How fucking dare he!”  
  
“Taiga…”  
  
“No, you know what? I will fucking call him now.”  
  
“Wait, you need to calm down and be nice to him to get rid of…” Hiro tried to reason.  
  
“Keep your phone close, Hiro,” Taiga steamrolled over him, biting his lip and shaking his head. “I’ll get you a Goddamn apology by this afternoon if I have to beat it out of him!”  
  
“Taiga...I…” but it was too late. Three beeps signified the redhead had hung up on him. Hiro blinked dumbly into space, wondering what kind of monster he just unleashed on Keitaro.  
  
(...)  
  
Barely cracking one eye open, Keitaro noticed he had the nastiest taste in his mouth – like something crawled up his esophagus and died. The back of his throat clicked with a foul stickiness, a telltale sign of heavy drinking and dehydration. _“Did I brush my teeth?”_ he tried to remember. No idea. In truth, he couldn’t recall much of anything from last night. Like a heavily spliced movie reel, his memory provided flashes of scenes and soundbites. Something about a room full of horses? Benji screaming? It was all a blur.  
  
Keitaro groaned and covered his head with the comforter. The morning sun made his head throb. Every time he moved, his stomach threatened to revolt. He had never been so hungover in his life. _“I’m never drinking again,”_ he promised himself. _“I’m going full-Taiga.”_ Curling into a ball under his covers, Keitaro tried to stay perfectly still and fall back asleep.  
  
It worked for maybe another hour. Eventually, the room started bustling around him. Someone got up from the air mattress, deflating it. The bathroom door opened and closed, followed by sounds of running water. Keys clicked on a laptop from Seto’s side of the room. _“You need to get up,”_ he demanded. _“Hiro and Natsumi will leave soon. You need to say goodbye.”  
  
_ Reluctantly, he lifted the covers the smallest amount possible in an attempt to get his eyes adjusted to the daylight. Everything hurt. In baby steps, he slowly pulled his head from under the comforter and rolled to a sitting position. That feat alone took fifteen minutes.  
  
Seto’s bed sat empty and neatly made. The air mattress was back in it’s storage bag and tucked under his bed. _“Where is everyone?”_ he wondered. _“Hiro and Natsumi wouldn’t leave without saying bye. Did they take a shower together? Nah, that’d be weird…”_ Eyes dancing around the room, he finally found Seto sitting at his desk. “Water. Do you have water?” Keitaro croaked, voice raspy.  
  
“Oh hey! Good morning, sunshine!” Seto teased him, lowering his headphones. “How you feeling?”  
  
“Like death.” He rubbed his forehead against the pounding headache. “Do you have any water in the fridge?”  
  
“Yeah. Here.” Seto grabbed one and tossed it to him, jumping on his own bed to face him. “How much do you remember from last night?”  
  
“N-not much,” Keitaro admitted, guzzling down the water in huge gulps. The cold liquid washed away the stickiness in his throat and mildly placated his headache. His stomach questioned whether it was more alcohol and threatened to throw it back up. Luckily, his brain overrode the thought and he kept it all down. “Ugh...how bad was I?”  
  
“Preeeeeety bad,” Seto nodded. “But I have good news! You have a new boyfriend!”  
  
Keitaro choked on his water, spitting some of it on the floor. “A-a new what?!? Who?”  
  
“I was hoping you could enlighten me. I hear he’s tall and has black hair! Who’s the lucky guy?”  
  
“I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Keitaro coughed, wiping his mouth. “I’m not seeing anyone.”  
  
“Well you charmed someone last night. Two different people told me they interacted with your new boyfriend. He apparently yelled at Hiro.”  
  
“Ohhhh, geez. Is Hiro alright?” Keitaro dropped his head into his hands rubbing his eyes. “Is he in the shower right now? Where’s Natsumi?”  
  
“Natsumi’s in the shower,” Seto corrected him. “Hiro is far from alright. After his tiff with your new love interest, he caught a cab and left. Didn’t even stay with us.”  
  
“What? Are you serious?”  
  
“Yeah, you need to call him today and figure out what happened. He was really upset.”  
  
“I promise I’ll call him,” Keitaro swore, taking another slow drink of water. He racked his brain trying to think of anyone who would claim to be his boyfriend. _“Probably a big drunken misunderstanding.”  
  
_ “You also owe Benji a new pair of shoes.” Seto snickered.  
  
“Oh no! I...I didn’t. Did I?”  
  
“Multiple, multiple times. I’ve never seen such a little guy puke so much liquid. It was probably half your body weight.”  
  
“Ugggggghhhhh,” Keitaro moaned, cringing in embarrassment. “Did you guys have to drag me back here?”  
  
“Yup, took over an hour,” Seto admitted, shrugging his shoulders. “You owe Benji big time. He helped me carry you back to the room. You two even had a little shower time together to get the vomit off you. It wasn’t the sexiest thing I’ve ever seen, but...”  
  
Keitaro’s face turned bright red, cringing even harder. His headache started throbbing again. “Seto, I’m so sorry. I’ll...I’ll make it up to both of you. I feel so stupid.”  
  
“Haha, it’s alright. It’s alright. It happens,” he assured him, laughing to break the tension. “I’ve been carried home numerous times. I’ve seen Benji passed out drunk too. Friends take care of each other, it’s fine.”  
  
Keitaro relaxed his eyes, but didn’t feel much better. He had lost control of himself and had to be bailed out by his friends like a child.  
  
“I think we should have a serious roommate talk though,” Seto suggested. “Like we did about knocking before entering the room?”  
  
“Y-yeah, yeah, yeah!” he quickly agreed, desperate to make Seto happy. “I...I’ll do whatever you want to make sure this doesn’t happen again.”  
  
“Alright, first new roommate rule: whenever you go to a party without me, text me the address. I’ll do the same for you.”  
  
“D-definitely, definitely!”  
  
“Second rule: always go to a party with someone more sober than you. If you’re the most sober one, only have a drink or two. Same if you go to a party alone – don’t go crazy.”  
  
“I promise you, I never want to drink again.” Keitaro assured him. His phone rang from his desk with an incoming call, but he ignored it, not wanting to interrupt Seto.  
  
“It’s partially my fault,” he sighed. “Hiro was drunk before you left. I should’ve said something or came with you. There was no way Hiro was going to watch over you in his state.”  
  
“No, it’s all my fault. I should’ve saw that too.”  
  
“I...uh...I hate to bring this up,” Seto hesitated, wondering if he really should say it. It was true though, and after Keitaro’s admissions last night, he decided to gamble. “But I never worried about you when Taiga was around. He always took care of you and got you home safe – like on Halloween.”  
  
“I know...” he said morosely, dropping his head. An awkward silence fell between them as Keitaro rubbed his temples. _“Ugh...I’m such an idiot. I wonder how else I embarrassed myself...”  
  
_ Vibrating loudly against the hardwood desk again, Keitaro’s phone drew both of their attention. “That’s...that’s probably Hiro. Do you mind if I take it?”  
  
Seto nodded.  
  
Hopping off his bed, Keitaro unsteadily wobbled to his desk to answer before it cut to voicemail. His stomach clenched with the sudden movement, but he was able to re-settle it once he collapsed into the desk chair. To his surprise, the caller ID didn’t read Hiro Akiba, but Taiga Akatora. _“Perfect, exactly what I need right now...”_ He reluctantly accepted the call, forcing down a hiccup. “H-hey, now’s not really a good time can I call you ba…?”  
  
“Nope! You’re talking to me right fucking now!” Taiga commanded, spitting his words rapidly. “I’m already late for church and now I have to yell at you for being a little asshole!”  
  
Keitaro slouched in his chair, exhausted. His head pounded as he patiently waited for Taiga to get it out of his system. Mind racing, he desperately grasped at how he pissed off the redhead last night. _“Did I drunk dial him? At least he’s talking to me now...”  
  
_ “You can’t treat people like this!” Taiga continued, unchallenged. “You can’t be nice on the surface and then tear people apart to your new friends! What the fuck is wrong with you?”  
  
Hearing Taiga’s yelling through the phone, Seto tiptoed to his desk and put the headphones over his ears in an attempt to give Keitaro a modicum of privacy.  
  
“I’m sorry.” Keitaro exhaled slowly, squeezing his brow with his free hand. “Whatever I did, I’m sorry. I screwed up everything last night. So whatever I did to you, I apologize, alright?”  
  
“Oh, this isn’t about me! This is about treating your best friend like shit!”  
  
“Hiro? Did he talk to you?”  
  
“Yeah he did,” Taiga spat, fury sparking. “Unless you have a new best friend too? Of course I’m talking about Hiro. Let’s get a few things clear about him from the start...”  
  
Keitaro’s stomach dropped, sweat forming on his forehead. If Hiro was calling Taiga, it must’ve been really, really bad. Those two probably hadn’t spoken since last summer.  
  
“Hiro’s mom is sick, you prick. You get that, right? He’s not a burden! He’s not dragging you down with his problems! He’s in a tough spot right now and he needs you to…”  
  
“I never called him a …” Keitaro tried. There was no winning though. Taiga was on a roll.  
  
“That’s not what your new boyfriend is telling him! And listen, I don’t give a shit that you’re seeing someone else,” he lied.  
  
“I’m not seeing…”  
  
“But if you want to complain about someone to him, complain about me! That’s fine! You’re allowed to be an asshole to me, alright? I fucked up! I deserve it!” Taiga snapped, again speaking a million words a minute. “But don’t you dare start being a dick to Hiro because he wants your help while his mom’s sick! Hiro admires the fuck out of you and has been there for you since day one, so don’t start fucking…”  
  
“I know that...” Keitaro finally got in.  
  
“I’m not sure you do, you fuck! Just because you went off to college and made all these new little friends doesn’t make you better than us! You can’t just forget about people or treat them like shit! You need to call Hiro right fucking now and apologize. Call him and beg him to still be your friend. You got that?”  
  
He sat in silence, waiting for Taiga to run out of steam. Even when the redhead finally paused, Keitaro could hear him breathing heavily through the phone. “Are you done? Can I talk now?”  
  
“Depends what comes out of your stupid mouth…”  
  
“First, I didn’t say any of those things about Hiro to anyone. Never happened. I haven’t even thought them myself. Somebody lied to him.”  
  
“Well one of your stupid friends heard it somewhere…” Taiga growled, threatening to go on another rampage.  
  
“S-second, I’m not dating anyone,” Keitaro cut him off, growing pissed himself. “I’m not sure who’s running around and saying it…”  
  
“Whatever, dude. I don’t want to hear your excuses,” he scoffed. “Just call Hiro and apologize. Alright? I’m already super late and don’t have time for this.”  
  
“Ugh, and third, what’s your problem?” Keitaro finally broke, addressing his real frustration of the past two weeks. “You barely reply to my texts. You won’t answer your phone.”  
  
“My problem?!?” Taiga shot, disgusted he had the audacity to ask. “You know damn well what my problem is.”  
  
“I-Is it the internship?” he guessed, scratching his neck with his free hand. “Cause if you’re unhappy with the distance for an entire summer, just tell me you want to end things instead of ignoring...  
  
“It has nothing to do with your internship. And I don’t know! You fucking tell me if you want to end things, you fuck! Aggghhhh!”  
  
“I...I don’t know what I did...but if you don’t want to talk to me anymore…”  
  
“You don’t know what you did?!?” Taiga cut him off, incredulous. “Do you need me to spell it out for you?”  
  
“Ugh, yes, Taiga. I’m obviously too stupid to understand. Please tell me how I wronged…”  
  
“YOU NEVER FUCKING WROTE BACK!” he exploded, unable to resist another diatribe. “Not even a text or a call about it, you giant asshole!”  
  
“What are you…”  
  
“Did you read it to Seto and have a laugh? Did you show it to your other college friends and giggle over how pathetic it was?”  
  
“T-Taiga, I…”  
  
“And yeah, it wasn’t my best work. I get that! If I could re-write it, I totally would! But I spent so fucking long on that letter.”  
  
“I never got a letter...” Keitaro said quickly, trying to derail him.  
  
“BULLSHIT!” Taiga cut him off again. “Don’t lie to me! Cause you know what? I paid for tracking on the damn thing. I know it got there. I have the email to prove it!”  
  
“B-but…”  
  
“And it’s the cruelest thing you’ve ever done to me. You should feel fucking awful about it! Even if you did think it was stupid. This is worse than you reading my journal! Way worse than…”  
  
“TAIGA! I never got your FUCKING letter!”  
  
That shut him up. That shut everyone up. At the loud expletive, Seto’s eyes turned as wide as dinner plates in alarm, slowly lowering his headphones. Natsumi stuck his head out from the bathroom. Neither of them ever heard Keitaro drop the f-word. He had difficulty saying ‘crap’ sometimes.  
  
Silence hung on the line as Keitaro’s shoulders heaved in anger. “And I’ll prove it to you!” he spat through gritted teeth, pulling open his laptop. “When did it arrive?”  
  
“Uh...Nov...November 26th,” Taiga stuttered. Though he said ‘fuck’ all the time himself, hearing Keitaro use it knocked all the wind out of his sails. “Two...two Fridays ago…”  
  
“Here’s something you don’t know!” Keitaro snapped, opening his school email. “They send us a scan of all the mail that arrives here. Look! Here’s November 26th! You ready? Grocery store coupons! VISA application! Student Activities Union! And…”  
  
His blood ran cold as a picture of an envelope from Taiga Akatora flashed on his screen. There it was - the address written in Taiga’s sharp staccato handwriting. His mouse shook in his hand as rage rushed through him.  
  
“You...you there?” Taiga tried gently. “Did you find it?”  
  
“Stay on the phone!” Keitaro demanded.  
  
“I..uh...I really need to go though…”  
  
“I said stay on the phone!” He slammed his cell onto his desk, turning to his roommate. “Seto! Where is my letter?!?”  
  
“Hey...uh...let’s think about this,” Seto grimaced, sensing the incoming storm. “Let’s stay calm and think…”  
  
“It’s not funny anymore!” Keitaro banged through his desk drawers madly looking for a letter. “How are they ALL missing?!? Where are they?!?”  
  
Natsumi quickly stuck his head back in the bathroom, locking the door behind him.  
  
“Let’s think backwards,” Seto proposed in a level voice, projecting calm. “It came on the 26th, right? That’s the Friday I went to visit my parents.”  
  
“That’s the weekend Hiro came to visit!” Keitaro exclaimed, eyes jumping wide. “You don’t think he’d…”  
  
“I doubt it. Do you remember bringing the letter back here?”  
  
“No, I don’t even remember seeing it!” he admitted, frustration peaking.  
  
“Did you take Hiro with you to the mail room?”  
  
“Nope, we never went to the Green Hall together. He was never there. This doesn’t make any sense!”  
  
“Isn’t that when your Vivi packet came? Or was that Thursday? Did you drop it in your excitement for that?”  
  
Keitaro froze, a chill running down his spine. It all clicked into place. Hiro never went to the mail room with him. But he took someone else with him that day. Remembered asking him to hold his letters while he went to pick up the packet. “I...I took Ichiro to the mail room with me...he held my mail,” he said coldly.  
  
“Ichiro?” Seto raised one eyebrow. “That was the guy who sat at your desk that one time? The night after your interview? Wasn’t that before your other letters went missing?”  
  
“Yu...yup…” Keitaro admitted breathing turning rapid.  
  
“He’s...uh...sorta tall? Black hair?”  
  
Keitaro bit his lip and shook his head. His hands trembled as he flexed them open and closed into fists. “He’s the only one I knew at that party last night.”  
  
“Your uh...your new boyfriend’s an asshole.” Seto muttered, furrowing his eyebrows.  
  
Eyes blazing in fury, Keitaro snatched his phone from the desk. “Taiga, I’m gonna call you back.”  
  
“O-oh okay.”  
  
“When are you done with church?” he demanded.  
  
“Uh...well...uh...service is over at 11, but then I...I told my mom I’d take her to lunch,” Taiga stuttered. Never before in his life had he dealt with a pissed Keitaro – like interacting with a dangerous, wild animal. “I should be home around 2?”  
  
“I’m calling you exactly at 2. Pick up your phone.”  
  
“Y-yeah I hear you.”  
  
“No. You need to pick up your phone,” Keitaro commanded. “Promise me. Promise me you’ll pick up your phone.”  
  
“Yeah, of course. I promise I’ll answer.”  
  
“I’ll talk to you then.” Clicking off his phone, he flung open his wardrobe and threw his jacket over his shoulders.  
  
“Whoa, where are you going?” Seto tried to intercede. “Do you want me to come with you?”  
  
“I’ll take care of this myself!” Keitaro barked. Throwing the door open, he slammed it closed behind him. Hard.  
  
Natsumi cautiously stuck his head out of the bathroom again, assuming the coast to be clear. “Is everything alright?”  
  
“I think he’s going to break up with his new boyfriend…” Seto snickered, sliding the headphones back over his ears.  
  
(...)  
  
 _Keitaro Nagame_ _9_ _:47 AM  
_ _Where are you? We need to talk. Now.  
  
_ Ichiro saw this coming. Maybe he over-played his hand last night? Just barely though. Things were salvageable. _“You can talk your way out of this.”_ He’d done it before. Keitaro basically apologized to him after he gave him a failing grade on the group project. The kid was nice, but not that bright.  
  
Plus he didn’t do anything that damning – at least not that anybody could pin on him. What were his crimes? Carrying a passed out Keitaro to safety? He should be praised for that. True, he didn’t bring him water like he promised, but he could spin it, blame that on somebody else. Like his giant stupid friend...  
  
And yes, he may have gone a bit overboard on Hiro. That was probably his biggest mistake of last night. He panicked. If only it wasn’t for that stupid bitch in the loft, everything would’ve been fine. But she spooked him. Then he started throwing around the boyfriend label liberally and that idiot, pathetic ogre of a friend had to put his hands on him. Hiro got what he deserved.  
  
“ _Still salvageable though. Keep your cool now and you can talk your way out of this…”_ he told himself, pacing the quad. Ichiro selected somewhere incredibly public to meet. Keitaro would be too embarrassed to say much if he was surrounded by people. _“Now think...why did you leave Keitaro there? Was it that bitch’s fault in the house? No, can’t blame her too much, she looked sober and probably stayed with him through the night. Blame it on Hiro. He was drunk and tried to fight you when you went to get water...yeah…”  
  
_ In fact, most everyone was hammered last night. How much could Hiro challenge his story? How much did Keitaro remember? He could gaslight here – all of their memories were likely hazy. _“Now what about the boyfriend issue? Maybe tell him you said friend and they drew conclusions…?”  
  
_ Just as Ichiro finalized his arguments, he spotted Keitaro storming across the lawn – face full of fury. This looked bad. _“Just calm him down and stick to your story. It’ll be fine.”  
  
_ “Hey! What’s wrong with your friend? You’ll never believe what he did to me last night…” Ichiro started, trying to be the first to paint the story.  
  
“Where are my letters!?!?!” Keitaro screamed as he approached. People from the sidewalk turned to watch. “What did you do with them?!?”  
  
“Letters…?” That threw Ichiro off-balance. He didn’t prepare for accusations about letters.  
  
(…)  
  
His hangover lingered. Direct sunlight irritated his eyes and sent stabs of pain through his temples. Every step he took sloshed his upset stomach. To his rage though, all the hangover symptoms were secondary characters. Adrenaline punched through his veins, driving him aggressively towards confrontation.  
  
Ichiro ruined everything. It started small. Keitaro never forgot that C+ he got, and yet he still trusted him! He had blamed himself for that! Thought he let down the group!  
  
But no, that was just the tip of the iceberg. Then he upset Hiro, which was a cardinal sin. Nobody treated his best friend poorly. Keitaro made sure of that, especially now with his mom sick. What did Taiga say he got called? A burden? Annoying? Pathetic? How dare he...  
  
Worst of all though, he almost wrecked things between him and Taiga. He loved those letters. Read them all the time. If there was a fire in the dorm, he probably would’ve grabbed the letters first. And now, the most terrible offense, Ichiro took away one of Taiga’s letters before he could even read it. He’d never know what it said or how he felt. There’s no way Taiga would be able to replicate it on the phone or re-write it. It was gone forever. Never coming back.  
  
“Where are my letters?!?” Keitaro repeated, eyes narrowed. Though he knew the odds weren’t good, he hoped Ichiro held on to them. Maybe stored them away somewhere?  
  
“I...I have no idea what you’re talking about,” Ichiro backpedaled. “Just calm down and…”  
  
“LIAR!” he shouted, voice echoing off of the buildings. Small crowds were forming on the sidewalk to watch the show. One woman took out her phone and started filming.  
  
“Listen...I don’t know what you were told.” Ichiro raised his hands in innocence. His eyes flashed to the growing onlookers, panic growing. He didn’t think Keitaro was the type to start a scene, but here he found himself. “I don’t know anything about letters. If you can just stop yelling…”  
  
“LIAR!” Keitaro called again. “You held my mail when Taiga’s letter came! You sat at my desk when the other letters went missing! Where are they?!?”  
  
Ichiro’s brow beaded with sweat as he heard the snickers from the onlookers. This was getting out of hand and fast. Eyes wide with fear, he closed the distance between them and lowered his voice. “If...if I level with you, can you keep it down? People are watching…”  
  
Keitaro flicked his eyes to the side, taking in the gawkers. He didn’t care. While they may embarrass Ichiro, he had no shame for this conversation. If it got him honest answers, he’d play along. “I’m calm if you tell me the truth,” he said softly, gritting his teeth. “Lie to me again though and I’ll make sure they all can hear me.”  
  
Ichiro hesitated as his mind scrambled. The crowd slowly thinned as they realized they could no longer hear. Some still hung around though. The girl with the cell phone continued to record. “I...I was just trying to protect you,” he finally admitted, barely above a mumble. “It wasn’t healthy to keep those around. You could do so much better…”  
  
“So you admit it?” Keitaro shot, struggling to keep himself from yelling again. “Where are they? Where’s the letter you took out of my mail?”  
  
“Listen, isn’t it better if you just move on…”  
  
“WHERE ARE THEY?” he roared, patience wearing thin.  
  
An “oooohh” sound came from the crowd as fireworks flashed again. Ichiro started looking for an exit strategy, but they were surrounded. “I...I got rid of them,” he confessed, barely above a whisper.  
  
“D-did...did you throw them away?” Keitaro choked, voice cracking. “Y-you don’t have them anymore?”  
  
“Yeah...yeah I didn’t keep them. It was for your own good…”  
  
Keitaro’s stomach crashed in disappointment, ignoring the rest of his excuses. They were gone. Gone forever. He’d never get them back. Dropping his head, tears brimmed at the corners of his eyes, coming from a mixture of anger, disappointment, and hurt.  
  
“Why would you do that to me?” Keitaro hiccuped, losing his composure “I...I was nothing but nice to you.”  
  
“I didn’t do anything to hurt you…” Ichiro continued, shooting out excuses and hoping one would stick.  
  
Keitaro didn’t listen to most of his rambling. Wiping a sleeve across his eyes, he lost all motivation to keep yelling. It was all true and no amount of screaming would change anything. The letters were gone. Hiro was hurt. The damage was done and it was on him to make things better. Sadness and regret overwhelmed his fury. “I d-don’t want to see you again,” he stuttered meekly. “D-don’t ever come near me. Don’t talk to my friends. We’re d-done.”  
  
As he turned to go, Keitaro felt a hand on his shoulder. Ichiro leaned in close. “Be careful who you make enemies with. I still have contacts at Vivi who can make your life miserable. Might revoke your spot before you even start.”  
  
“Y-you’re lying.” Keitaro knocked the hand off his shoulder and kept walking. “Lying like you do about everything else.”  
  
“Have fun at camp this summer!” Ichiro called as he got half way across the quad.  
  
Keitaro paused for two seconds, but then got his feet moving, refusing to turn around and acknowledge the threat. _“If I have to choose between you and going back to camp, I’ll go back to camp,”_ he decided. _“So be it.”  
  
_ (*****)  
  
 _Day 140: Sunday, December 5th; Afternoon  
  
_ “Heeeeeyyyy! What’s going on buddy?” Jun answered the phone on the third ring.  
  
“H-hey, a-are you on c...campus?” Keitaro asked. His voice shook no matter how much he tried to calm himself before making this call. “I...I was hoping I could talk to you real quick?”  
  
“No...uh...we’re still in Osaka,” he replied, cheeriness draining out of his voice. “Everything alright? You sound upset.”  
  
“ _Ugh, Ichiro lied about that too,”_ Keitaro realized, shaking his head. “Oh...s-sorry to bother you. I can call you back later…”  
  
“Nah, it’s fine. Are you okay?” Jun asked again.  
  
“ _Who is it?”_ Keitaro heard Yua ask in the background. _“It’s Keitaro!”_ a muffled Jun replied to her. _“He uh...he sounds like he’s in trouble…”  
  
_ Keitaro took a seat on a nearby bench and dropped his head into his free hand. This was already a disaster. He sucked at hiding his emotions. He did a little crying over Ichiro’s cruelty fifteen minutes earlier, but thought he had it all out of his system. Apparently not.  
  
“I-I’m fine,” he trucked on, trying to sound confident. “I...uh...I just had a big fight with Ichiro this morning. Ichiro Kanasaka? From the bar that one night? He interned at…”  
  
“Yeah, yeah, I know who you’re talking about,” Jun quickly agreed. “Did he like punch you?”  
  
“Hehe, n-no, not that kind of fight,” Keitaro giggled, steadying his voice a bit. “I...uh...I just wanted to tell you that I’m a good...I’m a good person. And uh...if you hear anything different from him or if your mom does…”  
  
“Wait, hold on,” Jun interrupted, a tick of anger in his tone. “Did he threaten you?”  
  
“N-no, not really…” he admitted, trying to replay the conversation back in his head. “He just said he still had some contacts at Vivi and uh…”  
  
“Ahahahahaha,” Jun laughed loudly, not letting him finish. “That little twerp? He thinks he has sway at my mom’s company?”  
  
“Well...he said…”  
  
“Keitaro, is there anything I should know about? Anything that I don’t already know? Anything about you that’ll like show up on a background check?”  
  
“N-no!” he shot immediately, desperate to not give that impression. “Nothing will show up on the background check. But if your mom hears anything bad about me...like internally...c-can you let her know it’s not true and I’m still really interested…”  
  
“Dude, you have nothing to worry about,” Jun shushed him reassuringly. “Let me tell you a story, you ready? Ichiro worked at Vivi for only one summer because everyone despised him. He couldn’t get along with anyone, caused my mom headaches, and they didn’t invite him back for the next summer. He’ll tell you he got another job, but the truth is: he was low-key let go.”  
  
“What? Really?” Keitaro finally felt like he could breathe again. _“He lied about that too!”  
  
_ “Ohhh yeah. So even if he still knows anyone there, they probably hate him. I can’t believe he thinks he has any influence there...”  
  
“I...I feel a little stupid for believing it,” Keitaro sighed, relief washing over him. “He...uh...he lied to me about a lot of other things too.”  
  
“I don’t even really like him that much, truth be told,” Jun confessed. “He treats Yua like crap most of the time. She’s definitely not a big fan of his.”  
  
“ _Did that jerk upset Keitaro?”_ he could hear Yua exclaim distantly. _“Yeah, but it’s all okay, babe,”_ Jun promised her. _“_ _He has nothing to worry about. You know I’ll protect Keitaro. He’s gonna be fine.”  
  
_ “O-okay. I’m feeling a lot better. I’m so sorry for bothering you about this.” Keitaro felt a little silly about making this call in the first place and looked to wrap things up. Jun and Yua were supposed to be on vacation and he hated interrupting.  
  
“It’s not a problem, man. Glad we could straighten it out. And hey, listen, if anyone gives you a hard time at Vivi or mentions Ichiro, just let me know. I’ll take care of it for you.”  
  
“I...uh...I really appreciate that. You’ve been really great to me. You and Yua both.”  
  
“We both love you, but yeah, don’t even give any of this a second thought.” Jun calmed him. “Yua says hi and that you should go study for finals so you don’t end up re-taking classes like me, hahahaha.”  
  
(…)  
  
After returning to the dorm, Keitaro embarked on ‘The Great Keitaro Nagame Apology Tour of Fall Semester’. He started with Benji, promising him that he would buy him whatever new pair of shoes he wanted and thanking him for his heroics last night. That was easy – low hanging fruit. Benji just enjoyed the attention and regaled him with stories of the colors and consistencies of his vomit, trying to guess what he ate for dinner. “There were definitely noodles in there!” he insisted.  
  
Apologies to Seto also went over swimmingly. Keitaro already made things mostly square with him before leaving to confront Ichiro. Honestly, Seto seemed more relieved to put the whole “new boyfriend” ruse to bed than to get contrition from his roommate. He just wanted everything to go back to normal and have the old Keitaro back. The apology tour promised him that was the case. Seto also made him swear that he would track down this Kiyoko woman who took care of him last night and to buy her something nice – preferably equine related.  
  
Next on the list – Hiro Akiba. Keitaro feared he might have put this off too late in the day. He wanted to call him right after his conversation with Taiga this morning, but thought it important to get answers from Ichiro first. Now with a complete picture of last night’s events, Keitaro rehearsed what he wanted to say to his best friend. He bit his lip nervously. What if Hiro didn’t pick up? What if he didn’t accept his apologies? Ultimately, Keitaro convinced himself that wasn’t the Hiro he knew. Leaning forward over his desk, he propped himself up with his hands under his chin and made the call.  
  
Hiro picked up after the first ring. “H-hey! How’s it going? I’m uh...I’m really happy to hear from you,” he rushed.  
  
The anxiety of not being able to make it up to him left as fast as it arrived. Hiro sounded as desperate to be friends again as Keitaro felt to apologize. “Hey...I’m uh...I’m sorry for not calling earlier. But...I owe you a big apology about last night.”  
  
“You don’t. I uh...I think I might have overreacted,” Hiro muttered, somberly. “I shouldn’t have stormed off.”  
  
“N-no, I probably would’ve done the same,” Keitaro admitted. “I’m sorry, I drank too much and passed out upstairs. I never left that party. You know that, right? I never left you.”  
  
“Yeah Seto texted me,” Hiro sighed. “I’m so dumb. I never should’ve believed your boyfriend...”  
  
“A-about that too,” Keitaro interjected. “That guy wasn’t my boyfriend. He lied to you...about everything.”  
  
“Oh...who was he then?”  
  
“Some random guy I have class with,” he groaned, rubbing the back of his neck. “I-I thought he was a friend, but he’s not. You’ll never see him again and I’m sorry for bringing you around him. It was all a huge mistake. He was the same guy who gave us the tequila shot, right?”  
  
“Yeah…”  
  
“H-he..uh...he messed up a lot of things for me. I’m sorry I exposed you to that.”  
  
“So...uh...so you’re sure you don’t think I’m overbearing, or anything?” Hiro asked quickly, attempting to make it appear a natural question. “Because I can text less and we don’t need to hang out as often. I know you’re busy with school and…”  
  
“Ughh...Hiro, no. Please don’t believe any of that,” Keitaro begged, cringing. “You’re my best friend – and I love spending time with you. I should be apologizing to you for not being able to hang out more often.”  
  
“So...you didn’t fail one of your exams because of me?” he asked cautiously. “Because if you did, I’m so sorry…”  
  
“What? No! He told you that?”  
  
“Yeah…”  
  
“I passed all my exams!” Keitaro exclaimed, annoyed with the lie and also with the idea he would fail a big test. “I can show you my grades to prove it!”  
  
“Haha, that’s my Keitaro!” Hiro laughed. “I guess all I want to know is...are we good? We’re still best friends, right?”  
  
“Of course! Nothing has changed. I feel awful things went so badly last night and I swear it will never happen again. Next time you visit here, we’re gonna have the best time. I promise. Yua’s already asking me when you’re coming back to campus so you can help her bake.”  
  
“Heh...you always know how to make me feel so much better.”  
  
“A-and I’m gonna be home in under two weeks,” Keitaro assured him, tapping a fist to his chest. “As soon as I unpack, the first thing I’m gonna do is find you and we’re gonna do something awesome.”  
  
“I...I can’t wait!” A silence fell between them as Hiro hesitated, wondering how to phrase his next question. “Hey...uh...Taiga didn’t...he didn’t yell at you did he?”  
  
“Hehe, yeah he did,” Keitaro giggled. Despite the redhead’s barrage, he remembered it fondly. “Y-yeah he yelled at me for a good twenty minutes.”  
  
“Um...I’m...I’m sorry. I think I might’ve caused that.”  
  
“I-it’s fine,” Keitaro brushed away his apology. “I...I think I had it coming. It actually clarified a lot of things between us. I might end up thanking you for that.”  
  
“I’d like to state for the record that I told him to be nice to you,” Hiro pointed out and laughed. “He got all pissed on his own.”  
  
“You know…” Keitaro pondered leaning back in his chair. “For as much as you two don’t get along, he had your back when he thought you were wronged. He really tore into me for being mean to you.”  
  
“I...I never thought he would do that for me…”  
  
(…)  
  
Taiga sat at his desk and eye fucked his cell phone, willing it to ring. 1:58 PM read the clock. For the first time in weeks he felt...hope? _“Let’s not get carried away,”_ he cautioned himself. Maybe not hope, but at least the sense that Keitaro didn’t hate him. And...and he wasn’t seeing anyone! That was a sign, right? It showed he hadn’t moved on yet at least!  
  
And the letter...the letter! Keitaro didn’t think it was weird. He didn’t even fucking read it! That might be the best news out of all of this. Taiga cringed hard over that stupid thing the last few days – trying to remember every sentence – every desperate fucking word. But it didn’t even matter! He lost it! He didn’t find it creepy or pathetic. Everything was fine!  
  
At 2:00 on the dot, his phone lit up with ‘Keitaro Nagame’ appearing on the screen. Despite expecting the call, his hands shook trying to pick it up and he fumbled it to the floor; bouncing deep under his desk. _“Fuck! Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!”_ He dove underneath to retrieve it, dreading it getting close to cutting to voicemail. Finally grasping it, he sprung up, slamming the back of his head against the underside of the desk. “Agggghhhhhh!”  
  
Eyes in slits, Taiga slowly crawled out, rubbing the emerging bump. Of course, as soon as he got back to his chair, the phone stopped buzzing and ‘1 New Missed Call’ flashed. _“Oh...oh fuck he’s going to murder me!”_ Taiga panicked, rapidly smashing buttons to call him back.  
  
Keitaro picked up on the second ring. “H-hey, thanks for calling back, I…”  
  
“Ugh, I’m so sorry. I was here!” Taiga madly explained. “I’m not ignoring you. I dropped my phone and then it bounced and…”  
  
“It’s cool. It’s uh...it’s good to hear your voice...now that you’re not yelling at me, hehehe,” Keitaro giggled.  
  
“ _Good to hear my voice?”_ Taiga sat amazed, a giant grin spreading. _“Things are a million times better than I thought!”_ His heart swelled with confidence. “Yeah! Yeah!” he quickly agreed. “Hey listen, I...uh...I just wanted to say I’m sorry about this morning. I...I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that.” Taiga ran a hand down his face, pulling on his cheek. “I’ve...uh…I’ve been sort of a mess this last week, you know? And I took a lot of it out on you earlier...and...um...I’m really sorry.”  
  
“No, I think I probably deserved it,” Keitaro sighed. “I-I called Hiro like you asked. We’re back on good terms. Just so you know, I never said those things about him. I um...I never would”  
  
“Good! Yeah that’s great!” Taiga brightened, desperate to sound upbeat and positive for him. “I thought a lot about it this afternoon, and uh...I should’ve realized it was a misunderstanding. You’ve never been mean to Hiro in the past. He just called me really upset…”  
  
“Yeah, I-I don’t blame you,” he swept away his excuses. “I-I screwed up a lot of things last night and um...I owe you an apology too.”  
  
“You...you don’t owe me anything,” Taiga muttered, shaking his head. “I’m...I’m just really glad you aren’t mad at me and that we’re talking again.”  
  
“Why would I be mad at you?” Keitaro asked, perplexed.  
  
“For like yelling at you this morning or...well, I thought the letter scared you off…”  
  
“The letter?” Why? What did you write?”  
  
“No...I mean, no it wasn’t like angry!” Taiga’s eyes flashed open, concerned he was giving the wrong impression. “I thought you might find it corny or desperate or something. I was afraid you...uh...you didn’t feel the same way.” He exhaled sharply out of his nose, regretting all of his actions the past week. “I should’ve just called you to ask about it. I’m sorry. I just got in my own head and thought the worst.”  
  
“Oh, oh…” Keitaro sputtered, remorseful he didn’t get to read it. “I-I never hated anything you wrote to me. I um...I kept all of them but...”  
  
“It’s cool. The letter...it was pretty stupid anyway,” Taiga admitted, scratching the back of his head. “Did you find out what happened to it?”  
  
“Somebody...a classmate of mine...he...he threw it away,” Keitaro muttered, voice cracking a bit. “I-I told him off today. He was the same guy from _Mama San’s_? You remember I introduced you?”  
  
“Honestly, no,” he confessed. “I recall you saying you saw someone from school, but I was too busy chasing Eedie.”  
  
“I-I guess it doesn’t matter,” Keitaro shrugged. “Bottom line: he was someone I trusted that I shouldn’t have. I’m not hanging out with him ever again. You’ll never meet him.”  
  
“Ha, was this your new boyfriend?” Taiga smirked, pleased in being given an opportunity to confirm Keitaro was single.  
  
“Hehe...he apparently thought so. But yeah I put an end to that too. I swear I haven’t been dating anyone. I haven’t seen anyone since we uh…”  
  
A silence settled between them, neither wanting to say the words or define their situation. Time apart? Break up? Separation?  
  
“A-anyway,” Keitaro rushed to fill the void. “Just know that I’m really sorry. I...I screwed everything up and I want to make it up to you somehow.”  
  
“Oh you ruined everything and want to make things better?” Taiga laughed. “I...uh...I know that feeling. Listen, it’s fine. As long as you still want to...I guess still talk and stuff, I already forgive you.  
  
“Y-yeah, definitely. It’s really good to be talking to you again.” Keitaro quickly agreed. “D-do you remember what you wrote...in the letter I mean?”  
  
“Oh...uh...no. I couldn’t do it justice on the phone,” he said quickly, face reddening.  
  
“What was the gist? Anything important you wanted to tell me?”  
  
“N...no not really I…” Taiga contemplated how far he wanted to push things. This conversation seemed to be going pretty well so far and he didn’t want to make things weird. At the same time, he didn’t want to completely puss out. Torn, he chose the middle ground. “Just that...ugggghhh, you know I’m terrible at this mushy shit. I...I still really miss you dweeb. And...and I think about you all the time. I was hoping we could maybe meet up after your finals and...and spend some time together? If you’re open to that?”  
  
Silence again fell on the line. All Taiga heard was Keitaro typing on his laptop.  
  
“But, but...yeah it was a pretty dumb letter,” the redhead clarified, attempting to play off his desperation as stupidity. “I’m actually relieved you didn’t get it, haha.”  
  
“Hold on...I’m looking something up.” More keyboard clacking. “That’s actually cheaper than I thought.”  
  
“Please don’t send me anything,” Taiga pleaded, embarrassed Keitaro felt the need to buy him a gift. “Just...uh...just think about if you’d be down to hang out I guess? I’ll um...I’ll wait for however long you need….”  
  
“Are you free next weekend?”  
  
“What?”  
  
“I’m on the JR website,” Keitaro explained. “They have some special for next weekend. I could come see you in Hiroshima?”  
  
“Don’t you have finals?” Taiga regretted the words as soon as they left his mouth. _“What the fuck are you doing, you moron? He offers to come see you and you tell him it’s a bad idea?”  
  
_ “Yeah...well I think I can make it work,” Keitaro stated confidently, talking himself into it. “I’ll study hard tonight and next week. And then I can study on the train and in the hotel at night. I should be fine.”  
  
Taiga winced a bit at the mention of a hotel, but he didn’t let that derail his optimism. “Yeah, I just have work, but I can...I can definitely move that around. I’m free, yeah man. Totally!”  
  
“Hehe, you always said I was welcome in Hiroshima in your letters, right?”  
  
“Yeah cutes, you’re always welcome here!” For the first time in over a month, Taiga looked down at the picture on his desk and smiled.


End file.
